Episode 12
· 55:46
Yapping!
Erika:Hello. This is Erika.
Edgar:Edgar.
Paulina:And Paulina.
Erika:And we are the Yaping snouchers. We entertain you with the app worthy stories we found around the web. So we actually have a special guest today, my older sister, Paulina. So she's a wife, a mother of 2 boys, and a puppy snouzer, and 2 fish. She also loves singing.
Edgar:And she's also the co owner of Marlborough Candle Co, an Austin Snow Candle Company.
Erika:And I just have to say they smell really good, especially the Froot Loops.
Paulina:Hi, everyone. Thank you for
Erika:having me today. And I hope you enjoy the stories that we're gonna it's gonna be about wedding and all the drama that comes with it. So the first story is Emma the asshole for skipping my brother's wedding because his fiancee excluded my wife from the guest list. My brother James is getting married next month, and what should have been a joyous family event has turned into a nightmare. The issue, his fiancee Emily didn't invite my wife Lisa to the wedding.
Erika:Emily and Lisa have never been close, but I wouldn't call them enemies either. However, Emily was always seemed to be a little bit cold towards Lisa. The tipping point was last year during a family vacation. Lisa, who was naturally ongoing and bubbly, struck up conversation with everyone, including strangers at the resort. Emily, who's quieter and more reserved, seemed annoyed by this.
Erika:After the trip, she told James that Lisa was attention seeking and accused her of making the vacation all about herself. I didn't think much of it at the time, chocolate it up to personality differences. Fast forward to now, and Emily has and Emily has made it clear she doesn't want Lisa at her wedding. When I confronted James about it, he admitted it was Emily's decision, and he said he didn't wanna push back because it's her day. He added that I should respect Emily's wishes and come to the wedding alone for the sake of family harmony.
Erika:I was stunned. Lisa and I have been married for years, for five years. She's part of this family. Excluding her feels like a slap in the face, not just to her, but for me as well. When I told James I wouldn't attend without Lisa, he accused me of being dramatic and trying to punish him for something out of his control.
Erika:He said I was letting Lisa's hurt feelings ruin his wedding day. Our parents are divided. My dad says I'm right to stand with my wife and that James and Emily are being unreasonable. My mom, on the other hand, thinks I should keep the peace and attend the wedding because it's not worth destroying your relationship with your brother over 1. Lisa has been deeply hurt by the whole ordeal.
Erika:She feels disrespected and excluded and told me she would never have done something like this if the roles were reversed. She's trying to be supportive of whatever decision I make, but I can tell she's devastated if I went to the wedding without her. It's put a strain in our marriage because she feels like I'm not standing up for her enough. At the same time, James is my only sibling, and I've always thought we were close. I know skipping his wedding will hurt him, and it could permanently damage our relationship.
Erika:Part of me wonders if I should just swallow my pride and go for his sake, but the other part of me feels like this isn't about one day. It's about standing up for what's right. I don't wanna ruin my brother's wedding, but I also don't wanna betray my wife or compromise my values. So am I the asshole for refusing to go to my brother's wedding without Lisa? So what do you guys think?
Paulina:I don't think he is the asshole. I feel like, he is standing up for his wife. I know it is I know that it's 1 event, and it is very important for his brother to be there. But, there's a wife in between, and I think once you have a family, you have to stand up up for your family. It is very it's a very difficult decision to make because family is family.
Paulina:But once you step out of the house and you have a family of your own, you have to stand right next to your family. And that is your wife, your kids. And, eventually, there will be a time where where both of the, siblings can have a talk and discuss about this. And, just there are other events. Let's hope that they will be invited and it will be a family, that's together.
Paulina:But for now, I feel like he can have a separate conversation with with the brother and and just let them know how difficult it is, the posture that he has put him in for not, inviting the wife and have that difficult conversation ahead of time. So when the wedding comes, the wedding comes, then they know why he wasn't there.
Erika:Yeah. So, like, you should just have a conversation with him and sit down and say, okay. This is why I don't wanna and I'm not going to your wedding. So it could help, you know, at least a little bit of resentment because I feel regardless if he does go or he doesn't, his brother's gonna be resent have huge resentment for him not going.
Edgar:I feel like them disinviting, like, the OP's, wife. It's just, like, basically, uninviting him as well. Like, they he'd like, the either the the brother or the brother's wife doesn't, like, value, like, that part of the family and upset them by both of them and, like, not put them in that situation.
Erika:I mean, OP thinks that they're close, so he doesn't understand why he's you know, I guess it's not him causing this. It's the wife.
Edgar:Mhmm.
Erika:It's his, his sister-in-law that's causing all this drama.
Edgar:Yeah.
Erika:So, I mean, he could talk to his wife and well, his fiancee, almost so soon to be wife say, hey. You know, if you wanna disinvite her, you're disinviting my brother, and I want him to be there. Mhmm. Like, you know, it's just 1 of those things maybe he could talk to her, but he probably doesn't want to because he said it's his her wedding day and whatever basically, whatever she says goes.
Edgar:I would just say, like, give the brother 1 last warning because I know if you don't invite her, then, you cannot expect me to come as well. Yeah. And that's, like, the best I can do because, like, it's, like, also unreasonable to, like, someone to throw the like, most away for, like, one day.
Erika:Yeah. That's hard. It's it's, like, literally his wife. Like, he does his life now too. Like, you can't just be like, oh, I'm just gonna go with my brother because and leave her behind.
Edgar:Yeah.
Erika:So the top comment is not the asshole. Turn turn it around on him and ask how he would feel if the roles were reversed. How would his fiancee feel if the roles were reversed? The fiancee is joining the family, and she should bear that in mind. His wife is already in that family.
Erika:You can't choose who your family is, least of all who your siblings marry, but you can't tolerate them. It's the fiance who's causing the rift, not you. Mhmm.
Edgar:Yeah.
Erika:I agree with that a %. I think the I mean, I get it's her wedding, her rules, whatever, but, I mean, come on. Like
Paulina:I also think that when you're getting married, it's a decision of 2 people, not just 1. And and if it's not only her wedding, it's also his wedding. And so both of them had to you know, it's I feel like this is not going it's the beginning of this marriage is not going well. So I think both of them had to become in
Erika:an
Paulina:agreement and everything, not just the wedding because afterwards, it's gonna get even harder. So, if they don't get out alone or in the same page with the weddings, I don't know how it's gonna be with the rest of the of their life together. Yeah.
Edgar:Wait, Paulina. In your wedding, did you have to make any compromises with Hector?
Paulina:We had to make compromises for how many people were invited.
Edgar:Really? Like, how how so?
Paulina:Because we were in a tight budget.
Erika:Mhmm.
Paulina:And so with a tight budget, it's, compromising, you know, how many people can you invite. So we together decided on how many people, which was 40 people. And so the venue was we actually got it at a good price, which was amazing. But, we both wrote down a list of the people that we wanted to invite. And, it was majority was family because family to to me and my husband is everything.
Paulina:So and there were a couple of friends that we know that were very close, and that's how we ended up just having 40 people in our wedding.
Erika:That must have been hard, especially, you know, at least our family is what? 12 almost 20 people? Yeah. More than 20.
Edgar:You're more than half. Yeah.
Paulina:Yeah. It was more than half.
Erika:So we really we really
Paulina:had to, you know, just think about the people that we both know and we appreciate and that we felt that they were very important in our lives. So those are the people we decided to invite.
Erika:Wow. That's really hard. Mhmm. But, yeah, you your wedding was beautiful. Thank you.
Erika:I remember Chelsea and her speech was hilarious.
Edgar:Chelsea had a speech?
Erika:Yeah. How old was she? She must have been 8 or something.
Paulina:Like, I can't Yeah. Speech? Yeah. So it was about so she said because they she said she grabbed the mic because they were saying, if they wanna give them some advice to the new, couple
Erika:Chelsea.
Paulina:And they went. And so Chelsea's advice was, I support you if you wanna do this. And that was the advice. She supported me. She was there.
Paulina:Isn't she cute?
Edgar:She's wise beyond her years. And she
Erika:was only, what, 8 or less? Yeah. She was so cute.
Paulina:But there, I invited my sister and she was there and she supported me.
Erika:Exactly. So, yeah, I think it really is just compromising. I think any relationship needs to be compromised. Well, decisions need to be compromised with the 2 couples to make it work.
Edgar:Yeah. Definitely. So, yeah, final verdict on this story?
Erika:Yeah. He's not the asshole.
Paulina:Right.
Edgar:Yeah. Definitely agree about that. For the next story, it's titled a mighty asshole to let my sister wear white to my wedding and kicking her out when she showed up in it? I, 27 female, got married two weeks ago, and it was supposed to be the happiest day of my life. My sister, 31 female, who I have a complicated relationship with, decided to test me in the worst way possible.
Edgar:We've never been close. She's always tried to 1 up me, even during family events. It's exhausting, but I figured she'd at least behave at my wedding. Months ago, when I sent out the dress code, I made it very clear. No one wears white but me.
Edgar:It wasn't negotiable. My sister gave me attitude about it, saying I was being insecure and that no one cares about tradition anymore. I told her that whether or not she agreed, she needed to respect it. The morning of the wedding, she showed up wearing a floor length lace white dress. It was practically a bridal gown.
Edgar:My heart dropped, and I straight up asked her what the hell she was thinking. And she said, it's not that way, and besides, no one will care. I told her that if she didn't change, she wasn't welcomed. She threw a tantrum about how I was ruining her day and stormed off, telling everyone I was being bridezilla. Some family members told me to let it slide because she's just like that, but I was done.
Edgar:So I told the staff not to let her back in unless she changed. She never came back, and now she's telling everyone I ruined a relationship for good. My parents are mad saying I should've just ignored her because it's only a dress, but I feel like this was a deliberate choice to sabotage my day. My husband agrees with me, but some family is still pissed. So am I the asshole?
Erika:This makes me have rage. Oh, man.
Edgar:It's, like, just overly petty for no reason. Like, just, like, it's, like, 1 simple role, and that's the only role that I imagine that was, like, had about the wedding, and the sister broke it.
Erika:Yeah. What do you think, Paulina?
Paulina:Well, when I'm invited to a wedding, I am not wearing white because I let the bride be the 1 that shines. That's her day. And so I'm being very conscientious when I I get invited to weddings, and I will not wear white because I feel that's not my that's not my wedding. And so I feel that she was disrespected by her sister, and it's too bad that they couldn't you know, that that relationship was already broken and that, you know, that her sister didn't really respect her decision, and it was her big day. So, I definitely think that she's not the asshole for for having a dress code in her wedding.
Erika:Exactly. I think it's just terrible how she decided to use this 1 day, like, her wedding day to 1 upper, I guess, or destroy it or ruin it for her. I think she just waited for this moment to ruin her wedding, honestly. I don't think they I mean, obviously, they don't have a good relationship, but I think she's just taken it too far. I think after this, I don't think the relationship is gonna be, any closer, probably further apart because and I don't blame her either.
Erika:I mean, why do you want a sibling like that? If, like, a stranger or your friend wouldn't do that to you, why you what how about your family? Like, it's crazy to me. Yeah. She's just very disrespectful and completely ignored what, you know, was asked for her 1 thing.
Edgar:Yeah. I can't believe, like, some of the family, like, are on the the sister side on this.
Erika:Oh my god. I would kick them out too. Get out.
Edgar:All of them are stoned.
Erika:It's ridiculous. Come on. Then have her go to your wedding wearing white. Let's see how much you like it. Hello?
Erika:Go into my shoes and see how you feel. I hate when people do that. Like, just keep the peace. That's how she is. Yeah.
Erika:That's too bad, but she's not coming in. I would I would them the same thing she did. Kick her out, and don't let anybody have her come in anymore.
Paulina:Yeah. And, also, like, the parents are they were mad saying that she should ignore her because it's only addressed. I am sorry, but the parents should have done a better way. Raising them. Address yeah.
Paulina:Raising them and addressing this separately. Like, if I was a parent, I'd be like, let's go. We need to talk. And even if she's a grown up person, I'll just take her aside and make her change or go away.
Erika:Yeah. It's it's simple. No. Regardless how old you are, you know, you need to respect each other.
Edgar:Mhmm. You need
Erika:to have a good relationship. So the for the top comment is not the asshole. Your sister disrespected you clear dress instructions and showed up in a white gown, almost identical to a wedding dress. She was trying to seal your spotlight at your wedding. You were right to uphold your boundaries and not let her ruin your day.
Erika:Ignore the family members who say you should have let it slide. This is was this was your special day. She didn't care. Exactly. And then OP actually responded to this.
Erika:She had every chance to wear literally anything else but chose suit that dress on purpose. Letting it slide would have given her permission to pull stunts like this at every major event. Some people need to learn the hard way that actions actions have consequences. So, yeah, I agree 100%. She was definitely not in the wrong.
Erika:The sister was definitely the asshole. And the parents and those family members that said, just let us slide. No.
Edgar:I know. And, like, what what what was the sister expecting, like, for her to come into, like, the party like that? Like
Erika:I don't get it.
Paulina:Yeah. Like, I would never do that to you. Let's say you're getting married. How in the world I'm gonna be wearing white knowing that you're the bride?
Erika:That's crazy.
Paulina:Even though we might have our arguments and we'll not be on the same page, that's your day, your special day.
Erika:Yeah. I don't care how crappy of, like, relationship you have with your sibling. Like, come on. Why are you trying to ruin the wedding? Mhmm.
Edgar:Yeah. So final verdict on that?
Erika:Not that asshole.
Edgar:Yeah. Hope he's not the asshole.
Erika:She should've done it more. She would have been more
Edgar:more mad.
Erika:She should have ruined she should embarrassed her for everybody who's getting that as much. It's revengeful. But, you know, just kicked her out was suffice. That's how I feel at least. Right?
Erika:Alright. So the next story is this 1 is a little bit long. So it says, Emma de Aspo for uninvited my fiance's work wife from our wedding. I, 29 female, supposed to be marrying the love of my life, 31 male, in a few months. We've been planning this wedding for over a year, and it's been beautiful but stressful experience.
Erika:But there's 1 person casting a shadow over everything, and that's my fiance's work wife, Lily thirty female. Let me backtrack a little. My fiance and Lily have been friends and coworkers for around five years. At first, I was honestly relieved he had good friends at work, especially since his job can be demanding and a bit isolating. I tried to be cool, understanding partner who wasn't bothered by how close they were.
Erika:But over time, their bond became well, it became something I just don't know how to handle. Lily is a huge part of his life. The they text constantly, often late into the night about everything from work issues to little jokes. She knows things about him that sometimes I don't. And it stings me to realize how much he turns to her for advice and laughs instead of me.
Erika:My fiance reassures me that they're for just friends, that she's his work wife, and that it's no big deal. But it feels like she's gotten so close that I'm sometimes the 1 on the outside looking in. As we got deeper into the wedding planning, Lily started chiming in with her opinions. She has suggestions about our venue. It doesn't feel like him, our flowers.
Erika:She's never like he's never liked bright colors, remember? And even my wedding dress mentioning of Henley that she knew his style better and could help me pick something he'd love. I tried to laugh it off, but it hurts more than I wanted to admit. Here I am planning my wedding, and I felt like I had to measure up to her view of my fiance. Last week, our engagement party was our engagement party, and it was supposed to be such a happy day.
Erika:But I kept noticing Lily glued to his side. I tried to join the conversation, but every time, she bring up a work story or inside joke that left me feeling like the third wheel of my own engagement. Then in 1 worst moment, I walked up to her saying, you know, if you change your mind, you could always marry me instead. My heart sank. I didn't know if she was joking or half serious, but my fiance laughed, brushing it off like it was no big deal.
Erika:I couldn't just let it go. I pulled my fiance aside later that night and told him how inappropriate her comment was. He looked at me surprised, like I was taking it too seriously and that Lily was just playing around. I felt like I was going crazy, like maybe I was seeing something that wasn't there. But how would anyone be okay hearing that from someone so close to their fiance?
Erika:The last straw came toward the end of the night. Lily had a few drinks, and she came up to me asking if I was really okay with with how close they were. She said something like, I mean, I can't imagine him with anyone else. I felt like a knife to my chest. I wanted to scream, but instead, I just walked away.
Erika:Later, I told my fiancee I didn't want her at our wedding and that it was too painful to have someone there who clearly saw herself as part of our relationship. He got defensive, saying it was I was overreacting and letting jealousy ruin our friendship. He cherishes. He even implied that uninviting her would damage his reputation at work. And now he's barely talking to me because he says I'm making him choose between his best friend and his fiance.
Erika:I don't know what to think anymore. I feel hurt, small, and my and, like, my feelings don't matter. My friends support me, but his friends think I'm overreacting and letting insecurity ruin our relationship. Am I blowing this up, or am I in the right for some respect and boundaries? Am I the asshole for asking him to uninvite her from our wedding after everything that's happened?
Erika:That was hard.
Edgar:I think, yeah, the, the coworker, the fiance's, work wife, it it made the very appropriate very inappropriate, like, comments about, like, oh, we can, like, marry me if, like, this doesn't work out. Like, that's something she shouldn't say.
Erika:If she wasn't sure. Yeah.
Edgar:Especially, like, you're not in front of, like, the the the wife.
Erika:Well, she's she came up. She wasn't there. She came up, and she heard that comment.
Edgar:Oh, I see.
Erika:She was they were talking behind her back about this. Like, that's even worse.
Edgar:Yeah. Yeah. That's even worse, actually. That might be yeah. Because that means, like, she she's, like, very confident when, like, in it probably is, like, kinda a little bit 2 faced too, you know?
Edgar:Like, maybe in front of the wife, she's, like, oh, all nice and, like, seems like a friend. But maybe when they're, like, not together, like, which is why she's the work wife, she's, like, probably doing a little bit more.
Erika:I honestly think he's an idiot. Mhmm. Because if he's planning on marrying this woman and if this woman tells him, I don't feel comfortable with that, then you respect her decisions and say okay. Why? Because he's planning to spend the rest of his life with this person.
Erika:I'm sorry. Wives come first over best friends. And even if you were best friends, if you're planning on spending the rest of your life with this woman and she tells you she feels uncomfortable or she's hurt by something she said, then do what she's saying because her feelings matter. Like, what what is going on?
Edgar:Mhmm.
Erika:Why is she marrying why is he marrying her? What do you think, Paulina?
Paulina:Oh, I feel like there's a lot of things wrong here. First of all, I don't like the term work life Haters. I don't like it because I call it something else. She's your secretary. She's, your Coworker.
Paulina:Whatever it is that but don't call her a work life because you're mixing two two things here. You are mixing your friendship, and you're mixing your work, kind of. So having a work wife, it means can't can you handle it yourself, or do you need someone to be there? I think he's very codependent of this person, of Lily, and it's not making decisions on his own. And then second of all, if you're gonna get married, you have to plan this with your fiance, not having your what does your work wife, has to do anything with your wedding?
Paulina:This is your wedding. She's not working in your wedding unless she's the wedding planner. Exactly.
Erika:Why was she a part of all those planning? I don't understand that. She's not even her friend, like her best friend, maid of honor, or sibling. Why is she there? Just because she's best friends with the husband?
Erika:Like, no. You're uninvited. I would have not had her nowhere near my planning on the wedding or anything because she is nothing. She is nothing in this relationship. She I think she allowed this to happen, so she thinks she has the right to say certain things.
Erika:So because she didn't set that boundary, she now thinks she's able to do a lot more things and be part of their relationship. I think she should have said something in the beginning.
Paulina:Oh, and I think the the soon to be husband should've draw the line between work work, work wife and fiance. If he's he allowed the work wife to do to step in to places that she wasn't even supposed to be. You know? She's and then he's saying, you know, he she's too that Lily's taking it too seriously. And who in the world will be texting him the middle of the night jokes and work stuff?
Paulina:No. That's gonna be no. You gotta draw a line between work and within your your regular life. So he's he's allowed her to just there's no boundaries. He has not step in and say, no.
Paulina:This is my wife and this is my time. Please don't interrupt me during these hours and blah blah blah. But he's allowing her to be part of his life. And to the fact that she is saying, the work wife is saying that, making those comments, I feel like there's not even just a work wipe, but I feel that there's other feelings involved.
Erika:Yes. And now that you say that, the first, the top comment actually says, not the asshole. But to be honest, it sounds like 2 of them are having an emotional affair. Exactly. And I feel like that's worse than just having an affair, just affair, like, you know, cheating at someone or whatever.
Erika:I feel like emotional affair, it's just ties it's it's like you're tangled together way more than just sleeping with someone. Her comments are completely inappropriate, and your fiance's willingness to side with her and choose her over you is hugely concerning. I can absolutely predict on the day of the wedding, she's gonna try to insert herself into everything. It sounds like she's a level there's a level of jealousy here. And based on what she's she did at your engagement party, this is gonna escalate on the day you get married.
Erika:And then you can likely look forward to the future of her inserting yourself into your relationship. The home you buy, your children, and your husband's gonna keep allowing this to happen. You need to ask yourself if you can live with this trouble. Yeah. I think the husband is, I'm honestly he should marry her.
Paulina:He should marry Just thinking that. I
Erika:was just
Paulina:thinking that. I'm like, really? Instead of becoming just the work wife, she can become the old wife.
Erika:The real wife. Yeah. There you go.
Edgar:Yeah. I guess at that point.
Erika:Yeah. Because I get especially,
Edgar:like, when you get the label, like, work wife or husband, they're like that implies, like, everyone else in the office sees something, like, more in that relationship.
Erika:Well, I've seen people have, like, work wife and but like,
Edgar:when you see those, like, kind of people like that, that kind of like dynamic in work, do you think they're just friends? Or you think they're more? Yeah,
Erika:I have what is fun people that I've seen it. I don't think there's anything more than that. But you know, it just depends. Like, obviously, the woman also has to have boundaries and and the guy too. And if you see, like, they have a good relationship or whatever, that's fine.
Erika:But, like, you know, there has to be a, a boundary. Mhmm. And there's no boundaries in that relationship, then that's where the the line is kinda blurred, and that's where the danger comes in.
Edgar:Yeah. Because, like, a lot of people, like, work is, like, their only life, like, also their only social lives. So it's, like, pretty hard for, like, people to, like, kinda separate that. So I kind of, like, advised of him saying, oh, we shouldn't, like, disinvite her because, like, then it's gonna miss make my work more missable or, like, more awkward. But, also, like, I don't think, like, work's that important at the end of the day.
Edgar:Like, he always get another 1 and not be in that situation in the first place and not, like, get himself into another situation in another workplace.
Erika:Yeah. I mean, it's I think
Edgar:he's like, I think the decision for her him to uninvite the work pipe would probably be, like, not to, like, how he wants that to affect his, like, workplace.
Erika:Yeah. That's true. He did say that that if he would she was not to get invited, it will be be affecting his work life.
Edgar:Like, could it cause him to be fired? Did it cause him to, like, lose any partnerships within his work? Like, it's something else to, consider as well.
Paulina:I feel like she also he also give her, a certain authority over things at work. Like, there's it seems like she's has some type of authority, and that is that he's feeling, he's feeling worried about what's gonna happen at work. Again, we're going back to boundaries. What kind of power does she have that it can influence his work? And,
Erika:That's a scary thought too.
Paulina:Is because he is not just thinking about, his wife, but is thinking about his work. And so, you know, what kind of power she has?
Erika:Yeah. I think it's important to really, like, think that through, or maybe he should explain to her a little bit more, like the wife or the fiance. Soon to be wife explains her, you know, this is happening. You know, this is what, you know, the dynamic is, and that's why I can't invite her. Like, you know, it's just the communication as well.
Erika:If he was to talk to her about the relationship, not just, like, completely shut her out because she said here that he doesn't wanna talk to her anymore. He's ignoring her. And, basically, just the concerns that she had or whatever, he doesn't care.
Edgar:Mhmm. Yes. That's, like, a pretty bad red flag for me on that behavior. Because I know anything, she said, kind of solidifies, like, the OP's fears about, like, what could be going on.
Erika:Yeah. Because at the end
Edgar:of the day, like, we all need to work stuff, but he also have just been saying that just to, like, guilt her.
Erika:Yeah. I mean, like, how would you react if I said I had a work husband?
Edgar:I would like
Erika:it. He should have said he wouldn't like it. I like your honesty, but well, I don't have a work husband, so you're okay.
Edgar:I mean, it's like a I feel like it's not a good idea to have, like, anyone that close at work.
Erika:Right. Yeah. Because if they could literally use your weakness against you since they know so much about you. I don't know. It's just really hard.
Edgar:I mean, like, I
Paulina:have a you know, I work in a field that's very you know, a lot of people say it's a lonely chair. I work in human resources too. So it is a lonely chair. And you have to be very careful with the relationships you form around the company, around wherever you work. So, it can be it can you you can feel lonely sometimes because everything you say, it's probably gonna be against you.
Paulina:So you gotta be really, really careful. So, I get it. But to the fact that he is telling her, you know, telling Lily that just, you know, it's this is too much. You shouldn't feel this way, and, I feel like you're crazy. You know?
Paulina:There's nothing there. You know? That's that's not that's not okay. If he needs to have a com something like that's happening at work where he's feeling afraid or feeling concerned of what's gonna happen, you know, with, with not having whatever that not inviting, the other work wife to, the wedding, then he needs to be I think he needs
Erika:to speak up
Paulina:Yeah. Yeah. He needs to speak up to her, and he needs to and he needs to let her know what's what's really going on. And even if it's a hard conversation to have, then it's better to have it before the wedding.
Erika:Yeah. So that before if, you know, she decides she can deal with this. Like, she I think she OP needs to really sit down and think it through. Like, can she live the rest of her life living like this? And being, in a throuple, which somebody commented, like, being in a relationship of 3.
Erika:Because it looks like she's not going anywhere. So she really needs to before she gets, married and tied down with that guy, she was she really needs to reflect if she wants to live like that. Alright. And then I what what's our verdict?
Edgar:Yeah. Find her the dots.
Erika:Not I don't think she's the asshole, but I think he is. And the the work wife are both assholes.
Paulina:Mhmm.
Edgar:Yeah. I think at first, I thought that, OP was a little bit of an asshole trying to, like, cause a wedge in, like, his workplace, basically. But the more I thought about it, I think, yeah, I think OP isn't, like, isn't in the wrong. Like, she's, like, in the right and, in saying that she wants an an invite, the work wife.
Erika:Yeah. I think her comments were inappropriate saying, oh, if you change your mind, you know, I always have that's just weird. That's like crossing the line there.
Edgar:Yeah. So yeah.
Erika:If she didn't say that, I would be like, alright. You know, maybe they have a good relationship and, you know, they mixed it, like, they have a close relationship. But then when she said that, I was like, no.
Edgar:Yeah. It's, like, totally inappropriate.
Paulina:There's definitely something else going
Erika:on. Mhmm.
Edgar:Okay. The next story is titled asshole who walking out of my mom's wedding after what she said during the ceremony. This has been eating me at this has been eating at me all week, so I need some outside perspective. I'm 20, and I have a really complicated relationship with my mom. She's 45.
Edgar:She's always been the type of person who knows exactly how to push your buttons. She'll say the most hurtful things at the worst possible time, but then play it off like she was just being honest or joking. It's been like that my whole life. Anyways, she got remarried last weekend. Her first marriage was to my dad, and they had me pretty young.
Edgar:My dad isn't really in my life much. He moved out of my stay when I was 10, and while we talk occasionally, it's still a really sore spot for me. My mom knows this. She's always known this. Fast forward to the wedding.
Edgar:She asked me to be her maid of honor, and I agreed because despite everything, I wanted her to be supportive. The ceremony was beautiful, and I was standing right next to her holding her bouquet. Then out of nowhere, she leans over and whispers to me, isn't it sad your dad didn't even bother to come? Guess we both know where you rank on his priority list. I was stunned.
Edgar:It felt like someone punched me in the stomach. I didn't say anything because what could I even say? I just sit there holding her flower, trying not to cry in front of a hundred people. As soon as the ceremony ended, I handed the bouquet back to her, walked straight out of the venue, and left. I didn't even go to the reception.
Edgar:I just couldn't. Now my phone is blowing up. My mom is fierce calling me selfish and saying I embarrassed her in front of her new husband and his family, and she says I ruined her big day over something so small and that I should have just ignored it. A few relatives have sided with her saying I should have sucked it up for a wedding and talked to her later. But to me, it wasn't small.
Edgar:It felt like she deliberately chose that moment to hurt me, and I don't think I could have just stood there pretending. I could've just stood there pretending everything was fine. And my asshole for walking out. Should I have stayed and dealt with it later?
Erika:Yeah. I don't think OP was the asshole. I think the mom really is. Well Yeah. Like, that that was uncalled for.
Edgar:It's, like, especially cruel. Like, you don't say that to someone and, like I I I don't know why she would say that besides thinking, like, oh, she likes to, like, harm people. Like, she likes to be make people uncomfortable or, like, sad.
Erika:Oh, saying that she was joking or she was being honest. Mhmm. Like, how people she said that she likes to say that I was just being honest or joking.
Edgar:But that's, like, a cover to her, like, what she actually wants to feel, which is, like, she likes seeing people be, like, be uncomfortable or, like,
Erika:seem to
Edgar:be invisible. Yeah.
Erika:That's that's terrible. I mean, like, who hurt you, sir? I mean, ma'am. Who hurt you that you wanna hurt everybody else? I I feel like people that hurt.
Erika:That people are like this are hurt inside. So they want to hurt everybody around them.
Edgar:Or you could just be bad people.
Erika:I don't I feel well, why is a bad why does somebody become bad?
Edgar:Some people are born bad.
Erika:No, I don't think that. I don't think everybody's born bad. I feel like they become that way. Because of there comes a nature and nurture. Really.
Erika:It just it's difficult. I don't think nobody comes in this world evil. I don't think so. I think the the experiences, the way they grow up, the way they're treated, everything takes into play on who you become. And at some point, really, I mean, you choose to be a certain person.
Erika:And then if obviously, you're hurting inside, you want to hurt everybody else. Because I don't know, you don't want to see anybody else happy, because you are not happy. So I feel like, you know, it's just 1 of those things where I feel bad for people this way. But, yeah, I I don't think it's right. Especially, why would do you wanna hurt your daughter?
Erika:She's being there for you on your wedding day, and you just wanna, like, physically a slap in the face, with those words. And I don't blame her for walking out. I would go low contact low contact with her. I mean, why do you wanna have a relationship that is so toxic? And regardless if she's your mom or not.
Edgar:So, yeah, you personally would would have left if she said that to you? Like, your mom said that to you?
Erika:I would have left. And those people that are saying, oh, you should have just, you know, sucked it up. No. Then you shouldn't be part of my life either if you think so.
Edgar:Yeah. I think I would have personally stayed just to be supportive and just to double fair because that's
Paulina:She don't deserve it.
Edgar:I am.
Erika:Yeah. But no. She don't deserve I no. I give people what they if they give me something, I give them that something back. Mhmm.
Erika:If she's giving me all this crap, I'm not gonna give her anything. I just don't take. I just gonna go. She doesn't deserve anything from me.
Edgar:How about you, Paulina?
Paulina:I I think words have power. And I feel like she's got to the point where I don't know what happened to that or whatever the situation was. But as a parent, because I'm a mom, I know what can I pour out, what I'm pouring out to my kids? I don't know what the mom has been pouring out to her about the dad Mhmm. That she's hurt.
Paulina:You know? I don't know what exactly happened. Even might be might be the truth or not. But as parents, we have to stay neutral, especially for the sake of our own the good of our kids. Mhmm.
Paulina:So I don't know what she's done to her daughter that, that she's hurt. She knows that that this is something that's that that it's very touchy for her.
Edgar:Yeah.
Paulina:So and for the mom to just say, you know, your dad wasn't here. First of all, why will the dad come to her wedding?
Erika:I don't get that.
Edgar:Some people do that.
Paulina:Yeah. I I get. But first of all, I wouldn't invite him to my wedding unless I want him to see how happy I am.
Erika:Yeah. He's like, hey. Look at me.
Paulina:Look at me,
Edgar:new guy.
Erika:Yeah. Exactly.
Paulina:So I wouldn't, like, I would've stayed, and I would've ignored her coming.
Edgar:Mhmm.
Paulina:Yes. It would've it would've bother me. Not much just not hurt me, but it would bother me because I'm like, first of all, I wouldn't think she would invite my dad. Why in the world would it invite my dad?
Erika:But
Paulina:Mhmm. Depending on her personality. And then second of all, I'd be like, I'll definitely mention this back to her. But, again, I would just let it I will let it slide because it was not it's it will not affect me because of why would it in my mind, I'd be like, why would you invite my dad? Like, it's other I I feel like the other story will be if it was my wedding and my dad wasn't there.
Paulina:Yeah. That would be different. I would be, like, really saddened if she would've made a comment like that. I'd be, like, devastated. Mhmm.
Paulina:But in her wedding, I'd be like, I don't care. It's your wedding.
Erika:But I think it's normal for I think it's more Americanos that they do that.
Paulina:I know they do. I know
Edgar:they do. So I
Erika:think that's crazy. I mean, I don't know. I think
Edgar:No? Yeah. I mean, like, yeah, I feel like there's a lot more stories of, like, yeah, like American families. They're like, oh, I haven't talked to my sister in, like, a decade or two because, like, we had an argument. Like, I feel like that's, like, maybe not normal, but I feel I hear more about it from, like, from that demographic.
Erika:Like, they could just stop talking to people and then invite them to a wedding. Like Yeah. I'm like, no.
Paulina:That's weird.
Erika:I don't know.
Edgar:Like, I have to talk to my sisters and, like, my mom and dad, like, every, like, every day or every other day.
Erika:Yeah. I mean, same. I'm I feel like we're very close knit. Like, I could not imagine not talking to my sisters a day. Like
Paulina:I know.
Erika:And we always be sending videos to each other and stuff like that. Like, I I don't get it. I mean, we are blessed to have that, I think. We're really lucky Yes. To have a a relationship like that because I know a lot of people that's definitely not the case.
Paulina:Yeah. And because I feel like our culture will be like, I don't care if my dad is not here. It's not his business. But like Ed was saying, maybe it's just the demographics and it's yeah. She probably is hurt because the dad is there.
Paulina:But I personally wouldn't take it seriously. And I'd be like, whatever. It's your wedding. If you don't want him to come, it's not my I don't want. Probably if she wanted to see the dad, maybe, but it's like it's an
Erika:I think she feels hurt by that too.
Paulina:Yeah. May maybe that, that he didn't come, but it's like, it's not her wedding. It was last wedding. Like, again, I'd be, like, really, really sad, but I would just ignore my mind for the rest of the wedding.
Erika:I would just leave. I just I don't I don't like that. I don't know. I just I think I just, I'm the type to just, like, isolate myself when I feel a certain way. Mhmm.
Erika:But, yeah, I don't think she is the asshole at all. That's the thing that's for my my verdict. It's hilarious.
Edgar:You ready?
Erika:Okay. So the top comment is, why would your father show up at your ex's wife wedding? She sounds like a bitter old cow.
Edgar:Alright.
Erika:I'm sure he avoids her like the plague.
Edgar:Mhmm. Well,
Paulina:that's what I was saying. I'm like, what was showing? He showed up to her wedding.
Erika:That's so funny. Yeah. I think it's I think she's oh, he just really hurt because he had a chance to see her and he declined and did not. And he he's already, like, not part of her life as much as she wanted him to. So I feel like he did another thing that he wasn't there for her.
Erika:You know what I mean? So I think that's what her mom wanted to I wanted to participate. Yeah. Yeah. Which is cruel, honestly.
Erika:She she's really that asshole. And the Can't wait
Edgar:for the update for the divorce? Oh. The second divorce.
Erika:Oh, yeah. And then she's gonna remarry again? Alright. So
Edgar:Hey. Final verdict on
Erika:the story? The final verdict, she is not the asshole, but the mother is and the father for not being there for her. Agree. You're indifferent
Edgar:to the father. I'm indifferent to the father.
Erika:I feel I mean, like, if he would have been part of her life, she wouldn't be feeling this way. Mhmm. But If he if you decide to have a child and you decide to, say I'm gonna be this father then why are you making your children feel this way?
Edgar:Mhmm.
Erika:Be a father.
Edgar:Your young children. Remember when they first got it, so they're probably not thinking about that.
Erika:Still, you should be responsible Mhmm. Regardless how young you are. Okay. So the next story is Emma the asshole for refusing to follow rules of my sister's wedding. My sister, female eighteen, will marry her husband, male twenty two, next weekend.
Erika:She sent me an invitation to be the bridesmaid back in Oct. 0, and I said yes before asking her what the rules for the wedding would be. Flash forward to Christmas day, few weeks before the wedding. At my parents' house, and I asked my sister what my children will be wearing and what their roles would be. She asked shocked and says, what are you talking about?
Erika:Your kids won't be at the wedding. Who wants wedding with the kids? I was extremely upset she said it this way in front of my children and was very confused. I wasn't personally told that kids couldn't come, just assumed they could. Am I in the wrong for assuming this?
Erika:Anyways, there's a bit of argument, and then my sister says, why the hell would I invite messy kids to a beautiful wedding? I don't need them there for one day. My kids were still in the room during this, and my 12 year old started crying, which led my 4 year old John crying. I said to my sisters, could have organized something for my kids or let them know what the plan is. You're so unprepared for the wedding.
Erika:You're a kid. She left my parents' house with her fiance and then me, my husband, and the kids left too. I messaged her a couple days later simply saying either you let my kids come to the wedding or you sent back my bride's mid dress. I'm sick of your childish behavior. Am I the asshole?
Edgar:Yeah. I think so. It's, like, definitely a preference thing. Like, whether you want kids
Erika:to be asshole? Yeah.
Edgar:I think you OP's the asshole. I think the OP's, sister handled it not well. Like, but, like, basically, her her terms with her wedding. Because, like, think about the the kids too. It adds, like, a lot more cost to the wedding as well.
Edgar:And maybe she does have a point that, like, in some cases, like, the kids are would would kinda, like, hinder, like, the the solemnness and, like, the beauty of a wedding.
Erika:Okay. How about this? How about we are invited to a wedding of your family, but then your family says, but you can't bring your child?
Edgar:Then I don't bring her.
Erika:You'll be okay with it?
Edgar:Yeah.
Erika:I don't know. I guess it's really depends on the wife. But, like, I feel like this should have been announced, announced, like, make sure that everybody knows this Mhmm. Beforehand, before they decide to be part of the wedding. I don't think OP knew anything about this and was shocked that her kids were not gonna be a part of it or was not were not able able to go into the wedding.
Erika:Yeah.
Edgar:And now she's demanding that the the kids be invited.
Erika:Yeah. So now that's what makes her the asshole.
Edgar:Mhmm.
Erika:Because, honestly, if she the wife of the wedding and the, soon to be bride doesn't want the kids to be there, I think you need to respect it.
Edgar:Yeah.
Erika:Either you can find a babysitter for a couple hours or just be there for the ceremony and then leave. I mean, you could do whatever you like, but I I think at the end of the day, if the, you know, the bride to be wants no kids, then you have to respect it. Mhmm.
Edgar:What do
Erika:you think, Paulina?
Paulina:I I agree. I feel like she should've sent. When she invited her to be the bridesmaid in back in Oct. 0, she should've said something. She should've said something about not having kids in her wedding.
Paulina:And you know what? It's a preference thing. I get it. It's the cost involved and other things involved too with children. But, if you don't say those things ahead of time, especially with family
Edgar:Mhmm.
Paulina:You should have said something. And to especially knowing that there's as a parent, you always have to plan. Where are you gonna leave your kids? For how long? Who's gonna be taking care you of your kids?
Paulina:So you should be considering of all those things, first of all. And now the thing is also say those those, those things in front of the kids.
Erika:Yeah. That was yeah.
Paulina:Just terrible because kids always think that there's something wrong with them. Yeah.
Edgar:That's true. Now they know. Yeah. So Yeah. They
Paulina:won't. You know? It's like, they're they they the kids always feel that it's their fault for something that if something didn't work out or they were not invited, they're gonna say because of me, mommy. It's like, you know, they go the kids are already having
Erika:That's a
Paulina:imagine thoughts in their heads that it's because of them that mommy can go to the wedding. You know? And it's that's not okay. You know? I I respect her wishes of not having children.
Paulina:But if it's family, I I feel that you should've, ahead of time, let them know that there will be no children allowed, and that's okay.
Erika:I think they're both assholes. Honestly. Yeah.
Edgar:Definitely. Yeah.
Erika:I think she should have said, a different I'm a said it not in front of the kids and then the sister for just trying to, like, make it hap like, trying to force her to have the kids there.
Edgar:I know. Yeah. OP's sister yeah. Could have decided, like, oh, let's go in another room when he put us in the
Erika:We could discuss this later. Or Or just Yeah.
Edgar:Yeah. They they couldn't have done anything else. So it was, like, blowing up in front of, like, OP's entire family.
Erika:Yeah. That's you know, that was uncalled for.
Edgar:And if they because definitely that Trevio, like, is, like, traumatized.
Erika:He is. I've they were crying, and Jane was crying. Yeah.
Edgar:Mhmm.
Erika:There is a little edit that says, my sister always has been closed with my kids. They play constantly, and she comes over every week at least. Her acting in that way, speaking to my kids like that made my kids not wanna see her anymore. Janet, twelve females stayed in the room when my sister came over. They usually talk nonstop.
Erika:And my sister didn't act this way towards my kids. I absolutely would have paid for childcare for her wedding, But her acting like that with my kids made me decide against it.
Edgar:Mhmm.
Erika:Yeah. I mean, come on.
Edgar:I think, yeah, she definitely has, like, a level head after the situation. Like, during the situation, she's, like, very upset. But, like, afterwards, like, yeah, I think she came around to, like, a more sensible conclusion.
Erika:Yeah. But, yeah,
Edgar:I think, yeah, it's very unfortunate about the sister being, like, so hostile to, like, the kids, like, your friends. Yeah.
Erika:I don't understand that, especially she was close with them. Mhmm. So the top comment is you all sound like a bunch of messy drama queens. If your sister wants a child free wedding, guess what? She gets a child free wedding.
Erika:It's so it's absolutely not your decision to make. A child free wedding are incredibly common. Why wouldn't you ask ahead of time? It's also not her job to organize your childcare on her wedding day. That's an insane thing to ask.
Erika:But the girl needs to learn how to communicate. Mhmm. Maybe she could try not to insulting your kids in front of them while saying they weren't invited. But then your ultimatum ultimatum at the end, good lord. You all suck.
Erika:I think that's awesome, probably. Honestly, yes. They all they're both drama queens, and they all are the asshole. Yeah. I think it could've been handled better.
Erika:It didn't have to escalate this much.
Paulina:I agree. I yeah. There's 2 adults, and they should've solved this in a in a better way than this.
Erika:Yeah. I agree. So this is the final story and the last 1.
Edgar:Mhmm.
Erika:Yes. The final verdict was?
Edgar:Oh, for the last story, the final verdict, I would say both of them are the asshole.
Erika:Yeah. Agree.
Edgar:Mhmm.
Erika:Terrible. So,
Edgar:yeah, the last story is titled for refusing to give my brother my mom's wedding ring. My brother and I are the only siblings in my family. So when my mother was terminal with her cancer, she sat us both down to give us each some jewelry that meant something to her. I got a wet wedding ring that once belonged to her mother, my grandmother. I was to pass it down to my daughter.
Edgar:And my brother got a necklace to be passed down to his daughter. Years later, my brother asked if we could trade the pieces so he could give it to his soon to be fiance. I said no. Mom would want me to hold on to it for when my daughter gets married. After going back and forth with him, he made the choice to stop communicating with me.
Edgar:He's getting married and did not invite me to his wedding. When I tried to call him, his fiancee told me that it would be best not to call anymore and that my brother was really hurt. Am I the asshole? And, yeah, clearly not. Like,
Erika:Oh my god.
Edgar:Just get your own wedding ring. Like
Erika:Like, did he not want to spend money on the wedding ring? Like
Edgar:Clearly.
Paulina:This is 2 other drama queens.
Edgar:Is that 1 of them is a guy?
Erika:Exactly. Why oh my gosh. She should be wearing the wedding ring.
Paulina:Yeah. Why why I peep I feel like people are so sensible.
Erika:Sensitive? Yeah. Sensitive.
Paulina:Sensitive with these days. You know, it's
Erika:You say no, and it's like a world world oh, no. It's like, oh, it's like, don't talk to me.
Paulina:Yeah. I'm like, no. That's something that's not yours.
Erika:Why are you entitled? What like, hello. You your mother gave you a necklace and gave her a ring. Why can't you just keep it that way? Why do you want the ring?
Erika:Exactly. Just hello. Like, I don't understand. Respect her wishes. Exactly.
Erika:Why is he he's being very selfish. I think he's just trying to, like, trying to guilt her. And then to the point now inviting her to the wedding. Mhmm. That's just too much.
Erika:Oh my gosh. That's way too much. I think he's just going overboard for something.
Paulina:Like, really?
Erika:Yeah. That's not okay. The top comment is, he is the 1 who is being hurtful. Honoring a loved one's wishes can sometimes put us in a difficult position. You're between a rock and a hard place here, and your brother could have stepped up and tried to understand.
Erika:He's being selfish and petty. He had his future wife do the communicating because he knows he's wrong. I will respect the boundary and now contact contact him. Yeah. And even to not even to to even tell her that
Edgar:Mhmm.
Erika:And the wife make his wife say that, oh my god. He is oh. No. Just like
Edgar:The audacity in that man.
Paulina:Yeah. He's wrong.
Erika:It's it's terrible. It makes me angry. Mhmm. I I would be like, alright. Fine.
Erika:Don't talk to me then. But I'm
Paulina:not giving you the ring.
Erika:Exactly. Exactly. You could keep your necklace, and I keep my ring. That's crazy to me. But, yeah, I think he's definitely asshole.
Erika:Right?
Paulina:I agree.
Edgar:Mhmm.
Paulina:Yeah?
Edgar:Yeah.
Erika:Alright. So that is the last wedding story. I hope you guys enjoyed. And thank you, Paulina, for joining us today. I hope you like the stories, and hopefully they make you too mad.
Erika:Thank you.
Edgar:She's perching. It was fun.
Erika:She started She started, she put her she folded her arms in the front. She was ready to she was ready to fight. Oh,
Paulina:yeah. Yeah.
Erika:She she didn't like that 1 it triggered her a little bit just ready
Edgar:to smack the screen
Erika:but yes thank you so much for joining us I hope you join us next week bye
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