Episode 25
· 40:04
Yapping!
Erika:Hello, this is Erika.
Edgar:And Edgar.
Erika:And we are the Yapping Snowsers. We entertain you with Yap worthy stories we find around the web. Today's theme is unfair expectations. The first story is, am I the asshole for telling my brother's wife to stop whining about how it is not fair that I gave the family the first grandkid? Hello everyone, I'm 29 female and my husband thirty male.
Erika:I respecting twins. Oh my God, twins. I'm pretty close to my husband's family while I'm not so close with my family. My mom always wanted three boys, but she had me after two brothers, 30 male and 32 male. Sometimes I talk to N because he and my husband like to frequent the same gym.
Erika:So they sometimes talk at the gym. My other brother isn't the best. He bullied me when I was a kid because of my asthma and the fact that I am on the spectrum. I didn't invite him or his wife to my wedding because of how he treated me while I grew up. My mom said she wouldn't come but my dad told her to stop playing favorites and she stayed quiet during the wedding.
Erika:Now my brother's wife always wants to be the center of attention. She was always saying how she and my brother was the first ones to get married and she wanted to have a baby when they went to their honeymoon so their baby could be the first grandkid. Well, she still isn't pregnant and they have been together for four years. Recently I found out me and my hubby are expecting with twins. This will be the first set of twins and grandkids in the family.
Erika:And she went ballistic. She yelled, screamed, throwed things, told me that I'm selfish for not waiting for her to have a baby and that everything should be about her, not the unwanted girl. She screamed and I took her chance of being the first girl of the family and other crazy things. I told her to shut up and stop acting like she was special because she was not. And that it's not my fault that she still isn't pregnant.
Erika:She called my husband some slurs because he is black and I just punched her right in the face. My dad and husband took me away from her and she started crying saying, I don't deserve kids. My mom told me that I should have been the bigger person and ignore her. But how could I ignore her when she called my husband and raised his slur? T is saying that he will press charges on me for attacking his wife and that I'll lose custody of my kids.
Erika:Please. I'm afraid of losing my babies because of that. I'm not a violent person. I don't know what got into me to hit her, but my husband said I was a baddie and not a fault, but I'm still doubting myself. So read it, am I the asshole?
Edgar:It just kinda screams like a trashy family, but So, Opie's just so it's just like it's just crazy, like, to want the world to stop for her to have, like, her first child, but it's been, like, four years.
Erika:Four years!
Edgar:At that point, yeah, like, she lost her hands.
Erika:She's either
Edgar:not trying or not trying hard enough.
Erika:Maybe somebody's infertile or they're having trouble with conceiving, which is, you know, everybody's different, is, you know, it's a struggle and maybe she had a mental breakdown, but come on.
Edgar:Yeah, but at the same time, it's not about like, it doesn't mean that that family doesn't have a kid anymore or shouldn't have a kid anymore.
Erika:I know. I'm not excusing or I'm not trying to defend her, I'm just saying you know maybe that's the reason why. But however her attitude and throwing stuff, yeah I don't understand where she's really coming from. Her opinion and the reason that she became the first person to have kids doesn't change anything. I think she needs some, maybe a therapy or something for anger issues because it's not happening.
Edgar:Yeah, that's very rational. And then also, they want to get OP's kids taken away from her over it.
Erika:That's unrealistic.
Edgar:It's very. It's just pettiness. They just want the kids to be gone so they can claim, Oh, okay, basically, technically, you have no kids. So there's no first kids yet from this family.
Erika:I don't get the raven, like who wants to be first or who wants to, like I don't understand. You shouldn't give birth to a kid just because you want to be the first of the family to have a kid. That's not the reason to have kids, that's crazy to me. The mentality is a little bit off.
Edgar:It's a very me centric kind of
Erika:How would you have reacted if somebody called me a racist slur?
Edgar:I would say it back to them. You gotta always one them up. I'll make their jaws drop. Oh my gosh. I'll invent a new one.
Erika:My gosh.
Edgar:Who are you?
Erika:I don't know. I've never had a situation like that, so I don't know how I would react. It also depends like what word they used. Like, you know, if it's extremely offensive, I would definitely say something. Yeah.
Erika:But if it's something, like, stupid, I'd be like, alright, child, you know?
Edgar:Mhmm. I remember when I was in, like, this was towards the end of college, but I was walking back from the grocery and all of sudden someone pushed me while I was walking. Like, was in New York City, too. And they pushed me and then I went to terms and they were like, Hey, just put their groceries down and they were like, Go back to the border. But the thing was, they were also Mexican.
Edgar:What? They were short Mexican. Maybe more than they looked more Mexican than I was.
Erika:You do not look Mexican, though.
Edgar:Well, they look more Spanish.
Erika:That is crazy.
Edgar:I was like, And then I was gonna like, I felt like fighting, I guess. But then they put out a chain.
Erika:Okay. You don't
Edgar:want mess with It's like, I don't have anything. All I have is my groceries and I'm not rooting that over, like, some comment.
Erika:Yeah, definitely. Actually, now that you say that, I think New York is such a diversital place that you see a lot of people and encounter a lot of people that really, know, assholes. I remember one time we were my whole family went to New York and we were in a bus, I believe or we were in oh, we were not in the bus. We were in Subway. And we were all sitting down and then this lady she would had to be at least like three hundred pounds.
Erika:And she was walk? Yes, she could walk.
Edgar:She
Erika:was very slow, but she could walk. And she sat in the back and I don't know if Hector just because he was looking around just like any normal person would do. Not looking at her directly, but she felt like he was looking at her like giving him beady eyes like, judging look. But he he was he wasn't. And so that lady went off on him.
Erika:Called all of us like like just everything name you could think of of racist, she said it.
Edgar:You're crazy.
Erika:And we were just like, what? What just happened? We were so in shock. And then I think after she left, nobody said anything, but everybody was giving her dirty looks like everybody else. Mhmm.
Erika:We we didn't wanna I think Hector said something about like, yeah, that's not my intention or something like that. But she just didn't care until she finally left. And everybody else was like, oh, you know, we apologize for what she did. Like she had no right. Like, maybe she's not mentally stable.
Erika:Like it was just crazy. Everybody was just like you could hear a pin drop in the train. Because it was just insane. I just couldn't believe it. And like after that, that's the only racist situation I was Yeah.
Erika:Do you think she went too far by punching her in the face?
Edgar:Yeah, just because once you do violence, just like, it always gets very legal at that point and then people can call the cops or all that stuff. And even if it's like self defense, like in most cases in worse states, you still get in trouble. I'm not like a lawyer, I'm not sure what would be like the verdict in this case in terms of like, oh, she kind of offended me first so I hit her back.' Well, was throwing stuff so you could
Erika:also get that as assault, know what I mean?
Edgar:Yeah, but it just becomes very legally sticky at that point because there's so many variables you have to just document and fight it through. So, think it wasn't really worth it to throw a punch if like, you're just gonna get more in trouble. Then now they have like this whole legal thing with their kids too. Like all it takes is like one crazy person. Yeah.
Edgar:Like, to like escalate it.
Erika:Yeah. I mean, I think everybody has a breaking point, honestly.
Edgar:I
Erika:mean, it's up to you how you would react. Either you're gonna, you know, use violence or you're just gonna walk away. It's just one of those things where it's fight or fight or fight, you know?
Edgar:Fight or flight, yeah.
Erika:Yeah. Fight or flight. So the top comment is not the asshole at all. Sometimes people just push you too far and it's understandable to snap. It doesn't mean you're a bad person or unfit to handle things.
Erika:Everyone has their limits and it's important to stand up for yourself when necessary. But no, definitely not losing custody over standing up for yourself in a tough situation. Yeah, think legally they could take away the kids just for this, but I mean,
Edgar:Yeah, can try, but there's no danger to the kids. This is just like an unrelenting incident. And I doubt that OP's sister-in-law was like gravely injured from this, so.
Erika:Yeah, I mean, yeah. I think it's just out context here. I think he definitely I mean, I don't think she's a bad person. She feels bad like also, you know. It's just they pushed her too far.
Edgar:To the final verdict?
Erika:No, don't think she's an asshole. The brother and the sister-in-law is kind of unhinged. They need some type of help, mental health or something, mental help.
Edgar:Yeah, definitely hoping he's in the asshole, I wouldn't have punched because that just makes it more difficult
Erika:for Yeah, definitely not. I don't agree with violence.
Edgar:I don't think she's going get in trouble, but still, she's still going to have to go through that entire situation. And it's like not pleasant. So, the next story is titled, Am I the asshole for refusing to go out with my husband because of the way he dresses? I, 40 female, have been getting into arguments lately with my husband, forty eight male, about how he dresses around our neighborhood. He often goes for walks together, but recently he started wearing skin tight compression leggings.
Edgar:Men usually wear these or shorts over them, but he just wants to wear them alone. You can see everything. We live in the Southern United States in a conservative area and I just don't feel like it's appropriate. He says he doesn't care what other people think, but I feel like it's just inconsiderate of our neighbors. Tonight he put on a pair of compression type shorts and they literally look like underwear.
Edgar:They're cotton, not spandex by the way. I refused to go out with him like that and he blew up at me. He said that bikers wear shorts like that all the time, so why can't he? I tried to explain that it's different here in the neighborhood and that people would be weird and uncomfortable with him dressing like that with their kids running around. I do feel crazy, but he's not from The United States, and I often feel like, okay, that explains a lot.
Edgar:And I often feel like he has a complete disregard for respecting other people in the name of doing what he wants. He's from a country that has even more social pressures and expectations, and I'm always very careful how I dress and behave when we visit. I don't know, am I just being a prude? So, Reddit, am I the asshole? I
Erika:don't think she's being a prude. I think she's valid for her well, I would say recommendations of him wearing that. I mean, think it's very uncomfortable.
Edgar:Mhmm.
Erika:I mean, no parent wants to have somebody walking around with tight shorts that you could see everything.
Edgar:I know, it's pretty weird. I would put him on a list. On a few lists actually for her, for that behavior.
Erika:Do you think there was a nice way to say, you know, not to wear that? Or do you think she kind of
Edgar:He doesn't deserve a nice way to tell him to put on some clothes. Like, it's just weird. I mean, I I'm gonna be very biased here and say that when I read that he wasn't from The United States, it kind of made sense to me.
Erika:But then she said that he's from a place in the country where they even have more pressures and expectations.
Edgar:So he's probably hiding something, you know? He's just now that he's in a place where he could be more open, he's just letting it out and just doesn't care.
Erika:I don't know.
Edgar:Actually By before he was compressed and now he can just go free.
Erika:I don't understand here. Think he just needs to respect others. I mean, I understand everybody has a free rein with clothing or representing yourself, whatever, but there's children, come on.
Edgar:Yeah, just like a time and place. Like, if he wants to wear his spandex in his backyard.
Erika:Yeah, go ahead, who cares? Nobody's looking at him.
Edgar:But if you're just gonna go out in public, you're just gonna be a sore eye and then it's just not ideal. And I feel like he must have no shame or anything like that.
Erika:Yeah, and I hate the fact that he keeps saying, But the bikers wear shorts like that. Because they're biking! So there's no excuse for him to wear stuff like that. And if he wants to wear shorts over it so, you know, they could hide like blue shorts. Yeah.
Erika:Would you get offended if I told you you should dress better?
Edgar:Not really, because I know I don't dress that well, but I dress for comfort.
Erika:I dress for comfort too though. I think we're both like that. But I would never say that you dress, I think you dress fine. You're always like preppy or dressy or sporty or mostly like comfortable. I mean, whatever makes you happy.
Erika:So the top comment is there's a time and place for certain clothes. For example, you can wear a bikini at the beach but not in the mall. You can wear a bikini at the beach but not underwear, even if it's better coverage. Exactly. There's a time and place like you mentioned earlier.
Edgar:Yeah. Like, I like my shorts, like my very short shorts, but I just wear it like when I'm going to sleep. Don't go out with it.
Erika:Your booty shorts? Basically, yeah. Actually, you know what's funny? Oh my god. Hopefully my sisters don't kill me for saying this but
Edgar:One of them will, yeah.
Erika:No no, it's not about them but it's about my dad. He has these shorts that are like pretty short. He doesn't wear them anymore though but he used to for the longest time, it was his favorite shorts. It was the American flag. Oh, yeah.
Erika:And would wear them in the backyard doing chores, doing whatever, which is fine, but then sometimes, you know, he would be in a rush and he would, you know, pick me up with those shorts or when I was in high school, whatever. But I just found it so funny and it's so cute, but then they got too old so he had to, you know, he didn't wear them anymore. So then, Breon, I don't know, was it Breon? Somebody gave him for Christmas the same shorts but they were longer.
Edgar:Oh yeah. That's funny. I can't remember the long one then.
Erika:Yeah, he hasn't worn them very often, but yeah, thought that was really funny. We all laughed because we can do his shorts, his booty shorts, I call it.
Edgar:It is just comfy,
Erika:you know? Exactly, it's fine. Especially if you're doing chores around the house, you know?
Edgar:Exactly, yeah. So final verdict?
Erika:I would say she's not the asshole. He really needed a wake up call there. Exactly. He needs to dress better.
Edgar:Yeah, exactly. Him snapping is not helping anybody. No. It's not even healthy for the relationship because it's such a fun issue.
Erika:Yeah, I mean, it's not about she judging him or anything like that. It's just about respecting everybody's, you know.
Edgar:Not waiting everyone out. Yeah.
Erika:Alright, the next story is, Am I the Asshole for Ruining My Boyfriend's Family Dinner by Bringing My Own Food. Based on the title, it seems like she's an asshole, right?
Edgar:Yeah, I'd say so.
Erika:But let's see. I'm 28 years old and I have been with my boyfriend for about a year. I have several food allergies, gluten, dairy, shellfish. My boyfriend's family invited me over for a big homemade dinner. I told his mom ahead of time that I have allergies.
Erika:They already know this, but I reminded them because I've had a couple incidents with them because of this. And she said, Don't worry, we'll have something for you. When I got there everything had at least one ingredient I couldn't eat. I didn't want to make a fuss or go hungry so I discreetly pulled out a Tupperware meal and I made a home and started eating it. My boyfriend mom looked offended and said I was being disrespectful and that I didn't trust her cooking.
Erika:Later my boyfriend told me I embarrassed him and I should have eaten around the allergens to keep the peace. What do you think? She the asshole?
Edgar:Yeah, no, OP isn't the asshole for looking after her own health.
Erika:Yeah, especially if she had other incidents where she found what she's allergic to.
Edgar:Yeah, it sounds like it's happened a few times. If it was one time, I would be cautious, but I would still eat it because mistakes happen. But if it happened several times, they're clearly not taking into account their allergies.
Erika:What do you think she could have done better in communicating that she was not going to eat their food? Do you think she should have said something before she brought out her tap one?
Edgar:I guess you can always do things more tactfully, but like, there isn't really like a nice way to say that I'm just going to eat my own food for my safety or because I prefer it. Because you're going always take it wrong. You can say the most, like, considerate phrases, you'll still think it's for that reason, that you're just avoiding it because you don't trust them or any of that stuff.
Erika:I don't think there's a win situation at all for OP. I think regardless of what she could have said, I think, yeah, same thing. I don't think the mom would not be offended.
Edgar:Yeah.
Erika:Would you be offended if I did that?
Edgar:Not really.
Erika:Do you think you would feel embarrassed?
Edgar:Myself? No.
Erika:Would you understand me, right? I would think if I was in the boyfriend's I'd say, I would be understanding, especially if she's allergic.
Edgar:Yeah. I feel like for myself I wouldn't really care, and I understand it. You're having allergens and you just want be extra careful, but I feel like people around us, like your family and my family, if any of us were to do that, they may not be offended, but they'd have questions, you know?
Erika:Yeah, well, I think they might. I think everybody might be offended regardless.
Edgar:Yeah. Like, I wouldn't be surprised if they're all offended.
Erika:Yeah, they'll definitely be like, Yeah, but I mean, I mean I get it. So the top comment is, easy not the asshole. They're offended that you're not giving yourself allergic reactions. Your boyfriend is a massive asshole for suggesting you physically suffer just for his family's approval. I mean, how can you say that to eat around the allergens?
Edgar:Yeah, It's just, it's like when you have nuts and stuff like that, like a nut allergy, kitchens will say this space has nuts, so it's like a warning because it could cross contaminate in that way. Except to eat around it, it's just like not, like, doesn't make sense.
Erika:Yeah, it's not really going to help anything. She's still going to eat and give her an allergic reaction.
Edgar:Yeah, and LP's boyfriend doesn't probably have allergens to any food, so he doesn't know how bad it can get.
Erika:Yeah, I don't think they nobody knows, or maybe they don't understand maybe the severity. Final verdict: do you think she's an asshole?
Edgar:OP, yeah no, OP isn't the asshole for pumping her own food.
Erika:Exactly, she's trying to protect her health there.
Edgar:So this next story is titled, My Best Friend is Pregnant. My best friend of basically my whole life just found out she's pregnant. She moved in with me about a year ago when her parents kicked her out. I lived alone and had an extra bedroom. Since I'm not home much, I told her she could let her boyfriend stay tonight so she wouldn't be alone.
Edgar:That turned into him being here all the time and pretty much also moving in. It was discussed that she would help me pay my bills before she moved in, and she has helped pay a couple of times for the majority of the bills. They buy their own food and necessities and also pay for wifi, which I didn't have before because I was struggling with money and didn't think it was necessary. So, my question is, what now? When she told me she was pregnant, I so badly wanted to be happy for her.
Edgar:She said she thought she was infertile and it was a surprise to her, but she had a positive pregnancy test a few months earlier but lost it and they have been talking about having a baby for a long time. Unfortunately, all I can think about is are they going to raise a whole family in my house? My grandfather gifted me this home and we both worked hard to turn it into what it is today. It was supposed to be a place for me to have my own family. I asked her what her plans are and she made no mention of moving out.
Edgar:I don't want her to think I'm being an asshole if I ask if they're going to move out, but I'm also worried about the financial burden and stress it could potentially put on me. I have taken precautions to delay having a baby of my own because I know I can't afford one yet. I don't know what to do. Do I bring it up to them? If so, how?
Edgar:And yeah, it's like pretty crazy.
Erika:What's your advice?
Edgar:Basically, she let his best friend crash into their place, and they had a baby in his own home. It was like, so gross.
Erika:I think she's too nice. OP is too nice. She needs to put her foot down.
Edgar:Exactly. Yeah. It's just not okay. It can be very
Erika:They don't even pay her rent.
Edgar:They pay it sometimes, but yeah. I I feel like their plan only works and OP's friends plan and whatever they have that they expect to happen with the baby is only working if they don't pay rent, which is just so financially irresponsible.
Erika:Yeah, I mean, they don't even have a place to live.
Edgar:Yeah, don't have a place. They probably don't have the money to do anything. They just basically screw themselves and they want to bring OP along with them.
Erika:Yeah, that's not fair for her. It's not their house and paying for wifi and sometimes rent does not, well how they're gonna pay for a baby.
Edgar:Exactly, yeah. Because babies are like a few thousand dollars, right? The hospital.
Erika:A few thousand? Well, it depends if you have insurance.
Edgar:Don't think they do.
Erika:Yeah. It means it depends on your deductible. That's insane. I think it's one of those things where she needs to have a sit down with them and talk to them straight. There's no beating around the bush.
Erika:There's no, you know, it's non negotiable. Yeah. You need to find somewhere to go and that's it. You know, it kinda sucks to be tough and be like, you're out a pregnant lady, but come on, it's not your responsibility. Just because she's your best friend doesn't mean she takes advantage of you.
Edgar:Exactly, yeah. Because if she keeps this on any longer, it's gonna just be a suck for her because she's going have to basically be the baby's nanny. I can imagine them saying, Oh, can you take care of the baby most weekends?
Erika:Yeah, that's insane.
Edgar:And then having to pay for diapers and all that stuff. And they're just going to keep telling her to keep taking care of their baby while they make more babies. They should make it worse off for Ophie.
Erika:I'm afraid they're feel like her home is theirs.
Edgar:Yeah, I know, basically. It is Imagine the Facebook post with this baby, and they'll be like, We have our own happy family, and then they have the OP's house in the background.
Erika:It's insane. No. Think also having a baby is not just having a baby. It means she's gonna hear crying in the middle of the night, she's gonna hear there's gonna be messes everywhere. It's just gonna be one of those things where it's gonna be hard on her and it's not fair that she has to go through all that when it's not her responsibility.
Erika:Yeah. It's not
Edgar:a child.
Erika:Exactly. Would you have let it get this far?
Edgar:No. Feel like
Erika:When would you have stopped it in the story?
Edgar:When the boyfriend sleeps over the first night. I'd be like, Okay. I would've just sit you down and be like, No, you cannot do anything in this house. There's actually cameras all over, so by
Erika:the way,
Edgar:even if there isn't, I just want them to not be I don't want them to be comfortable enough to do to make a whole family in my house.
Erika:But I was confused about the post because she's like, Oh, she thought she was infertile, then she had a baby that she lost before. Like, do you mean? Like, that's kind of contradicting there.
Edgar:So her best friend is also stupid and they're gonna make stupid babies.
Erika:I wouldn't say that. When you have a child, the child
Edgar:is not at I mean, child is fault. Yes, it's not her fault that she ended up in a crappy situation.
Erika:She could have
Edgar:have a crappy but she is gonna be half crappy parent, you know?
Erika:No, not always. I just think it just really depends. But would you say she would like, what advice would give her besides just sitting down and telling them?
Edgar:To OP or?
Erika:To OP, yeah.
Edgar:Since I feel like she's probably scared to talk alone, so probably bring in a few cops. Cops? And be like, Okay, I have like three cops behind me. They're ready, stand by, so I'm gonna ask you all politely to pack your things. You have ten minutes to pack out all your things.
Erika:Oh yeah, didn't I expect you to say bring the cops in. Told
Edgar:them that you're not actually pregnant, it's fake, by the way. Oh my gosh.
Erika:I thought you were gonna say you're gonna bring up like your friend or your mom or something to back you up. But damn, cough.
Edgar:I need muscles.
Erika:Maybe my brother if I was if I was the girl in the situation like the OP, I would have my brother with me or you know, obviously my fiance boy from whatever. So the top comment is this is not going to be easy conversation, but it has to be done. Ask her about what her boyfriend is planning to do with regards of getting her and his baby a place to live. Perhaps they are planning something, just ask point blank. Exactly.
Erika:I think they got a little bit too comfortable and they need to go.
Edgar:Exactly, yeah.
Erika:Pretty much it.
Edgar:I mean, it's not gonna be an easy conversation anyway, but like
Erika:No, she might lose her friendship, honestly.
Edgar:Most likely, because I feel like they're banking on her just being their rug and basically de facto having the house for themselves.
Erika:Yeah, but they shouldn't have that, especially if it's not theirs.
Edgar:I can imagine him in few years down and be like, Hey, we basically live here already and we want to buy the house from you. He has $500 Like something very ridiculous like that. I can see that in her future if she doesn't put down now.
Erika:Yeah, I feel like they're going to try to take her to court to keep the house or something. I don't know, it's just one of those things where it's like people like that are not really good to reason with.
Edgar:Exactly.
Erika:And she needs to, you know, before it gets to that extreme she needs to do something. Especially before the baby's born.
Edgar:Yeah, so final verdict?
Erika:I would, this one was advice needed. I would just say to, you know, talk to them and that's about it.
Edgar:Okay, yeah. Yeah, my advice would be the same thing, you just have to make the talk.
Erika:Yeah, even though it's hard. So the next story is, Am I the asshole for leaving my husband after he refused to help with our child? My 29 female husband, 30 male, and I have been together for ten years and currently share one child of three female. When our daughter was born, I was working full time in an office setting, but then went on leave after developing severe PPD. We realized that we didn't need my full income, so I stepped down to part time so we didn't have to use daycare and to hopefully relieve some stress to ease my depression.
Erika:I worked part time from the time she was six months old until January 2025. During this time, I was responsible for the household and our daughter. My husband's only real responsibility was cooking dinner and occasional breakfast. I cleaned, I did the grocery shopping, the meal planned, and I remember all the appointments and events and also did all the child rearing with the exception of two days I worked in the office. I had one day from home but my daughter was at home with me.
Erika:I became more overwhelmed than I was before. I asked to help constantly and my husband would follow through for about two weeks before telling me that he is too tired from working full time forty hours. I told him I wanted to go back to work full time and split the workload. He said no. I found a job anyways, one where I'll be able to put my daughter in a reputable daycare for my remote days and still be bringing in more monthly than my part time job.
Erika:It's important to note that they were also renovating our entire home due to hurricane damage and we didn't have insurance so extra income is needed. I told my husband about the job after accepting the position. He was furious. He told me not to expect any help outside of what he does now cooking. He has remained steadfast in his decision to not help.
Erika:I recently asked him again if at least he could help brushing her teeth in the morning. He said no. I said we are supposed to be a team and I would appreciate his help. He snapped that this is what I wanted. I did this to myself and that he would not be helping beyond his fair share.
Erika:I said fine, I'll figure out myself. S has been contemplating divorce. If only the responsibility I need to pick up is cooking, then what help do I need from him? Am I the hassle for deciding that if he won't help, I won't stay?
Edgar:No, I feel like if you are better off alone in that kind of situation and even though it sucks, you should maybe consider some way to get out of it, even if you have a baby.
Erika:Yeah, I think it's just being really unreasonable and not flexible at all. I think parenting and workload and house keeping is not just something that is done and it's easy to handle. There's gonna be times where it's gonna be you doing more or the other person doing more And it's gonna have to be something that you have to share, not just, I'm just gonna do this and nothing else. And whatever you do is up to you. And what's the point of having a relationship like that, you know what I mean?
Erika:So the top comment is not the asshole. Marriage and parenting are supposed to be a team effort. Not one person doing 95% while the other one cooks dinner. You deserve real support, not resentment for asking. So it's true, I mean, she shouldn't be punished or she should be feeling guilty for asking for help when it's his child too, it's his household too.
Erika:Just because he's working forty hours, she is also working too. And on top of that, she's doing two jobs basically because taking care of a household and a child is a full time job. And then having a part time with that is also something that it goes on top of that. It's not easy. So the fact that he does like, oh, whatever, I'm just doing my forty hours is enough for me.
Erika:That's it. I'm overwhelmed. Then what about her? He's not taking care of her. Clearly her husband doesn't really care that she's trying to help him out with getting the money because it doesn't look like he has, he's doing extra.
Erika:Because I'm sure she would have put something there that he's trying to get, make more money to renovate the house. So, and the fact that just because he's used to her working, not working and taking care of everything, doesn't mean that she's not allowed to go back to work. I think everybody's entitled to know, okay, I want to go back to work and then we should change the dynamics around the house. What's the reasoning behind him being so resistant with that? Because he's gonna have to help around the house?
Erika:I don't get it. Like it's just one of those things where not maybe for you the situation of me working from home would be great, but that's not always going to be the sweet spot. It's always going to stay like that. At one point or another I'm going to maybe go back to work and you resisting like that literally as such. It really shows how flexible you really are and how you're not willing to put in the work either.
Erika:So what's the point of having a partner like that? Which I think in this case if he doesn't, if they don't sit down and talk and really talk it through, then I think the divorce is really the only thing that could be with this whole situation. Yeah, so what's the final verdict?
Edgar:No, she's not the asshole.
Erika:I think, I agree, I think the husband is for being an asshole and not helping her.
Edgar:And then the final story is, am I the asshole for walking out of dinner when my boyfriend's family insisted I eat meat after four years of being a vegetarian? I, 24 female, have been a vegetarian for about four years now. It started as an ethical choice because honestly it's just part of who I am. My boyfriend (26mil) of two years knows this and has always been super respectful of my choice, even though he's a meat eater. Last weekend his parents invited us over for dinner.
Edgar:They're nice people, but kind of traditional and have always made little comments about my rabbit food diet. Usually, I just laugh it off. When he arrived, his mom proudly announced she made her famous beef stew. I politely said, I'd just eat the sides, but she insisted there were barely any meat chunks in her beef stew and I could just eat around them. I reminded her I'm a vegetarian and I don't eat anything with meat broth either.
Edgar:That's when she got snippy and said, I spent hours making this special meal and you're being ridiculous. It's just a little beef broth. It won't kill you. I was getting uncomfortable, but then my boyfriend's dad chimed in with, This generation is so entitled to special diets. In my day, we ate what was put in front of us and said thank you.
Edgar:I was about to just awkwardly eat some bread when my boyfriend said nothing to defend me. So, I stood up and said, I respect your home, but I also respect my choices. I think I'll grab something on the way home, and I walked out. My boyfriend followed me and was pissed. Said I embarrassed him that he should've just eaten the damn stew this one time to keep the peace.
Edgar:His mom has been blowing up my phone saying I ruined dinner and made her feel like a terrible host. Because she I feel bad about the awkwardness but also think they should respect my dietary choices. Like, they knew I was a vegetarian for years. Am I the asshole for walking out?
Erika:No.
Edgar:I mean, yeah. She's like, they all know that she just doesn't eat meat at all. And I feel like if you're a vegetarian for that long, eating meat is like your body has to get used to it if you ever go back into eating meat.
Erika:Yeah, I think it's very unreasonable. I feel like OP did the best and he didn't insult them, he didn't say anything rude, he just said, I'm just gonna go and eat them on my way home. That's the best he could have done. I don't think he should have stayed there at all, especially if there was so much peer pressure on just eating meat or eating the beef too. It's just one of those things where you respect their choice.
Erika:Nobody should be forced to eat something that they don't want to eat.
Edgar:I was a pretty rage dig for this. Even the mom saying let's just eat this. What was the point of this meal or this dinner? Just to get the vegetarian to eat meat because for whatever weird reason they have.
Erika:Yeah, I don't get it. I mean, if they knew that other person or P was a vegetarian, What did they expect?
Edgar:I know, yeah. It's
Erika:not new, it's been years.
Edgar:Like imagine you told me you don't like fish, then I told my parents they cook you fish. Like, What am I going to expect from that kind of dinner? You're obviously not going to eat or you're not going to like the food.
Erika:Exactly. Well, I'm probably not going to eat it.
Edgar:Exactly, yeah. And then it would be ridiculous for me and my family to be upset about it.
Erika:Yeah, I mean
Edgar:It's just the same principles apply to this.
Erika:Yeah, especially if you're allergic. I feel like we kind of had a lot of food ones. The other one was food one for allergy. I think it's just one of those things where if you don't want to eat it, no one should be forced to eat it. No matter if it's gonna be, I wouldn't say everybody has entitlement for that.
Erika:I think, you know, just saying thank you and maybe saying I'll take it to go or whatever or something like that is fine too. But I think it's just one of those things where everybody should have their opinion. The top comment is vegetarian forty five years and more. This is an old story, nothing new here. She does not respect boundaries.
Erika:My sister-in-law would use a little fat for flavor. This meant my husband and I just did not eat it. We never wavered. She would keep pushing. She knew she was having you over for dinner and she tried to coerce you into eating it.
Erika:This is a total lack of respect of who you are. I have people with all kinds of dietary restrictions. I just make burradi and tell everyone what the restricted ingredients are and which dish. I too have to eat around others cooking. I don't get weird and I don't expect anyone else to either.
Erika:I'm just grateful that there is so much more choice than there was in the 70s.
Edgar:Yeah, basically. It's just like a weird kind of dinner because they knew she was a vegetarian and then they still wanted her to eat the meat that they obviously made it to be as meaty as possible.
Erika:Like a beef stew, yeah.
Edgar:Beef stew, beef broth. There's not even that meaty eat around exactly. It's ridiculous.
Erika:It's just one of those things where also you see a lot more allergens right now, like gluten or you know, yeast or whatever. It's just a lot of things that where you see a lot of people getting allergic to, lot of most stuff that people probably were back then but didn't know. But we have the technology now to know. And so, you know, it's not anybody's fault for not wanting to eat something.
Edgar:Exactly, yeah. So final verdict?
Erika:I would say no, not the asshole. The boyfriend's family was an asshole. I think he needs a new boyfriend because he didn't she or he didn't, you know, stood up for her.
Edgar:I feel like he was in on it too.
Erika:I think so. It's like oh we're gonna break him or her today, like OP today, you know? I don't know. It's just one of those things where you kind of see situations like this, you see your significant other and who they really are, especially when it comes to family. And I would say break up with his ass.
Erika:He don't deserve your OP. That's all the stories we have today. Thank you for tuning into this week's episode. Check out our website, www.yappings.com and join our mail list for updates. If you love our podcast and want to support us, subscribe and share to your friends and family, we would appreciate this so much.
Edgar:Also, we have a Facebook group called AITA Relationship and Family Drama linked in the description. Join us so you can share any mighty asshole posts you like or share your own stories for us all to judge. We may even read a few posts in one of our episodes if you're lucky.
Erika:Thank you, bye!
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