Episode 21
· 51:00
Yapping!
Erika:Hello, this is Erika
Edgar:and Edgar
Erika:and we are the Yapping Schnauzers. We entertain you with the noteworthy stories we find around the web. Today's theme is Broken Boundaries.
Edgar:The first story will be titled, Am I Overreacting for Ending This With My Wife Today Because Her Family Keeps Barging In? I, male thirty eight, left my wife, Kelly (a female thirty eight) today. Five years together, four married. I have battered her lack of boundaries about her family for the past two years. I understand that they are very close knits, but she never paid attention to how their dynamics affected our relationship.
Edgar:I experienced very not of family situations. My food was eaten, showing up uninvited, meddling, you name it. Nine months ago, mother-in-law and father-in-law began divorce proceedings. He cheated, fell madly in love with a side chick with whom he'd lived for the past fifteen years, and he decided that he wants to get remarried. He kicked everyone out of the house.
Edgar:It was an emergency, so I agreed to help out. I regret it. I had to take four people in, but they couldn't think to avoid constantly pissing me off. I got sick of finding them using a private bathroom. They had complete access to the other full bathroom by the hallway.
Edgar:Sister-in-law started taking naps on our bed, which is creepy because a bed is too personal. I came home late and we had to wake her up and still waited for her to nap out of her groggy state so that she could walk out. It lasted for three months, but the problems persisted. No matter how many times I told my wife and even told them, they still showed up at random hours. Even if I didn't run into them, I know she was allowing them to come over.
Edgar:I hated their presents. They would eat my snacks and get all my expensive recliner chair, which again, they didn't contribute a penny for. I had a mini orchid that they picked empty. Things got so tense that I blew at her in front of them. They left.
Edgar:We had a fight and I ended up sleeping in a hotel. I warned her many times about being fed up and needing her to support me. She acted like I was demanding that she abandon her family. Today, I came home to find her brother's car blocking the entrance, not on the side and not even on the driveway, just right in the middle where my only option would be to get on the lawn. I go inside and he's laying with his shoes on the couch.
Edgar:He gave me this fresh bow like he's untouchable. I went to our bedroom and packed as much of my belunking as possible and ignored her pleas to talk. There's nothing else to talk about. I already called a few lawyers but haven't received any replies yet. She cried but at this point I had no empathy.
Edgar:I don't even know if I am overacting or if I need to discuss this in private. I feel defeated and angry, and I also hate her family with my soul. They knew they were hurting our relationship and they didn't care. She knew that I'm a private person who hates being invaded. I helped them because I live here and I didn't have the balls to tell them to go sleep in their car.
Edgar:We don't have kids, but there are so many things that would be left undone. I loved her so much, but I just can't. She called me immediately after I left and I told her that my decision is final. She sounded shaken, but I told her that right now, I despise her and would never be able to sleep next to her again. Sorry for any typos, I have a migraine right now.
Edgar:I'm just coming here because I just want to ask if leaving the way I did was an asshole move maybe I should have announced my intentions of ending our marriage after her brother was gone. What do you think?
Erika:No, I think he just came to the end of the line now. I think he's fed up about everything. The lack of privacy, the lack of- Respect. Irrespect, exactly.
Edgar:And
Erika:he you know, he blew up. And I mean, what did she expect? She did not side with him. She did not try to understand him. She tried not to offer him a solace because you know, your home is a solace.
Erika:It's something that's you, you and hers. Know, somewhere where you could be peace and do your own thing and have, you know, a private relationship, especially if he's a private person.
Edgar:Yeah.
Erika:And the fact that the family didn't let them have that relationship instead of, you know, maybe calling ahead or saying, Hey, can we stop by today? Then just coming in thinking, you know, they paid the bills and they lived there too. Was crazy to me.
Edgar:Yeah, think, yeah, OP was definitely nice to, like, have them, like, stay at his place while they are, like, get situated. But they definitely took advantage of the situation and they just made it worse for OP and his now ex wife or fiance. I mean,
Erika:I think
Edgar:Like if they were respectful, it would have been nice for them, you know?
Erika:I mean, course. Yeah, they would have respected OP and the wife, then this wouldn't have gone this far. I think also OP's wife let this go on too far and too long and didn't put them in their place. I mean, especially if my hubby or my boyfriend told me, Hey, I'm feeling uncomfortable or I need some space or I need something to change, I would respect that. I wouldn't just block him and saying, Oh, you're making me choose between my family and you.
Erika:And that's literally manipulation right there.
Edgar:You feel like it's kind of divorced for events?
Erika:Yeah.
Edgar:Because OP's wife would have tried to fix it at this point and you think they could have reconciled that way?
Erika:No, I think he gave her a lot of chances to talk. He tried to speak with him and he put up with a lot. And the fact that she, with her response to saying that, you know, making her choose between him and his family is ridiculous. He literally shot him down for trying to speak to her. So I don't I don't think it's unreasonable for him trying to get a divorce.
Erika:I mean, now, she's saying she wants to talk, but there's no guarantee that she's gonna listen.
Edgar:Yeah. This could be fixed by just, like, having the family not allowed in the house anymore. Like, like, I I know OP does not want to see his wife anymore currently. He's just sick of her. But it's not her that's causing all these issues, it's the family.
Edgar:So to have the family out of the picture even for a little bit could give them a chance to come back together and try to rebuild, like, whatever is left of the relationship.
Erika:But I don't think that's gonna help because the family's gonna do it again. So let's say they stop coming in for a little while.
Edgar:No. Like, just change the locks and just make sure they don't come.
Erika:Yeah, but what if she continues to continue what if she continues to allow it?
Edgar:Well, at that point then you can leave, but until then, we just like have it so like they're hard not allowed back, and just build it from there and see if it's just like the family that he's sick of or it was actually her that she's sick of? I mean, OP is sick of.
Erika:I don't know. I think she had a chance, many chances to speak with him because I guarantee you he has spoken to her about it. And the fact that their family feels so comfortable of going inside, blocking the entrance, leaving their shoes on on the couch and laying on him and giving him a smirk is because time and time and time again, they've seen how much the wife has put them first and has not allowed them to give him that respect that he deserves. I don't know. I think if you don't have respect in your relationship and you allow other people, especially your family, disrespect your spouse or your boyfriend or your girlfriend.
Erika:I don't think it's ever gonna work regardless of how much you want to. So yeah, the top comment is she only wanted to talk after refusing to listen for months. So yeah, I don't know. I think it's one of those things where I guess you can try.
Edgar:Yeah.
Erika:But you know, maybe the beginning is gonna change or it can go back And then you just wasted three, four months again. You know what mean? I don't know. It's just one of the things where you take a gamble and see if it works if you give a second try.
Edgar:Yeah, I mean most relationships are just a gamble.
Erika:Yeah. I mean like I said, I don't like saying divorce but I mean it's hard to go back to making her family respect OP when multiple times she allowed to do the opposite.
Edgar:So your final verdict?
Erika:I don't think he's an asshole.
Edgar:Yeah, I don't think he's an asshole either.
Erika:And I don't think he's overreacting either. The next story is, Am I overreacting over this notice my aunt's boyfriend gave me? So they actually took a picture of a notice. And let me tell you, that's chicken scratch right there. Let's try to follow along.
Erika:Edgar here will post it in the link. So it says on top with bold letters notice. As of Sunday tomorrow, if you fail to do any of the following chores, you will be getting kicked out and go live in Republic. I don't know what that really means but. Number one, wash dishes daily.
Erika:Number two, clean your bathroom once a week. Number three, the living room, hallway, your room and your bathroom and the kitchen will be vacuumed every day. Number four, your laundry will be done once a week. Number five, you're done eating in your room besides a cup of water you're drinking. Number six, you would do the yard work once a week.
Erika:And then there was a note that says, aunt's boyfriend and aunt shouldn't have to tell you to do anything. If we have to tell you, then you got three strikes and you're out. So then he put a little description after this. Today my aunt's boyfriend, Daniel, gave me this note that I will be kicked out to go live with my dad if I don't do a buttload of chores he has wrote down for me. Some are reasonable as I'm living here without rent, but the vacuum in the living room, kitchen, hallway and my bathroom feels kind of outrageous along with cleaning my bathroom once a week.
Erika:I would understand if it was sharing chores or something like that, but my aunt and I are the only ones who even do chores. Daniel doesn't even rinse out his cereal bowls or anything. I also struggle with executive functions which I'm trying to work on slowly but surely, and doing some things without being reminded. My dad really doesn't think anything is wrong, much of it, but I don't know if I'm actually overreacting or not. My dad advised me to show my poppy on Stan while Daniel gave me for advice, but I don't know if that's a good idea because of the way my aunt is.
Erika:Please help. Anything would be nice.
Edgar:So yeah, I think that OP is overreacting with the notice. Because I guess, I mean, it depends more on what's happening. Like why is he living at his uncles and aunts without paying rent? Like, there like, is he doing work or he's just doing nothing all day? Like, if he's doing nothing all day, not working from home, then this is, like, more than reasonable to, like, at least clean up around the house and clean up after himself.
Erika:Well, I'm sure he goes to school and he's just staying there rent free. So, you know, I don't think it's unreasonable at all. I think you should wash the dishes if you use them. If you're using you use the bathroom, you have your own private bathroom, it's kinda a must to, you know, clean it every week. Yeah.
Erika:So I don't understand why he thinks this is crazy. Maybe he's just not doing anything.
Edgar:Probably, yeah.
Erika:So the top comment is looking at your post history, I think you want to look back at those and do some self reflecting. Your dogs were pissing inside the house and they had to get rid of them because it seems like nothing was done about it. There seems to be other things that point out some past with you in that cleaning after yourself. This is very minimal cleaning after yourself. If this is a butler of chores, you will hate to be absolutely be destroyed living on your own and having to take care of your own place.
Erika:You are 18. This is not unreasonable. Going about the note is a bit silly, but I feel like there's a backstory to this that you are not sharing, especially with the aunt shouldn't have to tell you to do anything sounds like considering your post history and the word choices that in the past she has asked you many times to clean after yourself and you have not. Adding to this, the vacuuming can be explained by the fact that according to OP's other comments, the two other dogs are still around. If the dogs are leaving fur, it makes sense why uncle and aunt might be tired of being fur everywhere.
Erika:Also, be that they think OP is such a slob that his idea to vacuum is nowhere good enough. The only way for the place to be decently clean is to get him to do it over and over again because he is likely to do it not likely to do it properly the first time. I can say that I have had to do this with my kid multiple times because his idea of vacuuming is squidding it around in the middle of the room and the only way for it to be not to be half assed is to make him do it three times in a row.
Edgar:Yeah. So he has receipts and it seems like he's just like a slob in general and maybe not doing anything at all. He has dogs as well and he's just not taking care of them either. Yeah, that's what happens if you post a lot on Reddit, like your entire life story. People just figure out things.
Edgar:So yeah, think he's definitely overreacting and this is probably like Justice Fudge.
Erika:Yeah, he's not. He is definitely overreacting a %. I think he's 18. This doesn't say anything that he's going to school because eighteen years graduated from high school. So he's not going to college and he's just staying home doing nothing.
Erika:So yes, he needs to pick up to himself and stop being a slob.
Edgar:Yeah, that's the least he can do.
Erika:Yeah, exactly.
Edgar:So definitely overreacting.
Erika:100%.
Edgar:The next story is titled, Am I the Asshole for Not Marrying the Girl My Brother Knocked Up? I, 32 male, have a bit of an issue. I have an older brother, Mark, thirty eight male, and an older sister, Emma, thirty four female. I do not get along with either of them for so many reasons, mostly because they are toxic and are so entitled and their faces are used in the Oxford Dictionary under the word entitlement. My issue is with my brother.
Edgar:When I was 16, I won an award for a writing contest at Summit School. My father, now 59 male, is a man greedy with compliments, praised me, and said that he was proud of me. Something that I was rarely hearing from him. My father said in front of the whole family, including my older brother. By that time, my brother had already graduated and had just been kicked out of college for failing too many classes, disorderly conduct, and maxed out the credit card my father had given to him.
Edgar:My father was not pleased to say the least. He only allowed my brother to move back in with the agreement that my brother found a job, paid rent, and started looking for community college or an apartment. After three months, my brother hadn't done a single thing he swore he would. My mother was, and still is, his greatest enabler. I don't get along with her either.
Edgar:What is praise from my father enraged my brother and he did the unthinkable in my book. Another piece of context, my family is well off financially. Enter Amber. This girl was the biggest thought, gold digger, and upset little person you could find. I understand why she clung to me like a barnacle to a ship's hull.
Edgar:Her family was definitely poor. She wandered out of that life and into what she thought was our perfect life. She would constantly force her way into my group projects or my friend group, hoping that I would fall for her non existent charm. She wasn't ugly, but she was a grade A, not a nice person. Anyways, shortly after my father praised my accomplishment, I was assigned a group project and Amber found her way into my group.
Edgar:Shocker. The group as a whole did not work at my house. At one point, most of us decided to go for some fast food while Amber stayed behind. My brother was home along with the rest of my family. When we came back, I noticed that neither Amber nor my brother were at the dinner table.
Edgar:I had their order, so I went looking for them. As I go past my bedroom, I hear some very distinctive sounds coming from my room that has no business coming from it. If you guessed that my brother, at the time 22, was doing things with my Amber in my bed, then you'd be right. Those two were just doing things in my bed. I screamed at them to get out and what are you doing and what was wrong with them.
Edgar:And, of course, this attracted everyone's attention and everyone came running, including the other people in my group project. The fallout was awful. Oh, why did my brother do this? He thought I had a crush on Amber and he wanted to steal her from me. Sleeping with her in my bed was just a bonus to him.
Edgar:All because I had gotten arrogant for my father's praise and compliments. My father kicked him out and cut him off financially. My mother tried to argue, but my father told her that if she had an issue with this one, she could pay for her son's lifestyle with her own money, which she did half as she was a stay at home wife that depended on her husband for money and security. Amber was publicly shamed and I didn't participate in it. I didn't even speak to anyone, except a therapist, years afterwards about it.
Edgar:Most of it was Amber's own sister, that is a whole other catapult of fish and I would not be going into, or my friends. It was later revealed that she had gotten pregnant with my brother's baby. A DNA test confirmed this at birth. Her parents tried to sue my brother, but in my part of the world, Amber was 17, thus was of legal age. Now she was 17, unemployed, unmarried, pregnant, and her baby daddy had completely disappeared.
Edgar:Her reputation was ruined, her future was bleak at best, and her parents were threatening to kick her out if she didn't find a solution to her problems. Her solutions? Why guilt trip and gaslight me into marrying her of course. Amber went to my mother and father saying that it was my responsibility to take care of her and her baby all because I was the next head of the family since my brother was disowned. My mother bought Amber's crap, hook line, and sinker.
Edgar:My father offered to help her financially so long as she followed certain conditions, but she wasn't going to marry me to or force me to raise my brother's son. That wasn't good enough for Amber though or my mother. They began harassing me with passive aggressive crapping remarks all the way until I graduated, left my home state, and cut them off completely. Now fourteen years later, I get a call saying that Amber lost custody and that her son, my nephew, who is a dirty male, and has had no one else to take care of him. My parents are fraud to rob.
Edgar:My brother is in jail. My sister refused to take in the child, using profanities to describe him that had the social worker place my sister on a no adoption or foster list, and his maternal side of the family disowned him. I didn't have all that much of a relationship with my nephew prior to all of this. Mostly I send him gifts and cards on his birthday, Christmas, and that's it. I agreed to take him in.
Edgar:When I picked him up, the poor boy was malnourished, dirty, wore rags, and was covered in black and blue bruises from head to toe. When I asked the social worker what had happened, she told me that his mother, Amber, had abused him and treated him like absolute trash for years until CPS finally managed to get the poor child out of the house. I called my parents in a rage. They were supporting Amber financially to take care of their only grandson. They saw him at every holiday, and they must have known.
Edgar:The child looked like he had just crawled out of Gaza. My mother told me that it would never have happened had I married Amber like I was supposed to.
Erika:Please.
Edgar:That my nephew's pain and suffering went tightly on my shoulders for not doing the right thing. My father had dementia and was in a nursing home by this point, and I was the one in charge of everything. I was the one in charge of ensuring that Amber received the proper money to take care of my nephew. I never came back home. I never visited or cared to know my nephew because I wanted nothing to do with Amber other than doing what my father had asked of me.
Edgar:While I know that I am not responsible for my nephew's abuse and that I never raised a hand on him, I can't help but feel as if I should have done more and check up on Amber and him since my father left me in charge of the estate. I don't regret not marrying Amber, but I do feel bad for the abuse my nephew suffered. Most of my family, aside from my sister, thinks I'm the asshole and have a share of the responsibility and the abuse of my nephew for not marrying Amber. So am I the asshole? So before we go into that, they said he won a writing contest, but from reading this, it was like, I I would have never have guessed.
Erika:Wait. Where? What did I say?
Edgar:In the very beginning of the story. But, yeah, I think, yeah, this was not OP's fault at all. And he had like no
Erika:Oh, I see it.
Edgar:No real yeah.
Erika:That was when he was 16.
Edgar:Yeah. Apparently he never got better.
Erika:Oh my gosh. Mhmm.
Edgar:Yeah. Obi is not responsible for, like, a nephew.
Erika:Absolutely not.
Edgar:Like, I know, like, he's like, he cares now because he has to take care of him. And I'm sure he's gonna be, like, a a decent enough dad. Like, at least not hit him. But still, yeah. I I think it's ridiculous for them to have tried to force him to marry Amber.
Erika:Well, it's more like the mother because I I I guarantee you she wanted to get revenge for kicking out the brother.
Edgar:I know. He's like, oh, you you could have my favorite son. I'm gonna punish your favorite son.
Erika:Yeah. But I'm glad the the dad was able to support him and you know didn't have to marry Amber. And I don't blame him for like cutting off ties.
Edgar:Seemed like a messy situation. Yeah. Like unnecessarily messy.
Erika:And I just hate that people, family in general, think that they have a say in everything. And everybody besides his sister actually doesn't support that. And everybody else is like yeah you should have married, this is your fault. I don't think he should feel guilty. It's not his responsibility or his fault.
Erika:I mean, if the money was given to her, then if Amber didn't choose it wisely and didn't, you know
Edgar:And like, what happened to the money? Like, his family has like a lot of money. I don't imagine she got like little but you know I think she got like a good like enough to basically not have to work.
Erika:Yeah and it's sad that the little kid was like
Edgar:all that money for no reason.
Erika:How old is he? He doesn't really say how
Edgar:old The kid was 13. 13.
Erika:Mean how with wearing rags and everything I think it's really sad.
Edgar:Yeah thirteen years at home. Well
Erika:I'm glad he's not there anymore and the fact that the brother is in jail now literally serves him right. Don't know what he did.
Edgar:Yeah, probably like a psycho.
Erika:At this point, yeah. I mean, they're both bad people.
Edgar:Yeah, Amber and the brother.
Erika:Yeah. What do you think? Do you think he should feel guilty?
Edgar:No, not at all. Like, he did the best he could do, given all the information he knows. Now that he knows more information, he's probably gonna step up a little bit for the nephew.
Erika:Yeah, I feel like OP is a good person.
Edgar:Yeah, As long as he doesn't even beat him.
Erika:I don't think so.
Edgar:It was just like it's a minimal thing and I'm pretty sure the nephew's gonna be a lot more happier.
Erika:Yeah, I mean
Edgar:they have the They
Erika:have the means and I'm sure he's not gonna do that. So the top comment is your mom needs to grow old and die alone.
Edgar:I repeat.
Erika:Because she has nothing to offer you but judgment and pain. She's cruel to you, not the asshole. Thank God that kid got away. Damn that's a little bit
Edgar:crazy that was crazy
Erika:but yeah I mean I'm glad that at least his life will be looking up now and it's going to be a better place than you know the abusive mother.
Edgar:Yeah, definitely. So final verdict?
Erika:I would say that he is definitely not the asshole.
Edgar:Definitely not, yeah.
Erika:He left because he didn't want to take responsibility that wasn't his And that's the best he could have done. The next story is My two month old died because my mother-in-law, I don't know what to do. I'm writing this in hopes of finding some clarity and peace because I just can't deal with this anymore. I lost everything. At 22 I've already faced significant challenges in my life.
Erika:My parents passed away when I was 11 in Tunisia after a boat incident. They both drowned and I was being raised by my parental grandparents. My grandma died when I was 18, just leaving for university, and I lost my grandpa last year after he had a stroke. I've already gone through so much grief in my life and it left me feeling lost, But marrying my husband, who was 25, brought me some hope and joy. We've been together for three years, married for two, and together on October 2 we were thrilled to welcome our son into the world, and he quickly became the center of our lives.
Erika:However, my relationship with my mother-in-law has been terrible from the beginning. While I appreciated her experience as a mother, I often felt undermined and dismissed in my role. I've tried to be open and patient, hoping she would respect my parenting choices, but it hasn't always been easy. Even when it came to deciding what flowers I want for my wedding and how I want my makeup done, she tried taking control of absolutely everything because I'm young and she sees me as childish. One thing I've been grateful for is after I gave birth she always was around to help me tidy the house and take care of my baby boy, bathing, feeding, etc.
Erika:I've never been around children so I needed all the help I could get. One day when my mother-in-law offered to help with the baby, I was exhausted and overwhelmed from meal prepping for my husband so I thought it would be okay to let her take over for a little while. Unfortunately, when I returned back into the living room after my nap, I found her pouring water into the bottle for my son and my heart sank. I had red leaflets that gave information about infant care and knew that giving water to such a young baby can be dangerous. I confronted her immediately, expressing my concern but she brushed me off, insisting it was harmless and that she fed all three of her boys water as babies, and I felt a mix of anger and helplessness.
Erika:How could she dismiss my fears so casually when she is a mom herself? When I took the bottle away and insisted on sticking on to the breast milk and formula she seemed irritated, as if I were being overly cautious and that in that moment I felt a surge of rage at her audacity and her refusal to acknowledge my authority as a mother. Just days later I noticed my baby wasn't acting like himself. He seemed lethargic and disinterested in feeding. I tried booking an appointment the next two days, but I was told that there were no appointments left.
Erika:After two days I woke up and found my baby in his cot looking pale and sort of blue color. I'm crying as I'm writing this because I just can't imagine how much pain he was in and he would suffer silently. I picked him up and he was so floppy and cold so I called the ambulance and did everything the lady on the phone said but he wasn't moving much, but he did have a heartbeat. I called my husband from work to come immediately to the hospital and I also called my mother-in-law because they are all I had. Everything changed when the doctor explained that he had developed water intoxication.
Erika:My heart raced as he described how giving water to my baby led to hyponatremia, which is a dangerous electrolyte imbalance and is fatal. Hearing those words that my baby was gone was the most crushing moment of my life and I just wanted to hold him and I wanted my husband to hug me but he wasn't here. The doctors were asking me so many questions but everything was blurred out and I just wanted my husband and he to hold me. I wish now that I could make my mother-in-law understand the way of her actions, the consequences of her dismissiveness but when the doctor told me my baby was killed all I could do was scream and try not to hit my mother-in-law. She was saying how water wasn't what killed my baby and that he died because I was careless and proudly shook him.
Erika:The loss of my baby feels insurmountable and I find myself questioning how to move forward. I am furious that she didn't listen, that her arrogance cost me my child. I don't even speak to her. The hospital staff helped me more than my own husband and before anyone says anything police were called but I cannot explicitly speak about that in more detail because of the ongoing investigation. My husband tries to remain neutral and he's often caught between supporting me and navigating his relationship with his mother.
Erika:He was pissed about police being involved and I understand he wants to keep the peace, but the whole reason I believe he is gone is because of his mom. I fear that this is creating a rift between us and that terrifies me even more, because I only have him. Because he's grieving himself, I understand why he's said some horrible things to me, because I've done some back to him, but the fact that he's trying to stay neutral is what's hurting me so much. I only have him and he's all I got, so I can't afford to leave him. Each day is a struggle for me.
Erika:I'm not even speaking to my husband. We sleep in separate rooms and I want nothing more than to hold my baby again, to feel that love and connection that now has been ripped away from me. The anger I feel towards my mother-in-law is a bitter reminder of the love that I lost. I don't know if I can ever forgive my mother-in-law or if I ever want to. What I do know is that my heart is heavy with sorrow and the Rora head feels so dark.
Erika:I just want to remember my baby and find a way to honor his short life. I miss you baby boy. Rest in peace my lovely Tommy G. Clark.
Edgar:Some people just suffer their entire life?
Erika:I just I feel so my heart feels heavy. I just can't imagine losing a baby. I mean, I have no children, but I I think it's so sad. The devastation that she's feeling right now is undescribable. At this point, I don't blame her for what she is feeling because this is clearly something that happened because of the mother-in-law.
Edgar:Yeah. I feel like the mother-in-law did this on purpose almost.
Erika:Maybe. I mean, I don't know. But I just feel like she completely dismissed her telling her, you know, that's dangerous and that shouldn't have been done. But it's just one of those things where you know you have to be very careful who you leave your child with and you know she trusted the mother-in-law and unfortunately it was the wrong call. Mean I would trust my mother-in-law too you know I mean it's just one of those things where you just don't know if it turns bad or not.
Erika:I think at some point she either like I said, I think they need therapy. I think they need honestly, they really need couples therapy. I don't think they're gonna survive this. Their husband and her they're already having different views and they're already seeing you know she feels like he's hiding with his mom by trying to stay neutral So she already feels a disconnect that way. And then her husband is just you know grieving as well.
Erika:So it's just so much things going on at this point that I don't think they will be able to make this through or make it through without some type of help. And I think couples therapy would be the best for them so they could help with the grieving and how to stay together after all this. Because it seems like she doesn't want to break up with him or she wants a divorce, nothing like that. I think she needs her husband. I think they need each other.
Erika:But I think for now the mother-in-law just needs to stay away. She just needs to give them space and try to, you know, for them to replenish and to get together again and have a good relationship. The mother-in-law definitely caused a lot of issues here. The top comment is your spouse needs to not be neutral. Mother's actions killed your child.
Erika:He needs to pick a side for the moment your child died. Get your anger in gear and if you can get a lawyer. OP did respond to this. He won't pick a side. He said he loves us both equally, which is disgusting, but there's not much I can do.
Erika:He supports us both financially. I don't work anymore and he's the only person I have. I have no family left in this country. I was told with time he'll realize the gravity of the situation. So do you think that it's good for him to stay neutral?
Edgar:In this circumstance, no, just because it seems very obvious that the mother-in-law is being careless. I think and plus the fact that like his wife is not taking it well and like the mother-in-law like doesn't care. He just needs to have more support behind his wife.
Erika:Yeah I agree 100%. I think at this point in time the wife needs more nurturing and he needs to be there because they're both you know on the same page. They're both lost. It's a big loss for them.
Edgar:So it's making it like I feel like the calling the police, even though like it's like a logical next step, think the OP should have probably discussed that with his husband first just so it's, not a surprise and that she's, like, something that has, like, on top of like, another pressure to put on top of them during this time. But How do you feel about this, though?
Erika:I feel like he would have said no. And then she it would have been even worse because then she would have gone against his wishes. I I know. I I don't know. I feel like this is just such a big deal.
Erika:Yeah. It's just such a big deal. It's a life was lost here. Mhmm. A two month old died here because of some carelessness.
Erika:I wouldn't care what he would say. I would still
Edgar:call. And
Erika:the fact that he continues to be so nonchalant about it is just very frustrating. I could see why she would want to get the police involved because she wants some justice for the baby. It wasn't just not negligence. It was because she trusted the mother-in-law to take care of her baby, and she ended up killing her, killing him. So it's not something that should just be taken lightly and the fact that the husband doesn't really understand the gravity of the situation is just baffling to me.
Erika:I guess everybody he's grieving right now, he doesn't understand it but I hope in time in order to save his marriage, he, you know, comes into realization here.
Edgar:So your final thoughts?
Erika:I just hope that, you know, they get past this. I think they very much love each other, But, you know, it's just grief and all, you know, misunderstandings and not being on the same page really causes, you know, a lot of drifting apart.
Edgar:So the next story is titled, Am I the Asshole for Denying My Sister's Lies in Front of Her In Laws? I am a 25 male and I have an older sister, Kate, thirty female. She and I were never close due to our age difference and because she hated that our dad married my mom and had me after divorcing her mother. K claims dad told her he never loved her mother and that my mom was his true love. That her dad always compared the two of us and asked her why she has to be a difficult child and that overall dad loved me more.
Edgar:On the other hand, dad claims nothing she says is true and that she was very problematic and insolent. These claims are backed up by my mother and dad's parents, so I assume Kate was never 100% honest. Anyways, these are their problems that do not concern me. Some time ago, Kate reached out to me and told me she had gotten engaged. I said congrats and everything, and she told me she has a favor to ask.
Edgar:She told me her mother-in-law is very family oriented, and it does not sit well with her that Kate is estranged from her family. In her words, future mother-in-law considered something is also wrong with Kate and she is also to blame for being no contact with her family, fuming Kate will also torrent her son to do the same thing. What Kate wanted from me was for me to meet her in laws for them to see she does not hate her family. I joke that future mother-in-law sounds a little insane and I agreed to help her because at the end of the day, I never hated her and I don't think she hated me either. The fact we are not close does not mean we hate each other or want bad things to happen to one another.
Edgar:Anyways, I went to meet Kate, her future husband, and her mother-in-law and father-in-law at a restaurant. They are very nice people and very warm. At some point, mother-in-law says something along the lines of that she is happy to see that the abuse we suffered did not affect our sisterly bond. I was confused and asked what abuse is she talking about while Kate tried to change the subject. Mother-in-law says it's okay, I have nothing to be ashamed of and that she knows from Kate our parents abused us while growing up.
Edgar:I clarify that this is not true. We were never abused by our parents or anyone in our family. We were raised in a very loving family and we were never hit or spanked no matter what we did. Our parents were well off, so we always had everything that we wanted, clothes, phones, laptops, cars, etc. Mother-in-law got very, very angry.
Edgar:She apologized to me and started insulting my sister. She called her a liar, accused her of being manipulative, and trying to convince herself into their family by being dishonest. What happens is that Kate accused our parents of many things that are not true. Now Kate is accusing me of ruining her life. She says her engagement is over, the in laws hate her, and the fiance does not trust her anymore.
Edgar:The thing is, I don't think I did anything wrong. I cannot sit and hear people blasting my parents for her lies and for things that never happened. But still, I'm on the asshole for telling the truth. No. Yeah, not really.
Edgar:I mean, also, I feel like this is the because since sisters were never close, I feel like this is more like a job that OP was given, and her only job was just to play along. Because she had to play along with her sister, basically lie with her that they are actually close when they were not close at all. So I feel like it's not a big huge jump or a huge ass to say oh keep lying to me towards the end of the night you know. Because ultimately like their mother-in-law, father-in-law, OP sister, like the entire side of the family is never gonna meet him again or meet her again. I think I can understand the OP sister's frustration but yeah ultimately too I can see how OP is not really at fault by trying to like reveal the truth.
Erika:Honestly if she wanted her to lie then she should have given her a heads up.
Edgar:Yeah. Yeah. She should have given that at least. Like, feel like that I feel like also OP was on autopilot that that dinner. She probably heard the lie.
Edgar:He's like, oh, no. No. That's not that that didn't happen. And then just, like, basically blasted the whole truth in of dinner.
Erika:Yeah I mean I think Kate was in the wrong ear. If she should've if she knew she was lying to her in laws and her soon to be husband not even ex.
Edgar:He just exed.
Erika:Yeah. Then she should have said, Hey, you know, I said some lies to my in laws. Can you just lie or can you just not deny it? And if you're not comfortable with it, then don't come over or don't don't come to the dinner, you know?
Edgar:Yeah. I feel like this could have been handled a lot better from Kate's part as well.
Erika:Yeah. She should have been honest with her at least, especially if she knew that she was lying. Like, it's just that's literally her fault.
Edgar:Yeah I know exactly. I'm sure OP might have gone along with it if she was given more information.
Erika:Yeah I mean you literally out of nowhere saying oh imagine it's like your girlfriend oh no let's say you were in her shoes what would you do?
Edgar:I I know the same thing. I think I feel like I would still play along because I took improv classes once and you're not when you're in an improv class or like when you're in an improv kind of situation you just never say no. Just always keep going.
Erika:Yeah I remember seeing here and then just go with it
Edgar:yeah just go with it basically
Erika:no no the movie just go with it with Adam with Adam Sandler and Jennifer Aniston when the little girl is taking class. I don't know if you guys have seen it but this is you that's what literally the the improv is to never say no. You can't say no. But still, I think it's her fault for not explaining it fully.
Edgar:Yeah.
Erika:In the situation. So the top comment is not the asshole. Kate rolled the dice with a fake self story and lost. I would have done the same. Nobody gets to slander my parents just to look good.
Erika:Sucks for her, but that's on her lies, not you.
Edgar:Exactly.
Erika:Yeah, I agree 100%.
Edgar:Would you have done the same thing if like you had like a strange sibling they said can you come? Like imagine they were Kate, but Kate did it the right way. Like they came up to like hey can you come to dinner to prove that I have a family? Also, I said that everyone in our family besides us two were close, and and everyone else was, like, like, abusive to us. Would you ever gone to dinner?
Erika:No. It seems like the parents were very kind, and they had everything growing up.
Edgar:You have a free food.
Erika:No, absolutely not. I would not let my sibling, even if we're stranded to like bad lash my parents, especially if they were good parents.
Edgar:I
Erika:don't, you know, it's just no.
Edgar:I mean like the thing is, the thing about being estranged, you guys never see each other for holidays.
Erika:But still, I wouldn't go with it. I don't I it makes me and and what if down the road it show for some reason, they find out it's not true? Then it would make me a liar too. I just don't like lying. I I'm not gonna lie just because somebody tells me to.
Erika:I'm just gonna tell you the truth.
Edgar:I just consider it, like, dinner and it's just, like, a favorite, but, like, also. I guess it depends on the it depends on the situation I guess.
Erika:Well I guess now people know that in order for you to lie you have to give you food.
Edgar:Always. You know how I love the food.
Erika:Yes you do. But you know I think also you're like what you feel like is right. Like would you be okay lying like that?
Edgar:Yeah because I know the truth. Like I know what that's like basically playing an Yeah
Erika:but you're lying. I don't like to be dishonest regardless if it's you know, something that I'll never see them again. I wouldn't do it.
Edgar:So what's the final verdict?
Erika:I don't think she's an asshole at all. I think if she would have given more information she wouldn't have done, you know, that. Or would have not gone and made her suffer.
Edgar:I say OP is the asshole actually because she had one job. Had one job and she failed. She was fired from Kate's life forever.
Erika:Nah. I don't yeah. I mean, no. I think she Now
Edgar:she now someone that she basically doesn't know at all, her life is ruined.
Erika:Well, she should have not asked her to lie and I give her a heads up.
Edgar:Yeah.
Erika:The last story is, Emma the Asshole for not giving my estranged father's wife the money he sent me. My father wasn't in my 21 female life growing up. He left my mom and me when I was two and refused to pay child support. He quit his job when he was tracked down for support and he spent time in jail rather than paying. Eventually mom stopped fighting because it was going nowhere.
Erika:She felt like it was wasting resources chasing after him when it was obvious he was going to avoid it however he could. A couple years ago, he moved out about an hour away and I saw him for the first time since a court appearance when I was eight. We didn't speak either of those times, but it surprised me that he came back. I found out he was married and had more kids from my paternal aunt. He reached out to her and wanted to reconnect and she told him where to go.
Erika:She was always pretty disgusted he walked away like he did and refused to support me financially. In December my aunt told me he went to her house and left something for me there. I asked her what it was and she had no idea but she said it was an envelope. I opened it and it was a check and it was a big one too.
Edgar:$2.
Erika:You're so funny, it's a big one. Two dollars? Enjoyed giving it to my mom, but she told me to keep it and he owed me. That he abandoned me, and that it was the least I deserved. I tried telling her she deserved it more, but she wouldn't even entertain the idea.
Erika:So after confirming it was lit, I lodged it into my account. Then his wife came looking for the money by going to my aunt's house for me. My aunt made her leave and I wasn't even there, but she showed up a few days later when I was there and she demanded the money. She said it was money that was meant to go on her kids. Crazy.
Erika:That he had no right to drain their accounts for me. I told her it wasn't my problem and that my aunt threatened to call the cops. She showed up at my aunt's house again a few days after and my aunt followed through and called the cops. But apparently this woman left the message that I was selfish and entitled and I stole it from her kids. Am I the asshole?
Edgar:No. I think if anything, worst case, she picks her deaf. What? Because that $3 can last a while.
Erika:You're so funny. No. Oh my gosh. I ugh. This is what happens when people pick terrible, significant others.
Erika:I'm glad the father at least had some type of conscience that he gave her the money that he never did when she was a child. I think this is something that he did finally a good thing. Yeah. But the fact that the woman comes in there and tries to say, oh, it's my money? Excuse me?
Erika:Oh my gosh. Mhmm. The entitlement is crazy.
Edgar:Yeah. I'm sure the check has, like, some information, like, probably, like, oh, this is to this person. You know? That's typically what checks have. So I think it would be pretty easy to tell who the check was for at least or who it's who it is and not intended for.
Erika:Yeah. I mean, she definitely didn't steal anything. Absolutely not.
Edgar:Yeah. As for, like, if I wasn't in this situation, wouldn't have given the theatolos back.
Erika:You're so funny. I mean, yeah, mean she deserves it. She never got the support he could give her. Mean, I bet everybody would rather have emotional support having a father actually there with them than the actual money. But at least money helps.
Edgar:Yeah, money helps.
Erika:So the top comment is you stole nothing. Her kids have been supported by the all their lives as she did not care whether you were dead or alive or if you had food to eat or clothes to wear. That's all the back child support that Deadby owes you, like your mom said. You are entitled to that money and did not steal anything from anyone. Keep calling the cops every time she shows up.
Erika:She chose to marry and have kids with a deadbeat who ghosted his own child and left for nineteen years. Karma has finally found her address, not the asshole.
Edgar:Exactly. Like, let the on show understand that the father is trying to do, like, something. Right? Like, it maybe doesn't, like, fix everything but it's like it just shows that like I do care, I know I messed up, here you don't have to forgive me.
Erika:Yeah. I mean he finally did something right and I don't think nobody should take it away from her and she shouldn't feel guilty about it either.
Edgar:Yeah.
Erika:Yeah. So that's my my my verdict. Do you think she's an asshole?
Edgar:Whatever. Yeah. Yeah. She's definitely not the asshole for keeping money. Keeping to $4.
Erika:Yeah. I mean, money helps and I'm glad she got some money. Maybe she could go to college or whatever.
Edgar:Or buy something from the dollar menu.
Erika:It's so crazy. Well, if I did something right, she could pound sand. So that is all the stories we have today. Thank you for tuning in into this week's episode. Check out our website www.yappings.com and join our mail list for updates.
Erika:If you love our podcast and want to support us, subscribe and share for your friends and family. We would appreciate it so much.
Edgar:Also, we started a Facebook group called Am I the asshole relationship and family drama linked in the description. Join so you can share a Am I the asshole post you like or share your own stories for a solid judge. We may even read a few posts in one of our episodes.
Erika:Thank you. Bye.
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