Episode 33
· 45:47
Yapping!
Erika:Hello, this is Erika.
Edgar:And Edgar.
Erika:And we are the Yapping Snowsers. We entertain you with the noteworthy stories we find around the web. Today's theme is People Pleasing Pressure. And the first story is Am I the Asshole for Leaving a Family Barbecue When Asked to Help in the Garden? On Thursday, was invited to a family barbecue at my ex's wife's stepfather's house scheduled for today.
Erika:I brought barbecue sausages and prepared a homemade pasta salad and potato salad. Being good weather, I dressed in summery clothes and shoes, as did my girlfriend who was also invited. When we got there, we were told that we each had to help first clear the patio of dog mess my dogs were at home and then clear a space in the garden so that my ex's wife's stepfather could put in a greenhouse there next week. After stating that I wasn't dressed for yard work and had just been expecting conversation and drinks and food on the patio, I declined to help. Instantly everyone made it clear to me that I wasn't wanted if I wasn't going to help.
Erika:So myself and my girlfriend left and found a nice country pub for dinner instead. I've got back home now and the kids of the adults who were there are now calling me names on social media and stating that I'm scared of hard work. Did I do the right thing after being lured there under false pretense, or should I have stayed and potentially ruined a good set of clothes just to appease them?
Edgar:I'm siding with the OP here. Because it seems like they were expecting some sort of gathering or casual events, but instead his family just ambushed them with chores and just doing a bunch of manual work they didn't want to do.
Erika:Yeah, I'm confused. It seems like they had a whole meeting or text messages saying, Hey, you know, we're doing this, but let's tell him that we're doing your work and have him help. Like, feel like the whole family knew that they were gonna go there and do something. Yeah. But he was the only one left out.
Erika:And he was in shock to know that it wasn't just a barbecue, was actually to do labor.
Edgar:He was very messed up. I don't know what possesses someone to force their own family member, like just invite someone just to do something that you don't want to do. I don't know, it just says a lot about OPs, like extended family.
Erika:Yeah, I don't think it's right. Nobody should be pressured to do anything they don't want to. Everybody has their own right to decline something they don't want to do. It doesn't matter if you're family or not. Especially if you're family.
Erika:You shouldn't be forcing anybody do anything or calling people names because you don't agree on doing something you weren't aware of or told right off the bat. Especially in false pretense like that.
Edgar:So
Erika:the top comment is, My sister and her boyfriend went to a housewarming party dressed to a party, bottle of wine in hand. When they got there they were giving me a paintbrush and were assigned a wall to paint. They left too.
Edgar:I guess this is a trend where you just get your random family members who do housework for you. I hope it doesn't sped any further.
Erika:Yeah, I think it would be different if they said, Hey, you know, we're doing some yard work.
Edgar:Yeah, altogether, yeah.
Erika:Yeah, bring in something you could eat or whatever or we feed you and then could help out. That way there's no false expectations and everybody knows you're going there to help and eat afterwards. There's no need to lie, you know what mean?
Edgar:I feel like they believe that if they do tell the truth, won't come. But I mean, if you tell the truth you get the people who actually want to help you.
Erika:Exactly.
Edgar:And you avoid a bunch of these awkward situations.
Erika:Yeah.
Edgar:Final verdict?
Erika:I would say that OP is not the asshole. I think he did the right thing.
Edgar:Clearly. So the next story is, am I the asshole for hiding my savings from my dad and his wife? So yeah, I, 22 female, just got kicked out of the house I've been living in for two years. My dad didn't even say anything. It was all his wife.
Edgar:Not my mom. Never felt like a mom. She told me straight up, You don't help us, you don't live here. What she means by help is handing over money. I work full time, I pay for my own stuff, food, clothes, gas, everything, but that's just not enough.
Edgar:She wants me to hand over cash to her, to fund her her stupid online casino addiction. She literally sits at her laptop all day clicking those spinning reels like she's gonna win big and save the world. She never does. She just loses my dad's paycheck and asks me if I've pitched in this month. And my dad?
Edgar:He knows. He knows she gambles every cent they have and then cries about the bills, but he acts like he doesn't see it. He's either in denial or just too tired to fight. Honestly sometimes I don't even recognize him anymore. He used to be a solid, quiet, but dependable sort of guy.
Edgar:Now he just nods along to whatever she says like he's scared she'll leave or something. I don't get it. So yeah, I've been saving secretly. Every payday I put a chunk in a separate account she doesn't know about. I've been planning to get my own place, move out clean, no drama, but I guess I wasn't fast enough.
Edgar:Last week she went through my bag while I was at work, found an ATM receipt I forgot to figure out, and she saw the balance and lost a mind. She said I was hoarding money while she and my dad struggle. Claimed I was selfish, that I've been eating under her roof. First of all, what food? Meaning the cup noodles I buy myself?
Edgar:And she told me I had two choices, give her a share or get out. I packed my bags the next day. Now I'm staying at a friend's place and I feel, I don't even know, guilty? Relieved? Angry, all of it maybe.
Edgar:She made it sound like I betrayed them. Like I'm some villain for not funding her slot machine habits. Like I don't love my dad because I won't burn my future to keep her fake lifestyle going. And it's not like I didn't try, I offered to help with groceries. I paid the electric bill once when they were gonna be shut off, and I even tried to talk to my dad about her gambling.
Edgar:And he just told me, Don't start something. So yeah, I walked away. But I keep wondering, should I have said yes? Given her some of my savings just to keep the peace a little longer, should I have told my dad everything before I left? Was I really being selfish for keeping my money a secret?
Edgar:I mean, I just wanted to protect myself. Am I the asshole?
Erika:Absolutely not.
Edgar:Yeah, I mean, I imagine the step a wife or whatever was expecting at least a huge chunk of that savings. Like, have too much money. I need to have at least She wants to probably control all the money, to be honest. She's not going to ask for a little bit of it.
Erika:No, she probably wants all of it. It's for her gambling. Gambling issues are such, could break families, it's very hard to stop and she needs help.
Edgar:Yeah, her greed will destroy her.
Erika:She needs help, she needs therapy, she needs something. It's not easy to quit, it's an addiction.
Edgar:And
Erika:it's one of those things where you need to really, I think he did good. OP did good to leave. She did. She did good to leave. Her father wants to put a blind eye and doesn't want to see that she has a problem, then let him deal with it.
Erika:She shouldn't be there too suffering. So the top comment is, no, not the asshole. You can't let people like that drag you down, or else you will be sucked into the duration. Grow your nest egg and find a place in the world that you can make your own. You can't use a break from what you've been dealing with.
Erika:Take it, give it some time to find yourself without the guilt, without the expectations, without knowing if it was greed or love that was at the root of your relationship with your parents. Good luck. And then OP did respond to that and said, Thank you so much. That really hit home. I know I needed space to heal and rebuild and I truly appreciate the encouragement.
Erika:Think this is one of the reasons why I like Reddit sometimes because there's people that uplift you that have like a good comment saying you didn't do anything that was selfish. You did it for yourself and it's not right, you You shouldn't be feeling selfish for it.
Edgar:Yeah.
Erika:It's not always a good comment, trust me. There's been comments that I'm like, oh god. But I think that one was nice. Would you have done the same if you were to have the situation? Would you have left?
Edgar:I would definitely have left.
Erika:I think it's just a safe choice, honestly.
Edgar:So far the verdict?
Erika:Not the asshole. I think she did the right choice.
Edgar:So,
Erika:the next story is, Emma the asshole for shutting someone down when they try to talk to me at the gym? So for context, I, female 32, don't talk to anyone at my gym outside of saying hi or bye to the people who work there. And having polite, adequate when asking someone if they're using something, saying thank you when they're done, especially for efficiency, but mostly because I go to the gym stoned AF and I'm on my zone and I don't want to talk to anyone. Last week after my workout, I walked over the food carts by my gym to pick up tacos. While I was there, some guy, 40 male, stopped me and said he went to the same gym.
Erika:I had never noticed him before, but he insisted on walking with me and talking to me. I was kind of annoyed. Just because you see me on the street with my headphones out doesn't mean it's an invitation to talk to me. I made small talk and tried to be polite, got out as quick as I could. So the other day when I got to the gym, foam rolling out foam?
Erika:Oh, okay. When I'm at the gym, foam rolling out with my headphones in, this guy just beelines to me while I'm trying to avoid eye contact and squats down next to me and says, Hi, and give me his fist pump. I give him a quick heads up, acknowledge him, but ignore the fist pump. Avoid eye contact the rest of the time I'm there. And then today this guy comes to the gym and sees me.
Erika:I immediately avoid eye contact, and he doesn't come to me. So I think he gets the picture. But then when I'm doing leg lifts, he comes over and tries to give me a fist pump. So I take out my headphones and say, Look man, I don't want to do this. I'm here to work out.
Erika:I'm not here to make friends. I don't want to talk to you, okay? And he starts to say, I just want to say hi. And I respond, Yeah, I get it. Please don't.
Erika:And put my headphones back in and kept working out. I realize who saw this probably thought I was a giant asshole, but I don't think someone's need for connection overrides my need to have a good workout. So am I the asshole?
Edgar:No, yeah, she definitely isn't. I think it's funny that she uses the time to be stoned while also lifting, but that's also a little bit dangerous.
Erika:Exactly, I think that's a little bit hazardous there, but she doesn't need to say hi. Mean she doesn't need to have a relationship with anybody if she doesn't want to. This guy just wants to, regardless. I think if you avoid somebody's contact or you don't want a fist pump or you ignore some certain social cues with somebody, you would think that they would get the hint.
Edgar:Yeah, I'd feel awkward, to be honest, if I tried to make a move and then was totally rejected. I wouldn't want to proceed.
Erika:Exactly. It's just she has to just, she did the right thing. I don't think she needs to apologize for anything. There is an update. It says, For people saying this would have been different, he was an attractive guy.
Erika:I stumble and get awkward no matter who it is if the conversation needs to go beyond more than a single question or response. Men, women, children, this isn't a want it or don't want as much as it's a I'm not in a headspace where I can have a human conversation. For people saying this is the same type of person who wonders why guys don't ask them out, I keep a little post it note in my gym bag that says, Hi, my name is and I think you're cute, but I want to respect your gym time. Text me if you want to get coffee sometime. I've never given to anyone, but it's there if I ever feel like I need it.
Erika:Anyway, I'm at work. Hope everyone's having a great day.
Edgar:I think that's Cap, to be honest. If this was like a guy that she was attracted to, I think she would have at least been a little bit more nicer. Maybe you just say, given them the note that I don't actually exist.
Erika:So now you're blaming her because she didn't find the guy attractive?
Edgar:No. If you don't find someone attractive or you don't want to talk to someone, if there's any reason you don't want to talk to someone, you're free to just go ahead. Think she says if she did find the guy attractive, he would've acted the same way, I don't think she would have. I think he would have been nicer at least.
Erika:I guess it depends, but maybe the good looking guy knows when a girl is not interested
Edgar:and
Erika:left her alone.
Edgar:Yeah, but attractive in this case would be like someone that she is actually attracted to and would want to talk to.
Erika:I don't know, you were assuming here. You don't know if that would be true, but you know, that's just one of the things we have.
Edgar:I feel like it's a normal response. Like if there's someone that you like and you want to talk to, you try to make it so you talk to them.
Erika:According to her, according to her what she has said
Edgar:is The most unreliable person, to be honest. Every OP is unreliable, TBH.
Erika:You're just mad.
Edgar:Because in every OP's eyes they see themselves as angels and everyone else as the villain. That's why they're asking why they're the asshole because they want you to say no.
Erika:According to what she's written, she doesn't want to talk to anybody. And that includes anybody attractive, anybody in there, any children, anybody. She's awkward anyways with everybody.
Edgar:I like how a lot of people who say I'm awkward are just mean. They're just actually rude people.
Erika:Wouldn't say that. You're kind of awkward, but you're not mean.
Edgar:But I don't advertise, Hey, I'm awkward. I feel like people who declare themselves awkward before they talk to you, that's like them tempering your expectations because they're usually rude and they know whatever it is. They're just lazy.
Erika:Oh, I don't know. I've never had anybody tell me in person that I'm awkward.
Edgar:I feel like I've seen well, I've met a few people who are like that. They're like, Oh, by the way, I'm awkward. Yeah, and?
Erika:That's so I'm like, How do you even respond to that?
Edgar:Exactly. I remember one time I like, I met this chick and she was like, By the way, I'm autistic. And I'm like, Yeah, and I know that, and? That's crazy. That's crazy.
Erika:Oh my gosh. Oh, okay. Well, yeah. I guess there's more people awkward than than you. Like, you know what mean?
Erika:Like, if you
Erika:know you're awkward Yeah. And then you
Erika:have somebody tell you that, you're like, dang. And I thought I was awkward. Like, you know what mean? For me it's
Edgar:not a competition.
Erika:I know, but like, you reflect, I'm like, dang,
Erika:I guess I'm a little better than I thought. Yeah. I wouldn't even know how to respond to that if somebody came and tell me, Hey, I'm awkward. I'd be like, I just gave you a look like, Oh, okay.
Edgar:I feel like that just kills the conversation.
Erika:Yeah, I feel like the same way if somebody tells me, oh cries in front of me, I get awkward. I don't know if I can hug you or if I should say it's gonna be okay or something. I feel awkward. That's the same uncomfortable feeling if somebody came up to me and said, Hey, I'm awkward. I'd be like, Yeah.
Erika:So the top comment is, not to ask, Well, I'm tired of being forced to be polite and not making people uncomfortable even though they made me uncomfortable. More people need to be blunt because people don't seem to understand hints of unwanted interactions.
Edgar:Yeah, agreed.
Erika:Yeah, I mean it was three times that he came up to her and she kept ignoring him.
Edgar:I know, yeah. He really wanted to have his bump for some reason. Yeah. Even that interaction in itself, I don't like it. What do you get out of a fist bump?
Erika:It's like you're trying to be friends or connect or something.
Erika:Not that you're homies, but like, you know,
Edgar:I know some people try to be friends before they get into a relationship or whatever or they try to be like buddy buddy. But I think it's like so not manipulative. Well yeah, basically manipulative because you're lying about your intentions just to like in the hopes that something happens.
Erika:Well you always told me that guys only want to stay friends with you because they want to get with you.
Edgar:Exactly. Like you know when we first met, I was very direct.
Erika:Yeah that's true, you were very direct.
Edgar:But I feel like people that do that kind of thing are very like it just starts off with you not showing your true intentions out of like cowardice or out of just being a liar, I guess.
Erika:I feel like you don't want to scare the sheep. I don't know what say.
Edgar:Scared the sheep? I mean, the sheep was scared, they weren't interested in the first place.
Erika:I don't know. It's just one of those things where people take it slow, guess. You're kind of more direct and not everybody likes that
Edgar:or
Edgar:appreciate
Erika:No
Edgar:one is capable of it because of the society that we live in where everyone is just by default not interesting, awkward, and doesn't talk a lot to people that they don't know immediately or see often.
Erika:Yeah, mean, well, because you have to be open. It's just to be in a good place within yourself and able to, you know, want to share and talk to people. Maybe people are not in that time of their life that they're just like, Oh, okay, you're talking too much or you're too direct and I don't want to talk to you.
Edgar:Yeah, they're in the NPC era.
Erika:Oh my god. But anyways, it's just like it's really lucky when you find somebody that you have click with and that you're very, you know, like have a same wavelength and you can talk. I felt like we were there in that time when we met. When was it, five years ago?
Edgar:It was a while, yeah.
Erika:So what's the final verdict?
Edgar:OPs, love interest, A bit of a creep, but yeah, I think probably about meaning. But yeah, not entitled to OP's attention.
Erika:Yeah, I thought you were trying to say something else about her being the asshole, because he wasn't attractive.
Edgar:Well I think she was not telling the truth when she said that if he was attractive, that she would have acted the same way. I think she wouldn't have acted the same way. Like maybe ultimately, if he was attractive but a creep, she would eventually have went into this situation, but I think she would have been a little bit more nicer.
Erika:Oh, okay. So, okay. I would agree with that somewhat. Some people don't care.
Edgar:Some people are lying.
Erika:Some people don't care about looks. Not always. This is very I'm saying it's rare, but some people just don't care about looks.
Edgar:But apparently every single situation is a rare situation.
Erika:What are you talking about?
Edgar:I'm just saying.
Erika:But you can generalize something and think that everybody's that way. You can't do that either.
Edgar:That's called pattern recognition.
Erika:But does it mean there's also some outliers that it happens?
Edgar:Yeah, but I don't make the outliers the rule. I don't have that as my assumption if there's an outlier.
Erika:Then you're
Edgar:literally saying Like imagine, if there's an outlier, what's the natural situation? So imagine, so you know how there's like three leaf clovers and four leaf clovers?
Erika:Yeah.
Edgar:So four leaf clovers would be the outliers. If I saw a four leaf clover once, I wouldn't be like, Okay, from now on I can assume that most clovers are four leaf. No, because it's an outlier. So it's not a common situation, it's a rare situation.
Erika:Yeah, but you can't just forget about those rare situations.
Edgar:I could forget about it because it's not something that happens often.
Erika:I'm not gonna forget about those people, okay?
Edgar:Was just saying it's a significant or it doesn't even exist.
Erika:Yeah, okay.
Edgar:I actually have never seen a forklift clover in person.
Erika:I have. When I was little.
Edgar:Yes. So you might have imagined it.
Erika:No. Didn't.
Edgar:Like the rest of your childhood. I
Erika:have. I remember seeing
Edgar:picture of it? No. Exactly.
Erika:That's when I was little when did I have a phone with
Erika:a camera? I'm not kids in this era. I was born in 1993.
Edgar:Interesting.
Erika:Yeah. Interesting. Okay.
Edgar:So, yeah. Final verdict?
Erika:I would say that she's not the asshole.
Edgar:Yeah, I agree, yeah, she's not the asshole in this situation.
Erika:Yeah. If it was just one time, I would agree, but that was three times, dude. Come on.
Edgar:I feel like she should have been a little bit more upfront. It's someone you don't wanna talk to. I mean, like, yeah, be nice if person That's what she
Erika:was, though. She ignored the fist pump.
Edgar:I mean, like, they seem to have, like, had some sort of rapport, but, yeah, think maybe, like,
Erika:feel like They didn't have a rapport. The only reason that they were together or they even it was because he came up to her saying, Oh, you go to my gym. And she was awkward. She literally left him. She was like, Okay, okay, you know, and then left.
Edgar:RIP. Hey, yes, though. Not the asshole. No, definitely not. The next story is titled, He got bored during a movie I picked and left the movie theater to watch something else.
Edgar:Is this break up worthy? I, 30 female, went on a movie date with this guy, 30 male, to see the new F1 movie. I already felt like I was already compromising because if I had been, because if it had just been me, or me plus my friends, I would have picked Materialist since I prefer rom coms. What the hell? I don't know these movies are out.
Edgar:Yes! About a third of the Wayfreen movies, he says he's bored, pulls up Showtimes on his phone, and decides he wants to go watch the new Elio movie on set. But that was Jacob worthy. That movie sucks ass.
Erika:Really? Is that bad? I don't even know anything about I
Edgar:was like, what? But I told him to go if that's what he wanted, So he left, and I stayed and finished the movie by myself. This is completely ridiculous. I felt disaffected and kind of stunned. I was the one who chose the movie.
Edgar:Who does this on a date? Also, I hate how he likes juvenile movies. Not to throw shade at animated films, but I generally thought Brad Pitt's efflin was a great movie. He just wasn't interested. I think this is like, yeah, I mean, it really depends on how far along the relationship you guys are.
Edgar:I feel like if I were to do this, it would be kind of like a joke, I don't know. You'd be mad, but you wouldn't be breakup worthy. Would you agree?
Erika:Let me think about it.
Edgar:So yeah, no, it wouldn't be breakup worthy. But like on our first date, which just seems to be the case here, or like a date where you're getting to know them still, yeah, I feel like it's kind of break up worthy. Because that's when you're supposed to be on your best behavior.
Erika:Exactly.
Edgar:Well, have to be doing things where you're vibing together.
Erika:Or like, you know, lying about who you are. Yeah. Yeah. No, I wouldn't break up with you if we were dating for so long. Like, for example, if you leave me by myself, I would be more upset.
Erika:But if we were with my with family or whatever, I'd be like, yeah, go ahead. Know?
Edgar:Yeah. We definitely because we usually watch movies with the kids.
Erika:Yeah. Exactly.
Edgar:But, yeah, I mean, Elio of all movies, yeah, that's like a red flag in itself.
Erika:Really? It's that bad?
Edgar:I mean, it's just like I feel like a lot Pixar movies nowadays aren't as good as they used to be.
Erika:I know.
Edgar:There are a lot of good ones. I liked Soul, I like or Luca. But yeah, mean, most of them are more like hit than miss, or miss than hit.
Erika:Yeah, I agree. What's the F1 movie?
Edgar:I even know that existed.
Erika:Me neither. I know Materialist, that's the one that did Spider no. The Web?
Edgar:I don't know. It's it's a movie I never heard of, so it's probably not that good.
Erika:Yeah. No. It wasn't good.
Edgar:RIP.
Erika:It wasn't good. It got it got really bad bad reviews. But, anyways, I I want I don't know what the reviews are for my material is, so I would watch it. Alright. So the top comment is yeah.
Erika:That's pretty rude. It shows he's not concerned whatsoever about the impressions he made on you. Wouldn't bother contacting him again.
Edgar:Yeah. It's over for them. But, also, if the guy willing to do this, he probably wasn't as interested on OP either.
Erika:Yeah, definitely not. He's not interested in you, so I think you dodged a bullet there, OP.
Edgar:Mhmm. I mean, hear a lot about like really like the dating market now is like pretty terrible in general. I know. Like I have friends who always tell me about the terrible dates, and I'm like, bro, why?
Erika:You're lucky you got me though. Mhmm. Don't give me that
Edgar:look. I just think it's a funny time that we're in. This generation is cooked. No more relationships.
Erika:More cook and Everything's so superficial, yeah.
Edgar:Any sort of close bonds. I feel like it's pretty hard to come by these days. Because everyone's locked in their houses usually, or they only hang out with friends they know, or they just are on their phones perpetually.
Erika:Yeah. It's really hard to make a emotional or strong connection. So I would say this was not one of the is not Am I the Asshole? But I think the date was an asshole for leaving her like that.
Edgar:Definitely. Yeah. AOP's date. The asshole. Out of picture.
Erika:Bye. Don't ever look back. Mhmm. Alright. So the next story is they threw a tantrum when I wouldn't let their kids ride my golden retriever.
Edgar:Like a horse?
Erika:Yeah. So I took my golden retriever Max to a local family friendly festival last Sunday. It had outdoor booths, live music, food trucks, kits everywhere. I kept him on leash the entire time. He's calm, trained, and used to crowds.
Erika:So he was just happily trotting beside me, soaking up pets from strangers and stealing attention like a pro. At one point, we were resting near a shaded picnic area, a group of kids ran over and started fawning over him, which was fine, it happens all the time. Max sat patiently, tail wagging, then their parents showed up, but instead of pulling the kids back or thanking me for letting them pet the dog, they started positioning one of the kids like he was about to sit on Max with one leg lifted like he was about to mount a pony. Max stood up, confused, and backed away. I gently repositioned him and moved between them, and the parents, visibly annoyed, one of them even pointed at Max like he was some kind of prop.
Erika:No asking, no eye contact, just an unspoken expectation that their children were entitled to use my living, breathing pet as a ride. When they realized I wasn't going along with it, they stormed out with the kids, whining. One of the adults muttered something under their breath and shooting glares back at me like I had ruined their family outing. And Max? I got him a pop cup later and forgot the whole thing.
Edgar:Mean, OP definitely didn't forget the whole thing if he read a Reddit post about it.
Erika:No, that's frustrating.
Edgar:But, ultimately, what were the parents thinking? Like, dogs, I don't think they have strong backs like that to hold a child. No. Especially when a child's one hundred fifty, sixty pounds.
Erika:Exactly.
Edgar:You can see that Max was visibly confused and scared and backing Yeah,
Erika:it's not something that happens to him all the time. And it's just, the entitlement is frustrating here.
Edgar:Definitely teaching those kids to be like a bunch of little assholes.
Erika:Yeah, that's not okay. And then glaring at him like he did something wrong, excuse me, you're the one doing wrong here. Nobody should be entitled to do, use, do anything that's not your property. Like, I don't get it. So the top comment is not the asshole.
Erika:Dogs aren't horses for pity's sake. That could have harmed him. Exactly. We don't even know how much the kid weighed, imagine.
Edgar:Imagine it was like a fat kid, like two hundred pounds. Remember that kid, remember
Erika:check There's no way.
Edgar:Remember in check four, the little kid was like
Erika:That's
Edgar:what I'm imagining. Definitely. Almost Max.
Erika:Oh my gosh.
Edgar:I imagine all those kids look like him. I'm gonna be riding a party.
Erika:No, I don't think that's the case, but it just doesn't make it right for them to just be like, Hey, I wanna use your dog. Not even asking, no eye contact or anything, and say, Yeah, here you go. That's crazy to me. Entitlement, frustrates.
Edgar:I yeah. I feel like we all know those kinds of parents that let their kids just do whatever.
Erika:They don't know the
Edgar:word And like even, yeah, they don't know the word no or they encourage this. Like the worst kind of parents are the ones that would encourage this kind of behavior, you know?
Erika:Yeah. It just shows that later in life they're gonna get hit with a lot of walls.
Edgar:Mhmm. Okay, so final verdict?
Erika:I would say that he is not the asshole. Poor Megs.
Edgar:Mhmm, agreed. The next story is titled, My wife cheated on me five years ago in the first year of our marriage. Before or after she got pregnant before her son, I found out on Friday. So I know my son is mine. Kids are little mini me and all ways so no DNA test required, but the betrayal hurts.
Edgar:Even if it was five years ago, we built a family in that time. We've had immeasurable ups and downs since then. Just a few months ago I told her there was no battle, we couldn't get through together, except for this one. It feels like everything is crumbling now. I feel cold to her.
Edgar:If I decide to leave, we become another broken family in a world where love is scarce. If I stay, I don't know if I could ever truly forgive her. I don't know if I could still see my loving wife. I'm truly torn. If she did it twice, she could do it again, right?
Edgar:She did it twice?
Erika:What is it again?
Edgar:If she did it twice, she'd do it again, right? Yeah, I mean,
Erika:it's a pattern.
Edgar:Pattern recognition. Then where does that leave me? TLDR Family stays together by his file into God knows what. Family breaks a cart. Entire family's file.
Edgar:Guess my pain is worthless comparing it to. Should that be my answer? Yeah, so here is the edit. OP added, This is not about my child. Please stop screaming DNA tests.
Edgar:It's not happening. He's in denial. As an adopter, taught myself, I have no problem raising a child that's not mine. I think you do actually, but he is mine and you can't change my mind on that. Also she cheated with an ex while I was working to refurbish hotels out of state.
Edgar:Her reason was I wasn't communicating enough, which I don't find as a viable reason to betray her husband, but she did it twice.
Erika:Oh my god, that's why he said earlier on that he cheated twice.
Edgar:That's so crazy.
Erika:Dude, why are you with why
Erika:did you stay with her?
Edgar:I remember seeing this post on Twitter. This chick was like, a real man stays with a woman who cheats on him. I feel like this is the kind of advice he's looking for in the bread. Someone's like whip him back into shape, but I don't know. I feel like his life is over.
Edgar:He's like, don't want be a general statistic. Meanwhile, he's one of the numbers.
Erika:Jeez. He should have left when she first cheated.
Edgar:I I guess we need more information, but I don't know if she's finding out about if he is finding out about the times she cheated like now or if she knew earlier. But yeah, seems like it's been five years.
Erika:I think he found out early, like the last one he mentioned, I think he knew about it, but he forgave her. And then he just found out on Friday, which is recent, this is a day ago, was posted, that she cheated again.
Edgar:RIP.
Erika:My gosh.
Edgar:That's so, well, if he knows off, I guess.
Erika:Yeah, and it sucks because now, what, they have children? They have a child together, so it's not easy to walk away. Right. Mhmm. Would you walk away?
Edgar:Me? Yeah, probably.
Erika:And leave a child?
Edgar:Yes.
Erika:Would you fight for custody? No. Because
Erika:you want a DNA test?
Edgar:That child not mine. That's not my child.
Erika:Oh my gosh, you're hilarious. Okay, let me read the top comment.
Edgar:My lion does not consent himself with a DNA He'd be like, Do you want to take a DNA test? And they'd be you want to take a DNA test? And they'd be like, How no?
Erika:You're terrible.
Erika:What if they end up being your child? Are gonna leave your child behind?
Edgar:The half hoe. A half cheater.
Erika:You're some mouse. Anyways, the child has no
Edgar:child has a DNA then.
Erika:No, no, The child has no fault in this. So you shouldn't be leaving your child behind.
Edgar:Leave your child behind. Have freedom. Escape the matrix.
Erika:Oh my gosh. Absolutely not. Anyways, the top comment is
Edgar:The government is using your children to keep you in a slave labor system.
Erika:Why? So you don't believe in what do call it? When they pay? When they pay money? What do you call that?
Erika:When the the ex father or whatever pays money?
Erika:It's not playing it.
Erika:It's not
Erika:playing it
Erika:by me.
Edgar:What happened?
Erika:Just to let you guys know, it's 12AM and he's making me do this and I'm like not here fully.
Edgar:Are you talking about alimony or child
Erika:support? Child support!
Edgar:That's what it's Right. You can't child support a dead man.
Erika:Oh my gosh. Anyways, I'll continue.
Edgar:How can a dead man support a child? Interesting The
Erika:top comment is, first piece of advice, DNA test. You see what you want to see and people have a type. This is why so many people are raising other people's kids. Oh, didn't even think about that.
Edgar:Yeah, because I think in The UK, like one in every five followers are raising someone else's child without knowing.
Erika:How do you even know this? I
Edgar:saw this somewhere. What? That's I saw this on a Twitter post. But yeah, can you imagine that? One in five families.
Edgar:The dad doesn't know that the child is not his.
Erika:Well, there's always been cases where one of the children is not the father's.
Edgar:Yeah, but one in five? One in five families?
Erika:That's insane.
Edgar:I can't imagine that here. I mean, don't know the statistics of that here, but I know in UK it's pretty bad.
Erika:Wow. A lot of cheating.
Edgar:If they have a British accent. They're for the streets.
Erika:They're talking about tea and stuff. You gotta run.
Erika:I can't, I can't with you. Let me continue with the comment. Just second, it sounds like you've made your decision, but you just don't want to break the illusion of staying together is better for the kid. It's not. The mommy and daddy end up resenting and being cold to each other and the kid thinks that is normal relationship as they don't know mommy or daddy are only tolerating each other for them.
Erika:And also, it really screws with their head when you tell them twenty years later that you only stayed together for them. We would have preferred that you get divorced and try to be happy as individuals, even if as children we would kick and scream about it?
Edgar:I think that a child is just screwed in general because he either gets the impression of how relationships are from her parents that they don't even like each other, or he grows up without parents to model a proper relationship. So I think that kid's spawned killed in terms of relationships.
Erika:Or they end that relationship and she finds somebody else that's actually good for her.
Edgar:You're trying to say
Erika:the cheater can find a better partner? Oh my bad, I it, I
Erika:it, my bad. I got confused.
Edgar:I I feel like in these kind of cases, if all people were to leave, he's in no mental like, capacity to take care of the kids. Like right now he's already spiraling on a Reddit post, so imagine the court, how he's gonna react. He's gonna like, oh. He's gonna take him away in a white jacket.
Erika:He's gonna need therapy.
Edgar:So yeah, mean if he wanted to go with the divorce he's probably losing the kid.
Erika:Probably. Usually the court always goes with the mother on some circumstances. Yeah. I feel bad for him. OP.
Edgar:It's over for him.
Erika:You should have left her when she cheated you first the first time. He wouldn't have much kid with her and you could have left without no ties.
Edgar:Yeah.
Erika:So I would say she's the asshole for cheating on you.
Edgar:And he's the asshole for
Erika:saying. No!
Edgar:So your final verdict?
Erika:I would say that yeah, she's the asshole and he could just try to do as much as he can. If he thinks that he's gonna resent her all his life and they're gonna have a terrible marriage, then he has to divorce.
Edgar:Okay, so the last story is titled, Am I an Asshole for Being Rude to the Raider and Ruining the Dinner? I, 27 female, wins out on a girls dinner with my best friends, (twenty six female and 29 female). For context, I'm the only one married, they are not in any committed relationships. Yesterday we went to have dinner at a sports barfamily restaurant where from the moment we arrived the waiter, em early mid twenties, started complimenting us. He kept saying flirty fudding things.
Edgar:I ignored him but honestly gave me such an they were giggling. After a while as he took out orders he kept refilling our drinks, he kept saying stuff like that, and I did a sarcastic laugh. Picture that one meme of the dude laughing and getting serious. I know what meme you're talking about too.
Erika:Yeah we do.
Edgar:He left the table and didn't do it again. My friends told me I was rude to him and that he was just doing his job but OMG it was ruining my afternoon and appetite. But now I'm wondering if I should have just kept quiet. Am I the asshole? What is this?
Erika:So then she also puts in like examples of what he said, like the comments he was making.
Edgar:Yeah, like he would say, when he first sat us he was like, I didn't know models were coming today. And when we were filling out drinks he said, I might have put a little special something on the drinks to get this party started. And then he went to check on us. He was like, How are the cuties enjoying the food? Another thing he said was, My 29 female friend was mid crying, about a recent breakup she had.
Edgar:The waiter said, Don't cry for me. I'll be right back. She didn't laugh that time.
Erika:That's so
Edgar:I mean, in general, I don't think OP was an asshole for shooting him down. If you're not comfortable or if you want some piece of quiet, you can always just say something politely. But yeah, it's really up to her. But all these comments are pretty creepy.
Erika:Dude.
Edgar:Saying I might put a little something special on the drinks, like to a bunch of girls, like this is just like, so messed up.
Erika:You don't say that. Especially if you're the server. Mhmm. Even in jokes like that, that's just, you don't say that.
Edgar:I know, I mean that's like
Erika:could get fired for I
Edgar:imagine, yeah. You like implied you roofy them.
Erika:Exactly, that's just, that's not funny at all. And Topcom is not the asshole. I suspect his manager would be interested to know that he's making roofy jokes to female customers when he serves them drinks. If you're about to tell me that I'm misunderstanding the something special in the drink remark and he was talking about alcohol, please instead do some private reflection on what you believe that's better. There are plenty of identical no he meant the alcohol comments and a really robust discussion of full perspective below that you can read if you're not sure where to start.
Erika:Yeah, Even if he meant that, he had a creepy way of saying it.
Edgar:Yeah, definitely bad vibes around. I can tell why OP didn't want to eat, especially after that comment.
Erika:Yeah, or didn't want to stay there or fake laughed and made that meme. But just, she wasn't rude at all. She didn't feel comfortable and he was being creepy.
Edgar:Yeah, I mean, I just find it confusing how their friends still try to shame OP for being mean to the waiter. It's because they're single. Yeah, maybe that, but still I imagine they feel the same creepiness as OP did, especially with the drink joke and with the waiter to the crying friend saying, Oh yeah. Like she's making a joke on her behalf.
Erika:Yeah. I mean maybe because they're single they get hit on a lot or they go to bars and stuff and they have comments like that all the time, so maybe they're synthesized?
Edgar:What do they call it? Desensitized.
Erika:Yeah, they're maybe desensitized. Desensitized. Desensitized. And she wants to, they're used to it. But because she's, you know, married or whatever, she hasn't been through that scene anymore, and so she doesn't think that's acceptable.
Edgar:So
Erika:yeah, I mean, it just depends, but I really agree with her this time, especially with the comments he was making. I don't think it's something that I would feel safe either. I would talk to the manager, honestly.
Edgar:Yes. That's ruined someone's life.
Erika:Excuse me. That's not what if one of those people there were like younger or they were 18 or they were, you know, a lot of girls, little girls or whatever, teenagers now look like they're older but they're not. Making comments like that is just not okay. Trying to you trying to have victim blame here? Yeah.
Erika:Oh, okay. No, we're not doing that.
Edgar:Yeah. Is it a final verdict?
Erika:I would say. You're such a vain. I would say the waiter is the asshole here. And the friends. Girl, get
Erika:no friends. Get out of there.
Edgar:Yeah, you need committed friends. Committed, holy friends.
Erika:What? I was just saying there was no reason for her to be called out on being rude. She wasn't. She did what she had to do. Alright, so that is all the stories we have today.
Erika:Thank you for tuning into this week's episode. Check out our website www.yappings.com and join our mail list for updates. If you love our podcast and want to support us, subscribe and share to your friends and family. We will appreciate it so much.
Edgar:Also, we have a Facebook group called AITA Relationship and Family Drama linked in the description. Join so you can share M. Dassault posts if you like or share your own stories for us all to judge. We may even read a few posts in one of our episodes if you're lucky.
Erika:Thank you. Bye.
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