Episode 23
· 48:36
Yapping!
Erika:Hello, this is Erika.
Edgar:And Edgar.
Erika:And we are the Yapping Schnauzers. We entertain you with the yap- worthy stories we find around the web. Today's theme is hijacked milestones. The first story is, Am I the Asshole for Walking Out on My Birthday Dinner Because My Girlfriend Turned It Into Her Celebration. So, I'm a 25 male and my birthday was last weekend.
Erika:I don't usually do anything big, but this year a bunch of my friends were in town, and my girlfriend, 35 female, offered to plan something. I was genuinely excited. She made me dinner and reservations at a nice place I've been wanting to try and said she had a little surprise planned. The surprise was that she invited a bunch of her friends, like six of them, people I barely know, one of them I actually dislike because she used to hit on me when my girlfriend and I first started dating. My girlfriend brushed it off saying it would make things more fun and lively.
Erika:Whatever. I tried to roll with it, but then at dinner it just got worse. She spent the entire time talking to her friends. I was seated at the far end of the table next to two people I've never met. She didn't even sit next to me.
Erika:When the food came, they all toasted her for organizing everything and started talking about her upcoming promotion. Her best friend gave a speech about how she deserves all the happiness in the world. Not one mention of me or my birthday. No cake, no toast, no happy birthday, nothing. I literally just sat there while everyone gushed over her for two hours.
Erika:Eventually I got up, paid for my portion of the meal, said I wasn't feeling well, and left. I didn't make a scene or yell, I just quietly left. Later she texted me saying I embarrassed her in front of her friends and ruined the night. She said she tried really hard to make it special and I was being really ungrateful. A few of her friends have messaged me saying I was being immature and it wasn't that deep.
Erika:But I don't know man, is it crazy to think my birthday should have been at least a little bit about me? Am I the asshole?
Edgar:I feel like she didn't leave as quietly as she thinks she did because everyone noticed.
Erika:It's a he.
Edgar:Oh he, sounded like a she. But yeah, think he probably left a lot more upset than he let on and that's why everyone's upset with him. But also it was kind of messed up in his own birthday that no one really acknowledged it. It was just basically an average learner.
Erika:Would you have done the same and left?
Edgar:Probably not. I'm not big on my birthday.
Erika:So you wouldn't have cared?
Edgar:Not too much yet. Poor Lila.
Erika:She herself under the table.
Edgar:How about you? How do you feel about this?
Erika:I would be really upset but I would express my feelings. I wouldn't just stay quiet.
Edgar:So you would have yelled at everyone on the table? No, I wouldn't.
Erika:Okay, there's a difference between expressing and yelling. I would have just said
Edgar:that everyone out of our conversation? No. Over dinner? Feel like that's
Erika:like there's like
Edgar:no way to tell everybody how upset you in the dinner table or if I was sounding like you're
Erika:No, I would have said, Hey babe, I need to talk to you for a little bit. And then I would have talked outside or somewhere else and I would have said, This is my birthday dinner. There's nobody here of my friends that are available. It's only all your friends. And I'm not even sitting next to you.
Erika:I don't feel like really we're celebrating me for my birthday. I mean, if she gets upset, it's because she's an asshole here. Mhmm. But if if, for example, she didn't mean it to be that way, then she would've said, okay, I'm sorry. You know, let's, you know, sing happy birthday or whatever.
Erika:Yeah. Be understanding. But you don't have to make it in a scene or do it in front of everybody. Just quietly say, Hey, need to talk to you. Privately talk to your significant other.
Edgar:Yeah. He should've handled it better, you know?
Erika:Yeah, I mean I wouldn't have left like that. I mean, I wouldn't say, I don't think she really put in the effort to celebrate his birthday because technically all the people that are there are for her and not for him. Mhmm. So she really just planned it for herself.
Edgar:Yeah, mean it's pretty clear from the context we're given that OP was pissed off about what happened, but also his girlfriend didn't really help the situation.
Erika:No, I think she was trying to kill two birds and one stone but that's not how it works. When somebody's birthday it's for you to celebrate that person's birthday, not you too. She could've done a separate dinner for celebrating her promotion. Why did it have to be in his birthday?
Edgar:Yeah.
Erika:So, yeah, she was very selfish. So the top comment is, not the asshole. She didn't throw you a birthday dinner, she threw herself a dinner, but decided she could kill two birds with one stone if she lied and said it was you.
Edgar:Exactly.
Erika:It was for you, yeah. Yeah, she's the asshole I
Edgar:think yeah, I mean, this is something that I don't think that, yeah. I don't think it's really an offense to break over, but
Erika:You would still stay with him?
Edgar:Yeah, it was just a misunderstanding. Maybe they thought this was gonna turn out a lot smoother than how it came out. I feel like in OP's girlfriend's brain it was probably gonna be like, Okay, I'm gonna celebrate these two things and he'll be happy and I'll be happy, but it seems like his birthday was just totally overshadowed by her promotion and whatever she had going on, and it didn't quite turn out how she expected it. Because try to do two birds with one stone unless you at least believe that it's actually going to accomplish both tasks at the same time, optimally.
Erika:Okay, so my way of thinking is this. So, for example, if a girl did this for a guy, I would say she's selfish and she just really just wanted to do something for herself and didn't wanna really put too much effort on her boyfriend. Because for me, I would, if it's for your birthday celebration, I will invite your friends and not my friends. That's for me, it's literally implication that you wanna have people that my boyfriend knows and that she would be happy that they're there because that's his friends and his family or whatever.
Edgar:Yeah.
Erika:So that to me that she didn't do that is just basically I I don't understand what what she expected. You know I mean? I I don't I don't get it. And then if a guy like if it was the guy that did this for the girl, then, you know, I could kinda understand because it's guys, I feel like they they kinda have a once mindset thing. Like, you know
Edgar:So you think that's because she's like a woman?
Erika:Yeah,
Edgar:because there She knew the situation more clearly and
Erika:she probably
Edgar:knew the outcome of it. I guess maybe, yeah. But also, how much of his friends does she actually know?
Erika:Exactly, that's what I'm saying. So that's what I'm saying for the guy too. It's kinda weird to be like, hey, unless, you know, they've met each other more like the best friends or two or three of them. They could be invited but still, you know what I mean? Like, it's, you know, you have Facebook.
Erika:You don't need to have anybody's phone number here. It is so much easier to get in contact with everybody than anybody, you know. Just back then you had to really kneel the phone number.
Edgar:Yeah.
Erika:So I don't know, just feel like it's just one of those things that she didn't really try. She just wanted her to take the spotlight. It wasn't really a celebration for the boyfriend. So, honestly, I don't know if I would stay with her, I mean with him, he did that to me. I think it would just be one of those things where if he did anything else I'd be like, alright, peace out.
Edgar:I feel like it's not a big deal. Final verdict?
Erika:I would say she's definitely the asshole. She did not try hard enough to make her boyfriend's birthday special for him.
Edgar:Yeah, say OP is not the outsold but his girlfriend, yeah she was the outsold but I think she was trying to do two birds with one stone but she was half assing the OP's birthday.
Erika:At least. I think I would have forgiven her if she at least had three friends of his.
Edgar:The next story is Am I the asshole for kicking my husband and mother-in-law out of the Delivery Room. I, 27 female, and my husband Dan, twenty nine male, became parents eight weeks ago. My whole pregnancy was not easy due to placenta previa, but I managed to make it to thirty seven weeks. Something happened during labor that I want an outside perspective on. When I went into labor, I called my mom and told her, and my husband called my mother-in-law and she also told her.
Edgar:We both agreed it would be just us at the hospital, but I was shocked to see my mother-in-law arriving to come help. I thanked her for being there and Dan and I agreed that it would be just us, but she said she came all the way so it would be bad to make her leave. I talked to Dan and told her that I am not comfortable with her being there, but he told me his mom is just there for support. I called my mom to drive over because the hospital has a limit of only two support persons in the Delivery Room. When my mom arrived, I discussed with the nurses that my mom and husband would be the only ones allowed in the room.
Edgar:I figured if I am going to have one more person in the room, I would rather it be my mom. My mother-in-law threw a fit saying I am excluding her from the birth of her grandchild and that I am selfish. She refused to leave and said my mom should also be sent out and that I am purposely leaving her out. My mom, to avoid problems, said she would be out with her in the waiting room praying for us. Now here comes the real problem.
Edgar:It was getting more intense and I saw my Dan recording me, so I politely told him that I do not feel comfortable being recorded. Even when the nurse came to check how dilated I am, he recorded it. I expressed to him that this is bothering me and that I want to labor with no cameras. He said to me, Since my mom cannot be in here, I'll videotape the whole thing for her as she won't have to feel like she missed out. When it came time to push, Dan had his phone all over me and recorded in my private areas.
Edgar:I told the nurse to take the phone and please stop any recordings, but he said I am spoiling the moment. I screamed at him to get out and that I do not like it and a lovely RN escorted him out because he was putting stress on me. When we were taken to recovery after birth, Dan did not bother showing up and only came after hours of me calling him. He called me selfish and said I excluded him from the birth of his son and excluded his mom and that they both are very hurt. His mom said that she has always wanted to witness his birth and that this is her only son and I ruined the moment of her grandchild being born.
Edgar:I expressed how frustrated I felt being recorded and Dan not considering me. They both stormed out of the hospital room. I am currently living with my parents because Dan has not come around. He has tried to get our son to sleep over but since I am exclusively breastfed he cannot. Our son had some trouble latching during the first two weeks and we are still getting the hang of it.
Edgar:I do not want him to get used to the bottle. I have talked to Dan about me moving back to our house, but he said there is a lot we need to deal with first. By the way, I'm in my parents house because when we were discharged, Dan did not pick us up. He has not seen our son in a while now and does not bother to check up on us. My dad did go by the house to talk to him man to man, but he was not home.
Edgar:I hope we will be able to fix things because before all of this, he was a pretty decent husband. I might ask him for kicking my husband and mother-in-law out of the living room. So yeah, clearly not. And I think husband, Obi's husband, is very inconsiderate. He's acting very immature, I don't get why he's acting this way, like basically abandoning his family because his mother can't be in the delivery room during birth.
Edgar:Because not even OP's mother was there, so it's just kind of a fair thing that was trying to happen.
Erika:Yeah, don't understand Dan here. I think he's just being a child with a tantrum, Showing that he shouldn't, you know, because you didn't let me do this, then I am leaving you. Mhmm. It's not. Yeah.
Erika:Like, like, it's something you could just throw away and it'll be, like it don't matter.
Edgar:I
Erika:think he's just, his mother and Dan are complete assholes because she's literally giving birth.
Edgar:Yeah, I know.
Erika:Why are you stressing her out? She's, there's already, I believe she mentioned that she had placenta previa, which for those who don't know is I have the definition here. So placenta previa is when the placenta attaches lower in the uterus. Well this results in some portion of the placental tissue covering the cervix, which can result bleeding during the pregnancy or during or after delivery. And it's a little bit difficult to do a correction on its own too.
Erika:So, I mean, she's already struggling with certain things and then them he trying to record her even though she repeatedly said that
Edgar:And it was like it was also pretty, like, messed up too because, like, I I wouldn't wanna be recorded doing a private thing like that. And he was all up on there. Yeah. Like weird.
Erika:Yeah, like, let's say you wanna record it, but I will stay
Edgar:At least feel I mean, if you don't have consent, just be respectful about it.
Erika:Yeah. Or like I was trying to say is like, you would literally just record, her face. But like nothing, no private areas. Because, you know, that's private. You don't nobody wants to see that.
Erika:Like, that's just wrong. And the fact that he ignored her multiple times. And he's like, I'm doing this for my mom, just because you kicked her out you have to let me do this, is basically what he was trying to say, in other words. Yeah, so I think he's a complete asshole and he, I I would be rethinking a lot of things now, honestly.
Edgar:Also, imagine OP's parents probably hate the guy now as well.
Erika:Yeah, I would not like him at all. Okay, because I
Edgar:He has a lot of messed up happening over nothing.
Erika:Yeah. And this something's something that's supposed to be beautiful. Like something that you, you know, we the husband's supposed to be part of. And it should be something that you're both bringing life to in this world and that you're, you know, in a new stage in your life. But it was completely ruined by the mother-in-law and him.
Edgar:I know Opie's husband was trying to be a good son, but I think husband's mother would've just gotten herself after this.
Erika:Yeah, I don't understand why she made such a big deal. Mean, come on, I'm sorry. If I was the choice to make between my mother-in-law and mother to go in there, I would say my mother. Because, you know, that's my mom. Yeah.
Erika:Just like if Shelley or Michelle was to give birth, they will pick your mom because that's their mom. Mhmm. Like you can't yeah. You can't expect your for them to pick the mother-in-law. Like, that's just weird.
Erika:Mhmm. Okay. So the top comment is ruined her moment. I'm sorry. Was she only also spreading white on the table in labor?
Erika:She's had her moment. Not the asshole, but your mother-in-law and your husband are huge ones. Your wishes should have been followed with no argument. Your husband is a jerk to behave this way. I would think long and hard about what your future would look like after this incident.
Erika:He should have been comforting and catering to your needs and not what his mom wanted. Or do you break up? I mean, I would break up. I would be like the worst.
Edgar:Yeah, I mean, I'm not a woman in Nevada. Feel like it's something that But like, you were
Erika:in that situation.
Edgar:Yeah, I think for me, the recording even isn't that, wouldn't be breakup worthy. That's just kinda like, you're a dick for doing that, but not being with the child after That's basically abandoning your family for a little bit, even if it's not the entire life, but still, yeah. It's still pretty messed up. It's something that you'd break up over.
Erika:Yeah, mean I think that's break up worthy, especially if he just didn't pick mind you, she said they texted him saying that to pick him up after the hospital and he didn't.
Edgar:Like
Erika:I would be like that's it, that's the last straw. Like, was already, like, already struggling when with the mother-in-law and all that crap and then you didn't pick me up and then you completely abandoned me. Like, nah. Yeah. It's over, dude.
Erika:Three strikes and you're out. Final verdict. She's not the asshole but the husband and the mother-in-law is. I think she's better off honestly.
Edgar:Yeah, agreed.
Erika:So the next story is Emma the asshole for walking out on my own birthday dinner my fiance's little surprise. So last night was my 20 birthday. My fiance's Brian planned this surprise dinner at a really nice restaurant with my friends and some of my family. I'm not huge on big attention, but I thought, okay, maybe he's doing something thoughtful for once. Dinner was going fine, food's good, I'm chilling.
Erika:And then right before dessert, Brian stands out and starts doing this whole speech at how proud he is of me and how he got me a gift that changed my life. And then he says he paid off my student loans. At first I was in shock. I actually teared up, everyone clapped and my mom was crying. I was about to stand up and hug him, then he adds that he only paid half of it and that the other half is on me because he wants me to learn how to be financially responsible and not rely on other people to fix my problems.
Erika:Like, what? He basically turned my birthday into a public lecture. People were laughing like it was some cute life lesson. My cousin was like, Damn, that's tough love. Just sat there frozen and stood up, took my purse, and walked right out.
Erika:He came running after me like, What's wrong? He was trying to be helpful and he didn't mean for me to be upset. I told him he was embarrassing me, used my depth to make a point in front of everyone, and I wasn't in the mood to be in someone's teachable moment. Now a few people are saying I overreacted and that he meant well. If you want to help, just help.
Erika:Don't use this to humiliate me in front of 20 people. Am I the asshole?
Edgar:Yeah, not really. I mean, there's a time and place for lessons and not in front of all your friends and family. I feel like it also is a little bit tacky to have a whole dinner just to say, I just paid off this much money, look how much money I have to do this. That's a little bit tacky in the first place, but to also, on top of that, just kind of publicly humiliate your wife. It's like a little bit of a board.
Edgar:It's like dickish, very dickish.
Erika:Yeah, I feel like it's a power move. It's like, oh, I have this over you. Like, I'm gonna pay your half of your, you know
Edgar:No. But I don't even think it's like a full power move because at first, he said, I'm gonna pay off all her debt. And then she walked it back immediately. Like, that's just like
Erika:It's kinda funny. Like, it's just crazy. I don't understand what his, like, real intention was here just to show off that he could do he could have done that, but he wants to teach her a lesson.
Edgar:I know. Yeah. It's it's kinda stupid. Like, if you wanna actually give her a lesson, you could just do that in private. Like, I feel like that would have been more respect receptive.
Erika:And respectful.
Edgar:And respectful. Yeah, respectful.
Erika:Yeah, I don't understand that. I think he's a complete asshole. Mhmm. I would have just left him right there and be like, goodbye, we're not getting married. Go find somebody else to teach you a lesson.
Edgar:Bro. I'm serious. Brian's screwed up.
Erika:No, I think this is just so, I don't know, it's so childish that it's just, I wouldn't be able to look past it.
Edgar:Yeah, mean, when I break up over this, I would just be very pissed and I guess reconsider, just because I guess it's just kind of too chauvinistic.
Erika:I feel like I would say So I bet people in the comments would be like, I just stayed with him so he could pay half and then break up with his ass.
Edgar:That sounds like something better would say.
Erika:Yeah, but I would just, I wouldn't even. I think it's something I can overlook, that's just messed up.
Edgar:Yeah, it's weird.
Erika:So the top comment is, in your story you wrote that he did something thoughtful for once. Are you sure you should be marrying this man? He made a joke about your situation in front of a load of people. So I have to question whether he's right for you at all. Not the asshole.
Edgar:I guess that's a
Erika:good that's
Edgar:what I'm Good point. He's probably like a dick in general.
Erika:Yeah, I think he just tries to use money to teach people a lesson constantly. I think that's just how it's gonna be in their relationship. So I mean, does she wanna live that way? I don't think so. At least I wouldn't.
Edgar:It sounds like an annoying way to live.
Erika:Yeah, just because he has money doesn't mean anything.
Edgar:So final verdict?
Erika:He is an asshole. She is not.
Edgar:Yeah, definitely agreed. Time and place for everything.
Erika:Yeah, definitely not for 20 people.
Edgar:So the next story is titled: Found out wife for thirteen years is cheating, now what? So we've been together for nineteen years, married for thirteen. Obviously had arguments and disagreements over all these years but nothing that would make me think this is it. I can't be with her anymore. We have a 10 old daughter so everything has been rough the past year.
Edgar:It's our first baby, lots of stress and sleepless nights. I work and my wife doesn't and she's home with my daughter during the day, so I understand how hard it's been on her. I'm no saint and not perfect, but I help a lot when I'm home, but she's still doing most of the work. We're very close with another couple, have known them for eight to nine years. They are at our ages and have a 1.5 year old and we hang out with each other a lot.
Edgar:The four of us have been on many trips and had sad and fun times together and have become even closer since having kids. Since we've known them for almost nine years, I really think of the guy as my brother, think of his wife as my sister, and loved his son to death, just like my own child. My wife and I have been even talking about asking them to be godparents for our daughter. My wife and the husband play volleyball professionally, except for two and three months before and after our daughter was born. They've been playing three times a week, going to different gyms.
Edgar:My wife is really good and competitive and volleyball is like a therapy for her. So obviously I've been encouraging and supporting her and it's really helped her after the pregnancy. Sometimes he comes and picks up my wife, sometimes my wife goes and picks him up. The thought of them doing something other than volleyball had never even crossed my mind. Naive.
Erika:I know.
Edgar:So a few nights ago in bed my wife fell asleep and her phone with her phone in her hand. I picked it up to put it on charge next to her and I saw what shattered my whole life. Her text messages with the guy. Last messages were kisses and her heart saying goodnight to each other and how much they love each other. My heart was pumping, still not sure what was going on, hoping that maybe it's off from his side, but nope.
Edgar:My wife was also expressing love and affection to him and telling him how much she can't wait until next time they see each other to be in his arms. I really couldn't read much of the next texts as I was processing anger, betrayal, frustration, disbelief. But few of the texts I read, it seemed like the guy always had a crush on my wife since nine years ago, that we all met each other, but never expressed anything until one and a half years ago that something happened and their relationship started. I really couldn't continue reading as I was almost furrowing up so I put her phone down and went to bed. Couldn't sleep at all that night and the nights since then.
Edgar:Obviously this is all I've been thinking about every day and all day, but I can't help myself not to think about that our daughter of 10 old and all of this is just a messed up situation. We actively tried to conceive back then, but still, what if? What else could have happened in the past year and a half? I have so many questions but don't really know what to do next. I love her to death until discovering all this, but I am now disgusted every time I see her.
Edgar:Every time I play with my daughter and kiss her and see her smiling, I just can't help but cry and think how my selfish wife has ruined the life of this innocent pure little angel's life. I would still love my daughter even if she's not mine and I can't think of being apart from her for a second, but what if? Not sure what to do next. Part of me wants to comfort her and know the truth. Part of me wants to work it out, try to understand her reasons and work to recover from this and save our marriage.
Edgar:Part of me wants to punch the piece of shit guy in the face. Part of me wants to divorce ASAP. And part of me wants to sneak around and find out more about their relationship and how far it goes before confronting them. Part of me wants to warn the guy's wife, I feel sorry for ruining her life, so yeah. What do I do now?
Erika:What advice would you give him?
Edgar:I think first she'd find the paternity of the child, like his child, is that what it be?
Erika:DNA test.
Edgar:Yeah, mean even if she's not his daughter, I feel like if he still wants to be a part of her life however he can, he can do that. But I think it's also important for him because right now he's kind of tied to that relationship because they have a kid together, or supposedly they have a kid together. But I think it's important for him to know and also just to confront the wife. It's pretty serious. It seems like the wife and the other guy, they're probably better off together than them.
Erika:Yeah, I agree with you. I think he should screenshot everything, get proof that she's the one cheating. So So when it comes down to custody though, he could have a higher chance of being able to be more in the daughter's life or even full custody if that's the case.
Edgar:It's also just a protection to get audit proof because he shouldn't be paying alimony or any divorce settlements. Cause it's not his fault that the relationship is ending, it's the wife's fault. Do think that OP should tell the other guy's wife as well?
Erika:I think he should get all his ducks in the row first before trying to warn anybody else or expose the truth. Because, you know, it could backfire and then the wife could know and yeah. I think he should get his stuff situated first and then if he wants to tell the other wife, so be it. Yeah. So that way she can also, you know, get, you know, be be prepared for divorce as well.
Erika:Unless she wants to try to work it out, you know, to each its own. I wouldn't do that, but yeah.
Edgar:Yeah, same here. I think, yeah. Just start with himself first, try to get on an equal footing. But yeah, basically his life with his wife at this point is over. He can't really go back from that.
Erika:That's so messed up. I don't understand if people cheat. Do you think about your children? Do you not care if they have a mom and dad? I don't get it.
Erika:So the top comment is document everything. Get DNA tests to make sure your daughter is actually yours. Lawyer her up ASAP and listen to what they tell you to do. Right now is the time to be cold and calculated. You can grieve your loss once you set yourself up for the best possible outcome.
Erika:Even though the cheating doesn't matter in California, collect the evidence anyway. You don't know how she's going to react. She may try to go out and slap you. She might try to tell everyone a fake story or claim you cheated. She may take it to social media.
Erika:You need proof in case she does something stupid so you can defend yourself. Get the DNA today. You are on a timer now. If you are not the father, you need to get your name off the birth certificate before the child becomes your burden for life. Let this come back pay for his mistake.
Erika:Lastly, once you are lawyer up, tell your friend. She deserves to know. Lastly, once you are loaded up, tell the friend. She deserves to know. Good luck.
Erika:This is gonna suck. See a therapist as soon as you can.
Edgar:Yeah. I mean, he has to commence destruction of everything at the moment, just because it's better for everyone in the long term. Like it sucks in the short term, everyone's gonna be all mixed up, all the families are gonna be all over the place, but I think they'll be in a better spot later on.
Erika:Yeah, I agree.
Edgar:We can get it with the guy's wife, because they're already friends.
Erika:Yeah, maybe, I don't know. But I still it would be nice so that way they're both going through the same thing.
Edgar:If anything, I don't see how they would stop being friends from this. They can just cope together, you know, because they both lost very important people in their life.
Erika:Or maybe people, I mean, you could see it that way, or you could see it as the other person is the reminder of the significant other that cheated on them. So it could go both ways. At this point it would just get his self situated to help the other person for
Edgar:a second. Final verdict?
Erika:Would say both of them, the friend is the asshole and the husband. I think it's one of the fine lines of having friendships. I think it's amazing to have
Edgar:Yeah, a close family friend like that.
Erika:But you just never know. You know, it's just one of those things where maybe he develops feelings and you know, she doesn't reciprocate and then eventually she will. So it's just one of those things that you have to keep in mind. Sure have friends but have a limit.
Edgar:Yeah, have some boundaries. Yeah. Agreed OP is not the asshole but yeah, the other two shooters are.
Erika:Yep, 100%. So the next story is, Emma the Asshole for yelling at my aunt after she kept pressuring me to marry her son. I'm 24 female from Pakistan. Here, cousin marriages are common, and my aunt keeps pressuring me to marry her son, 25 male, since I was a teen. This started in my teen years.
Erika:My aunt would start making jokes such as you'll be such a good daughter-in-law or you and her son's name would make a good couple, etc. I used to brush it off then, ignore it and such hoping it would stop, but they never did. Instead of it starting being more common, she started doing it every time we met. I've shut her down politely, every time, saying I'm not interested and it won't ever happen. My mom knew how much it bothered me.
Erika:She didn't want to be disrespectful to her elders, so she kept quiet and only spoke about it in private when my aunt messaged her. My mom told me to keep quiet and ignore because she won't let it happen. This was very uncomfortable. This whole thing gave me whole thing gave my cousin some wrong ideas because he started messaging me in private saying things like, We're getting married in the future, so why are not talking to me now? I just ghosted him and ignored his messages.
Erika:Just a few years ago, I lost my temper at a family gathering after my aunt said, You're all grown up now. When are you gonna marry him? Our decision is final. The strong feeling of the and cringe just made me lash out. I yelled at my aunt calling her Calling her stupid for not listening to me and understanding what no means.
Erika:I used mild swear words as well and it was a whole heated argument. To the end, the argument my brother had to physically carry me out of the house, where I had a breakdown and we all just left her house. My mom was hurt by this a lot and I could feel the pain in her voice whenever we spoke about this. She said she just wishes I handled it differently. After this came a series of unwanted toxicity and drama.
Erika:My aunt yelled at my mom, making her look like a terrible person for letting that happen and cut off all ties. She influenced mom's oldest sister and brother to do the same. My cousin got married to someone else and we found out about it through someone else. He got married and divorced just later that year and somehow my aunt managed to partially blame me. Yo, the audacity.
Edgar:I know, yeah.
Erika:Some people are so dumb, okay. And mom for that divorce, even though we played no part in it. My mom deals with her siblings often and sometimes they drag her into dramas. I've seen her cry in her room alone because of this and it makes me feel bad. I feel like I should have done better or done things differently for the sake of my mom.
Erika:All this toxicity and drama would have been avoided if I did things different.
Edgar:I don't think, yeah, I think the drama and the toxicity would have happened regardless of how she handled this. The only way the toxicity would have ended is if she actually married the cousin, but it looks like the cousin isn't really a good husband if she got divorced within a year of marrying someone else.
Erika:Imagine, that's so shameful.
Edgar:I know, it just says a lot about the cousin in general. He's just probably weird or just like not a good guy in the first place. Not real catch.
Erika:And then the fact that the it blames the mom and her. For what? For your son being a failure? Not a good person? That he couldn't even keep a wife a year?
Edgar:I know.
Erika:Like what do you mean it's your fault in your mom's? I think the culture it's a little bit much more obviously different than our culture. I just think everybody has their own culture and I'm nobody to judge and everybody does their own thing and that's great. But in my perspective, as somebody that doesn't really follow that culture, I just feel bad. I feel bad because I mean I think if only the aunt would understand that that's not going to happen or no means no and that continuously for years to bully her or like basically the man for her to marry her son is insane to me.
Erika:And she's not supposed to say anything, you're supposed to stay quiet and just you know let it happen. It's just so frustrating. Especially because in our culture you say no no, no means no, that's it.
Edgar:Yeah, If the aunt really wanted this to have happened, she shouldn't have pressed it so much for so long. If she wanted it to actually be a thing, I feel like she should have set it up more tactically with the cousins, just have them interact more better rather than trying to force something to happen, you know? That way they grow on each other, not like oh, just forcing that they actually like each other when they don't.
Erika:Exactly.
Edgar:Or they're not even that close yet, you know?
Erika:Yeah, I mean, cousin cousin marriage is crazy to me, but once again, it's common in their culture, so know it's not a problem.
Edgar:At least do it better if they're gonna try and do that.
Erika:Yeah, if she would've been smart, she would've done it differently. I think it wouldn't have been such a huge deal.
Edgar:Yeah, think yeah.
Erika:And let's say they were dating, they didn't like each other, there's no something that they have to get married. It's just one of those things where I think the mother is not at fault here either.
Edgar:OP and his mother have no stake in this in terms of all the toxicity is coming to them just because of how everyone else is reacting, not from what they are doing that's wrong.
Erika:I do think that she was in the wrong for just calling her stupid. Yeah. I think regardless of how frustrating it is or how people can really get under your skin, I think you should have at least some type of respect because she's your elder. And you know, when you act out like that in front of your family, especially, you know, your aunt or whatever, it shows that your parents didn't raise you well, basically.
Edgar:You know
Erika:what I mean? So I think she should've just said, you know, I'm not interested and that's it.
Edgar:Yeah.
Erika:It would've cost, you know, it would've been a little bit better and she wouldn't've been shunned by all her siblings either.
Edgar:So
Erika:the top comment is not the asshole at all. Your aunt has some weird delusion that after you said no a hundred times, you were still going to marry him. You are your own person and deserve respect. You should be telling anyone who no should be
Edgar:No one.
Erika:No one should be yelling no one should be telling anyone who to marry. Heck, you don't have to marry at all if you don't want to. Yeah. Exactly.
Edgar:So, final verdict on this?
Erika:No, you're not the asshole. I think she pushed you to the point of breaking, you know, I just would've used a little bit better words there.
Edgar:Yeah, definitely Opry isn't really an asshole in this situation. If she was just a tiny bit more respectful, maybe like
Erika:It would have been different, yeah.
Edgar:They would still be mad at her, but it just gives them more ammo.
Erika:Yeah, exactly.
Edgar:The next story is titled, Am I the Asshole for Yelling That I Have Nothing to Do with My Ex's Unborn Child Because I Am Not the Mother. I, 25 female, was in an on and off relationship with Jeremy, twenty seven male, for over four years. What I mean by this is that we never seriously dated, but we were exclusive. No sleeping with others, and that wasn't because we were planning to be together at the end, but to reduce the risk of pregnancies and paternity questioning. I had met his family a few times.
Edgar:They liked me, but I wasn't around them very much, kind of at the point of being casual and everything. Billings did develop near the end of our on and off again period, but we broke up for real for six months. He told me he didn't want it to end. I wasn't sure he was serious enough about making a serious relationship work. I told him that and I was close, I was open to one but some of his actions made me doubt.
Edgar:Four months ago he came to me and told me he had worked on himself and he was ready to be a true partner. We talked it all and we got back together for real this time. I spent some time around his family this time and we talked about the future and our goals. Two months into our serious relationship, his ex, from before the start of our original relationship, announced she was pregnant and that the two of them had slept together while he and I were broken up for the six month period. He didn't deny it, but he said he didn't want her.
Edgar:It was blowing off steam one weekend and how he was still committed to me and there would be nobody else because I was it for him. I told him I didn't want to be involved in a baby thing, that he was having a kid and I wasn't and I was out. Since that point, he had repeatedly tried to get me to change my mind. The mother of his child has tried to talk to me so she can yell about how unfair it is, and his family have begged me to come back, that they loved me and never liked her, and how he and the baby need me and they need me, and they don't want to be left dealing with the actual mother and how good of a mom I would be.
Erika:Oh my god.
Edgar:So yeah, a lot of begging. But I was blocking people all over the place. That's crazy.
Erika:I would too, what the hell?
Edgar:But in the end I lost my temper and I set up a group chat with all of them on a different number and yelled in a voice message that I am not the mother of my ex's unborn child and therefore I have nothing to do with this baby or the situation and I won't take him back. I won't have anything to do with this and if telling them all at once needed to happen then here it was. I stayed in the group for a few hours before growing tired of the mother of the child being outraged that I would speak to her like that, where my ex was pleading and saying I couldn't dump him when he didn't cheat, and his family saying how unfair I was being and how unneeded this was. Now I kind of regret doing it because I wonder if they actually leave me alone or still look for ways to contact me, and it might be more pissy than before. Am I the asshole?
Edgar:No. This is just ridiculous. I mean, think OP and her ex, I think they're both trash, in terms of people. Everyone in this story seems to be Very very trashy. I think it's delusional for OP's ex and his entire family, the entire side to believe that, oh, we need OP back.
Edgar:No, that's just not how it works. Clearly OP's ex cheated as well.
Erika:Yes. And the fact that everybody wants her to raise the baby because she's gonna be a better mother, like, what do you even mean? What is in their minds? Like, in their head? And then he's saying
Edgar:It's sub 100 IQ Clearly.
Erika:Thank god this happened. You got rid of some crazy ass people there, Imagine
Edgar:having like a whole, just that entire side of your family is just like, is it stupid?
Erika:I think how do you even respond? Oh my god. I would just block them all like she did.
Edgar:Mhmm.
Erika:There's no reason to waste your time with people like that. So the top comment is totally not the asshole. Not your circus, not your monkeys. Just go no contact with anybody, with everyone at this point. Exactly.
Edgar:Basically, yeah.
Erika:I would too.
Edgar:It's pretty ridiculous.
Erika:That's what you would do, right?
Edgar:Yeah, because it's just crazy.
Erika:You would actually go back to the with the person? No. Good. I think you always, I don't know, from every time we had a story, I feel like your response is more like, Oh, but that's not break up worthy. Like, you forgive so much.
Edgar:Yeah, but this is like, you're dealing with people that are like, crazy, mentally unsound.
Erika:Thank goodness you get to realize that. I don't know.
Edgar:It's a straight graphic worry.
Erika:I don't know, I think you're very forgiving, which I love that about you, but I don't know, I'm just not very forgiving, I guess.
Edgar:So, final verdict?
Erika:Yeah, you're not the asshole girl, run.
Edgar:I hope you, yeah.
Erika:Run and never look back.
Edgar:Yeah, fake your death, change your identity.
Erika:For real. Okay, so this is the last story. Am I the asshole for destroying my best friend's proposal because I believe she was being kidnapped? This actually
Edgar:Someone must be off the meds.
Erika:You're so crazy. So this actually happened last weekend and I'm still shaking. My best friend Emily, twenty nine female, had been dating her boyfriend Chris, thirty one male, for about four years. I, 28 female, love her to death and have always supported the relationship even though Chris is eccentric. He loves surprises and stuff.
Erika:Think flash mobs and scavenger hunts that no one asked for.
Edgar:So a nuisance.
Erika:I think that's fun.
Edgar:That's not a I
Erika:think that's fun. Anyway, oh he reminds me of Raj from The Big Bang Theory.
Edgar:So a nuisance?
Erika:Stop! I like his character. Anyways, he's a little bit feminine, but you know. Anyways, I was visiting Emily. We were walking around catching up when this unmarked white van comes up next to us.
Erika:Two masked men jump out and grab her. She begins screaming, I freak out! So I did what any safe, frightened human being would do. Grabbed
Edgar:my gun.
Erika:I grabbed my pepper spray, legal where I am, and yelled bloody murder and went wild. Sprayed one dude in the face, kicked the other one in the shin, and literally pulled Emily back by the colt while yelling for 911. Turned out Chris and two of his buddies, They were attempting this strange prank connecting into surprise proposal situation because Emily wanted a proposal like in the movies. Chris was yelling crying over the pepper spray. Emily was scared while the cops arrived.
Erika:It was chaotic. Now Chris is angry. He tells me I ruined the most significant moment of their lives and I embarrass him in front of everyone. Emily tells me she understands why I freaked out but wishes I read the room. But like, what?
Erika:Oh my gosh.
Edgar:This is what happens when you have like two people in a relationship and they're both stupid.
Erika:Oh, bye Emily. Bye. Oh, but like how was I but how was I supposed to know? It seemed real. She was crying.
Erika:They had masks and it literally was a van.
Edgar:A white van. Yeah.
Erika:With no what is it?
Edgar:License plate?
Erika:Yeah. Everyone's acting like I overreacted, but I genuinely thought she was being trafficked. Am I the asshole for spawning the proposal?
Edgar:Yeah, LP is not the asshole in this. This is what happens when you have a nuisance person. They can be above the law and and they can just do all this crazy stuff, and there'll be no consequences. Yeah. This is a natural escalation of everything that's been happening.
Erika:I think everybody if he wants to be eccentric and wants to do scavenger hunts and wants to do crazy, fast mobs, great. You know, you're not hurting anybody. But when you go into trying to kidnap her, I'm sorry, but that's just crazy to me. I I I would be freaking out too. How would you react?
Erika:I would do the I would literally feel like she's been trafficked. I would have done anything possible to beat them up or like try to get rid of it and call 911. Mhmm. I mean it's just one of those things where you know you can't really know it's fake. How can she read the room?
Edgar:I know, yeah, Emily is crazy for that statement.
Erika:Yeah, so the top comment is read the room. Read the room. Two guys snatched up your screaming friend on the street and telling you to read the room? What if someone else had called 911? What if someone else on the street saw and just started wailing on them?
Erika:What if other people started going on local media about girls getting grabbed? This was a poorly conceived prank proposal, and you didn't what anybody else should have done. Not the asshole. Your friend and her boyfriend are dumbasses. Yeah.
Erika:I think at this point, the whole Accenture thing is fine, but doing kidnapping is just crossing the line.
Edgar:Is that the final verdict?
Erika:She is definitely not the asshole.
Edgar:Same here, yeah. I mean, they're still gonna get married, those two. So I pray to God that their child is half as stupid as both of them.
Erika:I just, I don't even know. Mean, they wanted to do something like that, maybe if Emily was alone, it would have been fine and nobody's gonna kick or do something to ruin it. Like, don't get it.
Edgar:Yeah.
Erika:Okay. So, that's all the stories we have today. Thank you for tuning in this week's episode. Check out our website www.yappings.com and join our mail for updates. If you love our podcast and want to support us, subscribe and share it to your friends and family.
Erika:We would appreciate this so much.
Edgar:Also, we started a Facebook group called AITA Relationship and Family Drama, linked in the description. Join us so you can share a mighty asshole stories you like or share your own stories for us to all judge. We may even read a few posts in one of our episodes if you're lucky.
Erika:Thank you. Bye!
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