Episode 9
· 49:53
Hello.
Erika:This is Erika.
Edgar:Edgar.
Darielys:And Dave.
Erika:And we are the Yapping Snaushers. We entertain you with yet worthy stories we find around the web. So today's episode would be the most recent stories on Reddit. And I believe Edgar will be reading first story.
Edgar:Yeah. We'll start you off with this first story titled, am I the asshole for leaving my dad's birthday dinner after overhearing my sister's comment after my miscarriage? A few months ago, me, 28 female, and my sister, Eva, 33 female, realized that we were both pregnant. She's been struggling with infertility, so we are all happy for her. I have an older son, 2 year old male, with my husband, 32 year old male.
Edgar:Sadly, a couple of weeks ago, I lost my baby. We told my family. They were all supportive, but I did sort of pull away from them. They would have tried to avoid discussing Eva's baby around me, but I didn't want to overshadow her, especially since she's wanted this for a long time. I also didn't want to be reminded of my own loss whenever I saw her.
Edgar:So I haven't been to my parents' place for Sunday dinners since I really spent time with Eva, which we had been doing a lot before. I replied vaguely to any messages about my absence. It wasn't the best communication for me. Yesterday, my parents were hosting family dinner for my dad's birthday. I had been thinking about going because I miss my family.
Edgar:And while, of course, the pain of losing my child has not faded, I'm at a point where I can at least pull a little to the side to be there for my sister and my new niece when she is born. So I let my family know that we would be coming. However, we had to get a gift from my dad, and then my son had a bit of a tantrum. So we got to my parents' place about an hour late. I wished my dad and then went to the kitchen, where my mom, Eva, and my sister in laws were.
Edgar:But before I went in, I heard them say my name so I stopped. My mom was saying something like, well, I guess OP is not coming. And Eva said, but did you expect? She probably changed her mind and is just staying home again. Honestly, I'm sorry for her, but you would think she was the first woman to ever lose a kid.
Edgar:And it's not even her first kid. They then kept talking about other things, but I just wanted to leave. I went and got my husband who was with my brother-in-law, dad, and brothers in the living room. I told my dad I was really sorry, but we needed to go. They all protested, when my husband could see how upset I was, so he didn't.
Edgar:We got my son and left. When we got home, I just kind of cried for a while. My husband asked me what happened and I told him. He was angry that she said that, but that we shouldn't have abruptly left because my dad had been looking forward to seeing us. My son missed his cousins.
Edgar:After this, I was feeling conflicted. Later, my brother texted me saying my dad had been really upset about us leaving and brought it up at dinner, which caused the whole fight because mom and Eva realized that I must have heard them talking and my dad was mad about it. My brother said that it was pretty bad and he wished I had just stayed so none of this would happened. Obviously, Eva didn't mean for me to hear that. They were all just frustrated that I've been AWOL for so long.
Edgar:Now I feel bad because I didn't mean to ruin dinner. Obviously, what Aoife said was hurtful, but I can see how my actions might have led to her saying something out of anger. And I could have talked to her about it later instead of just leaving. I don't know. Am I the asshole?
Edgar:ETA for women? Do you wanna read that all?
Erika:Yeah. So I don't know. This one's kinda conflicting. So, I mean, this it's not fair for her to just because the family thinks she should get over it. There is no time limit to grieve, especially losing a child.
Erika:I mean, I I haven't been through it, but I think in any way, grief doesn't have a limit. I don't know what you think then.
Edgar:Mhmm. I think it was, like, kind of, like, an unfortunate situation to be in just because, like, like, the conversation that OP, like, walked into wasn't, like, meant for her to hear. And, like, people say a lot of things, like, behind your back and, in fit in, like, faith that they're that you won't ever hear it. So, like, even though, like, OP's, sister-in-law or, like, sister was, like, being, like, a dick about it. Like, I don't think she meant lamented to hurt her directly.
Edgar:But I think yeah. What do you think about her leaving, actually?
Erika:I know. I would've
Darielys:I don't think I would've left immediately. I feel like I would've just stayed a little bit and see. Like, I don't know.
Edgar:Yeah. Maybe, like, wait till after dinner.
Darielys:Bad because, like, if it's, like, my dad's birthday, like, I would just stay for him and, like, try to, like, deal with what I heard later on. Not that, like it's just it sucks too, because it was, like, if dad's birthday, then she heard that. It was, like, she didn't know what to do, so I understand why she left. Mhmm. But I feel like if it were me, I would have stayed a little bit and then left, obviously.
Darielys:I wouldn't stay the whole time because I'd still have, like, that in the back
Erika:of my head. It would bother me,
Darielys:especially if I just lost a kid. That's tough.
Erika:Yeah. It doesn't even matter if it's the first, second, 4th, 5th, 6th child. You still lost someone, especially your child. I think I would've stayed, but I would've, like, confronted her.
Darielys:Yeah.
Erika:I would've literally walked in and be like, so what are you talking about?
Darielys:Say a lot of
Edgar:Did you feel like it'd be even worse doing that?
Erika:I don't know. I mean, I guess they could have gotten maybe it's just like they're just mad because, you know, they miss her and
Darielys:Mhmm.
Erika:Sure they probably expressing it not the right way. But I think it all comes to a place where, you know, they're both frustrated or they're both sad because they miss each other. And I think at some point, I think talking it out, maybe this confrontation would help them talk it out instead of them being avoidant or her being avoidant about everybody.
Edgar:I feel I feel like it would be, like, a terrible kind of conversation to have. Feel like he she's just been walking in on her sister saying that she shouldn't be sad about a child that, died. Like, how do you even go from there?
Darielys:I feel like this is an easy fake. They a easy fix. They just gotta talk it out. Yeah. I feel like it's just an easy fix by just having a conversation.
Erika:Well, I mean, some I think it's just one of those things where it could have caused or it could be a a a whole, like, world world world world 3, but I don't think so. I think they understand each other
Edgar:a little
Darielys:bit more.
Edgar:You think, after this day, can patch things up?
Erika:Yeah. Mhmm.
Edgar:How so? You're still, like, talking to her?
Erika:Yeah. Because that's how you understand each other. It's not like they're coming they have, like, malice on their way they're acting or whatever. It's just they're both sad. They're both you know, she said that she's not coming or she's not able to see her sister that she's close to.
Erika:And she's sad because she lost somebody. Mhmm. And she's grieving. So they're both sad different ways, but, you know, they both wanna be there for each other. So I don't think it's gonna be a big deal once they talk it out.
Darielys:I know. There is, like,
Erika:a whole comment. I don't know if you wanna read the top comment.
Edgar:You can read the top comment.
Erika:So so the top comment is grief has no limit. Recovery from miscarriage sucks because hormones, pain, and suffering emotionally. The fact that your family thinks you need to similarly suck it up and get over it is ridiculous. So you weren't wronged from taking time to dealing for your loss. Sounds like they were more focused on your sister finally getting pregnant, and they want you to do the same.
Erika:It's like, how dare you make your miscarriage about yourself? Don't you know your sister's pregnant? So your sister who has struggled for infertility finally gets pregnant and decides that a miscarriage is NBD because it happens all the time and you already have a kid. Your brother is upset because the family fight wouldn't have happened if you sucked it up and stayed. No consequences for your mom and sister.
Erika:Sorry, but hell no. Not the asshole. Ask your sister if she remembers not being able to get pregnant and ask her to imagine what she wouldn't have done if she overheard you saying she's probably staying home again. You know, she isn't the first woman to suffer infertility. She can always adopt if she wants to have kids so bad.
Erika:Yeah. Your sister likely dreaded being around pregnant women and babies because of her struggles, even if she wasn't vocal about it. But now that she is pregnant and now the only pregnant sister, she thinks she can look down and judge you. Imagine if it was reversed. I bet your family would be having her over for dinner and asking her to stay home because you were pregnant, and it was too hard for her.
Erika:I'm sorry. She is selfish, and I wouldn't have accept any apology she gives if she does. Remember, she isn't sorry because she was wrong of what she said. She is sorry she got caught saying it. And your family is wrong for blaming you for being rightfully upset because your sister faced the consequences of voicing her thoughts out loud.
Erika:Question of voicing her thoughts out loud. Ouch. That's crazy. That's a
Darielys:good one. That's oh my god.
Erika:Sounds like a slap in
Edgar:the face.
Darielys:Cuter.
Erika:Woah. That was crazy. I'm I'm guess because I I think people I don't know. I guess because I think about the relationship I have with my siblings.
Darielys:Mhmm.
Erika:Like, if my sister was to say that, I would be hurt, but I I would get it. You know what I mean? Like, I wouldn't hold it against them, but not everybody thinks that way. So I get where the comment, like, the person
Darielys:writing the
Erika:comment is crazy.
Darielys:I mean She went straight to it.
Erika:Yes. I mean, she has she has points. She has definitely points about it. So, I mean, we could either either either go good or bad. But, yeah.
Erika:I think she does deserve an apology. Mhmm. At least. Alright. So the next story is Emma the asshole for asking my husband's family to leave our wedding after they brought my ex to sabotage us.
Erika:I, 30 male, black, married my husband, James, 32 white, last month. It was supposed to be the happiest day of our lives, but his family almost ruined it. For context, Jay's family has never fully accepted me. They made comments about how different I am and have openly said they'd wish he'd stay with its ex girlfriend, Emily. I thought they had finally moved on past their issues when they showed up to our wedding, but I was wrong.
Erika:Halfway through the ceremony, I noticed Emily sitting in the front row with James' family. At first, I was confused, but I didn't wanna cause a scene. After the ceremony, things became clear. James' mom came up to him and said, are you sure this is what you want? Emily's here, and it's not too late to make things right.
Erika:I was standing right there. I couldn't believe the audacity. When I confronted her, she acted like she was doing James a favor. We just thought he might want a reminder of what he's giving up, she said. James had chimed in saying, we're just looking out for his future.
Erika:No offense. But we never saw this relationship lasting. I defended myself telling them they were disrespectful disrespectful for ruining our day. James' mom brushed me off saying, we're just being honest. You should be grateful we're even here.
Erika:I lost it. I told him, if you can't respect our marriage, you don't need to be here. James overheard the argument and immediately backed me up. He told me he told them that bringing Emily to our wedding was cruel, and if they couldn't support us, they could leave. His family started arguing, claiming I was too sensitive in turning James against them.
Erika:Emily had the nerve to approach me and say, I didn't mean to cause trouble. I just wanted to support James. I told her she wasn't welcome, and she left in tears. Girl. And now, James' family is furious.
Erika:I ruined the wedding by making it about drama and but I feel like I had every right to stand up for myself. And mother asked me for defending myself and asking them to leave.
Darielys:No. Mhmm. Absolutely not.
Erika:Isn't that crazy?
Darielys:And in the front row Oh, my god. The ceremony, when they they already got married and everything, gonna ring. And then afterwards, the mom comes to I'm so done. I would I would I would have thrown a fit. I would have made a scene.
Darielys:I I would have made a scene because, like, why is she here?
Erika:No. If I asked security, I'd be like, can you please escort them out? I'm like, that's it. Like, I do not wanna tolerate them. I don't care.
Erika:I think and, plus, I I love that the husband is supportive of her. He immediately backed her up. He knew what was going on. He didn't hear the whole conversation, but he knew that his wife was right. He probably knows his parents too, look crazy they are.
Erika:Mhmm.
Darielys:But, like, why would they just bring her and the dad supporting? No. I didn't understand. I was, like, not the dad involved with it too. Yeah.
Erika:Consistency. They're definitely racist.
Darielys:And then her leaving crying, I didn't mean to girl, yes. You did. That was your whole intention to go there and ruin it. Like, you're the ex.
Erika:And then you're crying? Hello.
Darielys:She told me that made a
Erika:scene? Exactly.
Darielys:I know. That's too funny.
Erika:No. I definitely think she is not that. So she should I mean, she kept herself classy. Honestly, she dealt with it, really well. I don't think she did anything wrong.
Erika:I mean, other people would have been pulling hair, saying some comments, like, you know But,
Darielys:like, right when, like, she saw her, like, right like, right there, we like to know something. But after the ceremony so you're telling me they did the whole wedding process and everything, put the ring And then
Erika:they came out there. Yeah.
Darielys:Yeah. She was holding it. Yeah. But she knew.
Erika:I know. No. The parents definitely suck in this one. I I would really suck having, father-in-law and mother in laws like that. I think I would have been, like, distanced myself from there from them at all cost.
Erika:Yeah. And if I had a baby, they wouldn't even see them. No. So they could be racist to him
Darielys:too? Yeah. No.
Erika:I mean, they wouldn't be like, you
Darielys:should have a kid with with her instead.
Erika:No. That's crazy. No. They're definitely racist. They don't deserve they don't deserve to be part of the their life, at least.
Erika:I mean, I love that the husband is there. So at least he's able she's able to lead on him.
Edgar:Yeah. The next story is titled, am I the asshole for telling my sister that my nephew is not my baby? My sister, 23 female, lives at home and has a 6 month old baby. She never moved in with her boyfriend because they lived far away from each other, and neither of them wanted to compromise. Her baby daddy never ever comes around.
Edgar:He's seen this on probably less than 30 days total in his entire life, and because of this, my sister has been treating me, 21 female, and my mom as his other parent. She expects free childcare constantly while she works and whatnot and gets very upset when I act hesitant about it for whatever reason. Because she doesn't want to send him to gay care, she'd be eligible to get free childcare on our stay, but doesn't trust it, and I love my nephew to death, but these are my child free college years. I have been parentified and forced to play mommy for my little siblings for years, and just when they're getting to the age that they don't need me so much, I don't think I should be forced to step up and play mommy to another child who is in mind. Especially when I'm on winter break for the next couple of weeks and just want to enjoy sleeping in way too late and being lazy before I've thrown back into full time college.
Edgar:This has been happening for 4 months at this point though. So when you so when she asked if I'd watch him tomorrow I got a bit of an attitude, but ultimately said yes, but to do that she got snappy with me and was like, why do you always act like you don't want to do it? To which I got upset and responded, because he's not my kid and I shouldn't be expected to do this all the time. She got very angry at me and is now not talking to me at all, and is surely going to weaponize my nephew against me. And to an extent, sure, I understand her anger.
Edgar:I know that you should be able to rely on your village and I don't know if I'm in the wrong for not wanting to do this, but I'm so tired of taking care of other people's children all the time for free even if I love the kids to death. I can't tell if I'm being selfish or not. You might asshole here. What do you guys think?
Erika:I don't think she is because it's not her responsibility. Why should she take care I mean, sure. They're family. And if she can, she should. I mean, if she if she has the time, but it doesn't mean that she has to.
Erika:It's not her responsibility. Yeah. I mean, ultimately, the parent's supposed to sure. She's a single mom, but she has to figure it out.
Edgar:Mhmm.
Erika:She is the parent. I mean, you can do as much as to help and stuff like that, but I and on at the end of the day, it's not your child.
Darielys:At least pay them something because they're they're helping you out. Like, it's not like I don't know.
Erika:It's hard. I mean
Darielys:I know. It's like if you like, you can't say no to them because, like, it's not the kids' fault either that they don't have nowhere to go. And it's like you can't I don't know. It's a tough situation to be honest. I don't know.
Erika:Yeah. I mean, the tough comment says, so it's not the asshole but you're still mired mired deep with false sense of obligation. You need to step back and have a long hard talk hard think about what you're having these college years means to you. What they can be if you live with them as you want to and deserve to and then fight for them because, otherwise, you won't get to live them and they will never come back. You will spend them babysitting and being bossed around.
Erika:Experience you would have had, friends you would have made, things you would have influenced in the whole your whole life won't happen. You need to work out just how much babysitting you are willing to do and then not do another hour more. You need to be utterly strict about it and take no crap. You don't need to take care how your sister tries to punish you with the moods and whatnot. Ultimately, she is the one who wants something out of you and anything you give her is something she should be grateful for.
Erika:You don't owe her any of it. She is the mother. If she feels entitled to it because you you have spine made of tofu what? A spine made of tofu, then she won't even feel grateful because you're doing it is a norm and only to be expected. You giving in will only be rewarded by her feeling entitled to it and then getting angry whenever you aren't sacrificing as much as you can for her sake all the time.
Erika:I think that's good. And anything that's honest honestly true. If I were you, I would give her a minimum of babysitting bar emergencies and then be ruthless about having your time respected and babysitting cut off for a time for any infractions. This is the only way you'll be respected and appreciated. Your sister will cope.
Erika:She will find a way to start making her own sacrifices properly, and she should because her baby is her responsibility. Of course, if manipulating and pressuring you into sharing half of the load works, she would choose that. But if it doesn't, she will find her own way. You just have to weather out the storm after you start saying no and mean it, and she reacts by trying to make it easier for you to give in rather than deal with all the throw she's throwing at you. It would end if you stick up your guns, but there is only one light at the end of the tunnel if you write things out.
Erika:Wow. That was crazy. That was a lot. She needs to put boundaries
Darielys:with, like, her sister or whatever. And then I feel like once she does that, it'll be like, she's she's gonna get mad regardless because of it, but it'll be better for her in the long run.
Erika:I agree. I think she just needs boundaries. And I mean, she's not saying she's gonna cut her off completely, but she should just, you know, be grateful that she's able to do it and that's it and just have boundaries. I think that's a good way to look at it. Yeah.
Erika:I don't know. But I feel like at least for Hispanic like, I don't know, my culture or, like, Ecuadorian. I don't know if it's a whole thing, but I feel like my mom has engraved to us. If your sister needs help, you need to help her. Like
Darielys:Oh, yeah. There is
Erika:no there is no ifs and buts. And I'm like, well, you know, you can do as much as you can. And I'm sure any little thing, you can help out, they appreciate it. And they that's definitely true for them. They don't expect you to help them or get help.
Erika:They just, you know, they feel appreciated if you do help. Which I like that because they're not entitled. One is called Emma the asshole for refusing to watch my neighbor's kid before school because she kept nagging me. I, female 35, am staying at home mom with 2 kids. John, male 10, and Ava, female, 8.
Erika:My neighbor Zoe is female, 42, works full time, and asked at the beginning of the school year if she could drop off her daughters to female, 9, an hour before school started twice a week. I agreed and and was happy to help out a neighbor. However, things got bad pretty quickly. My kids do not get along well with Sue and see entertaining her as a chore. Both of my kids enjoy sports, arts, and playing outside, while Sue is glued to her phone.
Erika:Despite this, Sue pouts when my kids do their own thing instead of trying to engage with her. Zoe called me a few weeks into school year to nag me for having the kids walk bike to school, saying it was unsafe and asking me to drive Sue. I told her no. If Sue was old enough to have a phone, she was old enough to walk bike to school. A week later, she asked me to cook real sausage for Sue in addition to veggie sausage I make for my kids.
Erika:My husband and I don't buy meat. I told her no. Sue could eat what I cook, but if she wanted specific food, she should she would have to prepare it herself. For the 1st semester of school, Zoey nagged me with similar requests. Don't play songs with explicit lyrics.
Erika:Don't let multiple kids on the trampoline simultaneously. Watch the kids when they're outside, etcetera. When I refused, she was respectful and were like, sorry to bother you, but she still had a new request every week. At the end of the semester, I told her I was not going to make adjustments to our family lifestyle and inconvenience my family for the sake of her child. Sue's safety was not at risk.
Erika:As she was unsatisfied with Sue's situation, there were plenty of other people in the neighborhood who could watch her. So I seemed really receptive, and I was hopeful that would be the end of the nagging. When the kids got home on December 20th, I asked, are you excited for the 2.5 weeks with no school? And John responded, I'm more excited of 2.5 weeks with no Sue. Ava nodded and giggled along.
Erika:They it broke my heart to know that they were more happy to get a break from Sue than school. Damn. Just a couple of weeks ago, days ago, Zoe reached out thanking me for agreeing to watch Sue and asking if I could watch her a couple afternoons in a week in addition to Zoe could have some me time. I told her this would no longer work. Our kids did not mesh well, and I didn't want to deal with more inappropriate requests.
Erika:I thought Zoe might be mad, but instead she begged me to watch Sue at least 1 morning a week. She apologized profusely and said I would parent however I wanted to. This made me feel bad because she generally needed my help, and I did not know how know what she would do. I told her I knew I could, and her apology was too little too late. Oh, man.
Erika:Okay. My husband and the kids stand by my decision, but some of the other moms think I should have been more accommodating. Girl, please. Then you watch her. Exactly.
Erika:Saying I'm selfish that moms help moms, and I'll never know when I might need help. Does my refusal to help Zoe make me an asshole? No.
Darielys:I just can't.
Erika:Why do you think so? Like, was it too much? Was she asking for too much?
Darielys:I mean, it was just, like, she was just, like, saying little things repeatedly. Like, I feel like her saying a new thing every week is kinda annoying because, like, if I'm taking care of your kid, that means you trust me and the way, like, I am. So I don't need them telling me, oh, no. Don't do this. Don't do that.
Darielys:Like, if it bothers you that much, just bring your kid to somebody else that you trust and don't have to keep nagging about every little thing. You You know what I mean? Yeah. Like, I I feel like she just doesn't I mean, I get it. She cares about her kid and wants everything perfect, but no.
Darielys:No. If I'm no. I agree with, what is the the lady that's taking care of her? Like, this is how I do it. Like, you're I'm taking care of her.
Darielys:This is how it's gonna go.
Erika:Yeah. I mean, you're asking for too much. Like, she's doing you a favor Mhmm. Taking care of your child, feeding your child, and getting your child safely to the house, like, and you're asking her a request, like, cook her a different meal, cook her this, or make sure to watch her her safety is priority. Like, no.
Darielys:The trampoline?
Erika:Girl, they're cute. So many months ago. It's my god. I know. I think she's I don't know.
Erika:But she's asking for too much. Even the kids are tired of it. Yeah. I don't the probably because Sue is also
Darielys:I can't with that name. I'm sorry. I was trying not to laugh when when I found out her name was Sue. I was because, like, Sue reminds me of, like, Yeah. Like, I don't it doesn't remind me of a 9 year old.
Darielys:And so I was just yeah.
Erika:I don't
Edgar:think the old person in a the kid's body.
Erika:Well, she's on her phone and she doesn't wanna do anything else. So, you know,
Darielys:the kids
Erika:and then she gets upset.
Darielys:Like yeah.
Erika:If they do not pay attention to her. Like, what do you mean? Like, go out and play. Don't give her don't give me the phone.
Darielys:If my mom was ever, like, taking care of somebody like that, I wouldn't wanna talk with them. Like, I would be like, okay. Well, they they don't wanna talk to me so I'm not gonna talk to them.
Erika:Exactly. Yeah. I think she's just asking for too much. She should've just been thankful.
Darielys:The food wise, like, if she wants her to have real meats or whatever, prepare
Erika:a lunch for her or food or something.
Darielys:I don't know. Like, something like that simple. So, like, when they're all eating, she can just eat whatever her mom gave her and not whatever the lady that's taking care of her is making. I don't know. It's like simple things like that.
Darielys:It's just I don't know. But changing her, like, whole routine just for her is kinda annoying. I'd be mad if
Erika:my mom ever did that. Like, dude, really?
Darielys:I get it, but no. Come on.
Erika:Yeah. I mean yeah. I mean, if the kids are that happy to not be with Sue, it there has to be something that she doesn't even know that's going on. Because why would the kids not like her so much that they're even happy to see her. Yeah.
Erika:I mean, it doesn't make sense. It's just for the kids to be that happy to have pizza and spending time with her.
Darielys:I know.
Erika:Yeah. That's that speaks volumes. So I think she did the right decision to just, you know, leave her and say, sorry. We can't take care of Zoe anymore. You still think she's an asshole?
Edgar:Is it OP? Yeah. Yeah. I hope he isn't.
Erika:You think so either? No. Yeah. I agree. Alright.
Erika:So the next one.
Edgar:Yeah. The next story is titled, you mighty asshole for announcing that my dad's not paying my college tuition. My aunt and uncle are paying for my cousin's college. My dad had a college fund for me, but he had stipulations like he he wanted nothing below a B for grades and to pre approve any classes I take, weekly meetings to discuss grades, and a bunch of other stuff, which would be fine if you have a normal dad. Mine isn't.
Edgar:My dad has a temper and I spent 6 weeks out of grade stressed out about grades and being screamed at or grounded over things that sometimes weren't even my fault, like a teacher not updating online grading and an assignment being marked missing because of it, and getting my backpack in lock or randomly searched by him for no reason besides to make sure I'm not hiding anything. I decided to pay for school myself because of 1, not being stressed over getting screamed at, 2, I didn't feel like constantly worrying that he disapprove of a class or a grade and decide not to pay, which I could totally see him doing. I'd rather be in that than controlled for 4 more years. I just finished my 1st year, but my family got together on 4th and well sometimes they're nosy. They were talking about my cousin's school and my uncle looked at my dad and said, well how much is my name school costing you?
Edgar:I said what are you asking him for? I'm the one paying for it. Later on, my dad was pissed off and said that it was out of line to say that and I embarrassed him. I didn't do it to embarrass him. I was just being honest.
Edgar:He doesn't even know how much tuition is, so he was the wrong person to ask. You mighty asshole.
Erika:Oh my
Edgar:god. Not really. I mean, I I don't think he like, he said it kinda like in a sassy way, but I don't think
Erika:OP meant it. Sassy. Yeah. He was being sassy. Yeah.
Edgar:But I don't think OP meant it to be like, oh, my dad's not paying my tuition. Like, trying to say, like he, you know, he could've went in more deep in in and said stuff about, like, oh, he's controlling. I don't want him to pay for it or, like, he could've said anything else. But instead, he just says he's not paying for it. They just left it at that.
Erika:Yeah. I mean but did you hear how controlling he is?
Edgar:Yeah. It's probably, like, too much.
Erika:That's a lot. I mean, I don't blame him for wanting his peace of mind over the that. That's crazy. I don't know.
Edgar:I just I think that's too much for school, which I don't really think is, like, helping anyone anyways.
Darielys:No. Checking his bag is kinda insane.
Edgar:Yeah. I mean, what what is he gonna do?
Erika:Like, what? Like, are you eating chocolate? Bring candy?
Edgar:Like, it's like he's just suffocating his child at that point. So he's always suffocating beforehand.
Darielys:My mom be like that too sometimes.
Edgar:Your mom checks your bag?
Darielys:No. No. No. Not the bag thing. Like, the grape thing.
Darielys:She'd be like, why'd you get this?
Erika:Why did
Darielys:you get an a? And I'm just like, dude. I I get, like, in that part, I I understand because my mom's the same way. Mhmm.
Erika:Yeah. I remember trying too in, like, middle school. I remember I got a b minus or was it a c plus. I don't know. 1 or 2.
Erika:Mhmm. I went there. I was like, what did you get? Yeah. I got yelled at.
Darielys:It was done. It's like it sucks. Yeah.
Erika:But, you know, I get it. They're coming from, you know, a better place trying to get to, you know, get better, understand better, be in a better, you know, it's fine, which I I thank him for everything, you know, but it's gonna you know, I mean, he's a yell at me. But, anyways, I think, yeah, he's not the asshole.
Edgar:No. Mm-mm. Yeah. Hope he's definitely not the asshole first. Just I
Darielys:mean, he's kinda doing that a favor.
Erika:We have
Edgar:anything else. That that should
Darielys:be happening. He's not paying it. You know what I mean? Exactly.
Edgar:And then that could go on a vacation.
Darielys:Yeah. He needs one.
Edgar:Yeah. He's doing too much for He
Darielys:probably needs one.
Edgar:12 years? How long you in grade school for? 12 to 13?
Darielys:13, I think.
Edgar:Doing too much for 13
Erika:years? 13? Yeah. Yeah. That's a long time.
Erika:Oh my god.
Edgar:He just needs a drink.
Erika:He'll be traumatized.
Darielys:He needs a drink? Yeah. No. I think he needs a couple.
Edgar:A couple of drinks?
Darielys:Yes. He
Edgar:needs to be back out for a month.
Erika:Yes. Yeah. I think the father needs help. I think well, you know, if you think about it, I feel like parents are like that because also their parents were like that, and it's a cycle. So they treat their their children like that way because that's all they know.
Erika:So it's just a a cycle that never ends. But I'm glad at least OP was able to, you know, be like, this is not okay. I'm gonna do this and, you know, take care of it myself. So, yeah, fair agreement that he was not the asshole. Right?
Edgar:Yeah, man.
Erika:Alright. So the next story is Emma the asshole for walking out of the airport when I saw my husband's mom standing there with her luggage. I, female 30, don't have the best relationship with my husband's mom. Since day 1, she tried to make remarks and compare me to her. She then tried to get on my good side and started overly praising everything I do and sometimes even copying me, like that one time when she literally dyed her hair purple just like mine.
Erika:And when everyone pointed that out, how ridiculous she looked, she actually blamed me and accused me for trying to make a joke out of her. So crayons. Oh my gosh. So, anyways, my husband and I took 2 weeks off work to visit some places out of the country, tourism in other words. Thing is, I was the one who saved up for and arranged for the trip.
Erika:My husband was responsible for booking the tickets. My husband's mom wanted to come along and threw temper tantrums when I said no. She called, texted, sent people to talk to me into letting her come, even threatened to call the police and make some complaint up to to to get us to stay if she can't come. My husband said we should just take her, but I told him he was wrong to tell her about the trip in the first place. He gave me an ultimatum, said he wouldn't go if she can't come, and I told him I gladly call his bluff, which made him take his words back and say, fine.
Erika:I will tell her to stop it because she won't we won't take her. Things got quieter, so suspiciously quieter. The day of the trip came and we got to the airport at 2 PM. My husband was walking ahead of me and was looking left and right like he was looking for someone. I asked him, but he didn't respond.
Erika:He led me to the waiting area and the first thing I saw was his mom standing there with her luggage. I froze in my spot. I felt cold waves washing over me, and I was fuming inside. She and my husband were hugging. That's when I quietly turned around and started walking towards the exit.
Erika:My husband followed me while shouting at me to stop. He tried to stop me, but I told him off the harshest way possible. He tried to say I was overreacting and that his mom was there anyway and I should let her go and not mess this trip up for us. I told them he and his mom could just go and I was going home. I went home and sobbed into my dog's fur for several minutes.
Erika:Turns turned out he booked her a ticket without me knowing. An hour later, he came home yelling and raging about how pathetic and spiteful I was for walking out and go home and going home to ruin the trip last minute. I told him he caused this to happen. He said that I was being so hard on his mom. It's ridiculous.
Erika:I refuse to fight anymore, but he kept on berating me, then called my family to tell them that the trip was canceled and that it was because of me. My family said that I shouldn't have ruined it for myself, and I should have sucked it up and done my best to enjoy it. Did I overreact?
Darielys:Oh my god.
Erika:This is so much. Like, literally, I feel rage inside for her.
Darielys:I'd be mad. I'd be really, really mad. Oh.
Erika:This is really, really frustrates me. Yes. Like, internally, I I am mad. Like, I'm really frustrated with her husband. I would this is divorce worthy.
Erika:I'm sorry. This is divorce worthy, and I don't say that very often because I think people should work it out, but hit her their relationship has always been his mom being a third wheel. I So bad. He's a mama's boy and like too severely like it's too much like I so many wrong things happened here first of all he went behind her back yes Lied to her face, basically, and then invited his mom and then blamed her for being mad and leaving. When she already spoke with him and said, I don't not want her to come this is a trip for you and I so he completely ignored her feelings her suggestion her planning that she saved up
Darielys:and he only
Erika:bought a
Darielys:ticket. For his mom?
Erika:Yep. So I I find it ridiculous. I think he is sorry. Excuse of a whole human being. Because he's just he he doesn't understand what he's doing wrong either.
Erika:He thinks that she is in the wrong, and I don't think he's ever gonna stink otherwise, which makes it worse. I think she did OP deserves better, and she needs to divorce. I'm sorry. Divorce. And then what pissed me off the most was she told this to the family and said she should have sucked it up.
Darielys:Yeah. What do you mean? Oh, sucked it. Okay. Being on her husband's side and not her.
Erika:No. That's crazy.
Darielys:That's messy.
Erika:Sorry.
Edgar:Why are
Darielys:you buying another ticket and gone somewhere else? Oh, she would have guessed. And, like, just have her own vacation because she's the one that arranged it and everything. Yeah. But she already knows.
Darielys:Yeah. I would just cancel everything and then I think start doing her own thing.
Erika:She would have said that she canceled the trip but then, changed her flight and then could have gone to the trip herself and liked her on flight. Just shouldn't yeah. That's it. She still had of, like, enjoyed the moment, with herself at least. I think that's frustrating.
Erika:That's so frustrating.
Darielys:Take your dog with you.
Erika:Yeah. Go keep it coming. So there isn't, like, a small update. Well, it's kind of a long update.
Darielys:Small girl.
Erika:So she said, I don't know where to begin. It's been an absolute nightmare recently and I feel like I am losing my sanity. For more details about my situation, I have to admit that my husband's moms favor him over all his siblings. This affected his relationship with them and me as well. He's never seen an issue with how differently his mom treats him.
Erika:It bothered me and made me feel uncomfortable. The whole dynamic made me feel uncomfortable. Going low contact has never been an option. Like, he has to see her or call her every day. Most of his siblings don't talk to him, and I, a 100%, believe it's because of his mom's favoritism, like I said before.
Erika:He does the bear he does bear some blame for not being seen how wrong it is till this day. In many instances, I found myself making excuses for his behavior. Even in my post, I did spontaneously, and I don't know why. But I guess it's because of how much I love him and because I really, really wanted to be able to work things this work things out without letting this affect our marriage. Regarding what happened with the trip, he tried to talk with me and most of what he said came from a place of blame.
Erika:Blame towards me. I just couldn't continue with this argument. I told him I needed space and that I wouldn't be going to stay with I would be going to stay with my sister for a while. He didn't take it well. He literally got up from the couch and opened the door telling me to go right then and there.
Erika:In that moment and seeing how he was still not even anywhere near understanding what he has done just made things perfectly clear to me. I just had pictured years years of my life being lived like that, and I was like, nope. I can't do it. Can't take any more of it more of it, especially when he keeps focusing on being right every time. His mom can do no wrong.
Erika:I'm always the aggressive, crazy, jealous, pathetic overreactor. All these people's opinions, advice, and concerns were like a spark, like the wake up call I needed. Though I wish that it didn't get this far, but what is done is done. Right now, I'm staying with my sister. I brought my dog with me as well.
Erika:He sent me the last message telling me telling me I'm the one choosing to end what we had together, but I believe it's the other way around, especially with how he keeps making his mom the victim of this situation. It's become clear now that we keep going in circles with no end in each and reach. And I'm just so exhausted and overwhelmed, and I'm not mad at him and don't expect it to change, but at least given options to decide what's best for me and my future even if it's a separation and divorce. And a big thank you to those who reached out with me in resources that I feel very, very lucky to have across. I just wanted to give you an update since many of you asked for it.
Darielys:That's a hard update.
Erika:That's crazy. I knew it. This had to be the worst. I'm sorry. There's just there's just no fixing it because he doesn't see what he's doing is wrong.
Erika:He thinks that
Darielys:she's Like, going crazy. Like, he kinda overreacted in that part. I don't know. Where he was, like, going off at her and, like, telling her to get out and stuff.
Erika:Yeah. He It
Darielys:was too much. He he opened the door for her? Yeah. Like, did you want me to leave before? It's just like your way of, like, actually kicking me out and actually having a reason to.
Darielys:Like, that's just insane to me.
Erika:It's crazy. No. I think there's just no reason rhyme or reason for him, and there's no other way than his mom being the victim of the situation because she can't do any wrong at this point. So I think it's best for her to just let it go.
Darielys:Where's her her husband? Where is he at?
Erika:I don't know. She maybe I don't know. Because he talk about it.
Darielys:Because like if she doesn't have it in the year or whatever they pass I don't know something happened then like I don't know maybe like that's her son is like the only person she got. I don't know.
Erika:Well, she has other siblings.
Darielys:Oh my god.
Erika:And he's the favorite one too.
Darielys:That's so bad.
Erika:Yeah. Yeah.
Darielys:She feels lonely and that's
Erika:the only person she can go to because she lost everybody else. Yeah. Because because of her decisions, because of her choices. So she's really to blame here. She lost her, because of her decisions and her nagging and her craziness.
Erika:She made her son lose his marriage at this point.
Darielys:He didn't even care either. Because if he really cared, he would have like stopped like every everything or said something. I don't know.
Erika:Yeah. I mean, he would have not invited his his mother to the trip. That simple.
Darielys:No. Why get her a tiki? I still don't understand that. Yeah. And behind her back.
Erika:Yep. Yeah. He's definitely in the wrong he's the asshole and the mother too. They're both assholes. Okay.
Erika:And then next story.
Edgar:Okay. The next and final story is titled am I the asshole for suing my parents for my college money? My great aunt set up saving accounts for all of her female relatives. In our culture, education for women is not really valued, and she thought that that was bullshit. She lived with her father in London where she was educated.
Edgar:She went on to attend university and became a doctor. She married a British man, they moved to America, and had a great life. She founded the education of as many of her nieces and grandnieces as she could. When she passed away, she left money for every girl relative she could. My parents managed to access the accounts that was set up for my sister and I.
Edgar:They used it to pay for my brother's wedding. My sister didn't care because she got married 2 years ago out of high school and had no intention of going to college. When I graduated, I left to the bank to get money from school and it was almost all gone. There was like $13,000 left. I asked my parents about it and they said they needed the money.
Edgar:I finally found out where the money went. I got furious. I got student loans and moved out. I am a great source of shame to them and I don't give 2 fucks. I'm currently suing them for the money that was left for me.
Edgar:My entire family is against me. They all think I am a complete asshole for airing private family business in public and that I am putting money ahead of my family. My friends are all on my side, but they are all Americans and don't really get my culture. Neither do I, to be honest. My brother called me up and offered to pay for my university if I dropped a lawsuit.
Edgar:I agreed as long as we had a legally binding contract and he said I was being an asshole for not trusting him. I said he should not have accepted my money for his wedding. It is causing all kinds of embarrassment in our community. I am somewhat ashamed to be doing this, but I don't want to have this debt I should not have. Am I the asshole?
Edgar:I do not think so. I think it's, like, crazy to have spent all that money on a wedding in the first place.
Erika:Yeah. I don't think she's a asshole either. I think she should do whatever it takes because it's not right for her parents to use the money that belonged to her for a wedding. Mhmm. I'd be so mad.
Erika:For a wedding. I mean, her college, you know, would be what she would have used it for. Yeah. And her parents using it without her permission is crazy to me. Yeah.
Edgar:They basically stole it.
Darielys:Mhmm.
Edgar:Well, they actually stole it.
Erika:They did because they took she already left $13,000. That's a lot.
Edgar:Mhmm. Wow.
Erika:Yeah. She's not that asshole. She definitely should go for it in regardless what the family thinks. Who cares? It's not like they took their her their money.
Erika:I'm sure they would be pissed off too. Mhmm. So that's why they're like, oh, why are you doing like that? Well, because they didn't take your money. That's why.
Erika:So yeah. I think she should've totally done that. And then the brother being asshole too saying, oh, you don't trust me? Of course not. And after my parents lied to me and took the parent my money for your wedding, and then you're asking, oh, word-of-mouth, like, oh, I promise to give it to you.
Erika:No.
Edgar:I know. Yeah. I can't believe he like, I think he was trying to show her.
Darielys:That's not
Edgar:Like, he thought that he was, like, that she was dumb.
Erika:Yeah. I think he was trying to help his parents because of the whole wedding thing and be like, oh, no. I'm not gonna give it to you. Yeah. A 100%.
Erika:I have I feel like that's my that's my instinct.
Darielys:I know.
Erika:Yeah. I think all his all her families are assholes.
Edgar:Yeah. He's she's gonna get, like, a lot of money from that, hopefully.
Erika:Yes. I hope hopefully, she does. More than 3 13,000.
Edgar:No. That was what was left of the bank account.
Erika:Yeah. So imagine What was left? Yeah.
Darielys:How much did they take?
Edgar:100 of 1,000 probably.
Darielys:Oh my god.
Edgar:Like, that's, like, so irresponsible. Like
Erika:For a wedding? Come on, people.
Darielys:They 2,000 isn't even enough for college Mhmm. Depending on what she gonna study on. Yeah. That's not enough.
Edgar:The parents took 2 accounts for her money like that.
Darielys:That's insane.
Erika:And they're sisters too, remember? They'll just even care because she is already married and whatever. Mhmm. But yeah. Can you believe it?
Erika:How much money they spent?
Darielys:Does the brother not have money?
Edgar:No. For
Darielys:his own wedding? Then why are you guys getting married if you guys don't have the money?
Erika:That's crazy. That's favoritism right there. Probably sex offender. That's ridiculous. Because depending on their culture
Darielys:or whatever.
Erika:What's that? Yeah. Pretty much. Yeah. Because it might be that too.
Edgar:It's ridiculous.
Erika:Sex is per preferential treatment. Yeah. Yeah.
Darielys:I know. That's
Erika:Yeah. So she's not the asshole bullfrog a girl. I hope you get the money back and more and then some. Triple. Exactly.
Erika:Alright. So that concludes our episode. Thank you for joining us. We'll see you next week. Bye.
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