Episode 17
· 43:26
Yapping!
Erika:Hello. This is Erika.
Edgar:And Edgar.
Erika:And we are the Yapping Schnauzers. We entertain you with Yap worthy stories we find around the web. Today's theme is top stories this week. So the first story is Emma the asshole for asking my girlfriend if she can take a shower. My girlfriend really only showers once a week, twice if I'm lucky.
Erika:Right. Typically, we go to the gym together, and I've often asked her why she doesn't shower. And she always comes with things like, oh, women don't really sweat much. And I sweat very little even for women's standards, And I don't buy it because I can smell. I used to just suck it up because she's extremely sensitive.
Erika:Kinda not safe for work here, but this even affected our private life, and I've lost interest. Fast forward a bit. She now starts using a sauna at the gym, maybe an average two times a week. She still refuses to shower. I've said there's just no way you don't sweat in the sauna.
Erika:Just me sitting five minutes in there gets me soaked. She says she doesn't sweat much either, and she sits there for twenty minutes.
Edgar:She's just marinating.
Erika:Ugh. So gross. Things are now worse. I can smell her very badly, almost to the point where I try not to breathe in too close to her because it's not good. I tried so long to give hints to get her to shower.
Erika:I'm like, hey. Do you wanna take a shower together? But she can't take the hint and says, why would we do that? There's only room for one under the water anyway. One evening, she wanted to lie down on the floor and stare at the world map she has.
Erika:She invited me to lie down next to her and just talk about where we want to go, etcetera. I lasted for about one minute before I had to make up some dumb excuse as to why I had to get up. She then gets upset and says along the lines, why are you leaving? You never do stuff with me. The truth is I just can't be too close to her for so long.
Erika:I'm not even sure if I started to resent her because it was only this one thing that was bugging me in the relationship, but maybe I did, and that's my fault for being bad at communicating to her. Anyway, I couldn't hold it in any longer. I tried one last time to ask her if she wanted to take a shower with me to show I didn't want to do stuff with her, but she declined. Then I said, I know you say you don't sweat, but I can smell. I don't like the smell of sweat, etcetera.
Erika:And being a popular gym we go to, I would just appreciate if you showered a bit more. She freaked out. Yeah. Accused me of things she asked, and asked if I found her disgusting, etcetera. I almost felt like she wanted me to think she's disgusting for some messed up reason.
Erika:Like, this was an easy way to create distance between us and all that. And I'm not sure. Maybe I'm overthinking it. It's just to me, it feels awful and obvious to shower, if not daily, at least every other day. She said she doesn't want to shower her hair often, but still, you can shower your body.
Erika:Our relationship is borderline over because I hurt her. So Emma the asshole, what could I have done differently? Yeah.
Edgar:I mean, that's, like, pretty gross. Like, she's just I can just imagine this hoping that awful Hope he couldn't even manage one minute next to her before she's, like, gagging and, like, leaving.
Erika:That's gross. Like, I mean, I'm sorry. You go to the sauna and you don't shower after. Like, that's insane to me because when you go in there, you're like, your whole body is sweating. I mean, everywhere is sweating.
Erika:So you're gonna come and tell me you don't shower after that is disgusting. And then it's like dead skin cells too, like, because you could, like, peel off and, you know, you need to shower because you have dead skin cells on your body, and you rub it off, and you wash and exfoliate your body as well. Like, I don't know. Like, I think he's better off.
Edgar:Yeah. Because it's, like, it's very unhygienic, and I can just imagine, like, it's a terrible, like, smell. And I don't know, like, why she's, like, not showering at all. Yeah. Like, at all.
Edgar:I imagine it's just, like, a thing that she grew up with. Like, oh, I don't need to shower that much. And I think the excuse that, like, oh, I just don't shower or I don't I just don't smell or I don't really sweat. That's just, like, kind of, like, the same excuse, like, same, like, dumb excuse, like, some guys have. Well, like, the the dumb joke that some guys have about girls.
Edgar:Like, oh, it's just, like, they just fart unicorns and, like, rainbows.
Erika:What do
Edgar:you mean? Poop? This reminds me of but, like, she actually lives by that.
Erika:Yeah. But, like, for example, you don't sweat a lot at all. Yeah. Like, you can do so much, like, workouts, run, and stuff, and and I see, like, one drop of sweat.
Edgar:Mhmm.
Erika:I'm like, that's insane to me. And, like, I literally I sweat easily. I'm the opposite of you, but, obviously, I take care of my hygiene. Like, I turn purple like a tomato, not purple red red as a tomato.
Edgar:We see, like, workouts. Yeah.
Erika:Yeah. So I'm like
Edgar:But even, like, with me, like, when I'm not sweating that much, I still, like, have the need to, like, shower after a workout.
Erika:Gross. Because even though you're in sweat, you can still smell.
Edgar:And I know it's, like, it's gonna fester if I leave it there for too long.
Erika:Yeah. It's
Edgar:not it's not good for your skin to have, like, sweat on you all day.
Erika:No. And then even for your, like I know a lot of people don't wash their hair every day, which is fine. Mhmm. But I mean come on if you sweat and you work out and you go to sauna and you're not washing it like often because you're literally sweating your glands are open and you don't it's just bad for your scalp health as well I mean, I don't think how that's gonna be good for you at all. So there is a small update, and it says we broke up.
Erika:She already
Edgar:For real.
Erika:For real. I understand. No. I'm glad he did they did, honestly. Because they just I mean, she should find somebody that doesn't shower as often just like her.
Erika:And maybe she can realize that, you know, it stinks. So she refused to accept she was disgusting by not showering and did not see anything wrong. Impossible for me to change her mind when she is dead set on no wrongdoing. No point for me to argue with someone like that. Seemed like there was a lot unresolved trauma in her past.
Erika:I was aware of it. But not to the severity of it and how it still affected her. One of her first sentence come up when I confronted her again about it was break up with me then. Like, she was challenging me or something. It really made me feel weird.
Erika:Instead of instead of us coming to an agreement together, she went very defenseless and just attacked me. She struggled with having girlfriends as she was scared of them stealing her current boyfriend or something. So she always went to hang out with guys. She loved getting validation from guys as well, and she ended up having a lot of friends with benefits over the years, he said. There's a lot of stuff I did not know, but that's just not my thing.
Erika:For some reason, I something for some reason, I I almost feel used used in a way because I feel like to her, I was just another friends with benefits, but she was someone I actually saw future with. Ultimately, what's made ultimately, what made us break up though was the fact that she sees herself as over men or me in that case. She believes women are holy. Her words, not mine. Oh my god.
Erika:She was the taker in the relationship, and I was the giver. It worked for some time, but I started resenting her, and I did not want to be as much as a giver for her anymore. I started to not to notice she did not appreciate my effort, and she did not reciprocate much at all. Hopefully, she will find a guy who will put her on the highest pedestal out there, but that guy is not me. All power to her.
Edgar:Yo. So she's, like, a slower, and she she doesn't sit in the shower.
Erika:That's gross. Come on. I think in and even if you have, like, some hookups in there, I mean, if I guess if a guy is desperate enough
Edgar:Mhmm.
Erika:You know? Ugh. No. I just
Edgar:ugh. Imagine she's like, I I still feel clean, so I'm not gonna shower.
Erika:No. That's so wrong.
Edgar:No. And this is what happens when you don't have education on hygiene in the in the school.
Erika:I mean, he did mention there was some trauma. I don't understand what type of trauma, So I can't judge her too.
Edgar:What trauma can you have with the shower?
Erika:No. I don't know. Maybe she was, like, when she was little, there was some trauma with that. I don't know. Regardless, she has some trauma.
Erika:Maybe she just needs some mental health. She needs to talk to a psychologist as to why she thinks it's okay to not have good hygiene.
Edgar:Yeah.
Erika:So the top comment is, it's not just about sweat. No wonder you don't want to be near her. I shower every other day, and I feel dirty if I don't. I have dry skin. Otherwise, I shower daily, but my skin hurts if it gets too dry.
Erika:She should be showering at least that often and absolutely after each visit to the gym and sauna. That's gross.
Edgar:Agreed.
Erika:Yeah. And certain parts of your body obviously need, you know, to be kept every day.
Edgar:Can't work for you.
Erika:Yeah. You can't just be like, oh, yeah. Just twice a week, and it's fine. It's gonna smell, especially if you work out. That's disgusting.
Erika:I think he did the right thing by breaking up with her.
Edgar:Yeah. He saved he saved his his nose.
Erika:Not only that, you know, because it could cause an affection too, like, certain things. So
Edgar:the affection's more on her end than him. But, yeah,
Erika:I mean, he Yeah. I mean, I'm just glad.
Edgar:Yeah. OP's in a better place right now. A better smelling place. So final verdict on us.
Erika:He is not the asshole.
Edgar:Yeah. Definitely not. And, yeah, I think OP's ex is an asshole, though.
Erika:Yeah. I think he really tried. Yeah. He tried to tell her, you know, maybe we should shower together or maybe we should you know? Yeah.
Erika:He tried really hard.
Edgar:The next story is titled, am I the asshole, permitting to my son that I love his mother more than him and telling him he's acting self centered. My son moved out right after graduating college last year. Since then, he's been very preoccupied with his own life. My wife and I couldn't be much prouder of him, but we do wish he'd made a little bit more effort to keep in touch, especially since he only lived thirty minutes away. Months go go by without hearing much from him, and we were always the ones to reach out first.
Edgar:We never complained about it to him until my wife's birthday. Her birthday was two days ago, and we didn't get a call or a surprise visit. She was a little upset, but chose not to confront him. I decided to call him about it, Not out of anger, just as a reminder. I said, hey, buddy.
Edgar:You missed your mother's birthday. He immediately apologized and asked me to wish her a happy birthday on his behalf. I told him it would be nice if he could visit us soon because we miss him. Apparently, that set him off. He told me that he has his own life to live and that we have ours.
Edgar:I told him I understood. But we're still his parents, and we wanna stay close. That's when he bluntly said he doesn't want a close relationship with us and that he's frustrated we won't leave him alone. I asked him why, and I don't know where he brought up something from when he was 10 years old. He said he overheard my wife and me saying that we love each other more than we love him.
Edgar:I was completely confused because I don't recall ever saying anything like that. When I asked for more context, he said we had been talking about our own parents' marriages. And at some point, I said something along the lines of, even though I love him a lot, I love his mother the most. My wife apparently agreed with me, and the conversation has tainted his view of our relationship ever since. I told him there was nothing wrong with that and that he was acting like a self centered brat who thinks the world revolves around him.
Edgar:He told me to go to hell. When I told my wife about what happened, she said I was wrong for calling him that even though I believed it was true. So am I the asshole?
Erika:I don't I feel like he is. OP? Yeah. I mean, for the not all like, not completely. I feel like he shouldn't have treated him that way.
Erika:I think there was a different way he could have responded. He's his son is telling him how he made him feel and how, you know, that part of his childhood made him feel like he wasn't wanted or he wasn't loved. So he should have reacted a different way because his son was telling him how he was feeling. Yeah. I think he just disregarded his feelings and said that he was being a self centered brat was kinda not what he needed to hear.
Erika:Yeah. I honestly think he could have reacted a better way. What do you think?
Edgar:I don't think OP is the asshole in this situation for, like, how the son reacted when he was, like, younger. Because I feel like that's kinda, like, a nonsensical, like, arguments. I feel like that's, like, an excuse for just not seeing him. Growing up, our parents probably, like, could've said things better or they did things that they probably regret. And you and I, we we don't follow our parents for that.
Edgar:We don't, like, say, oh, because of this one thing you did when I was a a preteen, I mean, I were gonna talk to you again, or I don't want a relationship with you. Like, that's just, like, dumb. You know? It's, like, very immature. So that that's why I agree with you with all Beyond.
Erika:Yeah. But I just don't think for a child to come to that conclusion, I don't believe it was just one thing. Maybe it was her other situations or other words that were said during his childhood that made him react that way. So I don't really think it's just that one thing that made him feel that type of way. Because I mean, as a child, you you have situations with your mom or situations with your parents, where you're like, okay, you know, they made me this way and whatever.
Erika:It was just a one thing or it was just, you know, they were just out of anger. But if it's something constant and you feel a certain way, then I feel like it taints your childhood.
Edgar:Mhmm.
Erika:So the top comment is you're the asshole. First of all, he is as you raise them. Secondly, kids don't just wanna decide to let go of a relationship with their parents because they heard something like that. In a home with engaged, available parents, kids flip out and tell their parents they overheard something upsetting and or they demand to know why they would say such a thing. They just don't keep it a secret for twenty years.
Erika:Something else is going on. It may be that you meant that you love your wife and understood that she would be your partner even when your kids grew up and moved on. But clearly, you did make your child feel neglected. If you want a relationship calling, your son a self centered asshole isn't a great way to begin. Did it even occur to you to ask how he felt or try to clarify what you meant or express any sadness about the fact that he did not, in fact, feel loved?
Erika:Do you think to tell him you would like to have a better relationship, or do you even want that? It wasn't just one thing. Other stuff happened that you're not aware of or are actively ignoring.
Edgar:It would be a patterning as well. But
Erika:Yeah. So I
Edgar:do believe within the context of the story, I feel like OP's son might be covering for something else. Like, it's just, like, not the whole story or just like, that one thing is, like, an excuse.
Erika:Yeah. Because Because as a parent, maybe he doesn't realize he did anything wrong or maybe some of the situations where his son felt, you know, neglected or didn't feel loved, and he's been not aware of it because he didn't think he did anything wrong.
Edgar:Yeah.
Erika:So I I honestly think the way he reacted completely didn't care what he said and didn't say how come or try to get to the bottom of the situation or why he felt that way. So, I mean, if that little snippet of conversation with his son tells you how he is Yeah. Then imagine how his relationship is.
Edgar:That yeah. Focusing on, like, that that one with a one conversation from their story. Yeah. It's, like, not a way for, like, a parent to, like, talk to their kids. Like, it it's, like, more of a something you, like, talk to your kids when, like, you're really annoyed at them.
Edgar:And, like, the kid is, like, four years old or three years old. But if they're still talking like this as adults, it seems like it was far something consistent that they had, or maybe that's just how he sees him, like, his own son. Yeah.
Erika:Like a child.
Edgar:Yeah. So I think probably the child doesn't like or I hope his son doesn't like being treated that way.
Erika:Yeah. I honestly think that he needs to just have a conversation with him and listen to what he's saying, not just automatically make a decision on what he needs to say and what he thinks and just disregard what he's feeling or what he's saying. Mhmm. Because there's context behind it, and there's feelings behind it. And he's just completely blindsided with that.
Erika:You know?
Edgar:Mhmm. And if if he if he really wanted, like, a relationship with his son, he would have gone about the conversation differently, like, more empathetically.
Erika:Yeah. And this is just one thing he's telling you about. As like we mentioned, it could probably be other things that he has gone through. So, yeah, I think they both need to have a conversation with him and sit down and tell him that he's important in this relationship. I understand that having a good relationship with your significant other wife, husband, whatever is important when having kids.
Erika:But to make a child feel like he's not loved or he's not as important as your wife, it's it's an issue.
Edgar:Fun of verdict?
Erika:I still think he's an asshole for his reaction.
Edgar:I think also, yeah, the OP. That I think about more OP is, like, the asshole as well. But the sun is also an asshole because she's also, like, not going about it a good way as well.
Erika:But he's
Edgar:But it's, like, more of yes. He's a child, but he's like a adult now. But OP, it's like it's on more on OP's end to, like, fix the relationships. That's what he wants from it, like, for them to be close again. So he has to fight in the effort.
Erika:I mean, he's still newly adult. As as a father, he should know better. And he was also voted the asshole.
Edgar:The next story is titled, am I the asshole for telling my sister and brother-in-law it's their fault the son doesn't speak to them? Throw away for privacy. I, 53, female, have a sister, 55, female. I call her Caroline. She has been married for thirty years to her husband Richard, fifty eight male.
Edgar:When they married in the 90s, they planned to have children. However, nature had other plans for them, and my brother-in-law couldn't have children. The doctor confirmed the impossibility, and this devastated them. After weighing their options, they chose to go through infertility treatments with donor sores. I also must note that my sister is a controlling person, and my brother-in-law thinks he knows everything.
Edgar:Fast forward a few years, and my sister and brother-in-law had two sons through this process, both of whom have different donors. And as science grown with DNA, I advised my sister to tell the children when they were young of how they came to be and just be honest with them. I was met with harsh backlash, telling me to mind my own business and that under no circumstances are her sons to find out. I would continually bring it up on occasion until one nasty fight where my brother-in-law told me I was an uneducated idiot who knew nothing about the subject. Then I gave up and never spoke to them about it again.
Edgar:Last year, Caroline's oldest son decided to take a twenty three year immunity test and discovered that my brother-in-law is not his biological father. This caused a massive uproar in my sister's family. My nephew told them he always knew something was wrong and wanted to find the truth. After months of back and forth fighting about my sister and brother in law's betrayal of trust, per my nephew, he has now cut contact with his parents. I connected with him through social media and will not do anything to risk losing this contact.
Edgar:Last week, my sister called me sobbing because the birthday present she sent to her son was returned with a note that said, do not contact me again, from my nephew. After listening to her for thirty minutes, I got tired. I tried to hang up, but she lashed out and asked why I wasn't supporting her. I told her the truth, that she ignored my thoughts for years. I told her I warned her that science was catching up with her lies, as she should have told the kids when they were young so they could process it better.
Edgar:She called me heartless and a monster for not giving her help and trying to persuade my nephew to speak with her. I told her that I would not do that to either her or her brother-in-law, and this situation is their fault and that they need to figure out how to live with the consequences or find a way to fix the relationship with their son. It was then my brother-in-law got on the phone and called me a bitch and hung up on me.
Erika:He
Edgar:just came out you just came out of nowhere. Just say that. The brother-in-law point. My mother and father got involved and told me that a good sister wouldn't want this type of family tension to continue, that I needed to step up and help my sister and her son speak to each other. I refuse because I won't risk my one connection I still have with my nephew.
Edgar:So am I the asshole for not helping my sister and fixing relationship with my nephew and telling them that it's their fault? So, yeah, for, I don't think he's the asshole. And I think he's wise to, like, not press on the nephew on this because he's probably, like everyone in that in that family is probably, like, on Finn Nice
Erika:Yeah.
Edgar:For, for the nephew.
Erika:They need some type of family on their side right now. I think if she was to be like, yeah, you should talk to your mom, they would just be left without anybody to talk to. I just I think the sisters should have listened to her and took the advice
Edgar:Mhmm.
Erika:Because I think it's important to tell your kids, you know, we are your parents and but, you know, they're not biologically but biologically, you know, you're the same DNA.
Edgar:Mhmm.
Erika:Because it's not a parent just for the DNA. It's a parent who takes care of you when you're sick and, you know, nurtures you. So yeah.
Edgar:Yeah. She was worried warned about this for, like, well over a few decades at this point. So for her to, like, now want sympathy and have her sister who were, like, disrespected, like, all these years. Like, oh, now can you help me? Because I I didn't listen to your advice.
Edgar:Like, I I would be frustrated. It was okay.
Erika:Yeah. And then for the brother-in-law to call her a a bitch. Like, really?
Edgar:I know. The brother-in-law is not helping in this situation at all.
Erika:No. Even the parents. Like, you are not helping the situation here. I think, sure, everybody has a say, and you don't have to listen to how you, you know, teach your child or have a conversation with them or what you share with them. But, you know, now the situation has basically hit the fan.
Edgar:And
Erika:so I think, honestly, she just needs to give the child some time. I think right now, they the person is hurt. The child is hurt and feels like the identity is completely, like, all over the place, feels confused and frustrated, like, he's been lied to. I think if she just gets him some time to think and let him to reflect and just let him, you know, feel
Edgar:Yeah.
Erika:Then eventually, he will, you know, come around. Because I don't I mean, I don't think they're abusive or anything like that. Just, you know, he just feels light to all his life.
Edgar:Yeah. The nephew definitely needs some time, and they should just respect it at the moment. And this the OP shouldn't do, like, anything to, like, try to impress the nephew because I feel like from their their only very delicate social media connection, that's, like, I don't know if you're saying I trust you for now, but if you do anything else, I'll sue you as well.
Erika:Yeah. Mhmm. So the top comment is not that asshole.
Edgar:This is our dog, Selena, is currently licking, Erica's mouth as she's speaking. Yes. Tonguing her.
Erika:Yeah. Yeah. She does that a lot. We have they're always with us. And, once we do videos, you'll be able to see them and their cute little clothes they have on.
Erika:So the top comment is not the asshole. They insisted on not listening to you, punished you enough that you shut up, and now they want you to nuke your relationship with your nephew in attempt to fix the issue. Plus that seems unlikely to work. You value your relationship with your nephew and don't wanna risk it. Actions have consequences, and you are thinking ahead again.
Edgar:Nicely wrapped up.
Erika:Exactly.
Edgar:Like, this is like, even if OP goes ahead and caves talks to your nephew Yeah. To try to fix a relationship, like, I think this is, like, unlikely to, like, work. It's gonna be it caused me more issues. Now there's, like, no one they can, like, contact that can talk to your nephew. Yeah.
Edgar:And they would still be mad at OP. They They were like, you messed that up. Yeah. Like, you I I can see that happening.
Erika:Yeah. There's no winning in this case. I think she's doing good with, just staying out of it and supporting his nephew. And if what if the grandparents talks to him if they want to? Why is it up to her?
Erika:And why are they blaming her saying, oh, you should talk to them? It's always you know, I just don't understand parents sometimes. I know they always want to keep the peace, but sometimes it's just making it worse, honestly.
Edgar:Still final verdict?
Erika:Not the asshole at all.
Edgar:Yeah. Agreed.
Erika:Okay. So the next story is, am I the asshole for refusing to let my girlfriend bring her dog dead ashes, on vacation? My girlfriend, 29 female, and I, 28 male, have been together for four months. She had a dog that died a few months ago before we met. I have only ever spent the night at her place.
Erika:I live with my sister and her two kids, so it's a little chaotic at my place. Girlfriend has a small two, three inch tall urine on her bedside table with the dog's ashes. Before she turns off the lamp, she goes to sleep. She always gives it a little tap on the on the top and says goodnight as though she is talking to the dog. I think it's weird, but I have never said anything.
Erika:We were supposed to go away for the weekend on Friday. I was watching her pack and noticed she took the urine and put it at the top pocket of her backpack. I asked what she was doing. She said she didn't want to leave the dog behind. I told her she was not allowed to bring the urine as it be made me very uncomfortable.
Erika:I didn't wanna see it anytime we returned to our hotel. I didn't want her talking to her dead dog after we had sex before we go to sleep. It's weird. And, frankly, she's been mourning this dog for too long. She didn't argue.
Erika:She simply started to unpack her bag. She told me to have fun on the weekend, get away as she would not be coming. I asked if she was seriously choosing a dog's ashes over me. She said she was choosing herself over me as I could have spoken to her with kindness and empathy, but didn't. She also said that I didn't get to dictate how long she's allowed to grieve, then she asked me to leave.
Erika:She hasn't replied to my text. Thinks, she's I think she's overreacting. My sister says she can see both our sides. Am I the asshole for thinking my girlfriend is weird for being attached to her dead dog's ashes?
Edgar:Yeah. I think yeah. For me, I'd say OP is not the asshole in this case.
Erika:Right? Like, how dare you? Like, it's usually dogs. Sometimes they have a you know, when they're kids, and they grow up with dog. Mhmm.
Erika:So it's it's years, ten to fifteen years you have a dog sometimes. And for you for somebody to say, oh, you know, you're just need to get over it.
Edgar:Yeah. Because, like, yeah, all pets are, like, a a family member. And to have them have to wear is, like, very, like, traumatizing and, like, you need time to mourn. I do think the OP's ex is a little bit weird on how she's, like, mourning. Like, and I think it's fine to tap it tap the urine at the end of the day because that's just, like, her routine.
Edgar:Like, eventually, it should be something that she just does every day. But I think it was a little weird to bring it, like, on vacation. Because for me, my my concern would be that they would lose the urn, like, en route.
Erika:Yarn. Yeah. Yeah. Or if they're going on a plane, usually, you need some type of documentation or something like that. You can just bring dust and stuff like that without any
Edgar:Mhmm. Yeah. I think it would be difficult. Like, it is just like an extra hassle for a vacation. I think the safest place for, like, a year and any those kind of morrows would be just, like, at your home.
Erika:Yeah. I think you're right. I think it's just one of those things where there I don't think there's a limit to morning, but I think it would be safer to leave the ashes at home. Yeah. So there are little small updates that says the hotel was not refundable.
Erika:They're only three hour drive, so I went to the trip without her.
Edgar:Cool.
Erika:She started seeing a psychologist around the same time we started dating. She hasn't told me any specifics, because she said the trauma of slowly losing her dog brought to the surface another trauma in her past. This is why I think she has been mourning for too long. She is still attached to the dog even after seeing a professional on a regular basis for several months. And then there was one more update that says, I get it.
Erika:I'm an asshole. I texted my girlfriend to say I'm sorry for how I spoke to her and for dismissing her feelings. It was wrong. I also said I would like to apologize in person and offered to bring her favorite takeout. She said, oh, good.
Erika:Don't worry about it. I bought an in person apology. I gathered the things you've left at my house. Let me know when you like to come and pick them up. I'm hoping she would still hear me out when I go to her place.
Erika:Yeah. I think she's done. Yeah. Yeah.
Edgar:Because Sophie's, like, behavior is also, like, not acceptable. If anyone's, like, mourning or sad, you just don't tell them to get over there. Like, that's asking for the worst case reaction from another person.
Erika:Yeah. I think it's not just him being empathetic not being empathetic. It's just him flat out telling her that she was creepy and weird for mourning her dog.
Edgar:Yeah.
Erika:Like that. I mean obviously there's a reason why she's doing that and obviously he found out because it's a deeper meaning than just her dog So he's just an asshole for not really, like, being empathetic with her and just being oh, you're weird. That's it. The top comment is your girlfriend or your ex girlfriend most likely sounds amazing. I wish she was my friend because she sounds like an awesome person to know.
Erika:Sounds like you lost a privilege by being an asshole. You're the asshole. Everything she said was 100% correct. I don't even have anything to add because she spoke for herself so clearly. The fact you still don't get it shows that you have a fundamental problem actually hearing her.
Erika:Read and reread what she said until you get it. So we got, Lila, a toy for her birthday yesterday, and she loves it. It's like a hundred dollar bill with a dog in the middle.
Edgar:Mhmm.
Erika:And it's so cute. And, of course, she decides to play with it now.
Edgar:Yeah. It was for her first birthday.
Erika:Yeah. It's a big one. So You're back to the story. Yeah.
Edgar:We're back to top comment.
Erika:Yeah. So, the final update is I shared this post with her thinking it might help her see that I was wrong and I'm owning it, and maybe it would open the door to a discussion that blow up in my face. I probably should have deleted some of the questionable comments I made in this thread. She texted saying, your things are now in the garbage bag on the porch. Pick them up sooner than later so they aren't stolen.
Erika:Goodbye. Please just break my wishes. Don't text me anymore. He messed up.
Edgar:Why share a a Fred like this? Like, why share, I posted our situation on Reddit? Can you look at it so we can get back together? Like, let's just, like,
Erika:bring together sense. Oh my god. He just dug a deeper hole for him.
Edgar:And apparently, there was, like, four comments that OP made on the original friend that were not nice. So Yeah. That you're gonna do a quest for him.
Erika:He is not helping himself out at all. Alright. I think he just he needs to let go. He was an asshole. Hopefully, he learned from the situation to be more empathetic with somebody else going through mourning or any situation and just be a better person.
Erika:Reflect on yourself, OP. Be a better person.
Edgar:Yeah. Just take the l. So find a verdict.
Erika:He's asshole. Yeah.
Edgar:OP is definitely the asshole. Opie's ex, a little bit weird, but, I mean, no
Erika:one can take
Edgar:it for you.
Erika:And the Reddit actually put asshole poo mode.
Edgar:Because it's
Erika:Like, poo mode. Like, is he, like, shit mode? Oh. Like, he's overly an asshole.
Edgar:So the next story is titled, am I the asshole for believing my two and a half year old over my mother-in-law? Without going into too many specifics, my mother-in-law is difficult to deal with. The biggest problem I have with her is that she does what she wants with my daughter regardless of what me or my husband says. I'll say no candy. She'll give her two pieces.
Edgar:She sneaks a Coke and tea even after we told her not to. Most things are harmless enough, but my husband and I watch our daughter like a hawk when we're at their houses now. We were there for a long weekend, and honestly, everything was going great. My mother-in-law was in a great mood, and father-in-law was feeling good. He's in his nineties, and his health hasn't been great the past few years.
Edgar:I let my guard down, and I let my daughter spend some time with my mother-in-law. A couple of days later when my daughter and I was eating lunch, she tells me mother-in-law clipped her hair. I asked her where, and she posed at her bangs. And sure enough, they look like they've been cut. She also said she's gotten grandma clipped it.
Edgar:That would have been my daughter's first haircut. I had no doubt cut it. She mentioned a couple of times my daughter needed a haircut. Me and my husband said, no. We did not want to cut her hair.
Edgar:I texted my mother-in-law that I knew she had cut her hair and basically be be going no contact for a while along with how I felt about the situation. She, of course, denied everything and called my husband screaming, crying. How can you believe anything a two year old says? So read it. Am I the asshole?
Edgar:No.
Erika:Absolutely not. She blatantly disregarded what they both wanted. They just she completely disrespected their decision and went above it and said, well, I wanna do this, and that's it. I think it is just one of those things where if she wanted to do it, she should've asked her parents and respected their wishes.
Edgar:Yeah. Because, like, the parents like, the appearance of the actual, like, child, they their say is, like, the final say in terms of, like, what gets done with the with the child.
Erika:Yeah. Of course.
Edgar:Like, if they say, I don't want the candy. I don't want, like, the haircut. The anyone who takes care of the child, like, even even the mother-in-law and the father-in-law and the grandparents, they should, like, respect that.
Erika:Yeah. She has she did not respect the boundaries.
Edgar:Mhmm.
Erika:And for her not going no contact for a while, good for them because it's not okay. And the fact that she's throwing a tantrum right now saying, how can you believe a two year old? It's crazy to me.
Edgar:I know. She's just trying to, like, gaslight them.
Erika:Yeah.
Edgar:And, like, blame a a child for her own mistake.
Erika:Yeah. I don't get that. And then there is a small edit that says, it wasn't a week later that I noticed her hair was cut. It was literally a day and a half later. I did notice it was different.
Erika:I just thought it was the way she slept on it. Her hair is soft and fine, so tangles aren't really a problem. And she hates it when I try to fix it, so I pretty much leave it alone until it's time to wash it, which I don't do every night. Also, my mother-in-law has a history of disregarding your wishes as a parent. She is in low contact with her step grandchildren for this exact reason.
Erika:So she's done it before with other children. So, I don't understand.
Edgar:It is people who don't respect boundaries. They just think that they can do whatever they want.
Erika:Oh, they they think that they know better and that their way is the right way.
Edgar:Mhmm.
Erika:So the top comment is not the asshole. Your mother-in-law has a habit of going against the wishes of a child parent. Doesn't matter who the kid is, strangely or stranger or family. You know this. She knows this.
Erika:So how on earth can she expect you to believe her when it comes to your child? Now could your sis now could your daughter have lied? I mean, it's a possibility, but look at it this way. Someone has cut her hair. So until good old grandma can empirically prove she isn't the culprit, tell her that her actions in the past have led you to believe the one person in the situation who doesn't go behind your back.
Erika:It doesn't matter that the one person is only a toddler. Exactly. She has a track record. And if she knows she is known for this, yeah, we're gonna believe the two year old child.
Edgar:Exactly. Yeah.
Erika:And why would a two year old child lie?
Edgar:Mhmm.
Erika:Like, I mean, sure, maybe manipulation stuff, but, like, I don't know. It just doesn't make sense. Like
Edgar:I think, yeah, it's only harder for them to lie, I believe. I mean, they might experiment with lying at that age, but I think for the most part, they just they just tell you what what it is. Like, they
Erika:can't They'd be like, oh, this happened or I fell or somebody pushed me. You know? It's really simple things like that. Yeah. Yeah.
Erika:So final verdict.
Edgar:Yeah. OP isn't the asshole in this.
Erika:Yeah. Definitely not. The mother-in-law is the asshole when she needs to be put in her place or have boundaries, woman.
Edgar:She needs a leash.
Erika:She crazy. No. But, yeah, she definitely needs to be respectful of others' decision. So the last story is Emma the asshole for refusing to cover my coworker after finding out why she needed time off. So at my job, we're supposed to request time off at least two weeks in advance unless it's an emergency.
Erika:My coworker, Sarah, thirty, female, asked me last week if I could cover for her on a Friday. She said it was really important, so I agreed to assume it was a family thing or something serious. Well, today, I found out through another coworker that Sarah's emergency is that she got tickets to a concert last minute and didn't wanna lose her spot. I was pissed. I went back to her and told her I wasn't covering for her anymore since she should've lied.
Erika:She got really upset and said she had to lie or else no one would cover for her. I told her that's not my problem and she should have been honest. Now she's telling everyone I screwed her over, and some people at work are saying that I overreacted because it's not that deep. And I had already agreed, but I feel like she lied to me, and that's not fair. Emma the asshole.
Edgar:Yeah. I think she's the asshole. I think, like, when you're taken off work, if you have the time to take off work, you don't really need an excuse. But, like, I know for a lot of companies, they want you to have, like, a clear excuse.
Erika:Yeah.
Edgar:And I don't see any reason why we had to be, like, completely honest to, like, companies in the first place just because, like, they're never honest with us ever. So and this also shoots OP in their foot because no one's gonna wanna, like, have her cover for them anymore because they know that she's gonna, like, backstab them or if this is, like, something that has to be private. It's no longer private under OP's watch.
Erika:Yeah. I mean, technically, she said it was an emergency, but she didn't say what it was. Yeah. OP assumed that it was a family thing or something serious.
Edgar:Serious loss. Yeah.
Erika:So, you know, she didn't say it was something family related. So why she had to make assumptions?
Edgar:Okay. I don't
Erika:think she's in the wrong. Plus, if I think they made a whole new law. I don't know if it applies to everybody, but if you are you could take your sick time
Edgar:Mhmm.
Erika:And you don't have to say why.
Edgar:Yeah.
Erika:Obviously, he's encouraged to because, you know, morale, but now there's a new law that you don't have to tell them why, which is pretty cool, I think.
Edgar:Yeah.
Erika:And also, I think she is asshole because now she went back on her word because of her assumption.
Edgar:Exactly. So Is that her is that OP's business?
Erika:Yeah. I mean, if you said you're gonna cover it, then cover for her. It doesn't matter the reason. And if you've been assumption that it was a family thing, then it's not her fault.
Edgar:Yeah.
Erika:So the top comment is you're the asshole. She said it was important, and it was important to her. She didn't say it was an emergency or some family problem like you incorrectly assumed. If the reason was a critical factor in your decision making, you should have specifically asked her why she needed to specifically asked her why she needed you to switch. Exactly.
Erika:Yeah. Next time, just be more upfront. Be like, okay. But what's the reason reasoning if that's, you know, the way for you to say yes?
Edgar:Yeah. I hope he wanted, like if that was such a major factor, yeah, she should've just been more clear. But, ultimately, I think she was, like, the asshole in this situation because, like and this is, like, such a nonissue. Like, it's not like her her core is not that deep. She just take the shift and and she shut up.
Erika:Yeah. I mean, now she's screwed, though. Now she has nobody to cover for her, and she went off back on her word. It's not her fault. I think if it was such a big deal, you should've asked from the beginning why she was taking it off.
Erika:That's it. Yeah. So final verdict.
Edgar:Sophie is the asshole.
Erika:Yes. A %. And so also, Reddit agreed with us.
Edgar:So
Erika:that's all the stories we have today. Thank you for tuning in to this week's episode. Check it out our website, wwyappings.com, and join our mail list for updates. If you love our podcast and want to support us, subscribe and share with your friends and family. We will appreciate it so much.
Edgar:Also, we started a new Facebook group called a I t a dash relationship and family drama linked in the description. Join so you can share your NYU household posts that you like from Reddit or share your own stories for all of us to judge. We may even read a few posts in one of the episodes.
Erika:Thank you for listening, and see you next Monday. Bye.
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