Episode 22
· 56:41
Yapping!
Erika:Hello. This is Erika.
Edgar:Edgar.
Paulina:And Paulina. And we are
Erika:the Yapping Schnauzers We entertain you with the yap-worthy stories we find around the web. Today's theme is wedding disasters part three probably. And the first story is Emma the asshole for refusing to let my brother's fiance wear my late mother's wedding dress. I 30 female lost my mom five years ago.
Erika:Before she passed away, she gave me her wedding dress. She told me she wanted me to have it, whether I choose to wear it at my own wedding, repurpose it or keep it as a memory of her. It's one of the most sentimental things I own. My older brother, Jake, thirty three male is getting married in a few months to his fiancee, Laura, twenty nine female. We have a good relationship, but we're not super close.
Erika:Last week, Laura asked if we could meet up for a coffee and that's when she dropped the bombshell. She told me she had always dreamed of wearing a meaningful dress when she got married and thought it would be so special if she could wear my mom's wedding dress. She said it would be a beautiful way to honor my mom at the wedding. I was completely caught off guard. I told her that while I appreciated her sentiment, my mom gave the dress to me and it was very personal.
Erika:I wasn't comfortable letting someone else wear it especially because I still might want to use it in some way on my own wedding day. Laura immediately got upset and said I was being selfish. She told me it wasn't fair because she never got to meet my mom and this would be a way for her to feel connected to her. She also said my mom would have wanted her to wear it since she's joining the family. I stood my ground and told her no.
Erika:I suggested she find another way to incorporate my mom's memory, maybe by wearing a piece of my mom's jewelry or a pair of her shoes. But Laura said that wasn't the same. Now my brother is involved and he told me I should reconsider because it would mean a lot to Laura. He said I was being unnecessarily difficult over just a dress. Even some of my relatives were saying I should think about the bigger picture and how it would be a touching tribute.
Erika:I felt guilty, but at the same time, this dress means the world to me. So read it. Am I the asshole for refusing to let her wear it? What do guys think?
Edgar:I say it's like a little bit difficult because Laura, like OP's sister-in-law and herself can wear the dress, like she said, at different times. But maybe that's like not ideal because I don't really feel too close to like any any clothing or dress. So that doesn't matter to me, but I don't know how she sees it from her perspective.
Paulina:I think I actually like both sides. I like that the bride wants to honor the mother who is no longer with them here. So I liked that she actually went and had a conversation with her and asked about, you know, if she was willing to do that. And also that Laura is, you know, was thinking about it. However, it's Laura's dress is, it's something that it belongs to her, that her mother gave that to her.
Paulina:And, you know, don't, as much as I like the sister in law's idea, it's up to Laura to decide if she lets her wear the dressing or not. It belongs to her. And unfortunately, the brother shouldn't even be involved. He should let them-
Erika:Deal with it.
Paulina:Deal with it. And hopefully this doesn't turn out to be a huge problem in the future because it, you know, she said just at the beginning that she's not even close to them. So I'm not really sure what's going on either. It's up to Laura's decision to,
Erika:Decide whether
Paulina:or not.
Erika:Decide, yeah. I think it's just one of those things where, who really told her about the stress? It must have been the brother.
Edgar:There was no
Erika:way she could have found out this on her own. So it's more like the brother wanted to save some money. And this is just me making assumptions because he said, hey, my mom has a wedding dress that my sister has, and maybe you should ask her to give it to you so you could wear it for the wedding. Now, I liked your idea that maybe both of them can wear it. However, when you have a wedding dress, you get it tailored for your body.
Erika:And I guarantee you, they probably don't have the same body.
Edgar:Yeah.
Erika:So it's, you know, money and you know, still money and it's like one of those things where, you know, if you want to keep your wedding dress after being tailored to you, you don't want to give it away or sometimes maybe you do because you want to donate it but if it's sentimental value like she has it now, it's one of those things where, you know, it's just not easy to be like, yeah, here you go. Because it means to you. It's not just the clothing. It's about the thing that she has left of her mom and that she once wore. It's the sentimental value.
Erika:It's not the clothing itself. Yeah.
Edgar:But she can still wear it afterwards. Yeah.
Erika:I don't know.
Paulina:I and also when you wear a wedding dress, it's also it's a unique sentiment. Like it just, but for example, so for my situation, I got my wedding dress, love my wedding dress and I kept it for a long, long time until I decided that I wanted to have my wedding dress to give it to someone that really will love it and need it. And, and so that's exactly what I did. I gifted my wedding dress to one of my, it was my cousin's wife, well, now wife. And so she was so thankful and so grateful that I was able to give that to her as a present for her wedding because now my husband now have been married for a long time.
Paulina:So now she felt like it's something special for her and it's going to it's going to be a blessing for her marriage and and it's going to last a long time because of, you know, how our relationship is with my husband. So, you know, that's different. But every dress is just unique to you. And it just, most people don't want to give them give them away, they want to keep them forever. And it's us.
Paulina:That's understandable. But, you know, there's like me, I decided to give it to someone else that I know it was going to be beautiful and she's going to she was going to look great. And she did. Her wedding was amazing and she looked stunning.
Erika:Yeah, I think it would be different. Like, for example, if you were to have a girl, like if you had a little girl, you weren't giving away, you would give it to your daughter. And it's still sentimental. At least that's how I would see it. If I was to have a wedding dress, I would keep it and give it down to my daughter.
Erika:But you have two sons, so what are gonna Yeah, I can't really do that. So it's just one of those things, you But
Edgar:also the wedding dress can go to like just all the matriarchs in the family. Like it doesn't just have to be like from daughter to daughter to daughter. It could just be like all the women in, like, that's joining the the family. Because at the end of the day, like, it's still getting passed within the family, and it still gets I
Paulina:do like the idea of keeping it in the family. Like, for my dress, it's still in the family. I don't know. She has two beautiful daughters. So maybe who knows?
Paulina:But not, you know, sometimes that doesn't happen. But, you know, it's up to the bride, the to the side or to the whoever owns the dress to decide what they want to do with the dress. Know, I don't think no one else Yeah. Yeah, it's her choice. I don't think no one else has to decide for her what to do with her, especially knowing that it was from her mother.
Edgar:Yeah, agreed.
Erika:Yeah, so I think at the end of the day, if she wants to use it for her wedding, she should.
Edgar:But is it worth like having all that drama within the family? Like between a brother, sister-in-law?
Erika:I mean, it's I mean, it's just it's just not just a dress. And the fact that the brother said it's just a dress, it's not. It's it's very frustrating because I I understand males think about it intellectually or whatever, but it's this is sentimental value. And there's no price. There is no drama.
Erika:There's nothing like that that matters enough for you to give it up, especially if she wants to use it for her wedding day. Just because he's getting married first doesn't mean that he has the rights to have the wedding dress.
Paulina:I also think this is a good opportunity for them three to sit down and have a conversation heart to heart and just discuss, you know, you know, and Laura let them know how she feels and have them understand that she doesn't want to have this to be a big deal. And then this is a beautiful event that's going to happen in their lives. And so she wants to help them, but also understand that, you know, that's her personal feelings and it's her. And if whatever that she can do to help, to get another dress or to do whatever, this is the time to just be together as a family since the mom is no longer there. And hopefully just come together as one family now and they can deal with all these things now instead of having them fostering in the future.
Erika:Yeah. I mean, she did give her options about wearing her mom's jewelry and a pair of shoes, but she still refused. So it's just one of those things where you're like, okay, what else do you want? She's trying to compromise a certain way too, but she still doesn't want that. Alright.
Erika:And then the top comment is not the asshole. If it were just a dress like your brother says, your future sister-in-law wouldn't make such a big deal out of your refusal. This is your dress to wear someday or not, but it is your special connection, not hers. Exactly. So at the end of the day, think it's really it's her choice, and I don't think she should feel like she's the asshole for refusing.
Edgar:This is a totally her choice and it's like no obligation to say yes or no and she shouldn't feel you. That way.
Erika:You agree, Polina?
Paulina:I totally agree.
Edgar:The final verdict on that? Not the asshole?
Erika:No. No, she's not the asshole.
Edgar:No. The next story is titled, Am I the Asshole for Refusing to Go to My Sister's Wedding After Finding Out Only Our Side of the Family We're Having to Pay to Attend. So my younger sister Katie, twenty eight female, and her partner Chris, twenty nine, are getting married in April in Dubai. She has always wanted an extravagant wedding and is going all out on this. So the wedding is happening over four days.
Edgar:There are 70 guests, but they want us, me, my husband, and parents, to stay in the same hotel with them along with her bridesmaids and groomsmen. The hotel is pretty luxe so with flights it's still costing us just over €2,900 each. Chris's family are also staying in the hotel, which includes his parents, two brothers, and his nephew. They are well off. I don't know exactly how much they earn combined, but I know Katie is on 88 k, and she is below lowest earner.
Edgar:But about six months ago, Chris and Katie came to us and asked to borrow 17 k more. They stressed it would be on a loan paid over time and said the venue had increased the price. Dubai law was different, blah blah blah. They paid this money or they lost a lot. We believed them, and I offered to loan them 7 k and my parents the other 10 k.
Edgar:So long story short, I have since found out through someone else that the 70 k wasn't for the venue. It was for Chris' family to fly over there. They saw how much it was going to be, didn't want him to pay, and refused to go. I asked Katie, and she confirmed. So my first question was, if they were paying for his parents, why not pay for hours?
Edgar:I would never expect them to pay for me even if we couldn't afford it. I have wished them well and stayed at home. And her answer was, Because they can afford it. She got very defensive and said that this was the fairest way she could think of doing it. It's hard enough planning a wedding but when I asked, If you genuinely thought this was the fairest way to do it, why did you lie about what the 17 ks was for and say it was a venue issue?
Edgar:She couldn't answer. My parents are aware and are very disappointed that they lied, but have said they're still attending, but I have backed out. To me it feels like my parents have been taken advantage and if they couldn't afford to pay for both ours and Chris's parents, and his brother, and the nephew, then they shouldn't have just paid for the four parents or no one else at all. And they especially shouldn't have lied about it. Katie and Chris keep calling and asking me to attend, seeing I'm making them feel bad and ruining their day, but the whole thing just feels icky to me.
Edgar:I'm generally an open book, so am I being an asshole over here? Should I just suck it up and go?
Erika:I think this is hard. I think he should just go because at the end of the day if his sister wants him to be there he should be there for her regardless of how messy it is to get there. I
Paulina:mean, I
Erika:don't know but I think she's still in the wrong though for lying and saying that you know it was for the venue but it was only for the other, for the husbands.
Edgar:And this is like UK money. UK money is like, even though it's not as much as American money, it's still a lot for them. They make maybe like half as much as we make, and so 17 ks is basically double here than it is for us. But I think in general this wedding is just too expensive in the first place. I feel like barely anyone can really afford it.
Edgar:That's why the parents can't go in naturally and they didn't want to go because it was too expensive and I think four days is excessive.
Erika:Weddings in Dubai are always expensive. Even the flight there is expensive.
Edgar:Well like it's too excessive for what it is. Like four days is that's just like
Erika:Four days?
Edgar:Yeah it's a four day wedding.
Erika:That's insane.
Edgar:Like no one needs that much celebration or I think it
Erika:all depends on the culture too. We can't rule that out.
Edgar:The culture is bad if they have to celebrate for four days.
Erika:No, think everybody's entitled to have their own culture however you need to keep in mind
Edgar:some people's cultures are like they eat people.
Erika:But I'm talking
Edgar:about the I was saying in general. Culture is meant to be not subjective, objective for me.
Erika:Dude, I'm talking about weddings.
Edgar:What do
Erika:know about eating people?
Edgar:I'm just saying. All the cultures are not equal. If there's a culture where you have to celebrate your wedding over four days, I do not want be a part of that culture.
Erika:You're so funny. I think
Paulina:I feel bad for the poor parents of Katie. Like, what is she's what is she's thinking? And the and the and the and her partner. A wedding is a wedding. I understand.
Paulina:But speaking with truth, it's the best thing you can do. Even if it hurts, even if it whatever they're think, but when you tell the truth, you know, things probably worked out in a different way for her and and no one would have been hurt. No one would have been in a situation than than they are right now. I agree with Erica either way I should attend the wedding, but I'll be with a sad face or upset face because and that's not fair to me for, you know, for the decision that Katie wanted to and the partner wanted to make and not telling the truth, you know, and then that's just, that's too bad that they don't, that she was not up front with her family and tell her about what the what she was gonna use the money for. And and also to just have a wedding that's gonna be very expensive that not even the other parents couldn't even afford.
Paulina:And they were they already told her, no, we're not going.
Erika:Mhmm.
Paulina:You know? What about doing foreign races? What about doing other things that she could have the family help? You know, if they truly want them to be part of it, then they should help to be, you know, participate to to help to
Erika:be To get that money.
Paulina:Yeah. To get the money. So there there are all I feel that there are other ways that she could she could have got the money instead of just getting the money and and lying about it.
Edgar:Exactly. It's just like a lot and then yeah. Definitely, like, taking advantage of, like, the situation. Like, The parents can't afford it and like well the other parents that did pay it, this is basically half their year of pay and they're just going to this. Meanwhile the other family is they're supposed to be more well off but they didn't want to pay for it.
Paulina:Yeah. That's just terrible.
Edgar:I think it starts the family off in a bad foot. Approval for them.
Erika:I I think there should be some compromises here but clearly some people just don't want to make it.
Edgar:Would you guys have paid off your own parents if they were in a situation like they got taken advantage of like this?
Erika:I love what OP said though. He said maybe just pay off the parents tickets and that's it. So the mom and dad of the bride and mom and dad from the husband.
Edgar:Yeah because that's why I didn't remember for the engagement for us we paid for everything. Paid for all our parents, like their hotel and then also their tickets to go to the spa. Because like that was fair and I wanted them to be there. So like that's like that's the fairest way and it just shows that I want these people there like for like definitely.
Erika:Yeah. No. Really I really love that, babe. We did good. Mhmm.
Erika:Yeah.
Paulina:I think that's that's fair and that's understandable. But what she did was not it's not the whole family, I'm sorry. We she if she needed she she wanted to invite the whole family, then she needs to work and she needs to pay for that. No one else needs to pay for someone's, you know, for someone's flight. If they wanted to go, they wanted to go.
Paulina:If she wanted to have them to go, then she needed to work out a deal with them.
Edgar:Yeah.
Erika:Yeah, I agree. I don't think she is I don't think he's the asshole for not wanting to attend, but I think he should still go just to support his sister. You know what I mean? Mhmm.
Paulina:Yeah. I agree. It's just that I'd be very upset.
Erika:I agree.
Edgar:Be a Sour Patch.
Paulina:Unfortunately, I'd the Sour Patch.
Edgar:Yeah, the top comment is not the asshole, yet one of the many reasons why I dislike destination weddings. They're the penultimate egocentric events.
Erika:Yeah, it's just one of those things where it's like you really have to think about who will be able to make and who won't. Yeah, and you
Paulina:know I always, I thought of going to a different country and get, know, because I know another country that I would like to go, it's less expensive than here.
Erika:Yeah. It is like Ecuador? Yeah.
Paulina:That's what I was thinking. My twenty year anniversary, I guess, or maybe twenty five and have another beautiful wedding, but it's actually very cheap and I will have tons of family that are gonna be there and there will be opportunity to celebrate and just to have my kids to see the blessing of being with my husband in the years that we have been together. But it it will be not even what we paid here when I got married. Yeah.
Erika:It would be not even less than half, right?
Paulina:Not e yeah. And it will be a beautiful place, beautiful venue, amazing food, and it will be everything included. I'm not saying to get married in Ecuador, but I'm just saying.
Erika:I want it to.
Paulina:It will be it will be an amazing, you know, destination to have your wedding, but, like, we're talking about Dubai. I'm sorry. That's just a different story.
Edgar:Yeah. I mean, you have to factor in everyone has to pay like everyone that's not from Ecuador or anyone who's not from the country you're trying to have the wedding at is gonna have to pay a plane ticket, which is like a thousand, 2,000 per person Round trip.
Paulina:Yeah. That's just crazy.
Erika:I know. I know. That's why I'm saying we could have wedding here. Mhmm. Because I know you want your family to be there too, which I completely understand.
Edgar:But
Erika:for our, like Paena said, for our 25, we're having it over there.
Edgar:What happened in Japan, I guess?
Erika:In Japan?
Edgar:What? Some place everyone has to pay tickets for?
Erika:What do you mean? We still have to pay tickets to get over there in Ecuador. Do we live there? Yeah. Then what do mean everybody has to pay tickets?
Erika:Your family's paying and my family's paying to get tickets to Ecuador. So what's the difference?
Paulina:Japan. No Madagascar.
Erika:No Madagascar, you're crazy. Alright, so what's the final verdict for this? I think we said it already, didn't it?
Edgar:Yeah, final verdict OP isn't the asshole but like that other side of the family.
Erika:Oh yeah, 100%. I think they need to work on it. They think they need to, you know, try to be more accommodating, I guess. Mhmm. Okay.
Erika:So the next story is, am I the asshole for refusing to pay for my sister's wedding after she uninvited my autistic son from being her ring barrier because he might ruin her day. I, 34 female, have a six year old son, Liam, who's autistic. He's nonverbal but loves people and gets excited on his own way, flapping his hands, making happy noises. My sister, 29 female, is getting married in two months and originally asked Liam to be the ring barrier, which I was thrilled about. I've been helping her plan the wedding, even agreeing to pay for the menu $5,000 because she's tight on money.
Erika:Last week she called me crying saying she's been thinking it over and decided Liam couldn't be the ring barrier anymore. She said she's worried he might freak out during the ceremony and ruin her perfect day. I told her we could practice with him and he's been in events before without issues, but she wouldn't budge. She even suggested he not to come to the wedding at all, claiming it would be too much for him. Liam adores her and was so excited to wear a little suit.
Erika:I got upset and said, if my son isn't welcome, I'm not paying for the menu. Who? Now she's calling me selfish, saying I'm holding money over her head and ruining her wedding. Our parents are split. Mom says I'm overreacting.
Erika:Dad says she's being cruel. Am I the asshole for pulling the funding?
Edgar:I don't think she's the asshole. Like she's like $5,000 is like a non trivial amount of money to put into a venue and like the least like OP, sister-in-law, whoever, do is just like make some concessions. Like if someone was paying me like $1,020,000 dollars to do like my thing, I wouldn't like piss them off. That's just like not a wise decision to do.
Erika:Just compromise.
Paulina:Yeah. And the fact that she already asked when you ask a little one to do something
Edgar:Mhmm.
Paulina:And you said all of a sudden they say you said no, you'll break their hearts because their little ones will, you know, this is and I'm always relate to what I what I go through. You know, I have a sick a seven year old who if you say something, mommy,
Edgar:you
Paulina:promise. Oh my god. And it's like, I know I promise and I cannot break your promise. So it'll be a pinky promise, mommy. And how can you go back and say to a six year old, no, you're not going to be the ring bearer anymore.
Paulina:You're breaking this little boy's heart. Plus, you are I'll be honest and I'll be like, I'm not giving you my I'm not giving you the $5,000 because the whole reason was that my son and you already you know, I already told him and I already you know, he was excited about and now all of sudden, you know, you don't want him to participate. That's just wrong. I'd be sad. And, yes, I'll be like, I'm not giving you my $5,000.
Paulina:Sorry.
Erika:I mean, I I understand. Imagine there's something that happens that he, you know, makes a mistake. I mean, but they're little kids. It happens. You've seen videos where little kids, like, drop something and then everybody laughs and then pick it up and and and life goes on.
Erika:Mhmm. The winning is not ruined. You continue. And I mean, come on. If she really wasn't willing to have him be part of the wedding, then she shouldn't have said anything.
Erika:She shouldn't have offered it. And especially with somebody who's autistic, like they don't really understand fully even a six year old still wouldn't understand fully but I feel like you know it's one of those things that are simple in life where they're like really excited and it means maybe the world to him right now and the fact that he won't be able to do that or even go to the wedding is insane to me. I think she really she went overboard with this and I don't think she's an asshole at all. I'm I'm glad she's taking away that money because she don't deserve it.
Edgar:Yeah. And the kids like don't understand like especially at that age that plans change and it just would be like too much for them. And it just would be like a little bit unfair.
Erika:Yeah. So the top comment is she can do whatever she wants at her wedding but not on your dime. Exactly. I agree.
Edgar:And also, like, she's just insulting her child at the same time.
Paulina:I feel like that's my that's that's what I'm saying. I'm like, you're not including my son. Forget it. Like, because that's my son, you know? And yes.
Paulina:And there's other ways, like she said, we can practice. We can go over again. And he's it seems like he's been to events before and seems like there hasn't been a problem, but I dunno, it seems just weird that all of a sudden she doesn't want him to participate. It's just weird.
Erika:Yeah, and then any kid in any event, there's always a room for something happening or going wrong. Kids are kids. They're never gonna do everything perfect. So it doesn't matter that he's autistic or not, he's a child.
Paulina:Yeah, instead they're actually gonna put a smile on people's face.
Erika:Exactly.
Edgar:You're fine writer, Chana?
Erika:Yeah, she's not an asshole.
Paulina:Yeah. I agree.
Edgar:Hope he's right to take away the money.
Erika:Yes, snatch that away.
Edgar:No more than you? The next story is titled, Am I the Asshole for Telling My Sister Not to Announce Her Pregnancy at My Wedding because I was going to announce mine, but she did it anyway. I, 29 female, got married three months ago to my amazing husband, thirty one male. It was supposed to be one of the happiest days of my life, but my sister, 32 female, managed to overshadow it in a way that I can't seem to move past. A little background, my husband and I had been trying for a baby for a while, and when we finally got that positive test, we were over the moon.
Edgar:We decided we would share the news with our family and friends at our wedding reception. Nothing crazy, just a small heartfelt moment during the speeches. Only my parents and my maid of honor knew about this plan. A few weeks before the wedding, my sister pulled me aside to tell me that she was pregnant. I was genuinely happy for her, and we had a sweet moment together.
Edgar:Then she casually mentioned that she was planning to announce it at my wedding. I was shocked and told her, as kindly as I could, that I would prefer she didn't. I even explained why because I was also pregnant and planning to share the news that day. I asked if she could just wait just a little longer so that they could stay focused on the wedding. She seemed a bit annoyed but didn't argue much, so I thought that was the end of it.
Edgar:Well, fast forward to the reception, and guess what? Right after the speeches, she stands up, clinks her glass, and announces her pregnancy. The whole room erupts in cheers, and suddenly my wedding turns into her pregnancy celebration. I was stunned. I didn't even get the chance to share my own news because it felt like I'd just be trying to one up her.
Edgar:Later when I confronted her, she acted like I was overreacting and said she just couldn't keep it in anymore. When I told her how hurt I was, she said I was selfish for wanting to control when people share their happiness. My parents think she was out of line but are telling me to let it go for the sake of family peace. But I can't seem to move on. Every time I think about my wedding, I feel this bitter pit in my stomach because she took away a moment that was special to me.
Edgar:She, on the other hand, thinks I'm being dramatic and says I should be happy for her instead of making everything about myself. So am I the asshole for not letting this go?
Erika:This is so infuriating.
Edgar:I know.
Erika:Like Oh my god.
Edgar:Like, the the sister made it about herself and then told OP on her wedding day not to make it about herself.
Erika:Oh my god. Wanna grab her by the hair.
Edgar:No. Grab her by the baby. By the fetus. No. Mama.
Edgar:Grab her by the hair. Oh.
Erika:This is so frustrating. Mhmm. Yes.
Paulina:That's crazy. When I when I when I'm listening to the story, it's like, what kind of world are we living in right now? I'm like, this is her wedding. This is her day. What would you, you know, this is, you know, what it looks like to me is like you have, there seems to be some type of rivalry.
Paulina:Ribery? Ribery between both of Because that's how, that's what it looks like. One wants to be the center of attention and the other one is like, but wait, it's my day. It's like, well, I don't care. I'm gonna do it no matter what.
Paulina:That's, it seems like there's, there is, I think that's, you know, with this story, I feel like there's something, something in the past that's, it's probably not the, the first, the first time it seems like it's something that's just been happening. And now, you know, you can see that. And unfortunately it got to the point that it's like a big event, something that you care about so much and that someone would just ruin it. And every time you think about your wedding, 'd be like, instead of a happy memory, you have a real bad memory. Yeah.
Erika:At a bad taste in your mouth.
Paulina:Yeah. I do think that I'm right. I think it's right for the parents or for the whole family, for her to let that go. Because it's not good to keep, you know, keep those things in your heart because it's, you know, forgiveness is not for them, it's for you. And that's the whole thing about letting go.
Paulina:It sucks, yes. But it's not for you. It's not for the sister, but it's for your own sake.
Erika:Yeah, of course. I think she should let it go for own her own sake, but was wrong. Yes. Was. I mean, don't blame her for being upset and just not wanting to maybe she needs time.
Erika:I think she needs time away from her sister and then eventually, you know, bring her back in. But because, I mean, I don't blame her. I would be really upset.
Paulina:Plus she's both of them are pregnant, so their hormones are all over.
Edgar:Oh my gosh.
Paulina:So yes, they're probably don't I don't even know what happened there. I wouldn't even wanna be there.
Edgar:I know.
Erika:There would be so much drama in that conversation right there.
Edgar:Right. They're both pissed and emotional times 100.
Erika:Mhmm. Mhmm. Yeah. Mhmm. So the top comment is whatever you do, do not share your baby's name with your sister.
Erika:I've seen too many posts of Jelly's sister stealing baby names and she seems terrible enough to do it. Yeah, it
Edgar:looks like. It's like so weird too like why steal someone else's name idea? Like I don't get the rationale for that.
Erika:Yeah, no. I've seen that happen too. Mhmm. Like personally.
Paulina:Sister and I were what a few months apart when we both had boys and we both were happy for each other. And we didn't steal their boys' names. We have two different boys and they each one have a different personal and middle name. And so, you know, I'm like, I don't understand how a sister can do that to you and ruin your whole wedding day and your news, you know? I'm sure she will have like, she could have done it in a different day where there was family involved or she wanted to do it in social media.
Paulina:You know, now there's so many ways of sharing the news and
Erika:that she needed to do They don't want a celebration. Yeah. They do with the baby popping, the
Paulina:cake
Erika:Yeah.
Paulina:That's so sad. That's so sad with the sisters.
Erika:Yeah. I know. It didn't have to be this way, but that sister made it this way and then it had to be like that.
Edgar:I know, she just hijacked the entire day. Yeah, that's So now people are gonna I mean, I feel like it's tacky, like imagine like, remember this chick's wedding? And then the other person will be like, yeah, that's when they announced the baby, didn't they, for another family?
Erika:Yeah, it looks it makes her the sister look bad anyways too. Like it literally sees how selfish she is that ruining her sister's wedding day by bringing up her important news when it's not her day.
Edgar:Ruins both of their
Paulina:news.
Edgar:All that's what theme uses. It ruins the baby reveal for sisters and also ruins the wedding.
Paulina:Yeah. It's not even one, it has two. So many events right there in one day. Yeah.
Erika:She should have done, she should have not done that. Especially if she said don't do that, that you know, she said respectfully not to do it. And she went against her will and said well I couldn't hold it in. You're an adult, you know how to help
Edgar:your Self control.
Erika:Yes, you should know how to
Paulina:do that. And don't blame it on the baby. No.
Edgar:That baby curse.
Paulina:Or your hormones.
Erika:Exactly. Alright.
Edgar:Final verdict?
Paulina:She's now reacting and she's not losing her mind.
Erika:Yeah, I don't think. I think she's the asshole. She really is the sister.
Edgar:Oh, the sister. Okay. Yeah, I agree that the sister is the asshole. But OP, yeah, she should just kind of let it go.
Erika:Yeah. For own sake.
Paulina:Just especially because they're both gonna have babies you don't want that, you don't want that relationship to be ruined because of both of them. And they might, the kids might have a good relationship. Let that, let that leave that aside and have the kids have a good relationship and learn from your mistakes.
Erika:And be better, be a better person.
Paulina:Yep.
Erika:Yeah, so the next story is, Emma the asshole for calling off my wedding after my fiance bought a house with his mom. This one seems interesting. Okay. So me, my 28 female, and my fiance, thirty male, have been together five years. We were planning our weddings for this fall and have been talking for years about our future like kids, finances and buying a house together.
Erika:We had a whole plan saved up, find something we both loved, make her a home. This was talked about a lot. Well, turns out he already bought a house but not with me with his mom and he didn't even tell me he was looking. Apparently she found the perfect place and convinced him to split it with her because she didn't want to rent anymore. So now instead of us planning our future together, he's financially tied to his mother who's going to be living there full time.
Erika:I just stared at him like, what? And when I asked where I fit into all of this, he goes, oh, well, you can move in too, of course. Like I'm supposed to be thrilled to live in a house his mom picked out, partially owns and is just there all the time. He also admitted he did it because I was taking too long to save and his mom offered him a faster way to own something. I was so shocked and pissed.
Erika:I told him I needed space and the more I thought about it, the more I realized I can't marry someone who thinks this is normal. So I called off the wedding and now his whole family is blowing up my phone saying I'm being dramatic. That it's just a house. I'm more reacting because we can still live together. Even my own parents are saying canceling the whole wedding is extreme.
Erika:Like, am I losing my mind? Am I the asshole or is this a giant red flag?
Edgar:So, yeah, I think OP OP's ex husband now or ex fiance should have told at least told her the plan because I feel like it just came out of the blue.
Erika:I would divorce you. I'm sorry. Bye. Bye. I don't need anything from you.
Erika:I'm done. I'll just leave. Pack my bags, go.
Paulina:I'd be like, girl, run away right now.
Erika:Yeah.
Paulina:You're not at the altar right now. Well, even at the altar, you can still run away.
Erika:Exactly Jensen. Yeah.
Paulina:Yeah. But no, that's a huge red flag. I'm sorry. That's a huge red flag. The fact that you both of you have talked about getting a house, planning your future and all of a sudden he planned part of his future without you.
Paulina:That's not okay.
Erika:A big part of your future,
Paulina:by the Yeah, it's a big one and it's like nothing like nothing happened like it was just something small. No, that's huge because you especially that your future mother-in-law is gonna live there. Yeah, that's weird.
Erika:Would
Paulina:not like That wasn't even planned. They never talk about that. Oh, it's not privacy.
Erika:Yeah.
Paulina:No, I'd be like
Edgar:think it's also weird, like, he suggested like the solution to all this like mess is that they live with his mom and build their family with his mom like that.
Erika:That makes no sense. Yeah. Yeah. And then I'm upset because even her parents were like, still it's your overreacting. You should still get married.
Erika:It's crazy to me.
Edgar:Yeah. That's like not not their decision.
Erika:I'm sorry. If my sister told me that my her fiance did this to her, I'd be like, girl, let that man go. He you deserve better. Come live with me. Like, no way.
Erika:No way.
Paulina:I know. Me too. I'd like, no, don't don't do that to yourself. This is not not okay.
Erika:And and it's just scary because really, if you think about it in the future, if he's doing this already, imagine what else he's gonna be like, oh, yeah. And by the way, we got this car or I put out a loan for both of us or something, you know, you just never know what else he could do because his mom said, you know, it's okay.
Paulina:I agree.
Edgar:Yeah. It just pushes back to, like, their actual plans, like, getting a house alone together.
Erika:Yeah. I I don't know. I think it's just scary to think that he thought this is not, you know, that she's overreacting. That she's the one that's being crazy here. And like, she's got to the point that it's like, am I losing my mind here?
Erika:Am I in the wrong? Like, she has to write this out because so many people are gaslighting her.
Paulina:And, you know, also when you have that feeling in your tummy, that's just telling you, nope, this is not okay. Sometimes we ignore that feeling. Sometimes we need to stand up in that ground and said, no. I'm not gonna do that to myself. These people can talk, people can say whatever, but it's your life, your future.
Paulina:So I don't think she's already overreacting and yes, I think it's a red flag.
Erika:The top comment is he didn't just buy a house, he built a whole future with his mommy and left you out of it. That's not a mistake. It's a conscious decision to prioritize her over you and the fact that he thought you just move in like a guest in a home his mother controls. Disrespectful as hell. This isn't just a red flag, it's a parade of them.
Erika:If you marry him, you're not gonna you're not getting a husband. You're setting up to be the third wheel in his codependent mommy son fantasy. He's already made his choice, and it wasn't you. So do yourself a favor favor. Pack your bags, block his family, and go find a man who actually sees you as his future, not attending in his mommy's house.
Paulina:Woah.
Erika:Couldn't send it better. Yes. Shout out That's why
Paulina:we're trying to say all of us. Together. Yeah.
Edgar:I'm just wondering why, like, even her family wants them to stay together. What perspective can they have? Can we try to imagine wearing their shoes? Why would we want them to still be together despite this?
Erika:Reputation? Maybe. Or maybe. Maybe.
Edgar:How old they are.
Erika:Yeah. You know. She's, you know, she's just you state somebody else.
Paulina:Maybe also thinking about her, how she will feel after the whole thing. Because what planning a wedding is emotional. And you're and when you're planning your wedding, you want everything to go right and this and that and you're gonna feel after she pulls out the wedding, it's gonna be sad because you're gonna be like, I was looking forward for my wedding, I was doing this and all of a sudden everything is gone. And you're not going to get married. You're probably going to see the invitations, you're probably going to see the wedding dress and it's like, you're going to be it's to take some time for her to get up again and and keep walking, but it's nothing is impossible.
Paulina:But I think just like the the comment said, you know, I think it's it's a giant red flag. It's it's it's you still have time to to run away and to back up and and find someone else that will actually plan the future with you.
Erika:Yeah. I mean, I agree a %. I think it's just maybe they're thinking about her happiness now, happiness now and not in the future. Yeah. Like for me, I would say you know you're gonna be really heartbroken now but I think you deserve better and even though it's gonna be painful now it doesn't mean that you're not going to get over it and find somebody that truly values you.
Erika:Yeah,
Edgar:so what's the final verdict?
Erika:I would say that she is not the asshole, she should just dump him.
Edgar:Yeah, same here.
Erika:She should she definitely should she is in the right for calling off the wedding altogether.
Paulina:Yes I agree. So
Edgar:the next story is titled Am I the asshole for telling my dad he can't bring his new girlfriend to my wedding? I, 26 female, am getting married in April. Recently my dad called to ask if he could bring his new girlfriend to my wedding. From what he told me, they met in December over Facebook, have never seen each other in person, and I don't think they are dating officially. I told him this sounds like he wants his first date to be at my wedding and that's weird because she's a stranger to both of us.
Edgar:He's a little upset but he said okay. My grandma called me to say I was being unfair because he really likes her. I told her that he has liked all his previous girls and all those relationships ended because he's a serial cheater. She said I'm being unreasonable, but I don't think I am. I'm just uncomfortable with having this woman at the wedding.
Edgar:She says, apparently, my mom is bringing her boyfriend of eight years to the wedding. My father doesn't have a plus one because he brings his blings to my important events. And since they are family, then cheats on them. So yeah, the father is a whole mess.
Erika:He's a casanoba.
Edgar:Yeah. Even.
Erika:Chill out.
Edgar:Think think she want she only wants to bring a stranger to this wedding just to make himself look a little bit okay to like the ex wife.
Erika:Oh yeah he probably doesn't want to see his ex wife see him but single and have nobody next to him. That's all it is. I know. And not because it didn't mean anything to him. But I mean I completely get why she doesn't want to bite the girlfriend because what's the point of paying for the girlfriend if it's just a fling?
Erika:That's unreasonable for her father to expect to be okay with that.
Edgar:Yeah that's basically the daughter's paying for the date.
Paulina:Right. She doesn't even know what she's gonna do.
Erika:On the wedding. What is that drama? Oh my gosh.
Paulina:I'd like no. My god.
Edgar:I'd be like no.
Erika:Yeah, like example, depending on what venue or where she's going, it could be $2.50. It could be $80 just for the plate and then, you know, for the guests to be more. It's just crazy. Mhmm. This is not worth it for a fling.
Paulina:Yeah. He can go somewhere else and then. Yeah.
Erika:If he doesn't cheat on her. Exactly. Yeah, that's crazy.
Edgar:Some people are just meant to be alone.
Erika:Well, feel like people are like this because they haven't worked on themselves and tried to better themselves to be actually with a serious person. So the top comment is I've not had an actual wedding but from my understanding the prices are per head. Right? So not only is he planning to make your wedding his first date, he wants you to pay for it. He and the grandma can kick rocks like
Edgar:the asshole. That's crazy.
Erika:Yeah. So I agree. I think she shouldn't be invited and he shouldn't have a plus one. It's fine for his mother because he had a boyfriend for eight years. He's not a fling.
Edgar:Yeah. He's not like a stranger. Like someone that he she probably like, probably met a few times.
Erika:Yep. Exactly. And the fact that, you know, he's trying to say, your mom is bringing somebody. Yeah. No.
Erika:Mm-mm. It doesn't matter. You're in the wrong here, son. I mean,
Edgar:sir. Yeah. Basically a son. But yeah. What is the final verdict then?
Erika:I would say, nah. She's not the asshole.
Edgar:Yeah. She's not the LP is not the asshole.
Erika:No. No. Final story is, am I the asshole for telling my fiance I don't want her to wear her late husband's wedding ring during our ceremony? I 30 male am engaged to Emily thirty female. We're getting married this fall.
Erika:I love her deeply, but I've never been more sure about anything in my life. That said, there's one thing that's been eating at me. I'm not sure if I'm being selfish or just honest. Emily was married once before to a guy named Tyler. They got married young, early twenties, and he passed away in a car accident about five years ago.
Erika:It was sudden and tragic and from everything I've heard they were truly in love. I met Emily two years after his death. At first she was very open about it and I respected that. I knew coming into this relationship that it wasn't her first great love and that I was okay with that. I still am, mostly.
Erika:Over the years, I've supported her through moments of grief, anniversaries, random waves of sadness. She still misses his grave on his birthday and she keeps a box of his stings in our closet. I've never touched it. She's shown me a few pictures of them together and not listened to her talk about what kind of person he was. I've tried really hard to respect that part of her life while also building her own.
Erika:Which brings me to now. A few weeks ago, Emily told me she plans to wear Tyler's wedding ring on a chain around her neck on her wedding day. She explained it was quite a quiet tribute, not something she wants to announce or make a big deal about, just something personal. She said she wouldn't be where she is now without having gone through that loss and she feels like hearing that part of her story into the new chapter is meaningful. I didn't say much at the time because I didn't know how to respond, But the more I sat with it, the more it bothered me.
Erika:So I finally told her how I felt. I said I want our wedding day to be a celebration of us and it's hard for me to wrap my head around the idea of wearing another man's wedding ring even if he's gone. I told her it makes me feel like I'm sharing the most important day of my life with someone who's not here. I said it makes me feel like second place. She got very quiet and told me that she wasn't choosing him over me and that she's allowed to honor her past while still moving forward.
Erika:She said grief isn't a door you close, it just becomes part of who you are. I get that. I really do. But at the same time, I don't think I'm asking something outrageous by wanting this one day, our day to be about the life we're building together, not just what she lost. Since then, there's been a weird tension between us.
Erika:She hasn't brought it up again, but she hasn't said she changed her mind either. I feel like the bad guy, like I'm trying to erase someone important to her, but I'm also struggling with the idea of standing at the altar annoying she's still literally carrying a symbol of her first marriage as she says spouse to start a new one with me. I've told no one in my life about this, not my friends, not my family, because I know how it might sound, but internally, it's tearing me up. I don't want to hurt her and I definitely don't want to start a marriage with resentment or guilt. But am I wrong for what I said?
Erika:I haven't asked her not to wear it explicitly yet, but it made it clear I'm not comfortable with it. Am I the asshole? This is deep right? This is hard.
Paulina:Yeah, this is a sad story. But I think it, think she needs more cons- think she needs counseling. Grieving takes time. And she's really, she's still hurting with everything she, you know, he mentions about the things that she kept. And I guess, yes, there's a time where you keep certain things with you, but there's also a time when you need to let go, Because it's not gonna do any good to you, you know, especially if she's starting a new chapter of her life with a new person.
Paulina:Yes, I think there's a way that you can attribute to your past and what it brought to you. But there's also a time where you need to say, okay, I'm grateful and I'm letting you go because this is my new future. And so I think it's a little bit too much. I think having that conversation, even having someone that they can both share, like even going to therapy together or, you know, I feel like it's needed, especially because he's very, he's been very kind to her. He's been very respectful and he's, you know, he's He loves her.
Paulina:Yes, he truly does. And you can see it by everything he, especially, you know, especially all the things that she's kept and, but this is his wedding too, not just And this is both of them. And so I think both of them need to work on moving to a new chapter together. It's the two of them.
Erika:Not just him willing to start a new life with her because this is what, this is where the misconnection comes in. She still doesn't wanna let go of her past.
Paulina:Right.
Erika:And and he's not saying to forget him at all and not think about him at all because that's that's obviously not realistic. He's just saying, you know, let's start a new life now
Edgar:Mhmm.
Erika:Because we are making vows to each other to spend the rest of our life together. And so I think it's not so much it's not selfish or it's not too much to ask for him to say that to her. And I think at this point, I know there's you know, obviously, I've never gone through any loss immense like this. But I think if you really wanna love somebody fully and you wanna start a new life, then you have to be able to be ready for that. And if she's not ready, then they shouldn't get married.
Paulina:Right. I think that's that's what I was thinking too. The fact that they're, I don't know if they're rushing it, she might not be ready because she's still not, you know, she's bringing her past with it.
Erika:Yeah. You can't start a new relationship with your past. Absolutely. No. Do you think?
Edgar:Pause, like think of it as optimistically. Maybe this is like her letting go of the past husband like having this wedding ring in her neck during the ceremony. But also it seems like OP is not comfortable with that at all. So if she wants to like have, like, some ceremony where she's, like, letting go and, like, having it be, like, accepted, like, oh, my husband, like, spiritually is is letting me go now, they should do it before the wedding ceremony. Like, have it private with her only or with her and the husband, But yeah, not in the wedding since, obviously, hopefully isn't comfortable with that.
Paulina:I like that.
Erika:I like that too babe. That's a good job. I think it's just one of the things where they need to try to figure out what is best for both of them. Because at the end of the day, you don't want to start something with resentment or feeling like you're not being understood and ignored. Because if he was not if she doesn't bring the ring around her neck, then she feels like he's not letting her feel or mourn or whatever.
Erika:And then if he does and she doesn't, then she's gonna feel like it's just back and forth. It's gonna be bad. So they need to have that talk. Yeah. The top comment is I was widowed at 29 and remarried six years later.
Erika:I can totally relate to your fiance's rationale for this and also understand your very normal feelings about it. That said, I think she's wrong. Your wedding is inherently implicitly and factually about your relationship together and her late husband shouldn't be part of it. There are lots of ways she can continue to honor and remember him for the rest of her life. This is one day.
Erika:My worry for you is that she's doing it as a sort of an apology to him for moving on with you. I wouldn't want to be on the receiving end of that either. Oh wow, I didn't think about that. Like saying that she thinks it's like I'm sorry, know, I'm moving on. Like, she's just she hasn't moved on.
Erika:I think she needs
Paulina:to really That's what I'm saying. I think she needs to go through therapy about grievance. Yeah. Because she's holding it too strong. She doesn't wanna let it go.
Paulina:It seems like even to her wedding for her to bring that to her wedding, you know, I think that's, there's a lot of stuff that she's dealing with. Yeah. And I feel like, feel you know, Tyler is just being very accommodating with everything that he's doing to help her, but he also needs to speak up because otherwise it's not gonna do any good to her either.
Erika:Yeah. At
Edgar:that point like she's like enabling, wanting in this unhealthy way.
Erika:Right, definitely. I think he's been more than enough understanding with her and because he loves her, but I also don't think, I think we were talking about this a little bit mean and good, but it's also not fair to him either to be with somebody that's not willing to let go of her past and start a new life with him. So if she's not willing to do that after, you know, a certain amount, going to therapy and she still wants to continue, then, you know, she's not ready. And if she's willing to continue wait his life five more years, six more years, have his life in pause until she's finally ready to love him. I don't know if it's as fair to him either.
Erika:And then I'm not saying to break up, but I'm saying he should really think it through and see if he's willing to wait until she's finally ready to be with him. And we don't know how long that would be because Grievous doesn't have a time limit. So, you know, it's not fair to him either because he deserves to be loved as well.
Paulina:Yes. I agree. This is a really sad story.
Erika:It is. Because it's not her fault either that she lost her Yeah. Horrifying. It's just one of those things where it's like, hard.
Edgar:So final verdict? I don't think anyone's the asshole in this story.
Paulina:Yeah, no, don't think so.
Erika:I think everybody is just trying to love each other as much as they can. Honestly agree with Palina, they need some counseling. I think both of them need counseling honestly and together as well relationship counseling so they could continue and try to you know take on life with you know partnership. And that's all the stories we have today. Thank you, Paulina, for joining us and our audience for tuning in this week's episode.
Erika:Check out our website, www.yappings.com and join our mail list for updates. If you love our podcast and want to support us, subscribe and share to your friends and family. We would appreciate it so much.
Edgar:Also, we started a Facebook group called AITA relationship and family drama linked in the description. Join so you can share Am I the Asshole posts you like or share your own stories for us all to judge. We may even read a few posts in one of our episodes if you're lucky.
Erika:Thank you. Bye.
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