Episode 15
· 55:57
Yapping!
Erika:Hello. This is Erika
Edgar:Edgar
Darielys:And Dave,
Erika:and we are the Yapping Schnauzers. We entertain you with the up worthy stories we find around the web. This weekend's theme is family issues. The first title is Emma the asshole for walking out of my own birthday dinner because of a surprise guest. So last weekend was my birthday dinner, and I made it clear to my friends that I wanted a small intimate gathering.
Erika:Just my closest people. No drama. Everything was going great until my best friend showed up with a surprise guest, my ex. Not just any ex, but the one who cheated on me and left me heartbroken. Apparently, my best friend thought it was a time to bury the hatchet and help us rekindle a friendship.
Erika:The moment I saw my ex walk in, I felt sick. Everyone looked at me waiting for some kind of reaction. My ex even gave me a nervous smile like, hey. Long time no see. I just stood up, left cash for my meal, and walked out.
Erika:I didn't yell. I didn't cause a scene. I just got up and left. A few of my friends followed me saying they understood, but others called me immature for not just being civil. Now my best friend is pissed off and says I embarrassed them and ruined the night.
Erika:My ex texted me later saying they didn't even know they were coming, and it felt awkward too. So am I the asshole for leaving my own birthday dinner instead of just sucking it up?
Edgar:No. Because why would the friend even invite him? That's kinda messed up. It's so messed up. On her birthday?
Darielys:Mhmm. No. You don't do that. Yeah. I would've left too.
Darielys:That's,
Darielys:no. I agree.
Darielys:Because why would she stay? Like, I feel like if she stayed, it would've been, like, the worst night.
Erika:Yeah. She wouldn't be happy at all in her dinner.
Darielys:No. That's horrible. And why would the friend even do that? I don't get it. That's not a real friend.
Erika:No. Exactly. If you have friends like that, you shouldn't have enemies.
Edgar:Yeah. Like what? I don't understand. So she just was like, oh yeah, show up. Like, who even thinks about that?
Edgar:I don't she's just trying to get messy.
Erika:And she wanted like a no drama small gathering. Yeah. How she think her ex that left her heartbroken would be a good idea. Cheated on her is yes. And then like, why is it up to her for her to come in?
Erika:Probably her immature was
Edgar:kind of crazy too.
Erika:Well, some of her friends.
Darielys:Yeah.
Edgar:Because like what? Yeah. No. I would be so mad. I'd be like, who invited him?
Edgar:Yeah. What?
Erika:She was really mature about it, honestly.
Edgar:Yeah. Honestly, she handled it very well. Because I would have I don't know what I would have done. But I would have been like, why is why are you here? I probably would have caused the scene.
Edgar:Not me. But not like a whole scene with like the whole restaurant or whatever like finds out probably just like the table but like I would leave too because I wouldn't wanna stay with somebody that clearly I don't wanna see on my birthday. Excellent. Like, that day's supposed to be, like, a special day for you and stuff.
Erika:For special people that you wanna celebrate with, not your ex that cheated on
Edgar:you. That's so wrong.
Erika:Yes. Okay. So the top comment is not the asshole. Dude, your best friend crossed a huge boundary by bringing your ex, especially one who cheated on you. You made it clear you wanted a small intimate dinner, and they completely disregarded that.
Erika:You didn't cause a scene. You just left. That's not immature. That's setting boundaries. Your best friend should have respected that and not forced you into an uncomfortable situation.
Erika:The real issue here is on them for trying to rekindle a friendship without even checking if you were okay with it. Yeah. Why would they even, like,
Edgar:suggest, like, assume that, oh, we should no. What? No. I feel like that's her choice, not her friend's choice to make.
Erika:Yes. A %.
Darielys:Mhmm.
Erika:Yeah. I think it's just I think she just over overstepped, and I don't think she would be my best friend anymore. My friend.
Edgar:Yeah. Absolutely not.
Darielys:So final verdict?
Erika:Not that at all. Not that
Edgar:at all.
Darielys:Yeah. Definitely not. The next story is titled, husband, don't make me slap you to bring you back to your senses. My three to five year olds are extremely picky eaters and always make excuses or don't finish meals. This really irks my husband, and he is very demanding, forceful, and authoritative with them, and me when I don't agree.
Darielys:My three year old was fussy as usual for lunch today and saying, no. I don't wanna eat. I set a timer for thirty minutes and said, I'm putting the plate away when the timer goes off, so she'll be hungry at nap time if she doesn't eat. My husband kept trying to force her to eat. Eat, take a bite, eat your food, to which she rebelled more, started crying, and barely took a couple of bites.
Darielys:My five year old cleared most of his plate for lunch, but left about a quarter because he said he was full. My husband demanded he finish the food. He refused politely saying, no. Thank you. I'm full.
Darielys:My husband kept getting more mad and saying he had to finish it. We don't waste food. He hadn't eaten much today, etcetera. My son came to me and asked if it was okay that he was done. My husband followed him and said, don't ask mommy.
Darielys:I already told you to finish it. Go sit down and finish your food. Again, my son said, no. Thank you. I'm full.
Darielys:I don't wanna eat anymore. So then I told my husband to not force him. If he was full, he could finish the rest later. I also reminded him that he needed to stop being so demanding and forcing the kids to eat or finish their food. It's causing more issues and making meal time more stressful.
Darielys:It's becoming a huge headache and having a negative effect on their health, especially because it's starting to cause a feeding disorder. And I have no and I have to deal with it the majority of the time as the primary parent. We have to have this conversation many, many, many times about how to handle fooding issues and what the protocol is for feeding therapists and past OTs and all the child therapists and psychology experts in I follow online. For example, setting timers, giving choices, allowing them to try one bite, and having a backup meal, usually Greek yogurt with fruits and or a PB and J. If they don't like the main meal, I also keep low sugar treats they love on hand like organic fruit popsicles or Jell O as an incentive.
Darielys:I understand the need to have some control over what they eat and try to make it positive and stress free for all of us. I talked to him about what feeding therapist suggests, send him articles to read, share videos, etcetera to improve his approach. He always says, okay. He understands. But then he continues to bully.
Darielys:He got really mad at me today when I told him our son ate plenty and to stop forcing him if he was full. And after reminding him of our multiple conversations regarding feeding techniques, I then told him, oh, son, we don't waste food, so he will need to finish it later during dinner. My husband started raising his voice at me and saying I was going behind his back. All three of us were literally standing together. But I let him do whatever he wanted and wasted food.
Darielys:Again, I said, we talked about this so many times, and I'm literally talking to you about this right now. How is it behind your back? He kept getting aggressive with me and gaslighting, so then it escalated, and we got into a fight. I cursed a couple of times during our conversation, not at him, but in the context of which I was expressing. And he then said I was cursing at him, and I better stop.
Darielys:I said I'm not cursing at you. I'm just cursing in context because I'm frustrated with this always being an issue and having this conversation over and over again. I told him to read up on feeding issues and educate himself because I was fucking tired of having to deal with this constantly and the resulting defiance in me of time battles with the kids. He kept accusing me of cursing at him and saying I wasn't allowed to curse at all and that it didn't matter if I was cursing at him or in the conversation. He got more and more aggressive, so then I did curse at him out of sheer frustration and overwhelming stress.
Darielys:Suddenly he threatened to slap me to bring me back to my senses. I said, are you really threatening to be physically abusive because I cursed? And then started laughing and mockingly saying, stop it. That's not his goal of use. And reiterated he would do it only to bring you to your senses.
Darielys:Needless to say, I was not calm at all by this point. I did him to go ahead and do it, and then I called the cops on him and pressed charges. It was a full blown fight by then, and he just kept arguing, threatening me, occasionally laughing and mocking me, then cursed at me while claiming I couldn't curse at all, just escalating the fights. I definitely blew up at the end. I called him a few choice words and cursed back at him before walking away.
Darielys:I feel like complete shit right now. I have a headache. I've been crying for an hour, and I feel like I'm stuck in a very toxic relationship. If you read all this, thank you. I'm not sure what I'm even asking for here.
Darielys:I just need it to vent, I guess. And I feel like my reaction to him threatening to slap me back to my senses was warranted that he was being abusive. Am I wrong?
Erika:There was so much going on. Oh my god.
Darielys:I think, definitely, they need better communication, like, prior to, like, having all these fights in front of the kids. Like, especially, like, having, like, both parents saying different things while they're feeding, like, their child. Like, that's gonna cause, like, a lot of friction, and then the child's gonna, like, have preferences, or they're gonna be confused.
Erika:Yeah. And
Darielys:I think it's, like, even worse if they're, like, if they have preferences because then they're like, okay. Instead of going to my dad, who's gonna be, like, angry at me, I'm just gonna go to my mom who's more lenient, and then there's gonna be even more issues there. That's true.
Erika:I can't
Edgar:that lucky pissed me off because, like, the the threatening part was kinda crazy to me.
Darielys:Mhmm. I think yeah. I mean Like, what was from the context of the story, it looks like the OP was the one kinda escalating it. But, yeah, like, Fred Lane just, like, took it too far on OP's husband's end.
Edgar:I feel like he shouldn't have, like, said that because, like
Darielys:I I
Edgar:get that they were, like, frustrated and everything because, like, of the whole food thing. But I don't think this argument or whatever didn't. Like, I feel like it didn't have to, like, lead to that where he was, like, threatening her to stop her. I feel like that's just they just needed to communicate it. Like, I I do I think it just escalated, like, way too.
Edgar:Like, it's too much. Like, that didn't even happen at all. I don't know.
Erika:I feel like he she has tried very, very hard for her husband to be more educated in eating habits and how to help the kids eat. Mhmm. And she repeatedly has told them to read articles, and she has sent them articles, sent them videos, and sent send them, just tell him things that we could do for the kids to eat over and over and and over again. And then he never looked up for that. And he continued to be authoritative and continued to bully the kids to eat the food, which is causing this eating disorder and causing them not to wanna eat.
Erika:Yep. So, honestly, he's the asshole. Why? Because he could have avoided all this if he only read an article about it. It's not hard to read something and apply it to your whole you know, to your life, especially if it's something so simple as, you know, okay.
Erika:You don't wanna eat? Let let's, you know, make fun food. Involve them in cooking. Yeah. You know, gradually introduction to just little by little or even, like, hide their foods, blend them in so they don't see it.
Erika:I mean, there's so many things. If he would have read or bothered to read or look at the articles, it would not have caused this whole issue, which, once again, she has been telling him over and over again.
Edgar:So if you really look at
Erika:the big picture, the husband is
Edgar:the asshole. Yep. Mhmm. I think
Darielys:he was his asshole at the point where he, like, started threatening the OP because he just don't do that, especially, like, when you're arguing.
Edgar:Yeah. But, like, even to the kids, like, he was, like, even, like, aggressive with the kids at first, and then he was aggressive with her. So, like, he's just aggressive with everybody, and it's just making everything worse. Like, he has to be right. Like, only his way is the way, not, like the
Erika:right way.
Edgar:The way. Yeah. Like the way that the mom wants to, like, deal with that situation with eating is, like, not working. Like he needs, like, for them to eat and everything. I don't know.
Edgar:That's just that'll piss me off. I don't know. Oh my god. Yeah.
Darielys:He got that anger issues.
Erika:Definitely. Yeah. He needs therapy. They need I mean, honestly, I don't think this is gonna I don't know if if she should get there a couple therapy or if she should just leave him because, honestly, this right here is just the beginning of physical abuse. It first starts off with saying, oh, you know, do you want me to slap you?
Erika:It starts off with words, with verbal abuse, and then it escalates eventually, and then there's hitting involved. So, honestly, I don't know if she should go to therapy or just leave him. I mean, I know it's really hard and not everybody has the resources to be, okay. I'm gonna pack my bags and go. Mhmm.
Erika:But I think she should really, you know, consider her options and what's best for her kids because, obviously, I don't think the kids growing up in this environment is good either.
Edgar:Mhmm. No. They're gonna, like, grow up with, like, having, like, a little, like, like, what Edgar was saying in the beginning, how, like, they're gonna go more towards, like, the mom than the dad. And, like, their their relationship with her with the dad is gonna be, like, really bad.
Erika:Well, he's a asshole.
Edgar:They're not they're not gonna trust him, like, whatsoever with anything, and they're always gonna go to his mom and watch. I feel like the dad would get even more mad because they're not even going to him for anything. Well, I
Erika:mean, he already feels like they're ganging up on him, and that's why I felt like he also escalated this so badly. It was so bad that they had to, that he was like, woah. Now that you're all going against me and you know what I mean? Yeah. That and that wasn't it at all.
Erika:It was that, you know, they were trying to find different ways for them to eat, and he just didn't understand.
Darielys:Them going to the mom, like, for everything isn't, like, the bad thing on the mom because it just shows that she's, like, an easier parent to, like, manipulate, than the dad.
Erika:I don't think so. I think that
Darielys:it was because the mother is, like it looks like from even, like, the technique she's, like, suggesting is bad. Like, I need those better techniques. Like, having, like, a backup meal is like, you're venting too much to the child. Like, at some point, they had to, like, feed on whatever, that is being cooked out of respect at the very least.
Edgar:Yeah. Well, I mean Having
Darielys:like, oh, if you don't like it, I have I made a a separate meal just in case. That's, like, not a good way to to teach the kid because that show that just makes them, like, weaker and, like, or spread spread their palate.
Erika:Yeah. I mean, I completely get that. I understand that. I mean, one of the things is don't offer alternatives. If they refuse a meal, don't immediately offer something else they prefer.
Erika:This tea this this can teach them that refusing food gets what they want. However, ensure that they don't go hungry by having a healthy snack later if necessary. I mean, you can't either starve them either.
Darielys:Yeah.
Erika:I think it's important to I think having a backup is good, but, obviously, she shouldn't offer to them immediately because it shows the, obviously, the opposite effect that you wanna show them.
Darielys:Mhmm.
Erika:I mean, she's just prepared. And she's not giving them the other meal either. She's just saying, I'm gonna give you thirty minutes or else you're gonna be hungry in your nap. She didn't say, oh, I have this other food for you to eat in any other conversation. She just said that she had that just in case.
Darielys:Yeah. Just in case. But it looks like I feel like extrapolating, it would get to that point. You know? Like, they would they would wait because, oh, I'd rather not eat than if you're gonna make me eat this.
Darielys:But if they just starve
Erika:a five year old or, like, a little kid, you know But
Darielys:they're gonna have to eat whatever they're, like, cooked. You know? Like, I I don't know about their situation, but, like, most families don't have the resources to cook multiple meals.
Erika:I know. I think it's
Darielys:pretty close. Yeah.
Erika:I mean, I've seen parents too, like, be like, oh, they don't wanna eat. We have this meal for you, or you don't wanna do this. Oh, it's okay. We have this for you. Like, that's just so
Darielys:Or, like,
Erika:they just like parenting.
Darielys:Or they just, like, they, like, fix their meals for them. Like, oh, I'll I'll take out I'll take out the bones in your food or, like, I'll take out all the veggies individually.
Edgar:My parents would never do that. My parents like, this is what I made. This is worth eating. Yeah. Like, if that was that's how it was.
Edgar:Like, you eat what's there. And if you don't wanna eat it, then that's on you. It's like like, I don't know. That's how I grew up. It's like, whatever's there, you're gonna eat.
Edgar:And if you don't wanna eat that, it's like, then you're gonna starve. That's it. Like, there's nothing else to eat.
Darielys:And would you say that, like, you you're grateful for that? Like, you need that that helped you? Like, grow up and, like, every day
Edgar:grow up? Up because it's like, I kinda eat everything. Yeah. Same here. I don't know.
Edgar:But, I don't know. I feel I feel like no say. Because, like, it's like they're forced they're like you're like you're forcing them to eat. But, like, it's something that is this different when, like, the parent is, like, yelling at you and telling you, like, oh,
Erika:you gotta eat. You gotta finish. Like, telling
Edgar:all this. Instead, my parents wanna do that. Parents would be just like, okay. You don't wanna eat, but don't eat. Like, they wanna force me to eat.
Edgar:Be like, you gotta eat. You gotta finish. You won't get up that table. No. I feel like that's more, like, traumatizing.
Edgar:I don't know.
Erika:I don't remember how much childhood was, honestly. I think it's a good thing.
Darielys:Yeah. But see, like, I guess, like, it worked for us. So why, like, apply different techniques that, like, we we're not totally sure it works. We only told that it works. Like, I feel like more from a personal
Erika:I'm sure the study
Darielys:experiences we know.
Erika:Yeah. But I'm sure the study, they're just not gonna say, like, oh, yeah. You know, do this. It's gonna work better. I'm sure there's studies with it.
Erika:I feel like there's
Edgar:studies because of them. But yeah. Like if I was like a mom in this situation and like my kid didn't wanna eat what I made or something, I'd be like, what am I supposed to feed you then? Like what it would like, what do you want? So I feel like it's hard because like if the kid doesn't want doesn't want what you make, it's like, damn, I have to figure out what else I'm a make because I'm not gonna leave the poor kid without eating.
Edgar:So it's like I feel like it's like a hard, like, situation to be in because it's like like like how does she have, like, a backup? But I feel like that's more work for the mom
Erika:in general. It really is. I think it's just difficult. I think being a parent's hard. Yeah.
Erika:And I'm glad I'm that parent. I think it's I think it's really, really hard. And it's just one of those things we need to find a balance, and it's your call. You know? Sure.
Erika:You read all the books. You read all this and that, whatever. Use what worked for you when you were a kid. But at the end of the day, you're gonna have to decide. Yeah.
Erika:So and that's that's where it comes where it's difficult, where you could be a little bit rough saying you can't you know, if you're not gonna eat, you're you're not gonna eat anything afterwards. I mean, it's hard.
Edgar:Yeah. My mom be like, no. If you don't eat this, you're not gonna eat, like, for example, like ice cream later. And I'd be like, no. And I would eat.
Edgar:So it's more like that. Like, if I didn't eat it, like, okay, if you don't eat dinner, you're not gonna get, like, this sweet afterwards or, like, ice cream at night or something that has to
Erika:do with incentive. Yeah. Would you were you always eating, babe, when you were a kid?
Darielys:I always fought it.
Erika:You always fought it?
Darielys:Yeah. Because I don't like veggies.
Edgar:That's weird because you, like, feel like you eat, like, the whole thing. Yeah. Well, because
Darielys:I did I guess my parents always told me at, like, at the end, like like, I I caved in. I I would eat, like, something, you know? Because I had to finish my plate or at least most of my plate.
Edgar:Yeah. One more bite. Yeah. Or something like that. I don't know.
Edgar:Yeah. That's all I remember. Well, it's mostly like ice cream because I'm like obsessed with ice cream.
Erika:It would be like
Darielys:If you
Edgar:don't eat, you're not gonna get ice cream. I'm like, oh, okay. Yeah.
Erika:I think when it well, when I was Ecuador, I came when I was, like, five. Mhmm. So I was born there. And the food is completely different from over here. And the food was natural.
Erika:It was delicious. I loved it. And then you came here, and they're like, oh, you want pizza?
Edgar:I know.
Erika:Oh, it was disgusting. I hated pizza. I hated fries. I hated the burgers. I hated everything.
Erika:So I remember when I first came in well, at least I don't remember. That's what they told me. So they said that when we were first picked up from the airport when we arrived, they said, oh, you know, here's McDonald's. What do you want? And I said rice with rice with potato and ketchup.
Edgar:That's so cute.
Erika:And then they're, like, laughing at me. He's like, well, you know, they don't sell this here in
Edgar:Black Dog. So you get nuggets or, like, a burger
Darielys:or something?
Erika:Yeah. So it's just one of those things where it's, like, a culture shock, really. But, you know, obviously, I love everything now. So the top comment is I grew up in the house you're describing. Rip the Band Aid off and find a better partner.
Erika:If he's anything like my dad after the divorce, hates picky eaters and not being in total control, he'll only be able to bully your kids every other weekend and Thursdays for dinner. They're still trying to be cool when they're teenagers because he's listened to the cats in the cradle one too many times.
Darielys:What?
Erika:I don't know. The the top one.
Darielys:Yeah. You're trying to find
Erika:the last one because he listened to cats in the cradle too many times. I'm not sure what that would mean.
Darielys:I don't
Edgar:know what that means either. I just heard cats. I was like, I tried
Darielys:to ass comment too.
Erika:No. But I understand. I mean, I say, yeah, divorce.
Edgar:Yeah. It started off good, but the cat threw me off.
Darielys:I was just not divorce on the looting things. I would divorce on the threatening.
Erika:Yeah. Obviously. Mhmm. Yeah.
Darielys:It's like a yeah. Unless he, like I I I don't I don't think he would even she should even go back to him even if he apologized.
Erika:Phrase. Yeah. It is a phrase.
Edgar:Oh, and I was like I'm kinda slow. I was like, what? I think
Darielys:when I think of Cat in the Cradle, I think of the song.
Erika:Alright. So the cat's in the cradle meaning is a father not having enough time to spend with his son, then the son growing up just to be like his father, or basically only realizing when the son grows up that the roles have been reversed and the son is now too busy to spend time with him. That's what it means, apparently. But I mean yeah. I think at this point, she should just really, really, really try to divorce.
Erika:Mhmm. I don't think it's gonna get any better.
Darielys:Mhmm.
Edgar:No worries. And they're little now. Imagine when they get older.
Erika:Yeah. It's so sad because in cases like that, I I feel like they would wanna protect her from the father. And you don't want a kid to grow fast like that. I think it's so sad.
Darielys:Yeah.
Erika:Alright. So what's the final verdict?
Darielys:Your final verdict, OP is not the asshole.
Erika:Nope. A % angry. Alright. So the next story is Emma the asshole for refusing to play happy family with my former bully, who is now my dad's fiance. I, 24 female, had a rough time in middle school and high school because of a girl named Sophie, twenty eight female.
Erika:She wasn't just casually mean. She made my life miserable for years. She spread rumors about me, made fun of my appearance, and turned people against me. I developed severe anxiety and took years of therapy to rebuild my confidence. Fast forward to last year.
Erika:My dad, 51 male, told me he was dating someone serious and wanted me to meet her. I showed up to dinner and my stomach dropped. It was Sophie. At first, I thought she didn't recognize me, but then she smelled ugly and said, wow. Long time no see.
Erika:Later that night, my dad asked me why I was so quiet. When I told him that Sophie what Sophie did to me growing up, he was shocked. He said she never mentioned knowing me. When he brought it up to her, she texted me a short, hey. I'm sorry if I was ever mean to you.
Erika:I was young and stupid. That was it. I told my dad I wanted nothing to do with her. He said people changed and that I should give her a chance. I refused.
Erika:So he stopped bringing her around when I visited. That was fine until last month when he announced they were engaged. Now he's pushing me to come to the wedding saying I need to move on and not hold a grudge over childhood drama. Sophie hasn't tried to have a real conversation with me. She has, like, nothing ever happened, which may makes it much worse.
Erika:My dad thinks I should be able to let let go since it was years ago, but not to me. Being bullied isn't something you just get over because enough time has passed. Some of my family members agree with me, but others say I'm being petty and should at least try to be civil for my dad's sake. So Emma the asshole for refusing to accept her as family.
Darielys:Oh my god. I see. So she shouldn't ever like, she isn't supposed to or, like, she's not needed to forgive Sophie for being a bully when she was younger. But OP, I think she should go into the wedding, like, just to respect and support her father, who knows, like, kind of a weird situation.
Edgar:But, like, that's kinda crazy. The age difference is kinda crazy.
Darielys:It's like, how how it's like a 23
Edgar:year old kid. I don't know. That's kinda crazy, though. Does he have money?
Erika:Is that why he wants
Edgar:to he's gonna be her sugar daddy. That's fine.
Erika:Well, I mean, you don't marry your sugar daddies, though.
Darielys:It's such a red flag for the dad.
Erika:Oh, yeah. 100%. I think, it's so difficult though because let's see. That is hard. I I don't think she should be, forced to be a participant in the wedding or to be there.
Erika:Honestly, because if somebody treats you that way for years, it makes you literally she took years of therapy to get over and get confidence for how much she bullied her. And then her dad expected her to be like, oh, you know, it's fine. It's it's happened. It's in the past. You should get over it.
Erika:But it's ridiculous to me. I think he's very unsensitive and insensitive and that he should she doesn't have to do whatever she doesn't want to do. No.
Edgar:The no.
Erika:I don't respect my ass.
Edgar:They get me. What?
Erika:No. I don't know. I just I really think that it's it's really insensitive of him for forcing her to be in the wedding and even going with it. Like, why would you wanna marry somebody that was a bully? Yeah.
Erika:I feel like Especially to your daughter.
Edgar:What if, like, the the girl, like, the one that was bullying her was like just to be like that person would just like marry her dad to be closest to her and just keep bullying her for like the rest of her life. Oh my god. No. Dude. That's how I think about it.
Edgar:Like what? Just to like just to be annoying, I guess, for her. Like I know.
Erika:He just blatantly ignored her feelings and how she He was on her side.
Edgar:He did not care about the daughter.
Erika:No. He didn't care. He'd rather get, you know Yeah. Instead of her her daughter, which sucks. So the top comment is, oh, hell no.
Erika:I've I'd be going no contact with your dad. I can't believe he even continued to date her after you informed him she was your bully, not the asshole. But I don't know. I think it's it's hard. It's a hard thing to really decide.
Erika:I I don't know. I don't know what I would do in this situation, honestly.
Edgar:Me neither. Because, like, you wanna be happy for your dad, but, like, that's, like, literally your bully. Like, what what are you supposed to do? Like
Erika:Maybe you could be happy for your dad, but from afar.
Edgar:Yeah.
Erika:I think that's the best choice, honestly. Yep. Oh, final verdict? I don't think she's asshole at all. The dad is, though.
Erika:Yeah.
Darielys:I think, yeah, ultimately, the dad is the asshole. Sophie, like, the the dad's fiancee, I don't wanna say she's too much of an asshole now. I mean, I think she, like
Edgar:That was, like, at first.
Darielys:I think in total, like, I don't think she, like she it's probably, like, a such a small portion of her life, like, the bullying that happened, like, from her end.
Erika:It's like Maybe she bullied other kids too.
Darielys:Yeah. She probably doesn't, like, even think of it as, like, something big deal. She bullied a lot
Erika:of people.
Edgar:That's messed up.
Darielys:She should the entire school.
Erika:I don't know. I think she should have like, especially if she's gonna be, like, the stepmom. She should have had a conversation
Edgar:with her. That's crazy.
Darielys:When you probably becomes your stepmom. Like, the absolute worst worst scenario.
Edgar:Age sick. I don't wanna what? My age?
Erika:That's wrong.
Edgar:That's weird.
Erika:Your dad is your dad needs help. He shouldn't be dating people. That could be your daughter. That's so wrong. Ew.
Darielys:I could know your daughter. Ew.
Erika:It's just weird and then you expect her to to act to be okay to be for her to be your stepmom? Nah. I'm doing that. You're wrong.
Edgar:Like fully as your stepmom that's insane. That's actually insane. Yeah.
Darielys:Or FP to OP. But, yeah, so, yeah, find a very big
Edgar:bad. Asshole.
Darielys:No. OP isn't the asshole. The next story is titled, am I the asshole for refusing to babysit my sister's kids after she told me I was too old to have dreams? I, 28 female, have always wanted to be a professional dancer. It's been my passion since I was a little girl, and I've trained hard over the years.
Darielys:I understand that it's a tough field with no guaranteed success, but I've managed to land some gigs here and there. I'm not famous, but I'm proud of what I've accomplished, and I continue to work towards my goals. My sister, 34 female, has two kids, ages five and seven. She is a great mom, and I admire how dedicated she is to her children. That being said, she often asked me to babysit some, especially when she has events to attend or needs some time for herself.
Darielys:I usually don't mind helping out, but I do have my own commitments, and sometimes I just can't. Recently, she asked me to babysit for a whole weekend while she goes to a music festival. I told her that I couldn't because I have an important audition coming up, and I need to focus on that. She got really upset and accused me of prioritizing my stupid dreams over my family. That's when she said I was too old to have dreams and that I should just give up on dancing and help her instead.
Darielys:That hurt a lot. I tried to explain to her that I'm not too old and that people can achieve their dreams at any age, but she wasn't having it. She called me selfish for not wanting to babysit and put her kids in my place, saying that I should be ashamed of myself. Now I love my niece and nephew, but I also think that they should learn to respect other people's boundaries. Now she's telling our parents that I'm a bad aunt, and I might ruin the relationship with her kids if I keep refusing to babysit.
Darielys:My parents are somewhat supportive of my dancing career, but I can tell that they think I should help my sister more. Am I the asshole for standing up for my dreams and not wanting to babysit? So, yeah, obviously not.
Erika:No. What a manipulative sister. She's such a terrible person.
Darielys:Yeah. She just wants a free babysitter. Yeah. And she's willing to throw away her relationship with her, sister for that.
Erika:Why? So she could go to a music festival on the weekend?
Darielys:I know.
Erika:Girl, please. Where are your priorities? It's not the
Edgar:sister's fault that she had kids.
Darielys:Exactly.
Erika:And it's not her responsibility either.
Edgar:I'd be mad. I mean, like, yeah, once in a while, whatever. But, like, because she wants some time for herself. I mean, I get it. Everybody needs her time, but, like It's not her responsibility.
Edgar:Yeah. Like, I don't know. I feel like if you as a model, you would want to be around your kids. I don't know. I mean, you have kids for a reason.
Edgar:I mean, why are you why do you have kids? I don't know. I know.
Erika:I think she should have not made it such a big deal. I think this would have not happened if she would have said, okay. That's fine. You know? I won't go to a music festival.
Erika:That simple. And the rest, she would have been fine. Mhmm. I mean, she doesn't have to sacrifice what she's doing just because she has to take care of her kids because she wants to do something.
Edgar:Yeah. Or at least find somebody else to, like, babysit them if she really wants to go.
Darielys:Ask the parents. Ask the babysitter them.
Edgar:Depend on the sister, like, oh, you
Darielys:know, right?
Erika:Why can't the parents babysit?
Darielys:Yeah. So it's just one one weekend. But, yeah, it's it's ridiculous.
Erika:Yeah. I think it's yeah. She didn't need to use the manipulation and then involve the parents saying, oh, she's a bad aunt. Yeah. Like, what do you mean?
Darielys:It's like, so what? Like, if, the sister doesn't, like like, appreciate or, like, respect OP doing her, like, dancing career. Like That's so
Edgar:messed up.
Darielys:I mean, like, that's, like, something that she does in her free time. Like, that's, like, her hobby. Mhmm. It's something she, like, finds joy in. So, like, let her enjoy that.
Erika:Yeah. I don't think if you wanna dream, you just dream. You're never too old for that. How dare she tell her, no. You're stupid dreams.
Erika:Like, come on. Just because she's able to actually help you out and she can't help you out now, now it's stupid dreams. Like, come on. It's ridiculous. So it's to her, whatever is good for her day, and that's it.
Erika:The top comment is your goals and dreams have nothing to do with your sister's life or kids. Her kids are her responsibility. If she chooses to be pissed off in your choice not to babysit, that's her problem. Not the asshole. You can have a dream and a great relationship with your sister's kids.
Erika:Both things are possible. What is not possible is your sister telling you what you can do or cannot do with your own life.
Edgar:Yeah. That's not her choice to make.
Erika:Yeah. She still set boundaries because
Darielys:Mhmm.
Erika:At this point, her sister is going overboard. And at this point, she's gonna be telling her, oh, yeah. You can't do this. You can't do that because you're taking care of my kids. That's not fair.
Erika:Yeah. Ridiculous.
Darielys:Yeah. It's a final verdict.
Edgar:Not the asshole.
Erika:Yeah. And the parents are assholes too for not sticking up to her.
Edgar:I feel like the parents always go with, like
Erika:The ones that have kids?
Edgar:Yeah. Like, from every other story that, like, we've read, it's always, like, the parents going, like, with the like, not the OP, like the other person.
Darielys:Yeah. With the kids. Yeah.
Erika:But it's it's not the responsibility. If you wanna help out family, sure. Family is family. But if you're not able to, then find another solution. It's not your responsibility.
Erika:Simple as that.
Darielys:Yes. So find a verdict?
Erika:Not that.
Edgar:Yeah. Not that.
Darielys:The hassle.
Erika:Okay. So next story is, am I the hassle for not wanting anything to do with my parents and family? I, 27 male, have decided to completely contact with my parents and siblings. And now my whole extended family is calling me heartless. I don't think I am, but I need some outside opinion.
Erika:Growing up, my parents were not great. They weren't physically abusive, but emotionally, absolutely. They had my older brother, 30 male, and my younger sister, 25 female. And for some reason, I I was always the scapegoat. My brother was the golden child.
Erika:He could do no wrong. My sister was the baby, so she was spoiled. And me, I was the one blamed for everything. If something went wrong or missing, it was my fault. If my siblings were in a bad mood, I must have done something.
Erika:If I ever tried to stand up for myself, I was being disrespectful or too sensitive. I never got the same support they did. When I turned 18, my parents pretty much shoved me out the door. No help with college, no advice for about life, nothing. Meanwhile, my brother got his tuition fully paid for, and my sister still lives at home rent free.
Erika:The the only reason I even made it on my own was because I worked my ass off at a crappy job and eventually built my life for myself. Fast forward to now, I have a stable job, a decent apartment. Honestly, life has been so much better without them. I haven't spoke to them in almost two years. Then out of the blue, my mom reaches out not to apologize, not to check-in on me, but to ask for money.
Erika:Turns out my dad lost a bunch of money in a bad business deal, and now they're struggling. She hit me with the whole we're family and family helps each other speech. I told her no. I don't owe them anything after the way they treated me. She got angry and said I was being cruel and that I needed to let go of the past and be a good son.
Erika:And then my brother recalled basically saying the same thing, but with more insults thrown in. He told me I was selfish and bitter and I needed to grow up. My sister texted me saying she understands why I'm upset, but that I should still help because they're still our parents. I blocked them all. And now my aunts, uncles, and even some cousins are blowing up my phone telling me I'm an asshole for abandoning my family in their time of need.
Erika:Some of them even said I was being vindictive and immature. So read it. Am I the asshole for refusing to help and wanting nothing to do with them?
Edgar:No. I hate how the rest of the family gets involved in this situation. So, like, I feel like these should just be between, like, the family, not aunts and uncles. Like, why are they always involved in these situations? I'm like, I don't understand.
Edgar:It's like, they probably like spend it. Oh, my son didn't wanna do this. And then yeah. Like, what? That's it.
Edgar:Like, that's should be, like, private. I don't know. And I don't blame him for not wanting to give money because if they're treating him like that. No, that's just not okay.
Erika:They kicked them out 18 and didn't help him at all. The other one was fully paid and the other ones lives at home rent free.
Edgar:Why can't the other kids pay? Yeah.
Erika:The other one they pay full tuition. Why he can't help you out? Yeah. What what he has in debt for? What what does he pay?
Edgar:That's not fair.
Erika:Yeah. I think I think it's ridiculous for them to expect anything. I honestly think you'll get what you give. Mhmm. And if you the way you treated him, you think he should be like, oh, yeah.
Erika:Let me help you out. Let me give you as much money as you see. No.
Edgar:Yeah. Like, there was nothing. Yeah. No. It's not okay.
Erika:Yeah. So I was it the top comment is you don't owe anything to the people who only see US family when they need something to protect your peace. Keep moving forward. Yes. Exactly.
Erika:They use family as a convenience, and that's it. You're only family because they need you, not because they loved you. The re the and it's ridiculous that she went and just called them because she needed money. That's it. Didn't ask him how he was doing, if he was okay.
Erika:Was he eating? Nothing. Yep. After two years of not talking to your son, the first thing you say, oh, I need money. I'd be so
Edgar:mad. I cannot.
Erika:Block them all. Block everybody.
Edgar:Yes. Your aunts and uncles too because why are they in your business? Like, get out. I feel so annoyed. Yeah.
Edgar:Like, why are you telling the whole family? They don't that's not I don't know. They don't need to know all that information.
Erika:Yeah. Mhmm. Yeah. So final verdict is she he is not the asshole at all.
Edgar:Mm-mm.
Darielys:Yeah. So the next story is titled inviting my in laws to my triplets birthday party. My 28 female husband, 20 nine male, and I welcomed a set of triplet boys that were born so prematurely, we were told to not expect them to survive. My sister-in-law was also pregnant at this time and carried her son to full term. Anyway, after a very, very long NICU stay in many appointments, all three boys are home and doing very well.
Darielys:My parents have been very involved with the triplets care. And if it weren't for them, I would have probably lost my mind a while back ago. My in laws, however, have not been. During the lengthy NICU stay, they were constantly there and making promises that since we had triplets and obviously needed more help, that they were going to be there as soon as I sent a text. After about two months of all the boys being home, my in laws completely stopped helping whatsoever.
Darielys:They don't call or text to check-in on the boys or my husband and I. It's like we don't even exist unless they need a new a new photo to post on Facebook to seem like super grandparents to four kids born around the same time. Now my father has vision issues, and my mother is wheelchair bound, but they are texting me every single day asking about me, my husband, the boys, how they can help, trying to schedule date nights for my husband and I to reconnect, showing up to appointments with me when my husband has to work so I don't have to bring in all three kids solo. I am very thankful. My mother-in-law is retired, and my father-in-law works in a big company.
Darielys:I understand that my father-in-law works a lot and has a busy job, and I don't expect them to take the boys every day. They claim that it's too hard to watch all three kids solo, so they can't be involved. Now my nephew was born full term and is your normal one year old, and my in laws are very much involved with him. They have pictures of him all over the house. He has his own private room at the home.
Darielys:They even have multiple photo albums of just him in each room of the house. My father-in-law has taken off work before just to spend some time with my nephew plenty of times. I pulled my in laws to the side a few times to discuss favoritism, and they swear up and down that that's not it. It's just easier to deal with just one kid. I very much understand that, and I would like to clarify.
Darielys:I don't expect anyone to watch my children because they're my responsibility. But I don't think it's fair to be there for one child and not the rest. We all live within five minutes of each other, so travel isn't an issue either. I was told that they can't help out with them unless it's one baby at a time. They did that one time for each kid five months ago, and it's been radio silent since.
Darielys:My boys turned two this April, and we are currently planning to party. I told my husband that I don't think they deserve to be invited to the birthday party this year. My husband is on board, but we know if we go through with this, it'll be a blow up so big, there will be no turning back from this at all. So you mighty asshole. Oh my god.
Erika:This one's hard.
Darielys:I mean, definitely, like, there's favoritism with the, the mother and father-in-law, but I don't I think it would be asshole as to not invite them into the birthday.
Edgar:Like Yeah.
Darielys:He should they should still be, like the OP should still, like, offer, like, oh, you can come see them whenever you want or, like, whenever we invite you. And it's up to the father-in-law and the mother-in-law to, like, to reject it. You know? Which they have been rejecting, like, the the casual visits, but, like, in occasions like a birthday party, they should still be offered, an invitation.
Edgar:Yeah. I just don't like the fact that he has, like, his own little, like, private room or whatever. Like, that makes no sense to me.
Erika:That's my one. Right there.
Edgar:That's clearly yeah. Like, in pictures all over the house.
Erika:Yeah. Because they don't spend time with the other kids and just him. It's really sad.
Darielys:And at least she just admitted.
Erika:Yeah. I think it's really good that they keep denying it. And, obviously, there's so much evidence behind that
Darielys:Mhmm.
Erika:That it's clearly favoritism. Okay. Let's just say there is favoritism, but at least I I don't think I would not invite them. I I think I would invite them Mhmm. Just because it's not fair for your kids either to just have, like, cut ties with their grandparents just because, you know, they weren't there for them when they were babies.
Erika:I think it's a choice that they should be able to make when they're older. Yeah. And invite them and, you know, just deal with them there. I mean, I'm sure they're not gonna stick around long either, but, you know, at least it's not you making that decision for your kids either.
Edgar:Mhmm. Mhmm.
Erika:So the top comment is invite them, but have a photo book printed up of the kids over the last year. Shitter around during the party. Make sure there's lots of pictures of your parents and none of your in laws. They'll be mad when they notice, and they'll have no one to blame but themselves.
Darielys:I think they would still blame OP. But, yeah, I mean, that's, like, a funny, petty thing to do.
Erika:I love that. That's a great idea, actually.
Edgar:Yeah. I give everybody pictures. Mhmm.
Erika:I think this is a perfect way to show everybody that there's favoritism and that they haven't been around and they're not the great great grandparents that they keep saying.
Darielys:K.
Erika:Oh, final verdict. Not the asshole.
Edgar:Yeah. No.
Erika:But I I would still invite the grandparents. Yeah. I would too.
Darielys:Would they be assholes if they didn't invite their grand their parents?
Erika:Mhmm. I think she has a free pass for me.
Darielys:I'd say if he if OP did that, then I would consider her the asshole.
Edgar:Not me. But I feel like like, if she invites them and everything and the parents don't show up, that's kinda, like, that's like the big picture. Like, damn. Like, they really do not care about them.
Darielys:Yeah. They don't.
Erika:Yeah. At the point, I wouldn't invite them again, though. No.
Edgar:I wouldn't. No. If they if they didn't show up, I wouldn't invite them again. Yeah.
Darielys:Yeah. Afterwards, they have to do that now.
Erika:That would be over and it wouldn't be your fault for having a relationship and then it would be them yep okay so next story is my husband keeps getting more attractive and I don't like it Yeah. So me, 32 female, and my husband, thirty two male, have been together for eight years. Married five. I am not ashamed to say I was the pretty one in our relationship when we were dating. Before we got married, he was about two hundred and eighty pounds and five eleven.
Erika:Didn't know how to choose clothes for himself. He hates shopping and had a bald head. I fell in love with him with Say it again. I love how she describe that. I fell in love with him and who he was as a person.
Erika:Even though I never cared for his looks, I was strictly assured that he wouldn't cheat on me. I was cheating on every single one of our relationships until he came along. It's the second year of our marriage. His sister had to lose ton of weight due to heart issues, and he started to go into the gym with her five times a week to support her. I was very supportive of him and start to start exercising.
Erika:And though it was very sweet of him to support his sister like that, with two point five years of hard work, they both lost ton of weight. He especially lost a hundred pounds, and turns out he has very blessed genes. I'm talking about full on abs and everything. Never knew a man can grow jaw lines by losing weight. I was very proud of him and was pleasantly surprised by this.
Erika:Then soon after he got a promotion at work, he became head of his department, and his former boss advised he should look more presentable as a representation of their department. My husband took his words to heart and turned for me to help. We went on a shopping spree and started to let his hair grow out. Well, again, turns out he has beautiful hair. By this time, my husband is a very attractive man.
Erika:Then a month, we went to a company's anniversary party with his coworkers. I noticed that women at the party was just sooning over my husband, and even worse, he just didn't realize it. I learned from his coworker that most single women, even some of the married ones, are actively throwing themselves at him at his workplace. There was one girl who gave him a kiss on the cheek while he was sitting next to me. I talked to him about it, and he said, well, she is French.
Erika:I thought French people like are like that. I guess I'll try to keep my distance from her. Honestly, it was dumb response, but it's just so like him. I don't like how much attention he's getting. I feel like as soon as we get into a rough patch, if we get into it, there's ton of women waiting to pray on him.
Erika:I am scared some of those women will affect him as he is pretty naive as a person. Know that he's everything I could ask for in a marriage, and he has been great, if not perfect, husband for me over the years. I feel like I've been such an asshole wishing he stays physically the same. Am I the asshole?
Darielys:I would go
Edgar:to sleep. Because she's just she's kinda just, like, upset that he's just getting He's good looking. Good looks, like, now. Yeah.
Darielys:Yeah. I
Edgar:mean, I I would be, like, happy. No say. Like, I feel like, okay. Like, he's getting, like, better. He's, like, doing things with, like, his health too because, like, you don't know.
Edgar:Like, he's working on himself. He's I don't know. Like, I'd be happy, but, like, the fact that, like, the the coworker thing, that's that kinda pisses me off. But, like, other than that, I I don't know.
Erika:It's not his fault. He doesn't even know he's attractive because he he was not like that. You know what I mean?
Edgar:Yeah. I feel like
Erika:when you physically change, your mentality doesn't change automatically either. It takes years to think of yourself as attractive, especially if he was, like, overweight and have hair. Like, you know what I mean? If he wasn't conventionally attractive Yeah. It takes a bit for your mind or your mindset to get to that point as well and find yourself attractive.
Erika:So
Edgar:Like, she's like,
Darielys:I don't
Edgar:know if she's like a little insecure. She is definitely not
Erika:a little girl. That shit a lot insecure.
Edgar:Oh, yeah. Because like, I don't know. She's just mad at the fact that he's just getting more
Erika:attention.
Edgar:Yeah. I don't know. See. Like, girl, he's still yours. I don't think
Erika:Yeah. I don't think he's flirting. He don't even understand. Like, he's so naive right now. Yeah.
Erika:Which is kinda dangerous because he doesn't know the He
Edgar:doesn't understand it. Yeah.
Erika:Yeah. He doesn't know the when, like, a girl's flirting with you or when, like, it's, like, a little bit too much for a girl to do or a woman to do and he just be like, oh, you know, it's normal or whatever. Like, he doesn't it's hard. I think it's hard.
Edgar:Yeah. I just feel like she something's gonna hap I feel like she thinks that something's gonna happen because, like, you know
Erika:Without him realizing it. Yeah.
Edgar:They're all over him. Yeah. I I don't know. She needs to, like, work on herself, I guess, a bit. Or trust him.
Erika:I think if you've been married that long, you should trust your your husband as well.
Edgar:I feel like if he did something to, like, change that mindset of, like, oh, he's gonna do something or whatever, then I would get it because it's like, there's a reason for that, but I don't she didn't mention a reason. So I feel like it's just like
Erika:It's just for past relationships. Yeah. Yeah. This is a trauma, I guess. Yeah.
Erika:So the top comment is, I think you need to get some therapy for your relationship trauma. Also, the idea that someone overweight won't cheat because you set an attractiveness scale and they fall below the scale is quite frankly ridiculous. You have eight years of experience in understanding with this guy, and that should be what drives you to your mindset, not some surface looks bullshit. From what you've said, he seems to only have eyes for you. He's only interested in you and wants to be with you.
Erika:Like I said, go get some therapy because I don't think he's the problem here, but your attitude towards him could well become one.
Edgar:Yeah. I agree with her or him. I don't know, but that's the
Darielys:yeah.
Erika:Yeah. I think she's honestly the toxic one either.
Edgar:Yeah. I don't know about, like, if she's I don't know.
Erika:This is crazy.
Edgar:This one is like, nah. He's not in the wrong. He's just
Erika:he's just doing him. He's just an innocent guy.
Edgar:He's just he's just a guy that lost weight and she's like
Erika:And he's good looking now.
Edgar:Yeah. Just because of that? So what? He wasn't good looking before?
Erika:Clearly, she didn't think so. And I think that's why she stayed with him was because he wasn't good looking.
Edgar:So I know he was gonna steal him from her? Yeah.
Erika:Like, he wasn't gonna cheat. She I think she needs a better mentality.
Edgar:I feel like anybody would cheat. Like Doesn't matter. It's not only
Erika:Oh, failed.
Edgar:Attractive men. What? That makes no sense to me. Yeah. I think
Erika:she really needs to work on therapy.
Edgar:I just imagine her face being like looking at everybody wrong and, like, all the girls, like, were all over him. Oh my god. That that's so messy.
Erika:Yeah. I think she just needs she needs therapy. Yeah. She just She needs help. Final verdict, She is the asshole.
Darielys:Yeah.
Erika:Yeah. That's
Edgar:crazy because I feel like it's the first time I actually really, like, yeah. It it's you, girly. You're not changing my mind. It's you. You just said everything that literally leads to you being the asshole.
Erika:Yeah. I
Edgar:don't think anything about him is like asshole that like asshole type asshole.
Erika:Yeah. He he did nothing wrong here.
Edgar:He was just supporting his sister. He went to the gym with her and then he just got.
Erika:He grow his hair. Oh. He got some abs. Good for him. Yes.
Erika:I would if I were her, I'll be like, you know, I would be so proud of him because two and a half years of hard dedication. Yeah. That's that's a lot. It's hard. Mhmm.
Erika:Like, in for her not to be proud of him and be happy for him that you have like eye candy next to you. Come on, girl. Yeah. It's crazy to me. Her mentality is really messed up and I and honestly, I can see where she's coming from because she's been cheated on a lot.
Edgar:Mhmm.
Erika:And I think she's just trying to project all that on him, which I don't think he's that type of person, I hope. So I think she really needs to work on herself, and she is the asshole at this point. Mhmm. That's all the stories we have today. Thank you for tuning in to this week's episode.
Erika:Check our website, wwwyappings.com, and join our mail list for updates. If you love our podcast and want to support us, subscribe and share with your friends and family. We will appreciate this so much. Thank you. Bye.
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