Episode 42
· 36:40
Hello, this is Edgar, and I am one half of the Yapping Schnauzers. We entertain you with gap worthy stories you found around the web. Erika is still sick and can't speak. Well, at least she's not able to speak long enough to do a full episode yet, so I'm letting her so she's resting her voice still. But she did find some stories that she thinks you all like.
Edgar:Today's theme is domestic drama. So the first story is titled, Am I the asshole for announcing my sister's pregnancy after finding out my boyfriend, now ex, is the father. I, 19 female, was with my ex boyfriend, 19 male, until a couple weeks ago when I found out he got my sister, 18 female, pregnant. And I heard him talking about it and my sister was freaking out over it because she knew I would be done with her if I found out and my ex didn't care. So, I held it all in and waited until we were all with our family and announced the news to everyone there.
Edgar:My boyfriend ran once he realized I was going to break up with him and my sister freaked out, broke down, and started begging me not to hate her, and saying she made a mistake and she would abort the baby and we would go back to the way we were. I do not think that's gonna change anything. But she had been living with me since April because her and our parents were not getting along. I wonder why. We were supposed to be moving somewhere bigger in a few weeks and I told her that was not happening anymore and since that day I've been staying at my friend's place.
Edgar:Now, she can't afford to live in an apartment without me and I refuse to live with her again or have a relationship with her and my parents won't let her move back in either. My ex is gone and he's refusing to have anything to do with the mess he is equally responsible for and so she's on her own. She was trying to make amends so it would be back to normal but I didn't even acknowledge her attempts. I'm not sure where she's staying, but one of our aunts told me I was disgusting to do that to someone as young as her, and I ruined her life. The sister ruined her own life, but I told my aunt to pick up the pieces and leave me alone because I don't care anymore.
Edgar:I said she had it coming when she started sleeping with my ex. My aunt said letting a guy come between us was nasty business and she asked me if I could live with myself if she ends up having the baby and they end up on the streets. I told her it's nothing to do with me. Am I the asshole? I don't think so because she is acting like out of anger, but also this is like a deeper trail between like two people that she supposedly trusted, like really deeply, like her own sister and her ex now, or at the time was her partner.
Edgar:And it's like, it's pretty crazy, this entire situation. Like, it's just like, it speaks to a lack of self control with all parties involved minus OP. And then the fact that OP's aunt was trying to like, shame OP for how she handled this. Like, of course, like, at any point in time you can handle things better, but I think this was not the worst thing she could have done, to be honest. Publicly shaming her ex and her sister, like, is like something that I wouldn't do myself, something like, if you're going to sleep with your sisters, like someone that your friends are close with's, like, partner, you should expect some sort of backlash from that.
Edgar:I mean, OP was just acting her feelings, and I mean, there was never gonna be any sort of reconciliation with the ex boyfriend especially, with a sister. I think this is like kind of like a deep cut, and I don't imagine them ever getting close again, at least not for decades or ever even. But definitely the aunt has a favorite. So let's read the top comment. The top comment is, I don't think people realize how brutal it is to be cheated on with a sibling.
Edgar:She ruined her own life the second she decided to sleep with her boyfriend and tried to hide it. She knew exactly what she was doing and chose to gamble with your trust. You don't owe her a roof, forgiveness, or a relationship. Yeah that's actually really crazy too, like OP sister, like, not only betrayed, like, the deep trust and like, the familiar relationship they had, but she did that while also being like under her care. So it's like, multiple layers of betrayal at this point.
Edgar:And honestly, given like how OP SIS is acting, I don't think she's like, she feels that bad about like the kid and what she did with the partner. I think she, there's like always that chance that she's also acting in self preservation and wants to, we can know like the relationship with OP, OP and her sister. So she has a roof under her head again, and some sort of stability for the upcoming child, which I think is just very unfortunate for the child to be important in this situation. When OP did respond, OP said, People really don't get it as much as they should. Anyone with siblings should put themselves in the shoes of the person cheated on and see if they'd still love and care about their siblings.
Edgar:So yeah, definitely OP is still feeling pretty upset about the situation. And I mean, it makes sense to like think of it in this way, like, don't do anything onto others that you wouldn't want done to yourself. It's very unfortunate for OP, but given she's like young still, like 19, and she still has like her whole life ahead of her, and I'm sure she'll find someone that's not gonna sleep with her, her, relative. So final verdict, Ophie is not the asshole, and I'm hoping she hops back up after what I imagine was a pretty traumatic experience. The next story is titled, Am I the Asshole for Telling My Sister Her Boundary Will Destroy Her Relationship With Her Nephew.
Edgar:I, 30 female, recently got married and had a baby. Congrats. My sister, 24 female, does not like my husband and would not tell me why. When I first brought him home to introduce everyone, she was a bit standoffish, but in general, she doesn't really like people. Very few friends, never brings anyone home to meet the family, and has never wanted to spend time with anyone I brought home.
Edgar:It sounds a little bit like me to be honest, but before my husband and I got married, I asked her if she had any issues with him and she said no and that he seemed nice. I asked her to be my maid of honor and that all was well. Fast forward to last week, my husband goes to drop off something at the family home and came back looking shaken. I asked him what happened and he said he knocked and went into the kitchen and my sister told him my parents weren't home. He said he tried to give her the stuff I had asked him to drop off and she told him to put it in the garage, it was food, and even though they were in the kitchen.
Edgar:He said as he was picking up the stuff back up to go, he tried making some small talk, commenting about the weather, and she snapped at him. Saying, don't and then a bunch of explicities and then talked to her and stormed out of the room. My husband has never given me reason to worry about him being inappropriate or anything, but that was where my mind first went. We lived near them and he had been gone for less than five minutes. I called my sister to ask what happened and she hung up on me, messaged her and she ignored me until this morning when I bombarded her phone with messages because I wanted to resolve whatever was going on.
Edgar:She finally replied and basically said she hates him, has always hated him, and her only boundary is that he never talks to her. In the seven years we have been together, they've spoken maybe five times and that was mostly him greeting her. I asked her why and she said she doesn't need a reason. She just doesn't like him and doesn't want him around. I asked her point blank if he had done something or said something to make her feel like that and she said he didn't do anything and she doesn't need a reason to feel how she does.
Edgar:Now my family is very close, my other siblings, brother 29, male, and I sometimes drop by unannounced to help my mom cook dinner or just hang out. My parents encourage this as they say they like having us around. I told her it's going to be weird if I can't even just greet her when he comes over and she said she was sick of me having a stranger in her home. I told her I didn't realize she felt that way about him and said I wouldn't ask him to drop stuff without me being around anymore. Mind you, she had seven years to get to know him and I didn't realize she still considered him a stranger.
Edgar:She then said that was not the point. That she didn't want him talking to her at all, that was the boundary she wanted respected. And I told her that I would tell him and try to keep them apart, but that would mean her time with my son, her nephew, six months male, would be effective because my husband would not be comfortable with our son being around someone who hates him. Frankly, I'm now uncomfortable with it too because I don't know what idea she would try to put in his head. Also going to affect my parents' time with him because if my husband can't bring him around, it's going to affect the amount of time he goes over there.
Edgar:I didn't tell her, but that hurts my heart because they absolutely adore my son. He's their first and only grandchild, so they love spending time with him, always telling us to bring him over. She said I was playing the victim, painting her as some crazy lady and trying to trample the only boundary she has set for herself. I'm currently thoroughly lost and trying to figure out the best way forward. Am I the asshole here?
Edgar:And is there any way I can fix this situation? So there's a few edits I'll read before we go in and I give my full opinion. So the first edit, well I read them all sequentially. I never expected so many applies in such a short time, but I appreciate the responses. To clarify a few things and answer some questions, I mentioned it to my parents and they're aware of what happened.
Edgar:My mom said she'll sit my sister down for a conversation, but from what I hear my sister keeps making reasons to avoid it. She's busy, tired, wants more time, etc. My dad said not to worry about it and it would blow over. My dad had a heart attack recently and is currently recovering so I don't want to push it with him now and stress him out, so I left it at that with him and changed the subject. My partner is amazing and has never given me reason to worry about him being around any females.
Edgar:I admit I was worried he had done something when he told me how she responded because I can't wrap my brain around why she would blow up over just small talk, but she herself said he didn't do anything. And I know my brother has had partners but he hasn't brought any home. I myself didn't bring anyone home and so I was serious about them and thought there might be a future. I brought home a grand total of two guys, current partner and my ex from college. Regarding her mental health, she has always had a bad temper, has snapped at me many times with no apology, even when she realized later she was wrong.
Edgar:Accused me of taking her shoes, but she had actually just left in a vehicle. There has never been anything on this level before. I think this is like pretty strange overall. Well I mean, this is definitely not normal on OP's sister's part. OP did clarify she has like temper issues, but she probably has some like other things going on that just makes her very low trusting.
Edgar:I don't want to like victim blame her or anything, but she like gives introverts kind of a bad name. For myself, I aim to be more to myself when I want to need to because I prefer it that way. Like of course, like I sometimes go out of my way to talk to people that I want to talk to or just be social so people know that I do like them around, it's just not much of a talker. But this example here in Opie's story kind of demonstrates the kind of introvert where they're like violently introverted and don't want to be around anybody. Cause like, I mean, I can understand, like, not wanting to be around anybody when I'm like in any of my moods, but at the same time, it's not ideal to like lash out.
Edgar:So most of my rant did not work for it because I don't have any space on my laptop. I'm just gonna take it as a sign. But yeah, the gist of it was OP's sister's age was just 24 years old. She's like, basically, like her brain's fully developed and how she's acting now is never going to change without a dramatic change in her personality and herself, which is like just very unlikely. It's like, it's gonna be coming from her and nothing OP can do can really change it, which is unfortunate for the parents and OP's family because I know that grandparents really love their first grandchildren a lot.
Edgar:I think the love kind of dies down as you have like a a lot more grandchildren, but at least the first one is like, they're happy and excited about that. So it's like very unfortunate. So yeah, so let's go into the top comments. Top comment is, This is very weird. You should speak with your mom and other brother, see if sister has disclosed reasoning or if she has otherwise been paranoid.
Edgar:Which is a good point. I don't, I'm leaning towards that OP's sister is paranoid, but also according to the 8,000 people who upvoted us, they are also suspicious of the partner of OP, But Emily in sports is probably OP's sister being paranoid, especially considering she has like a history of like, snapping at her family members. And although she's like, right to not like, want to associate with anyone she deems as a stranger, if you don't like strangers or if you're just uncomfortable around certain people, you have no obligation to be in that relationship. But for Ophie's family's sake, I think OP's sisters are being considerate and thinking, Okay, like I don't have to like this guy and I never have to hang out with him. But at least during the times where he has to be around or he does something that is like as plain and natural as just like, oh, I'm dropping off something for your parents, like an errand.
Edgar:It's not just viable to just yell at a random stranger, especially when that stranger is your sister's husband. So, final verdict, yeah. I think everyone here is not an asshole besides Opie's sister who she does have to do a lot of like deep, like introspection, but I think given how she's acting, I don't think she's ever really gonna change. And how she snapped at Obi's husband was not okay if it was unprovoked, as it seems to be leaning towards. So, the next story is titled, Am I the Asshole for Now Wanting to Help My Mom and Her Fiance with His Disabled Child?
Edgar:I, 20 male, moved out of my mom's 42 female's house a couple of years ago when I went to college. Until ten months ago, I had my own room there but her fiance, 45 female, and has two kids, six male and four female, moved in with her. The four year old has a host of disabilities and I know they have a seizure disorder and a condition called osteogenesis imperfecta. I got that on my first take by the way. But I believe there's another one involving paralysis or spasms of the stomach or esophagus.
Edgar:My mother took classes for over two months before her fiance moved in so she would know how to take care of his daughter and her fiance's ex's is totally out of the picture, so Mom decided she would need to set up completely, which I get. I have been back twice since Mom's fiance moved in with his kids. The first time was at Christmas and I stayed with my grandparents because my old room went to the four year old and there was no spare room for me. My mom was disappointed but I pointed out it would stop me getting in the way of their routines too. The second time was late June, early July and I was home for a few weeks and again stayed with my grandparents.
Edgar:Mom offered to buy a pull out bed from me, but I said I was good with my grandparents. When I was home and whenever I went to mom's, I was asked if I had looked into taking the same classes mom had or if I liked them to set me up with them. And I said no and I asked why'd I need to take them. And my mom said she had hoped I would want to help them. She said it would mean I could step up in an emergency and I told my mom she'd better find someone professional for that because I was not taking on that responsibility.
Edgar:Her fiance asked if I'm just never going to stay at the house and I said Yeah. And I told them I would have zero privacy if I slept there and it wouldn't benefit any of us. I pointed out how they'd be so busy anyway, that I wouldn't have time with mom that much and I just get as much staying somewhere else and planning ahead of time to visit when she's not super busy. Her fiance then said, It sounded like I didn't want to learn how to take care of his daughter and plan to be limitedly involved with him and his kids. And I said, I'll see them when I see mom but I won't be signing up for babysitting or future caregiver responsibilities.
Edgar:Mom and I went for a walk together after I said that and she told me she got it but she had hoped I'd be more willing. She said, It's a lot to ask and I don't even live that close anymore so it would never be all the time, but she asked me if I was really that unwilling to even give them a few hours off when I would visit. She said, It would be so helpful, and I told her I would visit and I want to spend time with her, but babysitting her future step kids was not in my plans, and especially not one so medically complex and in need of specific care. She was upset but let it go. Her fiance is holding a grudge against me and he brought it up to my grandparents when Christmas were brought up.
Edgar:They said they got the feeling he was also annoyed and they gave me a place to stay during my visits because it gives me an excuse not to get closer to his kids and therefore be more willing to learn how to take care of his daughter. Am I the asshole? I don't think she's the asshole in this situation because, yeah, they did ask and even though it was more of a roundabout kind of ask, OP ultimately ended up declining the offer, which is like in her, her right to do that. Like, know it would be nice for her to help take care of her step siblings in this case, but she does have her own life and it's not like she lives close to her parents. And the main reason you ever want to visit is just to see her mom.
Edgar:Like, it doesn't seem like she has any real connection to the stepdad or even the children from what I'm reading. And I mean, I can understand it, like, with step parents and all that, like, family dynamics, I imagine there's like a lot of, at least me not showing it externally, there's probably like a lot of internal competition for like the parents' attention and all that stuff. So I feel, I like to think that, at least within OP, she probably doesn't like the idea of having to like, oh, I need to take care of my step siblings and both my parents are backing that up instead of backing what is best for for me and, like all of us in general. So it's definitely a hard position to be in and it's definitely something that I imagine is going to be straining on Opie and her mother's relationship. I don't think Opie has like any relationship really with the stepdad, like he seems more than happy to throw her under the bus for not wanting to take care of his children.
Edgar:Do I think this would have gone smoothly if they asked directly? Maybe a tiny bit smoothly. Think when you are more honest and more direct, people kind of respect you more, rather than if you reasonable in like any other way and not show your true intentions. But I think ultimately OP is just into the idea of taking care of like another child that isn't hers. So let's read the top comment.
Edgar:Top comment is, this is a heavy ask for anyone, let alone someone who doesn't live there and didn't sign up for it. If they need real respite care, that's what professionals are for. Not the college aged son of the fiancee, It's good you were clear now instead of half committing and then resenting it later. And OP actually responded back by saying, there was no way I was going to leave it unclear because that's how you get guilt tripped into it and calls from your classes you never signed up for. I wanted no part of that drama, and yes, it's a huge ask, not because of all the care needed to be in the actual emergency or something that I'd be dropping everything and going to another state to provide a ton of care for a child who will always need a lot of care.
Edgar:And yeah, mean, it's a little bit callous, but also like there is a lot of like people who need like that sort of care. Not for this one child particular condition, but in general, it was like, oh, people who need a lot of extra care and not only like a lot of care, a lot of difficult sort of care. And just to put that on someone's plate and expecting them to comply and, like, to actually provide that care is unfair because because people have only so much finite time and resources and energy to do things. And and OP was smart in just cutting it from the bud because, like you said, encouraging this in any way would just get him be maybe in more deeper sort of, like, trouble or, like, in some sort of weird obligation that they might put on him. It's really just being defensive against any possible thing that could happen.
Edgar:So final verdict, OP is not the asshole. I don't think the mother was the asshole too much. Like, of course she asked, but it was something where I believe if I read it, she was disappointed, but she knew that it is a lot to ask for. But the stepdad was the asshole in this situation because of, like I said, blatantly wanting to blatantly try to use some sort of shaming tactic to get him to agree with the arrangement. So our next story is titled, Am I an Asshole for Asking My Dad Why I Should Include His Wife If He Plans to Never Include My Boyfriend?
Edgar:I, 19 female, have been dating Leo, 19 male, for over a year now and we've known each other since we were six and we've been a part of the same friend group since we met. My parents, mom and dad, female and male, both knew him from a young age and he was really sweet when my mom died. Dad even commented then about how kind he was to me. And my dad had been with his wife for two years now and they've been married for six months. Ever since I told my dad I was dating Leo, he's been so different about him.
Edgar:I got shit for bringing him to a family party in June and dad said it was inappropriate to bring just anyone to a family party and I ran it by the relatives of hosting and they were fine with it. My dad never complained about friends joining before. Dad and his wife have shown up unannounced when Leo and I were hanging out and they wanted to leave him out. Dad makes a big deal if I want to include Leo at all. It's not even all the time but both of them were really off with Leo when dropped by unannounced a couple weeks ago and this led to a fight.
Edgar:Leo went on a grocery run and I confronted my dad. I asked dad why he was being like this and how did he expect me to want him to visit if he be that way. And his wife said, they don't like seeing me be in such a serious relationship and the fact I'm bringing him to things is strange when he's not family and he's just a partner and I should listen to them. And I asked her who she was to say that. That said, she's right and she's his wife and our family.
Edgar:I told him he would never have let me treat her that way before they were married either. He claimed it was still different and I should be willing to spend time with them without I have by the way. I have visited on my own and met for lunch without Leo and he's not always there, but we go to the same college and we're living together with some friends for the summer and we'll be full time moving in together in a couple of weeks. But anyways, dad said Leo isn't family and some stuff should just be for the family, and so I asked why his wife was always there. I asked, Why should I include her if he won't ever include Leo?
Edgar:She's not my family after all. Why it was any of White's business when she's got no say on my life. Dad said she's family, they're married, and I asked again would I need to marry Leo for things to change again? And he said that things are just different. And his wife said I had no business invalidating her and she'd be the future grandmother of my children and I told her good luck with that.
Edgar:She's not my mother and she would never be their grandmother and since we're excluding partners, that's all she'll ever be, married or not, since that's what dad says he would do. Dad told me that was enough and he never said that. I told him he kept saying it's different and not that marriage would change anything, so I see no reason to include his wife. I then made them leave which they did not do easily, and they wanted to keep the fight going but I told them I was done. There now angry, I invalidated his wife by asking about including her and saying she won't be the future grandmother, but I stand by it.
Edgar:My kids might not know grandma if he's a dick to the dad and wants to act like he doesn't exist. Am I the asshole? I think this is a totally unreasonable reaction on OP's stepmom, because, like, yeah, maybe you don't like the guy, or maybe you're not as comfortable with him, or maybe you just want to hang out with OP, but still, like, just have some sort of respect for the guy because this is clearly someone that's important to OP, that's very clearly going to be in the family, at least in the, in some, in some near future, or in some, like, large capacity given, like, their history. But, yeah. And I would also lump in Obi's dad's incidents because I feel like she's just letting his own wife like lead this like bad behavior because this is like clearly like a double standard, which is not only annoying but it's like very detrimental for the family.
Edgar:Like right now OP doesn't want to like definitely doesn't want to have anything to do with a stepmother and I imagine she's also considering cutting off her own like father and this which is unfortunate. So the top comment is, They don't like seeing you in a serious relationship. What the actual f? Would they prefer you screwing around and changing boyfriends at the same rate as you changed your undies? And OP responded, I guess they either want me single or dating a bunch of people and not having a stable partner.
Edgar:Never mind the fact that Leo and I have known each other for a long time and we're happy together and we're good together. The rest of my family supports us. But not dad. Then another commenter responded, I would tell them too to stop showing up unannounced now that you will be living with Leo. And he does have a say in that since I assume he will be paying rent with you.
Edgar:And then OP finally responded, Yeah, all of us living together will be paying rent. And I made it clear to dad there will be no more unannounced visits and no visits period if it was going to be a dick to Leo. I can imagine either OP's dad or her stepmom or even both just don't like Leo. Maybe for whatever reason, they think he's rude or he is like not up to standards to what they want for their, their child. I think that's like the root cause with us.
Edgar:Not that, they expect OP to be like going from one boyfriend to another. I just think they want someone more worthy of their daughter or, I mean, which is a shocky thing because you can't really choose who your children end up with. You can help they pick someone that is halfway decent, but it's mostly up to your child's choice. Even in like the worst case where they're, I mean, as long as, so yeah, the worst case is they end up with someone abusive. In that case, I think he would be justifiable for OP's dad and stepmom to like, wanna kick Leo out.
Edgar:But there isn't any mention or anything of that, that Leo is anything but just like a regular guy. And in those cases, even if you don't like the, like your child's partner that much, you should at least be somewhat courteous. They're gonna be a big part of your life anyway and if it's at the cost of like losing your own child because you wanna be stubborn and a little bit childish about it, And I don't think that that's, like, worth the risk of losing that relationship with your own kid. So, The final verdict, OP and Leo are not that bad at all. I mean, not bad at all.
Edgar:And OP's parents and the step parents, I would say, I think it's probably like the step mom is more of the asshole than the dad, but the dad backing up a woman that he hasn't known as long as, like, as he knows, like his own daughter and like her partner and her daughter's partner, it does reflect negatively on him. And now our final story is titled, Am I the asshole for kicking my down on his luck friend out of my apartment for disobeying my one world? A friend of mine, 22 male, has been down on his luck recently and wanted a fresh start in a different state. He reached out to me, 30 mil, to crash on my couch for a bit until he gets his life together and I agreed, which is nice of him. And I had been buying him groceries and putting gas in his car until he finally finds his footing.
Edgar:So yeah, he's, yeah, that's very super, that's like super nice. Like the cash alone was a nice cash trip, like also paying for some of his bills and his living arrangements is like, yeah. A1 friend, never break any of their rules please. But yeah, I, and I only had one rule. He can't bring any girls over to stay tonight.
Edgar:Oh my gosh, this is like the easiest rule too. Like you have nothing to offer. You only have a couch, like, why would you okay. Let me just finish the story before I jump into any conclusions. So, it's been three weeks, and he has done it twice now.
Edgar:Okay, so, yep, he failed me already. So yeah, the first time he said he was drunk and it was an accident, the second time he just basically said, the second time he just blatantly said, I'm sorry, I needed to get one out, and I told him, It's fine, she can stay the night, but he has to leave with her in the morning. It wasn't me being jealous, it's just a matter of respect, which I agree. Like, I just don't get why you would do that. Like, you're in a I imagine this guy who's crashing in the couch is like in a living room or in a non private place.
Edgar:I'm sure he has some sort of shame. Well, I guess he has no shame if he's able to, if he's willing to do this. And so blatantly, too. But, I mean, yeah, when you're down on your luck like this, I guess there's a reason why he's down on his luck if he's still acting degenerate and not really trying to get on any good footing. But yeah, it looks like he will be kicked out very soon.
Edgar:Oh, yeah, so he got kicked out that night, I guess. So the top comment is, if he's got money to be out getting drunk and picking up girls, then why does he need you to pay to buy his groceries and put his gas in his car? He's taking advantage of you. And yeah, basically, like I mean, I'm sure he is in financial ruin to a degree, but also, he, OP is doing so much already, like the very least he can do is just follow the one super rule, which is just not bring over some random chick. But yeah, I mean, it's good that they hope you kick them out sooner rather than later.
Edgar:I mean, I feel like I would have kicked them out the first time just because would just be so uncomfortable in my own, like, house and that's probably not the kind of environment I want to come home to or be around, considering I work from home now. But yeah, final verdict for this, Ophie is not the asshole for kicking down his down on his luck friend, since the friend is doing that to himself by making all these terrible decisions, Ophie's friend is like a huge asshole for just blatantly disrespecting, like, the space that was so generously gifted to him. So yeah, that's the end. That's all the stories we have today. Thank you for tuning in to this week's episode.
Edgar:Check out our website www.yappings.com and join our mailing list for updates. If you love our podcasts and want to support us, subscribe and share it to your friends and family. We would appreciate this so much. And also we have a Facebook group called AITA relationship and family dramas linked in the description. Join so you can share and let us know posts you like or share your own stories for us all to judge.
Edgar:We may even read a few posts in one of our episodes if you're lucky. Let's all hope Erika gets a lot better soon. Thank you all for taking the time to listen and support our podcast and the crazy schedule that we're in and yeah, it means so much to us. So yeah, thank you again. Bye.
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