Episode 31
· 45:03
Yapping!
Erika:Hello, this is Erika.
Edgar:And Edgar.
Erika:And we are the Yapping Schnauzers. We entertain you with yap-worthy stories we find around the web. Today's theme is Unwanted Attention.
Edgar:Our first story is titled, Am I Overreacting for Refusing to Let My Wife's Work Husband Come on Our Family Vacation? My wife, thirty four female, and I, 36 male, have been married for eight years, two kids together. She recently started a new job where she has gotten really close to one of the coworkers. She calls him her work husband and says it's all jokes and office banter. Nothing serious.
Edgar:At first, I brushed it off, but over time she started texting him outside work hours, laughing at his jokes constantly, and even FaceTiming him once when we were on a weekend trip with our kids. I finally told her it was getting weird and she told me to stop being insecure. Last week she asked if he could come with us on our summer vacation to the lake house. She said he has no family around and could use a break. I said absolutely not, this is our family time and I don't want some random guy tagging along, especially someone she flirts with all day.
Edgar:She got mad and said I was being controlling. Her exact words were, I'm not even allowed to have friends now. I told her it's not about friends, it's about boundaries. She's still mad and says I embarrassed her by making a big deal out of nothing. So, am I overreacting?
Erika:No, he's not.
Edgar:Yeah, it's like a work husband, crossing so many boundaries. Yeah, we're just laughing right now because our smallest dog Selena just jumped on the table.
Erika:She just wants attention. Yeah, I think there has to be boundaries. I'm sorry no matter how good of friends you are, but if you have a family, you need to, you know, have some boundaries when you have friendships.
Edgar:Exactly, and especially with the work husband title. Basically, she's his work wife and it's just a weird dynamic to have and to bring that into a family trip, it's gonna confuse the children. And I'm sure the work husband may try to do something.
Erika:I mean, listen, I don't frown upon the work husband, wife work, I mean, work wife.
Edgar:Work wife, yeah.
Erika:I don't, but as long as there is some type of boundaries.
Edgar:Like
Erika:if there's not then there's an issue.
Edgar:I feel like I have an issue with it if one or both of them have partners outside of their work. Because no one wants to know that they have a Imagine have Well, imagine me. I go to work and I come back and be like, Hey, I have a work wife. That's just not okay. Feel like absolutely I'm just
Erika:kidding. Like I said, it depends too. It depends on the boundaries. It depends on how you guys treat each other. He kinda crossed the line, they both crossed the line when he's FaceTiming her like in a vacation or when they're texting all the time.
Erika:You know there's a difference between keeping work at work and then bringing it at home.
Edgar:Yeah. I didn't like that OP's wife when confronted about the work husband and their closeness and she said don't be so insecure. That's such a defensive thing to say and when you don't have to be defensive. If she wanted to go about this in a more healthy way and build trust with the work husband and her own husband, she should have them meet, you know? Maybe she's friends over time.
Erika:Yeah, the fact that she's literally reflecting it, like she's saying no, it's because you're insecure. It's because you are making a big deal out of nothing. Yeah. It's just her literally proving a point. It's the fact that if she would have said, Okay, I respect your decision, that's alright.
Erika:That's what a partner should do. You can't make somebody feel comfortable with somebody else, a complete stranger, especially with your family.
Edgar:Yeah.
Erika:Like, I know this is just me being paranoid but you don't know his intentions. Don't know even with your, maybe you have young daughters. Don't, you know, it's just, it's a line where you don't want to cross. And she's trying to make this happen maybe because she wants something to happen in the vacation.
Edgar:Mhmm, that's definitely weird.
Erika:Yeah. So the top comment is no way in hell is this innocent. I hate the whole work spouse culture especially because of things like this. It breaks down boundaries and barriers that should be in place especially for people who are already married. Put your foot down and let her know this has gone too far to the point it's uncomfortable and that if she doesn't cut off her boyfriend soon then you'll be making some moves.
Edgar:Exactly.
Erika:I agree. I think there's just many I think there's a lot of issues now I think. This is the second, third one that we've seen about the work wife or the work husband that's really, really pulling and scraping out those boundaries between an actual relationship, especially with your wife or husband.
Edgar:Yeah, for it to be a whole culture, I just feel like people spend a lot more time at their work and they take it more seriously and it's just the time thing. The longer you spend with someone you're just gonna naturally grow a bond no matter how innocent or not innocent.
Erika:Yeah, and I mean I don't think there's something wrong with having friendships or having a good relationship with your coworkers. I think that's great. It helps time fly by, it helps a good work culture, everything. It helps everything at work but it doesn't mean that because you have a good relationship with your coworkers it means that you're going to be doing things that you shouldn't be or pushing Yeah, exactly. So, what's the final verdict?
Edgar:I'd say OP is not overreacting.
Erika:Exactly.
Edgar:He's okay to have his insecurities with this because it's something valid.
Erika:No, this is definitely 100% valid and if she doesn't understand that then, I mean, counseling, therapy, I don't know, but if not then you know there's something that you can't really overlook or if there's a different view of this, there's no way going around it.
Edgar:I think OP's wife should just make the work husband her actual husband at this point. She's gonna defend him so much.
Erika:I know, it's kinda weird to have a relationship like that where you choose your work husband instead of your actual husband.
Edgar:So
Erika:the next story is, Am I the asshole for telling a woman at the gym that she's embarrassing herself? I go to the gym a lot. About six months ago I noticed a woman I'll call Andrea. That's not her name but it would be for the rest of this post. I don't know if Andrea started going to the gym six months ago or if that's just when I noticed her.
Erika:Full disclosure, I spoke to her first, but I had no way of knowing what the results would be. A lot of machines at this gym have little entertainment systems attached to them that can access local channels. I got on a treadmill and realized that the TV on the treadmill wasn't working. Andrea was walking past and I said, Hey, do you know there's an issue with the cable? This TV isn't working.
Erika:But I don't know if it's just this one or all of them. She said the same thing happened to her on a different machine. I thanked her and that was the whole interaction. A week later, she asked me for electrolyte powder for her water. I said I didn't have any.
Erika:She was cool with that and asked me how long I've been coming to the gym and what I did for work. I answered and returned her questions. She said she was new to the area and worked in a private security. We had a few more chill conversations after that. Six weeks ago, she asked me out.
Erika:For reasons I won't get into here, I wasn't interested. I declined. She said not to worry about things being awkward at the gym if we don't go out. I said that wasn't the issue, just not looking to date right now. She kept talking to me and at first I kept talking to her, but I started to think something might be wrong.
Erika:I started to avoid her. Two weeks ago, she walked up to me while I was on a machine with only one way to properly dismount that involved stepping into weights she was standing. She asked if I was avoiding her. I said I was and apologized. I said I just don't want to date right now.
Erika:She said I don't have to avoid her to not date her. I said okay and kept avoiding her though. Tonight while I was working out, she confirmed me again about avoiding her. I had a bad day and told her to leave me alone. She asked why I was being such a prick and I said because I want her to leave me alone.
Erika:I then said she was embarrassing herself and needs to stop. But she put her foot down on my weights and I thought she was going to press down on them. So I let go of the bar very quickly causing the weights to slam and make a loud noise. Several people looked over. She said now who's embarrassing himself?
Erika:And walked away. Did I go too far by saying that? Do I owe her an apology?
Edgar:I don't think she is owed an apology because it seems like, from my perspective in that last action, it looked like she was gonna try to kill him. Well, I don't know, was just gonna step on him and stomp on him. So I would be scared too. It was such an aggressive act for no reason.
Erika:Yeah, I I don't think she takes rejection quite well.
Edgar:Exactly, yeah.
Erika:I don't, I mean, come on, if you're literally lifting weights, it's not okay to put your foot down. Like that's so dangerous for the person. And even for you, what if the weight goes on and goes flying and hits you in the head? You know, it's just one of those things where it's just not okay. And the fact that she said, Oh, now look, now who's embarrassing himself?
Edgar:She's On that to make a point, yeah.
Erika:To put him in danger, I think she needs help.
Edgar:Yeah, and if anything, she's the one that's being embarrassed at this moment.
Erika:Yeah, mean, she's definitely showing aggression for no reason just because he said, No, don't want a date right now. And okay, sure he's avoiding her but it's probably because he feels awkward about rejecting her.
Edgar:Like it's not, I mean it is about her but it could also be his own personal feelings.
Erika:Yeah, mean comfortable, he doesn't feel comfortable. Maybe people take a little bit of time after rejecting somebody to see them again, just like any other person. So the fact that she keeps saying why are you avoiding me, why are you avoiding me, it's just leave him alone. He doesn't want to be bothered.
Edgar:That's such a clingy thing to say as well. Like I feel like if you say that to somebody, like, oh why are you avoiding me? It just makes him want to avoid you.
Erika:Exactly. It's just interesting where, know I get people have different views, but in this case I feel like Andrea is not in the right right hand at this point at all. There is an update. I went in the gym early this morning for a run and told the front desk about Andrea putting her foot on the weights. They said they would talk to her.
Erika:Then after work, I went in again for a regular workout. I was working on my legs then she walked up to
Edgar:my
Erika:machine. The first thing she said was to apologize about the weights. I don't know if someone talked to her or if it was of her own initiative. I accepted her apology and apologized for saying she was embarrassing herself. She said she forgave me but I wanted to really make it up to her I could buy her a drink.
Erika:And she would buy me one too to make up for the weights. Once again, this girl don't know how to get rejected.
Edgar:I know, it's like, would not trust that drink.
Erika:No, it's so weird. Girl, leave the poor man alone. Have some self respect. Okay, let me continue. I said maybe we should buy our own drinks, meaning separately at different places and times.
Erika:And she misunderstood me and asked when and where. I told her I meant that I didn't want to go out with her. She said this wouldn't be a date but a reset of our friendship. Oh my gosh.
Edgar:Is that what we're calling it now?
Erika:Apparently. I said I didn't want to be friends. She said I was being a douche and asked what my problem is. I said the weight incident made me uncomfortable and I would rather us just give each other space. She then asked me if my problem with her is that she's Hispanic.
Erika:I was so taken aback. I didn't even know she was until she said that. I said no, that she just makes me uncomfortable. She wanted me to explain what about her made me uncomfortable and I tried to do so but she argued with every point I made. I got frustrated and told her I just wanted you to stay away from me.
Erika:She said fine and I have a lot of maturing to do. Then she walked away, I'm hoping that's the end of it.
Edgar:Hopefully.
Erika:So that's not the end of it. Really? Yes, that's the end of it. I just Okay, so now she's making it personal. She's making it way too personal, which was not at all.
Erika:And now she just has some beef. Now she feels like she has beef with him.
Edgar:No reason. Because I feel like she, even though Obi said no, that it's not because she's Hispanic, she's gonna tell all her friends, He doesn't like me because I'm Hispanic. Like you can just tell.
Erika:No, yeah definitely. I just, it's just, she's making it, she's doing too much. She is doing too much. Okay, so the update is Andrea is banned from the gym. I was running on the treadmill and watching TV.
Erika:She came up to me to talk to me and I ignored her, staring at the TV. She raised her voice and I continued to ignore her. She reached out and pulled the safety tab out of the treadmill, the one you connect to your wrist so the treadmill stops if you fall. Causing the treadmill to come to a sudden stop, I tripped and fell onto the controls and the TV, scratching my chin on top of the screen. I went to the front desk with Andrea following me.
Erika:I told him what she did. She kept trying to interrupt me and talk over me, but the woman at the front desk told her to be quiet and wait her turn. I told her Andrea pulled out the safety tab while I was running and injured me. The woman at the front desk then asked Andrea what happened. Andrea said I was staring into the middle distance, like I was in some kind of fog state and she thought I was having a medical episode so she pulled the tab.
Erika:That makes no sense. She just hated that she was being ignored.
Edgar:Exactly. I just pulled up the surveillance photos or surveillance videos.
Erika:Exactly. The woman at the front desk asked her for her membership card. Andrea didn't want to give it to her. But the woman at the front desk said if she didn't she would ban her. Andrea gave her the card and the woman at the front desk said to leave and she was suspended for a month.
Erika:Andrea objected and got into an argument with the woman at the front desk that escalated into Andrea calling her the N word and the B word. So she was banned permanently.
Edgar:I
Erika:hesitate to call the iHappy ending because the poor gym employee had to put up with the racial harassment. But I won't deny getting to watch her caught up Andrea's membership card felt good.
Edgar:That's crazy. Like she literally tried to kill him?
Erika:I know.
Edgar:Why does it This
Erika:is like, the poor guy just wanted to work out. That's it. He didn't wanna do anything with her. He just was being friendly and then she just went off the rails when he rejected her.
Edgar:I know. I don't know why she even is like keeping pursuing him. Like he already rejected you and why would you want to keep going with that?
Erika:Exactly. It's just so crazy to me. It didn't have to get this far. There was no need for her to treat him this way. So the top comment is the minute her foot went onto the weights it became really important to report this crap.
Erika:I'm sorry you stumbled across a gym stalker. So did I a few years ago and it chased me out of the gym entirely. That's scary too.
Edgar:Feel like luckily I never had a gym stalker in all the years I've been in the gym.
Erika:That's good babe.
Edgar:I get to meet her in peace. Have you had a gym soccer before?
Erika:I don't really, I only go to classes mostly. I don't really go down too much. So I usually go to the gym, do the classes and then go to the sauna and then go home. So it's really hard for me to get a soccer. Does that make sense?
Edgar:I guess so, yeah. You're just not there for that long.
Erika:No. No, because I don't like to go down the stairs. It's because my gym is enclosed and I like to see outside when I'm in the gym. What your gym is like, I like your gym because you can see the outside and it's not enclosed and it's not downstairs. So, yeah.
Erika:And then the other top comment for the update was, Still not the asshole. Andrea proved herself to be crazy with a side of racist. And then OP responded, and the irony is that she accused me of being racist for not wanting to date her.
Edgar:I know. It really be your own kind sometimes.
Erika:Yeah.
Edgar:And also, he basically got the ex girlfriend experience without dating her. I know.
Erika:I know. Well, crazy ex, actually.
Edgar:And,
Erika:I mean he saved himself, he got to go to instincts because he didn't save himself from a crazy ex. Even worse. Imagine she's like that now. Imagine dating her.
Edgar:I can only imagine horror beyond human comprehension.
Erika:You're so crazy. Yeah, I think it's just one of those things where he should be feeling lucky that he didn't deal with that woman for too long.
Edgar:Final verdict?
Erika:No, he's not the asshole at all.
Edgar:Yeah, the asshole for protecting himself.
Erika:And then it's
Edgar:From a case.
Erika:Exactly, and I think I see a lot of cases that women feel stalked but you never have guys always be like, you know, there's this girl bothering me. A lot of people don't take them seriously.
Edgar:I know, yeah. It's kind of rare to see the reverse.
Erika:Yeah. The
Edgar:next story is titled, Am I the Asshole for Reminding My Brother's Girlfriend That I Own Half of the House We Live In So She Can't Easily Get Rid of Me. I'm 15 female and have been living with my big brother, 25 male, for the last three years. Our dad died three years ago and our mom abandoned us seven years ago and is living abroad in Japan with her new family, Kanishi Wow. Kanishi Wow. I'm very independent and don't need a lot of attention and generally mind my own business.
Edgar:So I'm not a nuisance or a third wheel. I just need to be left alone. That house we live in belonged to our dad and he left it equally to the both of us. My brother's been seeing his girlfriend for a couple years now. She's not bad and I genuinely like her.
Edgar:However, she wants to move in here and they're talking about getting serious. I've talked to my brother about how this would work and he thinks it's too soon to discuss it and we'll sort it out when it's more serious. Okay, so the other day she came to me and asked about my plans about uni and if I wanted to stay around and told her that, yeah, I plan to stay home while going to uni. She suggested it might be good for my growth to go to a different study and get exposed to new experiences and people. I also suggested boarding school for next year.
Edgar:I smelled BS, so I told her, What's this really about? And she mentioned that they're getting serious and want to start a family soon and I won't have a place here as they're growing their family. Talked about importance of nuclear family and all that nonsense. I asked why she tried to get rid of me. I've done her no harm and she said it isn't personal and it's just that their family will deserve to have their own space without relatives living with them.
Edgar:I remind her that I own half of this space, so she's delusional if she thinks she can just get rid of me like that. She initially said, My brother has done enough for me already and it's time I do something for him, but also said, Let's not continue the discussion for now. Later my brother told me I was unnecessarily aggressive and said she should have come to him about what she said. I told him I didn't approach her, she was just trying to manipulate me to get rid of me. He thinks she was wrong to do that but I was unnecessarily aggressive and she didn't mean bad and now I've damaged our relationship maybe permanently.
Edgar:Later he had a fight with her. He hasn't talked to me since then, four days now. She also hasn't been over since. Am I the asshole for being too aggressive to her? And I think that's just like, yeah, she's definitely delusional with this whole situation.
Edgar:The OP's or OP's brother's girlfriend.
Erika:Yeah, I don't understand why her she's just trying to manipulate her, that's it.
Edgar:Exactly. She's like saying, Oh, you should move to a new city for your experience, but with what money? She's like 14, 15 years old? How's she gonna afford rent? I don't think, it sounds like they're in The UK because they call it uni and all that stuff.
Edgar:So I imagine it's gonna be a lot more dangerous for her to live in a city by herself with almost no more money.
Erika:And then take her to boarding school?
Edgar:She's just basically saying just leave the house. Our family deserves a clean house. But yeah, it's just like if she wants a clean house or a house where it's only OP's brother and her, they should just buy a house and save it, save money for them.
Erika:Exactly. What are you kicking out? This poor girl has no relatives, has no family, has no mother, has no father, and you're coming and telling her, Oh, get out, because I wanna have a family here.
Edgar:Exactly, yeah.
Erika:And she was not being, what do you call it? Aggressive. Aggressive. Was just sticking out for herself.
Edgar:Yeah, the girlfriend was probably making up the story or like
Erika:Yeah, and I really, really think that she's probably right now, the reason that they're not even talking or she hasn't come over or he's also not talking to her is because she's literally making him choose. You're choosing her or me.
Edgar:Probably, yeah. She seems like the manipulative kind.
Erika:Yeah, 100%.
Edgar:Which is unfair as well because this is all just to have a house already ready for them, you know? I think they should just like, if they really want a family like that, they should move out themselves, or at least save money. Because they're just trying to fast track all that, you know? And just go straight to the house that technically even though it's theirs, it's not like the house that they've earned.
Erika:Yeah, but then he also said it's too soon, so why is she planning? Like he literally said to her, Oh don't worry about the details right now because it's too soon to really say that we want to have a family yet.
Edgar:I can think two things. One, we only hear in half the story. We don't know what Opie's brother and the girlfriend are planning behind OP's back. And also the second thing could be that the girlfriend just was doing this, like she was trying to fight the seeds of manipulation, she obviously backfired because she was too hand fisted and I think she assumed that OP would crack more easily.
Erika:Or it could backfire that he knew that the girlfriend was going to talk to her and he didn't realize that she was going to respond to that, his sister was going to respond to that. Yeah. Like that way, so that's why he's saying you were unnecessarily aggressive.
Edgar:He's unnecessarily stupid.
Erika:Yeah, exactly. He's not thinking with his brains. So the top comment is not the asshole. All these things she was suggesting, like boarding school, who would be paying for that? Your inheritance, brother?
Erika:Because it doesn't seem like it would be her covering any cost. It's yours in your brother's house. Even if she did move in, it would still be yours in your brother's house. She would just be living there. I'd have been a lot more blunt if someone had an audacity to tell me to move out because they felt entitled to my inheritance and what I should be doing with it.
Erika:In my opinion, the fact that she hasn't been over and they haven't spoken is probably because she doubled down on what she said to you. And then OP responded, Wouldn't surprise me if she's trying to force my brother to choose. And then again, if she was to leave and go somewhere else, you know the inheritance, which is half of the house, how is that fair for her to just not have it, you know what mean? So it would be they would have to sell the house and then split the money.
Edgar:Yeah, I think the dad would not approve of his girlfriend.
Erika:Exactly.
Edgar:If he was still around.
Erika:Yeah, definitely not. I think you should count your blessings soon. Let her go. She is a manipulative person.
Edgar:Exactly. Final verdict?
Erika:She is not the asshole. She did good by sticking up for herself.
Edgar:Exactly. She's just protecting her living situation.
Erika:I know.
Edgar:I feel like she can have a box, like a cardboard box outside and the girlfriend would just be so happy because she got the house at the end.
Erika:Yeah, she doesn't care about her. Mm-mm. But she wants to be part of the family. That makes no sense.
Edgar:I know, yeah.
Erika:So the next story is, Am I the asshole for lying about where I was going to college so my stepsister wouldn't follow me? My mom married her husband, Mike, when I, 18 female, was nine.
Edgar:That's such an awkward way to say it.
Erika:Exactly. That's why I was like, what? Okay. I'll say it again. My mom married her husband Mike when I, 18 female, was nine.
Erika:Mike had a daughter called Charlotte, who's same age as me. My mom loved having another girl and Charlotte never had a mom in her life, so the two of them bonded super fast. And my mom was super excited to have an almost twins which is what my mom used to call us. Charlotte acts younger than she is, always has. She gets attached and wants to be with someone 20 fourseven and followed me around the whole time like she was a much younger sibling.
Erika:She did the same with my mom too. My mom loved it and encouraged it and she forced me to put up with it. She scolded me regularly. When I didn't want to spend time with Charlotte, I was short with her. Mom told me Charlotte was my sister now and that she would embrace having someone who loved me and wanted me around so bad.
Erika:I tried to explain to my mom, having Charlotte follow me around and be forced on me 20 was making me dislike her and not want to give her a chance. But my mom told me that was a child's way of thinking about it and nine year olds are big girls. Then when I tried to talk to my mom about 12, she told me I was old enough to be mature and loving and to know the true meaning of family is to love and appreciate those who treat us well and Charlotte adored me and would do anything for me. I said that wasn't true because she would not leave me alone. Mom hated that I wanted that.
Erika:This is issues. We fought a lot when I was fourteen-sixteen and then learned to stop speaking to my mom. What stuck most was that I could talk to extended family and ask for them to try to talk to my mom but it wouldn't work. And my dad's dead, so I didn't have another parent to run to. I knew when I was 15 that my mom and Charlotte wanted us to attend college together and they were planning to have us go to the same school.
Erika:I tried to get Charlotte to understand that we needed the separation and we shouldn't base our school on each other but she was set on following me. My mom didn't support me either. She made it a big deal that I wanted distance from Charlotte. So, when college talk was happening more seriously, I lied about where I was applying to. I made sure all the schools I mentioned to mom and Charlotte were pretty far from where I was actually planning to go.
Erika:Charlotte accepted where she and my mom thought I would be accepted, but it wasn't. Before graduation, moved to my parental aunt's house to avoid the blacklash that I knew would come. Now, the truth is out there and Charlene decided she's not going to college at all. My mom is furious and she tried to shame me for the stunt of tearing our family apart. She told me I had a lot of making up to do and I told her in reply that I don't regret my decision.
Erika:I said my only regret is that I was forced to lie. Mom said nobody forced me to lie and I said they did, by giving me no choice but to accept Charlotte following me. I told mom I knew either her or Charlotte would have sabotaged me if I openly applied to a school Charlotte couldn't attend. Mom told me I wasn't thinking of what was best for Charlotte and as an afterthought she said for me. I told her the best thing for Charlotte is to no concern of mine.
Erika:Mom said that wasn't kind and I should be kind. Mom asked my maternal aunt, asking her sister to talk to me. My aunt did and she told me she understood why I did what I did, but I should apologize and at least regret lying a little because I interrupted Charlotte's plan with my actions. I told her I did not want to be in the same college as Charlotte and I didn't want to be in the same state as her. My aunt said that was extreme to feel so strongly about it instead of keeping my distance at college.
Erika:She told me I lied so easily and I could have handled it in a far more mature way. She said the communication was key. I asked her what good communication was when my mom willingly ignores my communication attempts. Mom was furious when my aunt told her everything I said. I feel like while lying isn't the ideal or first choice people should use, I feel like I was left with no other choice.
Erika:Maybe I was too close to judge this though. So am I being an asshole?
Edgar:I do not think so. He just was trying to get out of a situation and preventing something that would not have served her well.
Erika:Yeah. I definitely believe that the mom was at fault here. She coddled Charlotte too much. She made her depend on them and OP to the point where she couldn't do anything by herself. And that's not what you should do, you know?
Erika:You need to have dependency in people, in any relationship. You can't just codepend on everybody you meet. And the fact that she was saying, Oh, you know, if I was to apply to a college and she didn't get accepted, you would have literally sabotaged me. And she didn't even deny that. She just said that she was being selfish basically.
Edgar:I think they were being selfish for wanting like just Charlotte to tag along and OP's alive, like without her consent.
Erika:Yeah, and honestly she did not make any type of interruptions in Charlotte's plans. She does not need to be a part of it at all.
Edgar:Yeah, gets to go to college.
Erika:Yeah.
Edgar:Like not going with your cousin is not gonna stop you from doing your Your
Erika:sister, yeah.
Edgar:Cousin sister is not gonna stop you from doing your own life.
Erika:Yeah, exactly. So the fact that she doesn't wanna go to college is just her being manipulative.
Edgar:Yeah, she's just saying that just so everyone move forward to her. And so far the adults are for some reason, but not OP.
Erika:I know, that's so annoying. Even the aunt, the aunt annoys me too because she did not back her up. And it's just one of those things where I'm just, she has nobody to turn to. She has nobody that's on her side, but I'm glad she's going to a different college and so be it. But my biggest fear here is that they're gonna find out what college she's going to and then by the next semester her stepsister is gonna be there.
Edgar:I know, I think overall it's gonna be an annoying situation so I feel like she, OP, should so keep it secret. But yeah. At least until like, yeah just for as long as you can.
Erika:Yeah, but then you know, she's a parent, so it's just one of those things. I don't know if her mom is paying for it or if she has some type of loans. It's hard. So hopefully she doesn't get that information.
Edgar:Hopefully it's a good school. Like a school that's hard to get into.
Erika:Yeah. So the top comment is, Mom did Charlotte no favors by cuddling Charlotte's neediness and codependency. Sally O. P. Was right that since mom refused to address the co dependency and criticized any attempts at independence that she had no choice but to lie about where to apply to college.
Erika:Notably, the mom didn't deny Opie saying someone would have never touched her college choice had they been open and honest. Aunt is naive that if OP and Charlotte attended college together, that OP could somehow keep her distance, occasional classes together, room together, and how they're OP and not eat together and exclude her from activities. So it's gonna be an on and on thing if they were to go to the same college. And that's what the aunt does not understand. Saying, Oh, you could just go through separate ways in college.
Erika:That's not, it can't happen.
Edgar:I say it could happen, but knowing Charlotte from what we read, she's probably gonna be in every single class, club, just attached to the hip with OP during the entire college time.
Erika:That's just weird. OP actually responded to the entire comment and says, Exactly. It would be a never ending issue. Charlotte would try to make sure we were roommates, she would make sure she followed me around, and that I couldn't do too much without her. It would be suffocating and I would have to drop out.
Edgar:Don't think she would actually drop out, but yeah. Like it just wasn't gonna be fun for her. It's Or productive.
Erika:It's so terrible. She can't experience anything by herself, she can't make new friends because she'd probably have to tag along. And it's just, it's so frustrating that this could have all stopped if the mother wouldn't have allowed this behavior to intensify and agree upon it.
Edgar:Is a rhetoric?
Erika:She's not the asshole. She had to do what she had to do and she was left with no choice but to lie.
Edgar:Yeah, I agree. Lying often is not the ideal situation, but it's not really lying, it's more like, I guess it is kind of lying. It is lying. I was trying to say that she just was stretching the truth, so hiding some of the actual truth. That's lying.
Edgar:That ends up when you don't tell the whole truth. I wouldn't consider that lying, but I do remember her actually lying to them. I was like, Oh, I'm going to D school. She was lying. I feel like she should have just waited to actually tell them where she's going to school, when they're actually in move in day, like a day or two before.
Edgar:As soon as Charlotte has a ticket to the other side of the country on the plane, you're like oh by the way, this is not a school I'm going to.
Erika:Well, you know, it's just difficult. There's just no winning in this case, sadly because she's only 18. She doesn't have much resources so it's really hard for her to really put a distance between them but obviously if she does go to college far away then she can do her own thing and once she becomes an adult she doesn't need her mom and she can go anywhere she wants. Sadly right now that's not in her cards.
Edgar:The next story is titled, Am I the Asshole as a Waitress for Accepting a Massive Tip from a Creepy Older Man? I, 27 female, am a waitress. Friday night I served this table. It was a middle aged woman and a very handsome middle aged man. A guy I would have gone out with if he wasn't so creepy.
Edgar:He had made sure to mention that the woman he was dining with was his sister. After the meal, he gave me a $500 tip. The tip was almost twice the price of the meal. He told me the tip was because I was so pretty. After work, I told a fellow waitress two female) and she was angry.
Edgar:She told me it was a stupid decision to accept that. She said, I made it seem like behavior like this is super acceptable by accepting it. I probably would never accept a tip like that under those circumstances again. But but, yeah, am I the asshole? And I don't think so.
Edgar:I the coworker is clearly I see
Erika:more jealousy.
Edgar:Super jealousy. You know, super jealous of the waitress. I mean, of OP. Yeah. Like, that's $500.
Edgar:It's like, I think for most people that's like, like, their paychecks.
Erika:Yeah. Why would you deny that?
Edgar:Mhmm.
Erika:Let's just be she's definitely jealous.
Edgar:Is there anything I can think of? Like, oh, you should have accepted a $500 tip, now you make it okay if people were to accept $500 tips. Of course, I'm sure that waitress, the 32 year old waitress, would gladly accept the $500 tip.
Erika:Exactly. So the top comment is, As a former server, not the asshole, this was never about her principles. It was about her being upset you got a huge tip and she didn't. Your fellow servers care about their money, so you don't need to tell them about yours. Burying about your huge tips is a good way to make enemies and get robbed after work when one of the shady ones sends a text to their friend or partner that has been waiting for you outside the car.
Erika:Never talk about how much you made in tips. No one needs that information but you and the IRS and your boss.
Edgar:Guarantee she
Erika:have kept the tip herself if she had been the one serving him.
Edgar:Exactly. Yeah.
Erika:She's just salty. Saltiness looks ugly.
Edgar:Yeah, so Vanna, right?
Erika:I would say she is not the asshole. Girl, enjoy that tip. Even though he was creepy, but you know, it's not like you did anything wrong. Doesn't seem like she did anything extra. She was just pretty.
Edgar:$500 is $500
Erika:Exactly. So the final story is, am I the asshole for requiring my boyfriend to get a doctor's note after his vasectomy? I, 28, non binary biologically female, just started dating my boyfriend Billy (29male) about three months ago. I have had this overwhelming fear of getting pregnant and parenthood for as long as I can remember. Because of this fear, have been on birth control of some kind or another since I had my first menstrual cycle when I was 13 and have never had an adult playtime with a man without using protection.
Erika:I explained this to Billy on our first date and he told me that he also didn't want kids and was at the time searching for a surgeon to get a vasectomy done. Fast forward to today, he and I were having a conversation about the surgery which is scheduled for mid next month, in which he asked if after the surgery we could stop using protection and if I would stop taking birth control. I explained that I would not stop taking my birth control because I enjoy the convenience of not having to deal with my period. But as long as we stay monogamous, we both get STI tested at the clinic and he gets a doctor's note from the surgeon stating that he has a vasectomy done. I don't see the need to continue using condoms.
Erika:He says that it sounds like I'm doing too much to get the STI tested and get the doctors know. Then he accused me of not trusting him. Considering that we've only known each other for three months and the fact that this is 2025 in The US, A) we live in a red state. I think I'm asking for the very minimum. The fact that he's pushing back on my request raises some red flags, in my opinion.
Erika:Am I the asshole for this?
Edgar:No, OP is not the asshole for just getting some medical proof that this procedure came through.
Erika:Yeah, I think this is a good way to start a relationship or have a serious relationship, especially if you're active. I think it's important to have make sure that the partner you're going to be with doesn't have any STIs or any STDs or anything that could be affecting you in slying. What if he's lying saying that he's gonna get a vasectomy done and he just wants to, you know, it's just, you never know, especially for three months of knowing someone, how am I gonna trust you? I don't know you well enough.
Edgar:And yeah, just comes down to trust. Having all this set up. I'm sure if OP's BF'd at this, like went through with the doctors know and was just being transparent and kind to her, they'd grow closer for this situation.
Erika:Exactly. If he was willing to make this something serious, he would not be complaining. He would agree and he would do it. Because doesn't he want to make sure that she doesn't have any STIs? Know, it goes both ways.
Erika:It's not only for her benefit, also for his. So, the fact that he doesn't, he's saying that she's doing too much is just a red flag to me. I would be like, Oh my God. She almost fell off.
Edgar:She was too lost in the sauce.
Erika:She almost fell off.
Edgar:I know. Currently Selena, our dog, is on Erica's lap, and I guess she's just sleeping and she almost fell off the chair, so.
Erika:Yeah, I have the bed on top of me, but it flipped off.
Edgar:RIP.
Erika:Okay, so I would definitely think he is being very sketchy.
Edgar:Yeah, shady for no reason.
Erika:So the top comment is, like you said, you've only known him for three months. It's insane to trust someone else with a health decision like that. And he doesn't want STD tests. I guess if you guys were exclusive I could see it as a mistrusting, but you didn't say that. What the hell?
Erika:Exactly. So especially if you're starting dating, getting STDs checking is so important. That's just gross. You don't want to end up with chlamydia
Edgar:or HIV.
Erika:You just don't want to be with any STIs, STDs or whatever. You want to be healthy and stay healthy. So, final verdict?
Edgar:Definitely OP is in the right and just like asking for basic assurance that he's done what he said he's done.
Erika:Yeah. There's nothing wrong with that. Especially with, you know, health concerns like that, it's a big deal. That one decision can change your life forever.
Edgar:I know, yeah. OP's ex BF soon, has big asshole energy.
Erika:Yeah, leave him. He's not worth it, especially for three months, nothing wrong with that, bye.
Edgar:So
Erika:that's all the stories we have today. Thank you for tuning in to this episode. Check out our website www.yappings.com and join our mail list for updates. If you love our podcast and want to support us, subscribe and share to your friends and family. We would appreciate it so much.
Edgar:Also, we have a Facebook group called AITA Relationship and Family Drama linked in the description. Join so you can share Amariaso posts you like or share your own stories for us all to judge. We may even read a few posts in one of our episodes. Thank you. Bye.
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